rebelling against low expectations
I just want to go back. I can’t tell you how many times this thought has crossed my mind lately. I want to go back three months ago and alter the course of the future. I want to go back to the me I used to be before grief pummeled my heart and hopes and dreams collapsed. I want to go back to the precious memories of lost relationships. I want to go back to a pre-pandemic world. I just want to go...
New Year’s Eve 2019. I remember it like it was yesterday. We didn’t have any plans, so my family and I stayed home to ring in the New Year. We binge watched a TV show while I ate too much chocolate and an embarrassing number of cream puffs until a shiny, brand new 2020 rolled onto the calendar. Another year over. Another just begun. A few days before, I’d written in my journal, “What will this...
“We don’t know how to say goodbye.” I discovered the poem during a Zoom class in April. We’d been studying Russian literature since the cold darkness of January. Now in the middle of spring we’d exchanged the long wooden desks and late morning light of our classroom for video calls and suddenly vibrant group chats. Instead of whispering with friends to either side, I made lunch during class with...
There I sat. My face in my hands, and my grief cascading down between my fingers in crystal drops. My heart felt as if it was being rendered in two. I was in shock, and the full gravity had not yet completely settled within my aching soul. I kept hearing his voice, and I kept seeing his face. Deep within I felt a massive loss. This was goodbye to an amazing friend, support, and grandfather. How...
Christmas is a joyful time of memories and laughter, but for so many others, it’s a time of deep pain and grief. What should we do when there is an empty chair at the table? What about when the laughter is so much quieter and the beloved presence is gone? What then? In August, just four months ago, my grandfather died tragically. My life was forever changed from that day on. These last few...
rebelling against low expectations
