How can I be content in my singleness?

I can relate.

It’s hard. So hard.

Sometimes I’ll read those passages about man cherishing his wife and think “Well I want to be cherished, what abut me?”

But that’s were I have to remember God’s sovereignty. He knows what he’s doing. It’s under control. I know that for me, right now, singleness is good — because God is good. He’s the one doing this.

I don’t really get it, but I don’t have to.

Because if Jesus is who says he is, and he really saves — If the gospel is true, then knowing this God is all that will ever matter. And if I live to get anything but him; to do anything but to celebrate his gospel, if I don’t spend my breath shouting this happy truth so everyone can hear — then I am missing the greatest, most satisfying joy I could even dream of, and I am wasting my life.

This is what I try to remind myself. Live for God and trust him with the specifics.

Hey there! I went through the exact same thing. Please read this carefully, especially the last verse.

It has come to my attention in the past year that many of our fellow Christian young people marry wrongly. Either they marry for the sake of getting married in order not be lonely, or they misunderstand God’s will (perhaps by not seeking it patiently and honestly), or because they don’t care about the will of God. I didn’t write this with any one person or a specific couple in mind, this just came about in response to many reports I’ve heard and I felt compelled that I had to write something about the matter. The prompting didn’t go away, and it seemed good and in line with Scripture, so I commenced prayerfully.

One of the problems we Christian young people have is that we get many problems when we disregard the loving words of our parents. As young people bearing the name “Christian,” just as we would want our children to listen to us one day, it is befitting and biblical for us to “honor our father and mother,” and we have to keep in mind the biblical principle, or the law, of sowing and reaping.

I’ve heard people use all kinds of Scripture out of context as supposed confirmation that it is the Lord’s will that they marry a certain person, and then a couple of months later they have their eye on someone different. It’s repulsive! It’s also very dangerous to tear Bible verses out of context and use them to try to justify our own desires. And, the way we humans are, we trick ourselves because we want to believe something is the truth, and then we end up fully believing
the story we’ve created. I’ve made that mistake before. It’s self-deception, and
deception is the language of the devil. The enemy can even use well-meaning Christian friends or our circumstances to get us off track. “Let us fix our eyes on
Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith,” (Hebrews 12:2a). By the renewing of our minds, we must be careful to discern what His “good, pleasing, and perfect will” is (Romans 12:2) I’m by no means against marriage. Far from it. But I’m wholeheartedly against marrying outside of the will of God. I think few things can be so destructive to a child of God. And I know God Himself is against it too. So I write this letter out of love for my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, because, concerning satan, “we are not unaware of his schemes.” (2 Corinthians 2:11 NIV)

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD
is to be praised.” –Proverbs 31:30 NIV

I think it’s also biblical to state that the charm of men is equally deceptive and their appearances also fleeting. What’s on the inside is what counts, for “The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” –1 Samuel 16:7b NIV

“I would like you to be free from worry. An unmarried man concerns himself with the
Lord’s work, because he is trying to please the Lord. –1 Corinthians 7:32 GNB

“An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit.” from 1 Corinthians 7:34 NIV

“Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord.” –1 Corinthians 15:58 NAS

It’s true that “it is not good for the man to be alone,” (Genesis 2:18) and

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favor from the Lord.” –Proverbs 18:22 NAS

But Proverbs has a lot to say about being stuck with the wrong marriage partner. After salvation and surrendering one’s life to the Lord, I see the issue of who someone marries as the single most important and impactful decision of their life. Therefore I certainly hope they’ll listen to God, and leave the decision with Him. Many Christians’ lives have been completely ruined by marrying wrongly. So, please, guard against marrying just because you have a crush on someone, and because you like them, and you’re trying to manipulate the circumstances in order to get to know them and marry them, and wait rather until the circumstances are arranged by God. (The evil one can orchestrate deceiving circumstances that look good as well—but they’re counterfeit—and how many of us fall into his net?) And so we have to wait until the circumstances are truly God’s, and we must have His peace and assurance about the matter, not the striving and uncertainty of arranging things ourselves.

