rebelling against low expectations

How do you deal with a guy or girl who keeps flirting with you?

By Discussion Questions
April 18, 2015
1,309 comments
H

LYDIA WRITES: I am having issues with a certain guy in my youth group and I’m not sure how to send him the message that I am not interested without being unduly rude.

I care about him as a friend and, therefore, want to continue a relationship on that level but I do not want him to get the wrong ideas.

I have told him that the only relationship I am interested in is my relationship with Christ but he will not stop flirting even when I have told him I don’t appreciate that.

So what do I do to send him the message that I am ONLY interested in a friendship with him nothing more? Tips?!

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Discussion Questions

are submitted by real rebelutionaries who are looking for godly answers to tough questions and lively conversation with other young adults. You can join the conversation by commenting below. If you'd like to submit your own discussion question, email us at [email protected].

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1,309 comments

  • Oh my, well. I have no idea, Lydia! I have never really had this problem. Maybe try telling him again? And talking to your parents might help too.
    I’m sorry if none of this helps, I would want advice too!

    First to comment! 😛

  • Part of the problem might be that you and this young man don’t have the same definition of flirting. It’s possible he has no idea how he’s coming across.

    Or then again, maybe he does. =P

  • Let him do his thing. Don’t encourage him, but continue being kind to him. Sooner or later he will get it.

  • Some people are 100% unintentional flirters. They may not be romantically interested in you, but they just flirt with everyone. From the amount of info we have, I couldn’t make a real guess as to which one it is.

  • Maybe ask your dad or pastor for help? They might be able to talk some sense into him… 😛 Praying for wisdom would be helpful as well. 🙂 I’ve never really had much trouble with this (the times that I did, I wonder if it was just me overreacting, not necessarily the guy’s fault), but I hope you are able to work something out, Lydia!

  • So, everybody — not expecting you to answer, Brett, but you’re free to answer if you want to! — what do you do if you’re trying to deal with somebody like Brett describes? Where he doesn’t really know how he’s coming across, but it’s making me really, really uncomfortable?

  • I’ve found that brothers and my dad are the best protection if I’ve made it clear that I’m not interested in a relationship, just hanging around them keeps most guys away.

    But also, I have yet to find someone who made it clear that he was interested in me, where we could keep on being normal friends just like we’d always been; I had to pull away from the friendship almost entirely before the guy got the point. Eventually you two can be friends like you are now, but for a while there it might not be possible.

  • Tell him (when the two of you are not around your friends) that he might not intentionally mean to flirt with you, but that is how you are taking it as. Then politely ask him to stop and tell him your not ready for a dating relationship and you are more than happy to be friends. If he still keeps it up, then you should get his parents and the youth pastor. Tell them whats going on. Then consider if you should get some time and space away from him.

  • I replied to you, but apparently my comment is “waiting to be approved by The Rebelution”. Hopefully it’s coming soon!

  • Welcome to the Rebelution, Lauren! (My name’s Laura, so that’s pretty awesome!)

  • Honestly, my suggestion is to politely request he ceases the behavior and give an example of it using “I” statements. If it doesn’t work, take it to a leader that you trust who should be able to help. In my experience, if you don’t give an example of how he is acting, he can’t rectify it if he cares to stop.

  • If you are not interested in having more than just a friend relationship, and you have told him this then tell him you can’t be friends if he keeps this act going.

  • I am probably not one to give advice, because my first instinct when I think a guy likes me is to start being sharp and short with the guy (even if I actually like the him ). 😉 But maybe you could politely talk to him and explain to him how he is coming across to you and then ask him what his intentions are in the way he behaves around you. If he admits that he is purposely flirting with you and won’t stop, than I personally would probably just send him to my dad or ask my dad to talk to him, because most dad’s will be pretty firm with the guy who is causing trouble when it comes to protecting their princesses. 😉
    But don’t take my example of being mean or rude. That doesn’t really solve problems. It usually just digs a deeper ditch. 😉

  • Dude, I don’t know…I’ve experienced that a couple times and it creeps me out! So are you dealing with someone like that right now or is it hypothetical?

