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Published on November 19th, 2014 | by Discussion Questions

When do you stop giving someone another chance?





MADELEINE WRITES: I’ve been let down so many times in my life. I’ve given people second chances when they did’t deserve it. But I never know when enough is a enough. How many chances do you give people when they keep letting you down? How should we approach this as Christians?


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  • Well, Jesus talked to paul about this in Matthew:

    Mat 18:21    Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?
    Mat 18:22    Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.

    That comes out to 490 times, Jesus did not mean to count, but just to always forgive one another. Just after the passage above, Jesus uses a parable to further explain:

    Mat 18:23    Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants.
    Mat 18:24    And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents.
    Mat 18:25    But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made.
    Mat 18:26    The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.
    Mat 18:27    Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt.
    Mat 18:28    But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest.
    Mat 18:29    And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.
    Mat 18:30    And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt.
    Mat 18:31    So when his fellowservants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done.
    Mat 18:32    Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me:
    Mat 18:33    Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee?
    Mat 18:34    And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him.
    Mat 18:35    So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.

    I think that this passage is pretty self-explainitory, but I’d like to add (although nothing needs added to scripture). Remember that Jesus calls us to forgive, but he never said it would be easy, some times it is easy and other times it’s, well…. Not necessarily easy.

    And when do you stop giving someone a second chance, (first let me say that this is a very very hard question, and every situation is different).
    For a close family member, Never.
    For a distant family member, Never.
    For a close friend, mostly never, if you do it takes years.
    For a friend, remember the saying, “make new friends slow, lose old ones slower”
    Really after that I don’t know what to say, boss? Co-worker?

    For what grounds should you give up on someone?

    Ohh, coffee! Giving up on someone is serious, and is literally a “all else fails” kinda thing. What if you are friends with someone who is just a general bad-influence to you, you might say that on the flipside you’re a good-influence on them. If you’ve been friends with this person for a number of years, just look back and see if you friend has gotten better, while being friends with you, or worse. It’s good to remember, “it’s easyer for someone to pull you off a table, than for you to pull them on”.

    How do you go about “giving up” on someone?

    Good question, I’m glad you asked it! It’s like letting down the sails on a boat with that person, you don’t try to keep going (but sometimes the current takes ya), you just stop inviting them over, stop accepting invites to their house, don’t walk up to them and start talking to them (but if they start talking to you, its on you to be polite), yeah.

    [all my scripture references were taken from the KJV]

    • Sam S.

      Lol coffee!

      • Yeah! See, I can make a good joke or too! 😉

        • For a second I was like, “Say Wa? Coffee?” But then I was, like, “Oh… it’s a joke!!! I see!!! and I got it.

          • Amanda

            Story of my life. =)

          • I know right?

          • Amanda

            lol

  • Hey Madeleine, Grant brought up some very applicable Scriptures about forgiveness. But I’m not sure you were talking about forgiveness, so much as giving someone another opportunity to hurt you. Am I right?

    Obviously, there is a biblical justification for continuing to love and serve someone, even if they hurt you. But you can certainly take that too far.

    For example, as a parent you would love and care for your child even if they rejected you and hurt you. And that is biblical. But as a child, if you are being abused by a family member, you don’t just keep putting up with it. You don’t keep giving an abuser opportunities to hurt you again. You may still forgive them, but that doesn’t mean trusting them or giving them access to you. It doesn’t mean that they don’t have to face relational and even legal consequences for their actions.

    Obviously, I don’t know anything about your situation or what kind of hurt you have experienced. But I wanted to add that qualifier, just to make sure that you (or anyone else reading this discussion) knows that forgiveness and giving someone more opportunities to hurt you, are not the same thing.

    • yes, I agree, sorry that I kinda missed it on my post….

      P.S. My signed copy of Counted Worthy literally just arrived! so exited!