We should never use the Bible to try to justify our own selfish desires. Ever. Sure; marriage can be a good desire; wanting to complete and be completed in marriage, and raise a godly family—raising children is listed as a “good deed” in 1 Timothy 5:10. All I’m saying is that this must be in God’s timing. God would have us be patient but the devil desires us to be impatient. God is patient; our fleshy desires are impatient. And remember that it is said, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” (Jeremiah 17:9 KJV). Wait on the LORD; have confident faith in Him that His ways are the best ways and His plans are the best plans for your life. As someone saved and bought by the blood of Christ, your life—and my life—belong to the Lord anyway. It’s not our life. It’s His life. You may have to let go of someone whom you love and want to marry in order to fulfill God’s will for your life. Hudson Taylor did, along with the missionary, Lottie Moon, and George Müller, and hundreds of other Christians who, painful as it was, loved God more than the ones they had wanted to marry and spend their lives with. And many of them found the right spouses—whom it was God’s will that they marry—on the mission field while they were in the active service of Christ (Hudson Taylor, Eric Liddell, George Müller). I assure you that when you’re in Heaven, you’ll never regret that you chose to FULLY obey the will of God, not settling for anything less. Remember that this life is awfully short compared to our eternal life, and we’d be fools to exchange everlasting rewards there for things that we think will make us happy here.

I may be ‘single’ in the sense of being unmarried, but I’m by no means solitary and alone. Outside of my family and friends (my family in Christ) I have Christ Himself! I have God, Who is the best friend anyone could ever ask for, and He redeemed me by the blood of Christ who made reconciliation for me with His death and resurrection. In 2 Samuel 1:26b, as David said of Jonathan, so I can say of my Lord: “Your love for me was wonderful, more wonderful than that of women.” (No offense, women—and God’s love is better and more pure than that of any man; God is perfect, and He loves you with a perfect love.) Imagine someone who always understands you, always has your best interest at heart, always loves you, never mocks you, and never forsakes you. That Someone is not a myth nor a figment of the imagination, but rather the reality of the God we serve; our Lord, Creator, Master and Sustainer! That’s the God of the Bible and His relationship with His Christian Church, the very blueprint of how a marriage ought to be. Christ is the Husband of His Church.

So, all we have to do, is remain patiently in God’s will, sensitive to His Spirit, and actively doing the things that He’s already revealed to us through the Scriptures that we’re supposed to be doing:

“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” –1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 NIV

And that’s not all; there are many other things we born-again Christians are supposed to be busy with, like spreading the Gospel:

“I pray that you may be active in sharing your faith, so that you will have a full understanding of every good thing we have in Christ.” –Philemon 1:6 NIV

And we’re supposed to, by the power of the Holy Spirit, live God-honoring lives, filled with the fruit of the Holy Spirit, and be busy carrying out good works to the glory of God. Do you know what is absent from all the lists of good things we’re supposed to spend our time on? Actively looking for a spouse. I call it “wife-seekering,” or “being your own matchmaker.” You can read 1 Corinthians
7 to get the fuller context—and the Bible makes it clear that it’s not a sin to marry—but Paul, writing to the church of God in Corinth (situated in a very immoral city—The United States and South Africa are very immoral at the moment) wrote to them in 1 Corinthians 7:27-28a “Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned.” That is the message and purpose of my writing this; that we, instead of marrying the wrong one prematurely, wait instead for God’s chosen marriage candidate. I can’t promise you a spouse from God. But I can tell you with certainty that God’s will for you—and His timing—are best.

After reading all this, some of you may wonder if I personally ever want to get married in the future. And the answer is, “Of course I do.” Am I willing to die for Jesus Christ, if that’s God’s will for my life, before ever getting married? Not answered lightly; I say, “Yes.” And I don’t have any anxiety about this question of getting married whatsoever, and here’s the wonderful reason why:

“The sweetest part … is the rest which full identification with Christ brings. I am no longer anxious about anything, as I realize this; for He, I know, is able to carry out His will, and His will is mine. It makes no matter where He places me, or how.” –Hudson Taylor, who also said,

“God gives His best to those who leave the choice with Him.”

1-Corinthians-13-love protects, and I hope and pray that all of you are protected from winding up in a marriage relationship outside of the will of God, but I know that some of you will fall, that is, if you do not wholly and solely depend upon the One “Who is able to make you stand.” (Romans 14:4)

“If you do not stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all.” –Isaiah 7:9b NIV

“The world is passing away, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God lives forever.” –1 John 2:17 NAS

I understand the struggle you are having. The battle with the flesh is ongoing. We seem to be like Paul doing what we not ought to do and not doing what we ought. It is all for us to learn how to submit every part of our lives to God. Your feelings are good desiring marriage and a family. It is when it strays into sinful behavior such as lust, that unless stopped, could be deadly for your life.