  • Lol, congratulations! I’ve had a chance to be the first to comment several times, but I run and hide when I see that blank space under the comment box… XD

  • How do I deal with someone that keeps on flirting with me? Sorry: never had that problem. Honest. I was the cause of it a couple times though, before the Lord rebuked me in that area. However, when I found out that someone liked me and I (not lightly said) believed that it was not God’s will for us to get married, I prayed regularly for them for a month and a half that God would lead them in His will (away from me) and it worked. Some people are more direct, but if I were in your situation I’m more one to drop hints said in jest.

  • I’m the type of person who can actually come across as flirty because I’m very open and like to tease and compliment my friends as a way to bond quickly, which is important for kids who don’t stay in one place very long (TCKs, military kids, missionary kids and the like). If you know the person well enough to feel pretty sure that they like you as a person and they want to deepen the relationship, but they aren’t asking for a dating relationship directly, just keep it light, keep your own boundaries, and continue being friends. If you do turn out feeling uncomfortable with their amount of flirty manners, hopefully your relationship will have progressed enough to tell them privately and not lose them.

  • Shmack him upshide the noggin! Sorry that’s bad advice. Don’t take that advice. 😁 Hmmm… That’s a tough situation. I don’t really know what to tell you. Seems everyone else has covered all the bases. 🙂 Be honest, real, and seek God in the matter!

  • Lol! If anyone tried that advice out, I’d like your testimonials. Please. 😜

  • I had the same problem, only it got way out of hand and honestly I had to tell the principal (it was in school not youth group). There is not an easy way (that i know of) to do it if you’ve already made it clear. If he doesn’t stop you will have to straight up tell him how you feel, but that is sometimes uncomfortable to do, especially if you don’t want to hurt his feelings. I’ve gotten some advice on this that you might be able to try before that though haha. Basically everyone in my school knew about it and one guy told me to call him “buddy” because that is an automatic friend-zoning technique 😛 I also always use the i-don’t-want-a-relationship-because-i’m-only-*insert age here*-and-have-the-rest-of-my-life card. One of my friends sent me this video because it applied to my situation and definitely provided “comic relief” so you COULD send it to him XD I hope it helps just for the fun of it and just remember that it isn’t the end of the world; which I failed to realize 🙂

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=925cxSDJrCc&list=UU0jIctUPBK6lHw4AYnGHvCA

  • Listen, hun. Next time he flirts with you, just stomp on his foot and walk away. It works. Okay, sorry, that might not be what you’re looking for. Ermmmm…. ask him to stop or you’ll report him to the authorities. And if that doesn’t work, walk around with an umbrella and if he gets flirty, open the umbrella like a wall so you don’t have to look at his face. I haven’t tried this one yet.
    I’m not really great with advice on this… I hate when guys flirt with me, so I never really handle it that well. xD Listen to the people that have already commented and are clearly smarter than me.

  • I’ve been in this same situation and haven’t found a clear “ABCs of Friend-zoning” solution. Even though I was outright with the guy, he’s still flirty. I think a lot of the problem was that he conveyed his feelings for me through my friends, and I made the mistakes of conveying my feelings (or lack thereof) through them too. This made things easier for him to act oblivious of the fact that I wasn’t interested. Whatever you do, tell him directly, as not doing so makes any social interaction awkward. I also agree with @run_your_race:disqus that calling him “buddy” or ever “bro” (pretty much anything guys call each other) allows you to convey your point, while leaving the door open for a platonic relationship.

  • I had never heard about Blimey Cow before I joined the Reb. When I first saw people talking about it, I picture cheesy, two-D animation of black-and-white-patched cows on a bright-green-grass and neon-blue-sky telling childish jokes.
    I think I was wrong…

  • Here’s a curious question: how come people put the @ sign in front of people’s names? i.e. why say @Joyful joyful instead of just Joyful joyful?
    I know there’s probably a reason but I don’t know what it is…

  • I think its to tag the person in it so they know that they are being mentioned (I hope I just figured that out haha)

  • It’s called “tagging”. Normally, the person getting tagged would get notified (i.e. via email or in the notifications), but it doesn’t seem to work on Disqus…

  • I think so! Let me test it: @run_your_race:disqus, @joyfuljoyful:disqus. I think it worked!