    • Madeleine Grace

      Hey Brett,
      That’s exactly what i was asking :) thanks for clarifying that for everyone. Yes what i have struggeld with is how do you keep loving keep giveing someone a chance to change when you keep letting you down? Grant you made a good point abjout how we should forgive people always but how do we keep loveing them when they do abuse us or keep hurting us?
      ~Madeleine
      P.S. sorry it’s taken me so long to respond guys my brother had the laptop yesterday :( all day!!

    • Exactly!

  • Kate Wagner

    I literally just experienced this. Ok, so this might not make much sense, but it works. Anyways, in my family my dad is big computer geek, and he had this idea to use all his old phones, and download this app called Remember The Milk on them so that each of us kids would have a list of all our chores so that my mom and him wouldn’t have to remember all our chores and remember to tell us what to do, we would just know what we had to do, and do it. So, my brother kept on checking off unfinished jobs that he hadn’t done, and my dad kept on catching him and telling him, “You really need to stop doing that. Every time you do that, I’m going to catch you. I’ve done it multiple times already. You need to stop.” Eventually, my brother didn’t stop, so my dad pulled him in and gave him a talk. He said, “I’ve shown you mercy, I’ve forgiven you. Why do you keep on lying to me? What makes you think it’s ok to lie to me when I’ve caught you every time you’ve lied? I have a hard time trusting you now.” I’m not sure how exactly my brother and dad cleared this up, but they did.

    Ok, moral of the story. I think that we as Christians are called to show them mercy, but when they don’t take that mercy and try to do better, that we should have that talk with them. Tell them what you are thinking. Ask them why they keep on lying (or whatever they’re doing that is hurting you) to you. Sometimes though, we need to realize that some things can’t be fixed. Sometimes people won’t listen to us. We can’t just give up on them though, we need to pray for them and treat them just as we would like them to treat us. Show them the right way.

    I hope this helps! God bless!

  • Kitty Paws

    Sometimes you just have to let go of that relationsip. As hard as it may be. You may have to let the person do there own thing. I kno how you feel.

    • Madeleine Grace

      but how can i do that when we’re called to love everybody like Christ did and to forgive them no matter what? i know we’re not perfect but how can i do this?
      ~Madeleine

      • Kitty Paws

        Madeleine,
        I understand what you are saying. Love whom ever as Christ does. But keep your distence. Meaning help, love or whatever God calls you to do but do it with caution. I am not say don’t forgive them. What i am saying is to not be as involved in their life.

  • Amanda T.

    This is a hard question…

    Obviously, every situation is different and the right response can vary depending on the exact circumstances. However, I few things (mostly scripture references :) ) came to mind while I was reading your post and the comments. I thought I’d share them with you.

    First off, Matthew 18:21-35 came to mind when I read your question. However, as has already been stated here, that is specifically talking about forgiveness. You should always, ALWAYS, forgive. And boy can it be hard sometimes! But that is what God calls for us to do as His followers, so we must obey.

    Secondly, I remembered Micah 6:8 “He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.”

    That is a difficult verse to comprehend. How do we balance justice with mercy? Honestly, I don’t have the answer, but I know that, like most everything else, we need to center it around Jesus and the love that He has shown us.

    The last scripture that popped into my head is also from Matthew 18, but it is the verses right before the ones about forgiveness, verses 15-17: “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.”

    Now like I said before, I don’t know your exact situation, so it is hard to give concrete advice. So I would just say to pray over these verses, over your situation and ask God for guidance.

    “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” – James 1:5

    Whatever you do, do in love and not anger. I would advice talking to someone you trust about the situation, maybe your parents, or a mentor that you have. They may have insight in an area you hadn’t yet considered.

    Praying for you!!