David was a prime example of putting himself in a position of being tempted. He suffered devastating loss in every area of his life as a result of his adultery. This should be a lesson for anyone being tempted in the area of sexual immorality. We choose to let our thoughts go where they go.

James 1:13-15, 21-25 Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death. Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls. But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing.

David obviously learned his lesson as Psalm 119 shows his awareness of his sinfulness and his renewed desire to not sin and to love all of God’s commands. He writes in Psalm 119:11-16 I have stored up your word in my heart,that I might not sin against you. Blessed are you, O Lord; teach me your statutes! With my lips I declare all the rules of your mouth. In the way of your testimonies I delight as much as in all riches. I will meditate on your precepts and fix my eyes on your ways. I will delight in your statutes; I
will not forget your word. He realized where he had erred and the problem lay in an unprepared heart.

The Word of God has been given to us in our defense against Satan and that takes repentance, turning from our wicked ways and reading and absorbing the Word. We are defenseless with temptation when only the Word of God can destroy it. 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ,

My very content and single 35 year old daughter decided at a young age to submit her whole life and will to God’s. The scripture that she applied to her life in dealing with marriage was Song of Solomon 2:7 I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases. Since her heart was totally focused on glorifying Him, she believes that until that time, any desires that she may have goes up on a shelf until God decides to take it down. She has had multiple proposals, but God has always kept her heart still. She lives a very fulfilled life that only God could have orchestrated–way beyond her dreams, yet marriage has not been part of it.

Young people are living in such a sexually immoral society that it seems impossible to stay pure in your thoughts, words and actions. But God is faithful. Purpose to avoid anything that might cause temptation. You might have to change friends and certain activities to attain this, but as believers, we must stand for good. There will be areas of your life that you will not be able to walk away from and that is where prayer to God to deafen your ears and blind your eyes to things that might cause temptation comes into use. Also, the more Word you have stored in your heart, the more you will be able to overcome the temptation. God has given us a way out. In 1 Corinthians 10:13-14 No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry.

Don’t give up. God is looking for a perfected bride with their oil lamps full on his return. God bless your desire to do right.

In Him,
Mrs. Jean

James 1:21 Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls.

I feel your pain. I’ve struggled with this, and what makes it worse is I have people who are very close to me saying, “Why aren’t you in a relationship?”
Here’s the best advice I’ve ever heard:
Take one night a week where you spend your entire evening with God. Journal, pray, read the Bible, sing, whatever. Just make sure it’s you and Him. (this is in addition to your daily devotions :)) Do this for at least six months. You might just find the desire to have a guy, diminishing.
I recommend the book “When God Write Your Love Story” By Eric and Leslie Ludy and “Set Apart Femininity” by Leslie Ludy.
I would also recommend getting out and serving actively in your community. Sometimes having too much time on our hands can lead to day dreaming and unhealthy thoughts, so if you’re too busy to daydream, that might be helpful! 🙂 I hope this helps, Anonymous! I’ll be praying for you!

I don’t personally know you so this may be the wrong approach but I know it’s been a help to me in the past, not just in regards to relationships but other aspects of life as well.
My advice to you would be to plead with God to make you completely satisfied in Him, to overwhelm you with a greater knowledge of Himself. It sounds overly simplistic – but I assure you that wrestling with God in prayer for satisfaction in Him is the hardest most wonderful thing you will ever do. It’s hard because we don’t always see that He is infinitely better than whatever our earthly desires are – but ask Him to show you that He is.
I know so many young people obsessed with finding and preparing for a spouse – and don’t get me wrong, its important and good to think about and prepare for the second most important relationship of your life. But, I think we so often don’t realize that our future marital relationship will always be lacking if Christ is not the center of our hearts and desires. Be obsessed with God before you are obsessed with anything else.
Btw this is not a one-time battle, being abundantly satisfied in God is a lifelong race that none of us will do perfectly-myself the least. Also don’t be discouraged by the desire for a spouse-it’s a “very good” thing! Don’t give up your battle for purity – I was encouraged by “Before You Meet Prince Charming” by Sarah Mally. Also it’s helpful to surround yourself with people who have been through what you’re going through and be encouraged by them. Don’t be discouraged – fight the good fight!