  • LOL! Me too! (Although I did think it was odd that all these smart rebelutionaries would like something as dumb as that.) 😉

  • Hey! thanks for the comment! I have actually told my parents but they don’t take me seriously and they take the whole situation as one big joke and tease me relentlessly about it!

  • You know I’m not sure if that fits him either but even if he is a ‘100% unintentional flirter’ how do I get it across to him that I am simply not interested even in harmless flirting?

  • Me neither! I know nothing of relationships and even have taken a one year vow of chastity. So I am clearly unavailable and he knows it but he doesn’t quite get the hint! Even the not-so-subtle hints!

  • Thanks Brett! It seems purposeful but I don’t know for sure! I’ll try to tell him off… again.

  • Yes let’s hope it’s sooner!!! I’ve known him under these conditions for the past 3 years so… yeah, let’s hope it’s sooner!

  • I’ve asked my parents but they haven’t taken me seriously about it, they simply tease me! Thanks for the comment!

  • I really don’t know, because I haven’t really been in that situation. If I were in that situation, I would want to be with the older men in my Church, or with my dad, and my brothers. Hope this helped.

  • Theoretically that’s a great idea but the issue is that the times where I see this guy away from my fam is when he flirts. When my family’s there he is a perfect gentleman thus my family doesn’t take me seriously about it!

  • you know I have tried the first and second step and am working on the third. Maybe it will work… I hope!

  • Wow Jewel! That’s probably some of the most helpful advise I’ve gotten! Thanks!

  • You know I think what you said really helps because I’m finding gentle just isn’t working!

  • Oh wow, I’ve got to try some of these suggestions next time a certain somebody gets annoying! Totally walking around with an umbrella now! ;D

  • Thank goodness God rebuked you!

    So, you think that It is possible for them to have a change of hear then?

  • You can tag using the “@” and then there’ll be a drop-down menu of who you might want to use, and then as you begin to type the person’s name, it’ll narrow down the options for you 🙂

  • Hahahahaha! Or you could smack him for me! 🙂
    Thanks for putting it so simply!

  • That’s even better! Get Seth to virtually smack somebody across the country 🙂

  • Ohhh, that’s a bummer. 🙁 Like, a serious bummer. Well, other people are giving great advice on here, so I’ll just bow out and let them tell you 🙂 I’m getting a lot from this conversation, too!
    And I’ll be praying for you!

  • Or just get this big crowd of rebolutionaries to show up at my church to get the job done!

  • I volunteer! Pick meeeee! If we lived near each other…
    But actually, that’s a good point… friends can be great for fending off a flirty “friend”. I’ll admit I’ve been this friend more than somebody’s been this sort of friend for me, but if you friends know that you’re really not interested in this guy, and they know that he’s starting to really annoy you, they might help you out and pull him away from you or even flat-out tell him to bug off.

  • Thanks for your comment. But I don’t really have a whole bunch of ‘older’ guys in my youth group… And the one I REALLY trust is leaving for college…

  • I think you should paint “I’m not interested” on the umbrella.. just a thought ;P

  • Don’t forget the ducks!! Ducks are super important to the success of this venture!

  • I’m glad I have the ability to make you feel accomplished while making you laugh! Now that’s a real feat!

  • Correction: paint those words on a duck umbrella! *universe explodes due to success overload*

  • I KNOW!!! There’s this boy at my school who always is like buying me packs of gum and coming over to my locker to talk to me. It’s always really awkward and I actually feel kinda bad for him. It’s to the point where he literally sends his buddies over to me at lunch to talk to me about how I’m doing. How do I respond? uggh

  • Yeah I feel ya! But there’s alot of great advice on here! Particularly @disqus_zxr2krNx5O:disqus

    and his idea of ‘noggin nokin’

  • Ummm, let me see… Kindly refuse his packs of gum, and be really distant when you’re talking to him, that’s what I’d do. Not that you have to be rude (although if he’s really persistent, it might come to that) but don’t be friendly, either.