    For HIS Glory,
    Amanda T.
    (Psalm 46:10)

  • Barbara Mishkov

    I just learned a huge lesson…I learned be smart about who and what you invest in. Ask questions do not be afraid and pray constantly for help and guidance always. There’s only so much time that we have. So giving money to hurt a life is a bad idea…..and thats easy to discern if you are around the person and know the person well enough. the action to not give in is hard…..When your sis is prego and she needs money give and give but when you know your bro is drinking and possibly using? Totally different approach. Pray ask seek knock… That’s what we are doing right now as a family. His life is on the line. Please pray for us too. So in a nutshell when you know someone is asking you to do something that will hurt them don’t do it. Don’t do it and again don’t do it. They may hate you for it and in fact you will be very unpopular but thats what one deals with when he or she is doing what’s loving right and helpful. We all had to learn the hard way. Don’t let people use you at all. If u feel uncomfortable be honest. After all every time the Israelites repented God would tell them “Speak each of you honestly to your neighbor” so fear no one, only God. No one can touch your soul, no demon, not your boss, only God.

    • Kitty Paws

      That is not easy. Some times it is your family. You are sometimes called to invest in their life. We are called to serve our family. Yes thereis a limit but still you are called to invest in there life.

      • Barbara Mishkov

        Thank you :).Yes we are called to serve and our family is first. One thing that needs to be clear that I wish had been told to me in definite fine words is this: There is a fine line between helping and being used. Just like discipline and abuse. Being a doormat or being a strong support system. When giving money is killing the person you simply stop giving. Very simple but not easy at all…heart wrenching yet very logical. The persons life is on the line. He or she needs serious help more than that 20, heroine, or the bottle. They need emotional, mental personal help. Giving money to help the person die is not REAL help. Real help is being there, doing an intervention, praying, giving your time and or calling them. Every situation is different and needs evaluated. Please understand me. And I must be honest because this stuff is not talked about enough and sometimes people are not clear about it.

        • Kitty Paws

          I completly undetstand what you ate saying.

          • alana

            Completely off topic, but Kitty Paws, you said ate instead of are. I’m not the grammar police; I just pick out random details.

          • Sam S.

            Maybe there was food involved!

          • alana

            What is it with you and food?

          • Sam S.

            I value it much too highly.

          • So do I. Mhwwwwhahahahahahaha!

          • alana

            Oh no! It’s the would-be villain! Someone get the french toast!

          • Sam S.

            Oh no! I don’t have any French toast! Maybe we can borrow some from Trent to give back to him.

          • Kitty Paws

            Why do u value food so much? I like food cuz it tastes good and is very important.

          • Sam S.

            Idk; it tastes good?

          • Renee

            I know the “Value food” question is for Sam but you and Sam
            should value food much more (No offense) because heaps of children and adults in poor country’s have no food and they are all dying of starvation.

            This is a true story.
            A man went to Africa and he passed a mother of two little boys and she had a big pot on a fire filled with plain water so he asked her what she was doing and the mother said, every day my little boys say “I’m hungry mummy” and I say “Ok I’ll cook something for you” then I fill up my pot with water and stir it until my boys fall asleep and when they wake up they have forgotten I was cooking anything for them.
            Before the man left he gave her a banana and she broke it in halve for her two little boys.
            Two months later the man came back to Africa and went to see the mother of the two little boys and when he got there the mother was sitting with only one of her little boys on the doorstep of their mud hut so the man asked her where the other boy was and all she said was “Dead”.
            The boy had died of starvation.
            Your worst meal would be there best.

            So that is why people should value food more.
            ~Renee

          • Sam S.

            Thank you, Renee. That’s powerful.
            @trent_blake:disqus Did you catch that?

          • Kitty Paws

            I do. I came from a country were food was scarce. I was an orphan i was dieing of starvation. Then God rescued me.

          • Renee

            I’m so glad for you. :)
            God is all powerful and He can do anything.
            Hallelujah!!!

          • Kitty Paws

            Thanks. Yes, God is powerful and he can do ANYTHING.

