rebelling against low expectations
I went through a time in my life when praying felt empty, my devotions felt like a task, and my heart hurt so much I didn’t feel like my prayers were saying enough. I would often just put down my pencil and cry because I didn’t know what to say. I came to the point that I stopped praying any more than just, “Jesus, Jesus.” And weeping. But I didn’t stop reading my Bible, and something drew me to...
For most of you, Easter is probably over. Your thoughts have turned to graduation, summer break, camping, etc. But for the disciples, I’m sure that first Easter stuck around in their minds for a long time. It was an incredible, life-changing miracle they had to process… and it probably took longer than three days. One day, their hope was literally dead. The next, He was standing before them whole...
I used to hate music. I never listened to it and didn’t like it when people played it around me. It wasn’t until I got older, I realized why. Music evokes and awakens emotions. Strong emotions. Often unpleasant emotions. What I really hated were emotions, not music. Looking back, I understand why. The little girl and young teenager was hurting. She felt she had to keep her emotions in check. She...
Journal Entry: November 22nd, 2021. Today is my birthday. It’s been two years since my dad lost his job. Two years since my world turned upside-down and my family began the desperate search for a place to live and had no income but EI and the kindness of friends. Two years since that lost seventeen-year-old girl was stripped of every sense of security because a church chose not to act like the...
Every now and then I am overwhelmed with the feeling of dissatisfaction. I’m sure you’ve felt it too. That overwhelming feeling that nothing fulfills. Where nothing brings you joy, nothing soaks you with purpose. You realize that you aren’t kept awake and wide eyed on Christmas Eve anymore. Maybe you don’t get as excited about the first snow. Maybe it goes deeper than that slow loss of childlike...
Ashamed. Unlovable. Damaged. Have you ever felt this way? Like you’re just too flawed or make too many mistakes to be loved? We all long for love and we look for it in so many different places – parents, friends, and significant others. But somehow, all of those people fall short. They disappoint us and fail us. Their love isn’t always as unconditional as they claim. They never fill our...
It’s February. I always feel a little down in February. Why? Because it’s “the month of love” and I’m single. The subtle feeling I have all year suddenly becomes more prominent in my mind. That feeling is longing. Ever since I was a little girl watching Disney movies, I’ve waited for my prince (or in the case of Aladdin and Tangled, my thief) to rescue me and carry me off into the sunset. It may...
“Who am I?” I ask and look around feeling lost, purposeless, and out of place. “I mean, who am I really?” I’m the pastor’s daughter. I’m an artist. I’m a writer. I’m a homeschool graduate. You can fill those things in with anything you want. I’m so and so’s girlfriend. I’m the captain of the football team. I’m the one with good grades. I’m so and so’s best friend. The list could go on and...
You sit surrounded by people, yet you feel alone. Each person talks to someone else. Each one seems to feel completely at home with those around them. You get a few glances, maybe even a few smiles, but there’s no doubting you feel like an outsider. You feel small. You feel invisible. Even if you’re conversing with someone, perhaps one you may even call a friend, you wonder if they’re really...
Since I was small, I have loved poetry. The way it doesn’t just tell you something but helps you to see and feel it too. I’ve tried my hand at poetry many times, one such occasion was last Christmas. If there’s any time of year that lends itself to poetry, it’s Christmas. I sat on the sofa, staring at the tree, my pen poised above the paper. Half an hour later these stanzas looked at me from the...
rebelling against low expectations