  • Fallen as it is I really appreciate our universe prior to success overload!

  • My older brother is graduating this year! What is it with people in leaving for collage!

  • Wow now I need to be wary of you!! You know what they say! Faithful are the wounds of a friend but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful!
    Ha ha Jk

  • Entirely right. It’s really weird to think that in a couple of years, I’ll be the one leaving for college.

  • oh no my disguise has been stripped away by the Bible! jk jk im not out to get you haha

  • Yep, I am 🙂 So doing school on the weekends is a foreign concept to me. Unless I’m really devoted or want to get done early 🙂 But that’s a rare occurance…

  • In that case… @disqus_zxr2krNx5O:disqus I have a hit-list (well actually smack-list) for you 🙂

  • Hey I mentioned you in a comment but it wouldn’t let me tag you so I thought I’d let you know in a reply!

  • Hey thanks all of you who really have been helping me with this issue in appriciation I will mention you!
    @run_your_race:disqus you’re awesome!
    @disqus_20sNkO4gPg:disqus Thanks for the comment!
    @mimeforjesus:disqus You’re pretty cool!
    @disqus_yezUL85qzj:disqus Thanks girl!
    @joyfuljoyful:disqus Such an inspiration!
    @Rhanx97:disqus Thanks!
    @lotr540:disqus Thanks for you imput!
    @disqus_aeGm5xMIfo:disqus So awesome of you!
    @disqus_TWUREC3BCa:disqus Keep it up!
    And you others that it won’t let me list! I’ll comment to you so you get a notification thingy!
    Seth Totally epic my friend! Totally epic!
    Trent Thanks for the laugh! It was well needed!
    And thanks to all you other people I can’t remember! Your awesome too!

  • Yes! And, @disqus_zxr2krNx5O:disqus, if you’re ever out my way I might have a list for you, too! 🙂 Totally kidding…

  • Good point. I kind of feel like, if you know someone well enough, they’ll understand that you’re just being playful and not flirting and it’s okay. But then, with strangers and acquantances, you’d have to be careful. Idk…it’s kind of weird for me too. 😛

  • Well that’s no fun! Maybe have them see how he acts around you??
    *shrugs* I don’t even know. If I told my parents that, they would probably, like, talk to the guy for a long time and then ban him from ever talking to me again (that was probably a bit exaggerated, oh well :P)

  • I was like, “What?! No comments?” So I reloaded that page and still none so I commented 😀

  • I know what you mean. I have this one friend and he really likes me. When ever I’m nice/playful to him or any other guy i don’t know super well, I hope he/they don’t think i’m flirting. I don’t know how to flirt so i don’t know if i ever do it. I might but i might not. It stressful because i only think about it after i talked with them. I have this one friend who was always nice to girls and then those girls thought he liked them but he was only being nice. I don’t want to be in his situation.

  • If can become melancholy, like me, nobody will ever flirt with you, and most people will find it awkward to talk to you, and you will feel them being awkward, and you will be awkward.

    This makes for an awkward comment.

    But, seriously nobody has ever flirted with me.

  • I have a similar problem… I’m pretty sure a guy at my church is interested in me and his mom has pretty much told my mom so (which is awkward in itself). Only problem is, I’m not interested…at all. I want to focus on school right now and since I’ve never dated before, this would be a huge step that I’d much rather wait on. Both our families take dating relationships very seriously, and neither of us have ever dated, so I know if he says anything, he’s really serious. What makes it worse is that he and his sister are two of my closest friends, and our families are really close. I don’t want that to change! But, I know I could never see him in that way and it would never work out. I’ve been praying that the Lord would make that very clear to him, but I’m still worried something will happen and someone will end up hurt. Any suggestions?