          • Renee

            :)

          • Kitty Paws

            Thanks. I need help sometimes

        • alana

          What you’re saying is you got to know when to give and when to put your foot down. My mom’s family is messed up with the same things you mentioned about your brother and sister. God seems to make sure there are others out there who understand our trials and pains. Makes us feel less alone. :)

    • Madeleine Grace

      Thank You Barbara that is exactly what i needed to hear right know today in this moment that God is the only one i need to fear. that this world cannot hurt me that it cannot touch me for i am God’s and he is mine. Thank You again Barbara!!
      God Bless,
      ~Madeleine

  • pauline Finnie

    Hello, everybody!
    Reading this is making me think about one of my friends, when do I stop giving her second chances? here’s my story:
    We used to be the best of friends, But as my friend got older and started high school she started to change. she used to be nice and kind. we used to call each other almost every day! But then she slowed down calling me. so I started calling her and from then all the work of the friendship was on my half. I called her, I invited her over, I brought games for her, My mum took her to all her activities. But don’t get it wrong, she was still my friend and after that things went into a landslide. She started demanding what we did and anything I thought or did wasn’t good enough. she thought my art was messy, she said don’t do that! you’re going to ruin it! and; no that’s a stupid idea, let’s do what I want. she started demanding off my little brother, nagging my mother whenever I wasn’t allowed something. But then one day I took a stand and made a comment “Umm, not trying to be mean here But you’ve been being a little rude to me lately…” and then she got in a arguement, asking me what she’d done wrong and so I told her. But NO she wasn’t in the wrong! no no no she didn’t say that! no way she hadn’t done that! uh uh no that was her sister! I tried to be nice and said well that’s just the way I see it and she started off about how she wasn’t in the wrong! I looked for a way out of it and told her I had to go. I lay down on my bed, cried, read the bible and just thought. After that I got up, brushed myself off and thought; “God wants me to forgive”. After that I continued on with my life. the next day I was on Skype and two messages from the night before came through. I had a look, and sat there and read them. the first one was from one or my guy friends saying ” Hi”. I replied “Hello!” and waited to see if he was going to reply. a reply came through saying “what’s up with your friend?”. ‘Oh nooo’ I cringed ‘as he sent through what she had sent him. ” Here’s what she said to me, I was like whaat?” he commented “. – 7.15 pm. ” Pauline’s being mean to me!!!” – ” I sat there shocked. ‘she sent MY friend that kind of message?! she doesn’t even know him!’ the thought passed through my mind. I told him I had to go, thank for that. I went onto the next new message
    it was a message from her sister.
    ‘oh nooo. ‘ I whispered. The message said… My sister had been up in her bedroom all night crying. I’m really worried! you know her really well, what’s going on?!”. I quickly replayed saying: ” oh no! she got in a arguement with me lat night. please get her to ring me when she gets home from school!”
    4.40 pm. no call 8.30 pm still no call, 9.30 pm. only an annoying telemarketer called. I decided to take action, I’m not leaving her feeling like that!
    I dialed her number and she answered the phone. I talked to her and asked her if she was OK. she said she was fine. then we started talking about last night. I told her I wasn’t being mean and that she was still my best friend.I said “Im sorry I may have over thought” then she answered me with a “im-the-best-voice” ” yeah you over thought it, I would never do that”. after that I cried, and with Gods help; I forgave her again. the next week I had her over in the weekend and I did what she wanted to do. and when she left I still felt like she had pushed me down again. 1 week later, I got a message on one of my games. the backdrop said
    *as bold as a wolf!* and the message she had typed said “Y YOU NO LIKE ME?!”
    Once again I sat there shocked. another message came through the backdrop said:
    *as sly as a fox!* and the message said: ” IF YOU NO LIKE ME IM GOING TO TAKE BACK MY STUFF!” What worried me about this message was that she had NEVER given me anything!!! I sat there and asked myself; what would Jesus do? I sent back a message with the backdrop of a kitten, saying “you are a great friend!” I forgave her once again. But i feel like she doesn’t need a second chance. What do I do? when do I stop giving her a second chance? please reply, I don’t know how I deal with this.

    • alana

      As I mentioned earlier, I was in the same situation. This sounds exactly what happened to me and my friend. You obviously have more self control than I do. I don’t mean to sound rude, but your friend sounds immature, selfish, and doesn’t value friendship like you do. I ended my friendship because that. My mom told me the best thing you can is distance yourself from her, but I think you should still care for her, like a true friend should.