I’m still only quite young (in high school) but the last couple of years many of my friends have been in a relationship and kissed guys and all that but I want to save myself for the right person. I guess how I sort of think of it is that if its not meant to be its not going to happen. But the most important thing I’ve learnt in terms of relationships is that maybe someone doesn’t work because if you continue to have a relationship with them you might never actually meet the “man of dreams”. I’m sure if you just sit back and put your faith in God and stop overthinking about if you’re going to be able to find a guy in time something might start to happen. I’ve always found that whenever I give up and hand it over to God it happens, or something better than what I wanted/expected happens 😀 Hope this helps! And I’m sure you’ll find the perfect guy, in God’s timing xx

Trent still exists!

Yep I’ve been there! I broke up with a guy after 3 1/2 yrs of dating, who I (and everyone else) was sure I’d get married to! In my early 20’s I get the feeling of watching all my friends get married and start that life, but the past 2 years of learning to see a future in my singleness I’ve learned a few things from the wise, and from this personal journey:
1. Women are made strong. As “dependent” as we feel like we’re supposed to be, it is SO important for your future man to have a woman who doesn’t NEED him when you start dating. It’ll make things really hard!
2. Get this mindset in your head, as it’s often very true: God lots of the time won’t bring your mate along until you have stopped looking! I started to pretend that God was literally waiting until I truly enjoyed being single…So I started getting used to the idea of living single the next 10 years, and now that I enjoy it so much I actually am more inclined to stay single than to get in a relationship – I never thought I’d get there!
3. Single life = soo productive! You might not like to hear it, so don’t listen if you don’t want to hah.. But it’s so true. I see my friends who are dating and they don’t have time to spend with new Christians in our church b/c they need to invest time in that relationship. I remember all the time I spent with my old boyfriend, and I also sadly remember all the young people who passed through our church I “didn’t have the time to get to know”. Sad. So, ask God to show you how you can make the most of being single, since so few people are in that position. God so uses relationships too, but for you, and for now, focus on purpose of being single.
4. If you can’t get your mind off relationships, read really good dating books, like “Boy Meets Girl” by Josh Harris. Get to know the life of relationship before going into it, there’s so much wisdom to glean before anything happens!
5. If you don’t enjoy life now, you won’t enjoy life involved deeply with somebody else who has hardships too. As T.D. Jakes suggests: Date yourself! Spend time “with” yourself, see what you are like to “date”. Are you negative and bringing yourself down? Or are you a person you like to be around, who’s full of new, fun, exciting things? Hopefully doing this is as enlightening to you as it was me!
6. Date Jesus! Think about the fun things you wish you could do with a guy and do them with Jesus – I personally love sitting in my car with worship music and a yummy warm beverage, a journal and Bible and just getting to know Jesus. Billy Graham once said, looking back on his life he wished he spent more alone time with God, even above all the evangelizing he did! Your God time is basically like a 1000 times payback investment, and he’s so worth your time.
7. Having a hard time with lust? Keep on top of your thought life, and watch what you’re watching !! I can’t watch people even kiss in a movie, because it makes my mind go to a place of longing. Lots of the time I can’t even watch a movie by myself, because afterward I find myself longing for relationship. I have to be so careful not to let myself look at guys too long or dream at all about them. Ask God to help you in this, because I can testify that I do not long for relationship and don’t feel that pain now that I’m running from any temptation.
I could go on forever, but I hope that little bit helps somebody! I’ve been there, but know that IT IS POSSIBLE TO LIVE SINGLE AND NOT LONG FOR RELATIONSHIP! I’m only 22 and all my friends are in relationships, except for one guy who I long for but he doesn’t like me haha. And I can say that I’m so much more satisfied now that if I was in a relationship with him, because I know he’s not the one. You can learn to love to be single if you put the efforts you’d spend on a guy into your relationship with God!

Hi Amanda,
Yes, it’s me. It has been a long time, for sure.

I’ve been doing very well. God has been working wonders in my life. Sometimes it’s encouraging, and other times it’s difficult. But because of it all, I really do feel closer to Jesus. I’ve dealt with some pretty intense issues in the last year that’s caused me to have to choose faith over lies – I kind of think that’s the reason for it all.

God is really amazing, even when the plan He lays out for us is really confusing!

The blog actually crashed about six months ago, because of some hosting issues. At first I was disappointed, but since then I’ve been writing more on my own, in seclusion. I’m hoping to publish this book I’ve been working on before I graduate high school next year. I would be elated if you would like to pray for me there.

How are you?