There were days I wanted to die.
There were days I just wished my life would cease to exist. I hated myself and felt like those around me couldn’t care less about me.
This feeling started around my sophomore year of high school. Now I am in my first year of college. Looking back on the journey God has taken me on, I realize just how far I’ve come.
But it didn’t happen overnight. Or a year. Or even two years.
When God Wrecked My Life – Literally
I spent most of my high school years living in the shadows of my soul. I wasn’t satisfied with my life and the relationships I had made.
I was insecure about everything. Like I said, I wanted to die, but God had different plans.
I was on my way to my first day of summer class in college when I had a terrible car accident. I had run off the road, hit a concrete culvert, sideswiped a tree, and flipped four times.
My car: beyond totaled. Me: with barely a few scratches and abrasions.
What really took me into a reality check was that I was told by EMTs, a nurse, and passerby that I SHOULD HAVE died. Thankfully, God enacted grace on me by bringing me out of that wreck basically unharmed.
My point is that this incident made me realize that I did not want to die. I realized that Life is Beautiful (ironically, that song was playing on my phone when I found it after flipping).
This is what I’m trying to get at: life is beautiful.
My Lesson to You
I learned that the hard way, hopefully so you won’t have to. For those of you today who are living in depression, believing your life is worthless, let me tell you that no matter how low you are and how bad your life is, there is a loving God who is offering a never-ending peace and love.
Will you always feel good? Sadly, the answer is no. However, He does give us hope.
“For He works in all things for the good of those who love Christ” (Romans 8:28).
For those of us in depression, we had no hope. But in Christ, we do!
Paul writes in Romans 8 as well, “For I consider the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is going to be revealed to us.”
God has great plans for us, so much more than the mundane life that leaves us unsatisfied.
God is waiting for us to reach the point of giving up. Not so that we can give up and quit life, but so that we instead give up control of our lives and let Him take hold.
When we give God our hearts and our lives, our entire perspective will change. Our lives refocus onto His purpose.
Think of it this way: our struggles, our weakness, they are not meant to ensnare us, but to train us, make us stronger.
“So I take pleasure in weaknesses, persecutions, and in pressures, because of Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:10).
We are not victims. We are overcomers.
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Great article! While I’ve never really struggled with depression, it’s a problem that I know so many teens deal with. Thanks for sharing your message as an example of hope to them!
All those time I was wishing for an escape, I don’t think I didn’t really want to die. what I really wanted was to LIVE.. I believe that this is what the Lord offers me. An opportunity to experience life.. Thank you for sharing your story. 🙂
Thank you so much for this, Colin! I needed this!
Beautiful! I had my troubles that led me to think death was better than life. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I needed to read this. 🙂
Explorer4lyfe, I’m glad that God used my article to speak to you! I hope that things are a lot better now 🙂
I’m so amazed that my story has touched people I’ve never met! I’m glad God used this article to touch your life!
That’s exactly right! God has a plan for each of us, one for us to prosper to quote Jeremiah 29:11. I think we get so caught up in the sludge of this world that we stop looking at Christ. Glad my story was used to touch your life!
Yes, things are a lot better; now that I fixed my focus to keep moving forward. 🙂
I hope and pray that God uses it to bring hope to someone! Thanks for taking the time to read it! 🙂
Thats great news to hear! I’m glad things are better!
This was really encouraging, thanks for writing it!
Thank you so much for sharing your story, Colin! That was very encouraging for me in the season of life I am in right now. I needed this reminder!
Remember God made you and he does not make mistakes, when you fee old devil trying get u focus on a depressing enent, look to those who luv you. And never focus on the past… Cause u don’t live there anymore…and don’t try fit in, stand out from the crowd and be proud of who you are, may God bless…
Colin, thank you for sharing your story! It encouraged me so much. I really needed this today. 🙂
Hi @colinmarshia:disqus!
I absolutely love your story and what you have said. It was very moving to me. I feel this way right now: really depressed and just wishing that my life would end. So your words couldn’t have come at a better time. Thank you!
-Clare
This is basically my story! I’m sixteen years old. This past summer, my sister and I were in a severe car accident. The car rolled at least 1 1/2 times (we ended up upside-down) and we think it actually rolled 2 1/2 times. Like you, all three of us SHOULD HAVE died. Like you, we only ended up with minor scratches and bruises. I was in the worst shape. Judging just by the way the car ended up and my location in the car, I should have died instantly. God saved my life. He showed me that life is beautiful through that. I’ve changed, and I’m grateful now for what happened. I’ve learned to embrace the lessons that God has taught me.
Hey Clare!
I’m glad God used my article to touch you when you needed to hear it. Don’t give up! It will get better! I may not know your situation and your problems, but God does. And He knows how it will all play out in the end! God has a purpose for our lives, He wants to see us flourish and thrive!
If it’s okay, I’d like to keep you in my prayers.