      • Madeleine Grace

        That’s so true Alana thank You!!
        God Bless,
        ~Madeleine

    • Madeleine Grace

      Pauline have you prayed for her? like really prayed for her not about the situation but just sat down and prayed for her? i’ve done that and it makes the situation so much better. And maybe talk to your parents about it if you havn’t already don’t give up but give to God i’ve done that so many times i just sit their and say “ok God i give this whole situation to you with open hands palms up to you. take this situation and make something beautiful out of it” and Girl he does and it’s so wonderful what he does and you feel so free and a burden gets lifted from your shoulders when you just give it to God. and the part about open hands, i say that because it’s so easy to just say yeah God hear you go. but your not really letting go it’s like your saying hear you go God no strings attached. it’s saying i can’t figure it out on my own take this and do with it what you want make something beautiful out of it and he will i promise!! Just give this whole situation to God with open hands and an open heart don’t try to hold on to it just give it all to God. I hope this helps you some!! you will be in my prayers!! 😀
      God Bless,
      ~Madeleine

    • Barbara Mishkov

      Im so sorry Pauline. It hurts when a friend isn’t being a good one. I hope I can help with this advice I’ve had falling outs with my friends and people at work and for example whenever my boss for about a week was being really mean to me for no reason and taking his anger out on me I gave it to God because who am I? I’m an employee and can’t say much in that situation when we are busy at work you know? It didn’t get to the point where I had to pull him aside in private and ask what’s going on either or anything but it was hard to deal with and really tested and strengthened my pateince. After a hard day with him at work I prayed for God to change his heart and to soften it towards me because its written that the Kings heart is in Gods hand. And that we should pray for everyone, our leaders and politicians so that we can live in peace….I’m not kidding you the next day God answered my prayers and for the rest of the week he was so much better with me. But a couple months down the road he was at it again and so I again asked for God to intervene on my behalf and once again I saw Gods mercy!!!! He was a lil mean still but I had the joy and patience to get through it and it wasn’t like before at all and I could see how his demeanor and face softened towards me it was and is awesome!!! so pray constantly…. Now about being her friend I honestly think you should be with someone who appreciates you….I had to break it off with my friends because we wanted different things in life, different goals. You are who your friends are and I quit drugs and drinking and couldn’t be around that anymore because it was temptation for me and it was ruining my life….anytime my old friends need me though I’m there if I can be there cuz life is life and things happen not always as you wish. If its to have drug free good fun we spend time together but not anywhere near as much as before…..ask God for a new friend and keep asking God to change her heart. God is mighy to save and mighty to change. There is nothing too hard for the creator of the universe, galaxies and stars in the sky. We have a great God that performs miracles! One last thing don’t give up asking God because Jesus said ask, seek and knock…and proverbs also says in order to have friends be friendly so don’t ever be afraid to meet knew people but also be careful who you trust. Keep asking God I have faith he will guide you…sorry this is so long! Be blessed! <3

  • alana

    I’ve been in this situation too. Unfortunately, I had to end the friendship. I personally felt like I was being used. I listened to her problems, but when I had a problem, she’d barely pay attention. This always made me upset to the point of yelling, which I am aware is a big problem. What made it the last straw was when she didn’t want a serious promise for the sake of our friendship. I know I’m better off, and I asked God to forgive me and for the strength to forgive her, but she ignores me and when she talks to me, she’s rude. The point is, don’t end the friendship unless it’s truly necessary.

    • Barbara Mishkov

      Thank you :). I’m sorry about your situation that must ve really hard. but also we know as Paul wrote God works all things for our good so I’m so glad and that’s another reason on top of salvation to always be thankful. :) all the best to you!