  • Well, I think when you’re being flirtatious you have an underlying reason for it, such as you want someone to notice or like you. When you’re being playful usually you do it just because you have a great relationship with a guy and enjoying teasing him. The only thing with being playful is that rather you have a close relationship or not you still have to be careful because guys deal with hormones too, so due to where they are they might get the wrong idea. Hope that helps Hannah.

  • Well, it helped me! I was wondering the same thing and was like someone please answer!!! Thank you, Gabrielle!!

  • I think it depends on where the guy is, in relation to hormones and emotions. Even with a guy you know very well, and maybe even grew up with, you still have to be careful period.

  • Well Noelle, my advice would be to pray about it. Who knows, at the right time he may be the one God has for you, so just say open to God instead of cutting him off because of how you feel now. Keep being friends with him but be careful of your behavior or how you act around him, so as not to give him any wrong ideas. Hope that helps.

  • If the guy is a Christian and is trying to live a moral life, then I might take @disqus_rxHwcqpiM4:disqus’s comment into consideration. Certainly pray about it.

  • Good for you! Maybe I’ll be brave enough to do that someday. 😉 Well…I think one time I was almost first, but I was writing a super long comment so three other people managed to publish theirs before me. XD

  • I have a great respect for show interest in me, without flirting.

    Be a friend, but don’t be too friendly.

    I have mostly seen girls as too uninterested, as in they don’t even talk to me.

  • I’m the same way, but with guys (obviously :P)! It’s possible to be friendly and nice without flirting, and I really respect guys who can do that. 🙂
    Just so you know, though, when I was in my early teens, I totally ignored guys I was interested in. And I feel like some girls take longer to grow out of that…just putting that out there. 😉

  • If I were a girl(, and I am not).

    I would say, “I like you as a friend, but you need to find satisfaction in God, not me.”

  • If it makes you feel any better, no one’s ever flirted with me (that I can tell) that wasn’t creepy or just…yeah, creepy. :/ But I think that’s ok, because the non-creepy ones (i.e., the nice, gentlemanly guys) are just friends, and that’s how I want it to be. 🙂

  • *bursts into song* EVERYTHING IS AWESOMMMMMMMME, EVERYTHING IS COOL WHEN YOU’RE PART OF THE TEAM
    😛

  • Yeah, that might work. If I was really interested in a girl, I would go to the dad first anyway. If the dad was a godly Christian man, and he disproved of me, then that would most likely solve it for me. I am sure, I would ask if there would be any way he would approve of me first, of course.

  • For sure!! I’m very playful and love people very easily but for some I have to wait till the relationship gets to a certain place before I just do what I usually do, because they can take it the wrong way, or it can be uncomfortable. For some it’s fine, for others not so much. Basically, you have to be observant of the person and be able to discern if a particular person can take it without thinking nothing of it.

    Hope I said that right!! 🙂

  • I too appreciate guys who can be friendly and respectful without flirting or any of that. Also, I really appreciate it when a guy knows how (or was taught how) to properly hug a girl. When hugging those that don’t it’s very weird!!!

  • I know! Then some (like Christy said) totally ignore the person. *shrugs* *makes crazy sign* 😉

  • I totally agree Josiah!! It’a always best for the guy interested to talk to the girl’s father.

  • Hugging people is not my thing. When I force myself to hug anyone, it is usually kind of obvious that it is forced. Even hugging my 8 year old sister is makes me feel uncomfortable, but I know I should probably hug her more often.

    Any advice on this?

  • I just read that! My parents tell my sister and I stuff like that! thanks for sharing that! 😀

  • So the girl wouldn’t feel like I was going around them, would they?

    Thanks for the feedback on this. 🙂

  • I think even if you asked the girl, if the parents didn’t like you the relationship wouldn’t last long or would be in secret or would be extremely awkward.