– Colin 🙂
Hey Sam!
I’m glad it touched you! Life stinks sometimes, but it does get better! God has great plans for each and every one of us. I think we get so caught up in the world and all its sludge, and we start to drown in it. And God is the only way we can ever be rescued.
I really like 2 Corinthians 1:4-7. (I read the HCSB version. It’s a bit easier to understand).
I pray that things will be better for you, man! 🙂
– Colin
Oh wow! It’s crazy how our stories are similar! Isn’t it amazing how God works!?
Glad all of you are okay!
I’m glad this article touched you!
Whatever it is that you’re going through, I hope and pray that it gets better! 🙂
I’m glad that you found it encouraging! I’m amazed at how God has used it to bless so many different people!
Hi Hannah,
I’m happy that this encouraged you! I hope and pray that things get better for you!
– Colin 🙂
You’re welcome! That’s one of my favorite passages 🙂 Glad you liked it!
Oh thank you! That would be very nice of you. I’ll keep you in my prayers too if that is okay. =)
-Clare
Thanks! I’d appreciate that a lot.
Although I didn’t know it at the time, I was nearly aborted in utero. That plus nearly committing suicide equals cheating death twice! I should be dead too but God must have something in plan for me, huh? Life is always beautiful regardless of what happens 🙂 He is good!
If you need help I am always here to talk. My unofficial job has turned out to be helping out people who really need it 🙂
Thank you Steelers Fan! I appreciate the offer. Unfortunately, some of the things I go through are too personal and reveal things that I do not wish to share online. However, I am very grateful for the offer. =)
I get it. However, you should know that you can get help online anonymously and that way it is much safer to share your struggles. I’ll be praying for you 🙂
Thank you for the tip. However, even though I could get help online anonymously, my mother would not consider that option an option at all.
Thank you for the prayers. =)
This is incredible, Colin. Thank you so much for writing! Through Christ alone, we are all overcomers. 🙂
Oh good, your parents know…that’s usally immensely helpful! Work with them as much as you can, they will be able to do alot for you. However, don’t be afraid to circumvent them if (and only if) you need immeadiate attention. A life is far more valuable than obedience to a parent who isn’t doing something nessassary to keep you safe!!!
This is so beautiful! As someone who struggled a ton with depression, suicidal thoughts, so forth, this is so encouraging! Thank you for sharing, it is so important to realize the depths of Gods love and how He will NOT let you stumble.
It’s so great to hear your testimony, Colin. It gives me encouragement to keep living this life for God’s glory and not to live in fear. May God bless you in the coming years as you serve Him!!
Thank you for your kind words and prayers, Colin. 🙂
Thanks for writing this post!
I’ve often wondered if there was a reason to my existence or if anyone would notice or be different if I weren’t there. God continuely showed me that I am here because He has a purpose for me. Thank you for sharing this Colin!
Thank you, Colin. May God bless you.
This is wonderful. I needed to hear this! Thank you, Colin!
Thank you Colin, I really needed to be reminded that “We are not victims. We are overcomers” right now.
I was LITERALLY just feeling horrible right now, having trouble understanding why God makes us live on earth. I was wandering around the house not knowing what to do with myself when I saw the the computer. “I wonder if TheRebelution has anything for me.” BAM! Mind blown.
Thanks for the encouragement <3
Wow! Amazing. Thanks so much. Especially the last line! 🙂
Sometimes, you feel like if I just died everything would be perfect. I could go to Heaven, have no sin, and be done with this awful life. It’s too bad suicide is a sin, but then it’s like . . . No. God has a purpose for THIS life, and he wants you to be happy in THIS life.
You used struggled instead of struggle. Do you have your own testimony?
I love that. “Life is always beautiful regardless of what happens!” It’s so encouraging to read all these comments, and be like “Wow!”
That’s good to know 😉
Glad that we can be an encouragement to you!!!
Hey Clare,
It’s been a while since our conversation. I was just wondering if things had gotten better. I’m still praying for you like I asked to, and just wanted to know how things were 🙂
I apologize if this is at all awkward haha
– your friend, Colin
Hey Sam,
I just wanted to check back with you! It’s been a few months and I’ve prayed for you almost every day since of conversation. I just wanted to see how things were going!
If it’d be less weird, here’s my email address: [email protected] if you ever want to contact me easy 🙂
(Am I allowed to put my email on here?? I guess I’ll find out haha)
-your friend Colin
Hi Colin!
Good to hear from you! Unfortunately, I believe that things have gotten worse since that last conversation. I thank you for the prayers though.
-Clare
P.S. I didn’t find your post or question awkward in any way. 😉
Hey Clare,
I’m sorry to hear that. I most definitely will continue to pray for you! If you ever want to talk, and it doesn’t have to be personal business, just to talk you can always email me at [email protected]
I hope things get better for you 🙂
-Colin
Thanks, Colin. I’ll consider it. 🙂