  • Sarah Andrew

    Hi Madeleine. I think your question is one we all ask ourselves at a point in our lives. The fact is, because people aren’t perfect, they will let us down, they will hurt us. Sometimes intentionally, sometimes not. Jesus is the only One who will NEVER let us down. He will never hurt our feelings. We can trust Him completely. It is very hard to know how many chances to give someone who has let you down again and again and again. I think, when we are in a situation like this, the best thing we can do is to commit it to the Lord and ask Him to show us what to do. It may seem impossible to love those who hurt us, but I believe with God, it is possible. Don’t we let Him down again and again and again? I know I do, but I know He still loves me. I don’t know what your situation is but I do know, when we have Jesus living in us we can love- the way He does- unconditionally and fully- even when others fail us. We can- because of the way He has loved us. Stand strong sister, you have Jesus on your side! 1 John 3v1 ”Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God!”

    • Madeleine Grace

      Sarah Thank You so much!!! that was so encouraging and uplifting. I struggle with the concept of loving everyone we must love cause he loves us. I want to love others but i find myself having a hard time loving those who have heart me like the guy who played me (see my comment above) how can i love him after he played me? But what i always come back to is if i can love a none believer and pray for them then i can love someone who has wronged me. i’m a dancer so i met this other fellow dancer when my studio performed a show we hired him to play the lead boy part (we have no guys at our studio) and i met him he was nice i talked to him i found out he was a christian and i treated him the same i would a christian i loved him because i wanted to show Christ’s love to him i wanted him to come to Christ so i loved him and prayed for him. i haven’t seen him since but i still continue to pray for him from time to time. my point is i can’t love a person who doesn’t know Christ and hate someone who’s wronged me. i have to love them both no matter what because God First loved us because he continues to love us even when we let him down. Thanks Again Sarah!! 😀
      God Bless!!
      ~Madeleine

      • Sarah Andrew

        I’m praying for you, Madeleine. I know this is hard. We can’t love people the way Jesus does on our own. We need Him to help us do this. God bless you!

  • Madeleine Grace

    Hey Everyone!! Madeleine Hear 😀
    So i know thier have been different points each of ya’ll have said. And i thought i should tell you the bases for my question above that Brett published. By the way Than You again Brett!! 😀

    Back in August i believe the first part of August. i met a boy, he was nice easy to talk to joking gentlemanly everything. i liked him! plane and simple! lol and i told him he told me that i was sweet for liking him but he already had a girlfriend. Later when i was about to leave he gave me his phone number. The next day i proceeded to text him. But the night before i prayed about it, and i wasn’t patient enough with God to give me an answer so i acted before i thought. he text ed me back we talked, (this all happened within a week i met him on a Thursday i text ed him on a Friday) On Sunday we were talking and he asked so do you still like me i’m like i don’t want to talk about this but we did until he had to leave. then i won’t go into all the details but on Monday at school some of my friends knew him and were telling me he was no good i didn’t listen then one of my friends said something i told him then we had a falling out. we didn’t talk for two days (Tuesday and Wednesday) then i text ed to apologize and he started texting me again like nothing ever happened. then i was at a sleepover on Friday and we were prank calling people and we prank called him he picked up we said stuff he thought we were someone else. we hung up then he called the person he thought it was then he realized it wasn’t her. and then he called back and started cussing us out. then he called and wanted to talk to me (we weren’t using my phone) and we talked for 30 minutes he spilled his story to me why he was upset. later on Saturday i find out that he played me everything was a lie every word he said to me. which really hurt because i thought i had found a true friend but he turned out to be a jerk and a player. he even told one of my friends later that he played me. it took me a while to forgive him but i did. cause God has forgiven me i must forgive others. i haven’t seen him since and rightly don’t care to. but i’ve always wandered what would i do if i did see him again should i give him a second chance to be real or should i just right him off and i’ve also wondered how do i be like Christ to him. so that’s my story that’s what’s behind the question above and their are other things but i don’t feel like sharing right know 😉 but i hope that clears up the meaning of the question a little. i just thought i should share that. 😉 oh and my parents found out and took my phone away. :) not one of my proudest moments by far.

    P.S. thank you so much guys for all of your great comments i really appreciate them so much!! Thank You All!!
    God Bless,
    ~Madeleine

    • Kate Wagner

      Wow, that’s tough. I guess that sometimes, we don’t really know why people do what they do either, so we have to forgive them. We don’t know what storms they are facing. There’s could be way worse then ours, so we always need to have that mentality of, “I don’t know what they are facing or why they are doing this to me, but God, I offer all my suffering up to you. I’d like to forgive them. Please forgive me for getting angry at them.” So again, tough luck. Thanks for this comment!

  • I’m going to step waaaay out on a limb here and repeat the mantra of my own life: “God is HUGE and PERFECT, nothing touches my life that hasn’t passed through His hands first. He means ALL of it for my good and from His love.” (He is quite capable of using sinful behavior to His advantage.) The abusive situations I faced in my youth did indeed mold and shape my heart in positive ways. I have learned to lean into His arms, hide under His wing when life seems to be swirling out of control around me, when people are disappointing, finances are challenging or schedules conflict. As I draw myself close to Him, things come into perspective and I’m able to tolerate a lot more tough stuff. The world would have us believe that we’re entitled to more, that we don’t deserve to be treated ‘like that’. But, if He really has a blank check on my life, if I’ve surrendered myself fully to Him, then He must mean for xyz to be part of it. Even Satan is no match for His power.

    Sometimes what He’s trying to teach me is that I need to change my behavior, for example: In my childhood, I believed my mother’s emotions were my responsibility. As I grew up I learned that was a lie. I stopped acting on that lie and began loving my mom in a healthy way and He was certainly glorified through our friendship!

    Sometimes what He’s trying to teach me is that He is my everything and I need to turn my attention back to Him and away from what other’s think of me or how I can fill up my own heart.

    Over and over He proves to me that there are no second causes, He has written the story of my life and it has a very good ending. What happens to me in this life is His doing and I may never know the ripple effect it has on others or His Kingdom, but that is the ultimate point.

    • Madeleine Grace

      Mrs. Mickelson Thank You!! for your so uplifting comment :) omg your so right! in many different ways! I believe that everything we go through is ultimately for his glory and he will use those hard times to bring his name glory further down the road. It’s just hard some times going through stuff and it’s like how is this going to bring God glory when it’s happening in my own heart. for example i went through a faze of depression seasonally for two years and i came to know Christ better but i wondered how is this circumstance bringing God Glory? it’s happening to me not between me and another person. But after i got through that God brought a friend of mine into my life and she told that she had been going through the same thing and i was able to minister to her to comfort and bless and invest in her and that was such a great feeling to know that God had put me through all that hardship for a reason to bring him glory further down the road. we never know like you said how our lives are going to affect people. all we can do is have a cheerful heart through all of it trust in the Lord never lose faith and give him all the glory and honor.and he will i can promise you that he will use your situations for his Glory!!

      Thank You Again Mrs. Mickelson!! you’ve given me hope!! and encouragement!!
      God Bless,
      ~Madeleine

      • I’m glad you’re encouraged!!

        I’d also like to add that He wants very much to be all that you need. Guard your heart from the desire for a boyfriend. My heart was broken into a million pieces over a guy who openly cheated on me. God used that to redirect my focus on Him alone. Later I fell on my face and gave Him the broken pieces. I cried as I prayed and gave Him my whole future, maybe no husband or children ever, just His will. Years later He did give me a wonderful husband and a houseful of beautiful children. I pray you will find complete contentment in His loving arms. Blessings!!

  • Jess jesse

    I think there comes a time when its like ” ok i am not gonna be a doormat or an outlet for your abuse or judgment anymore” and sometimes thats kinda hard. yes always love but that does not mean you need to put yourself in situations were you will just be hurt over and over. Be a servant, but don’t throw yourself away. there are a couple guys that i pretty much have to deal with frequently and i finally said ok i’ve had it. im still gonna serve you guys cuz its what i do and i’ll try to love you and all that jazz but im not gonna put myself in places where they can walk all over me. so i guess just say enough when you think its enough or when God tells you its enough. Pray and read the Bible. try to never let people run your life, thats God’s job.

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