  • I also agree with Gabrielle’s comment. A few things that I would add would be to treat him how you treat other guys so that he will see that he receives no special treatment and to talk to him about what you feel like God would want you to do. If you feel like God says wait than let him know that you are waiting on God and don’t want to date right now. If you feel like God is telling you that he is not the right one for you than communicate that to him. Relationships with guys and girls are tricky and communication is the best way to make things clear to him. I like to use hints that I’m not interested in someone by treating them the same way that I treat other guys and other hints but I must say that talking it out is the best way to make sure that someone understands how you feel. People don’t always catch on to hints and guessing weather someone likes you or not is a rough emotional roller coaster. If you know what God wants you to do than I suggest that you let him know to make sure that he doesn’t have to go through the pain of guessing.

  • Hmm….. Well, I could understand not being comfortable hugging girls. If you don’t trust yourself and it’s weird I’d say don’t do it at this time in your life. ( Girls outside your family I mean!! ) As far as your sister and other family members, maybe it’ll help to think about how much you love them, and just give them hugs out of your love for them. Does that help at all?

  • Me too!! I highly respect guys who do it the proper way and talk to the father first. It says something about them and their character.

  • No. I guess it depends on the girl really, but my answer is no. It’s always a good idea for you to talk to the father and just share your interest in their daughter before going to her and making it all obvious that you’re interested. Besides, you need approval from her father before trying to pursue her.

  • Thank you @skymac11:disqus and @disqus_rxHwcqpiM4:disqus for the positive reinforcement on this. 🙂

  • No problem!! I’m glad that there are young men out there who desire to please God and do it properly.

  • My advice would be to tell your mom how you feel — well, don’t feel– about this guy. And maybe your moms can talk about it and conclude that the best choice would be to stay friends (at least for now). If this guy makes any signals that he likes you, still be polite but make it clear you’re not interested in that way. Also, calling him names like “buddy” might give him the message. I know its hard because you guys are close friends and if it comes to that point you can tell him you don’t want to ruin that friendship. Also, you can mention that dating is a big step which you aren’t ready for yet, which he should respect. I hope this helps…? 🙂

  • Oh, cool. That is interesting.

    It is nice to be able to ask questions of Christian teens, both guys and girls.

    Thank you.

  • Definitely! (had to google how to spell that and then took me forever to actually type it! :P)

  • haha you honestly just gave me hope about there actually being good Christian guys that would do this 🙂 Keep it up!

  • Hey, I’m asking this as a guy who has been doing some research on courtship and some of the ideas mentioned above. I’m curious, not trying to start a debate. I just like to ask questions so I understand things better, even if I agree with the person. So, out of curiosity, why do you prefer the guy to talk to the girl’s father first?

  • I was just asking the same question below! I don’t necessarily disagree with the whole idea, but a few weeks ago my youth group had a discussion about dating (what it should look like for Christians) that really made me think. For example, some people suggested that a guy asking a girl’s dad first makes the relationship feel too “forced” or “high-pressure”; therefore even if the relationship isn’t “meant to work out”, the couple is pressured into getting married because there’s so much commitment already. Could anyone give me some thoughts on this?

  • I (as a girl) would like a guy to ask my parents first and even if he asked me out I would say he had to talk to my dad.

  • If it feels “high-pressure”… I would say someone is clearly not ready.

    But, I don’t claim to be an expert on this, at all.

  • That’s one of my concerns too. The other would be something I’m still kinda thinking through, but I’ll put down anyway.
    I’m a little concerned if a girl I’m interested in has her first response as, “Go talk to my dad about that.” I’m just a little iffy about a wife who is that hesitant to trust God’s guidance in her own life (I’m trying not to say this to offend anyone. Honestly, I don’t want to. I’m trying to say it gently.) I want a wife who knows God’s voice and thus can tell me, “Hey, let me pray about it” or even “let me ask some Godly people I know about it”.
    I’m interested in going on the missions field. While I’m not discounting a girl’s spiritual maturity who would do this, I’m just a little uncomfortable if a girl wants to have her dad hear from God about me rather than doing it herself. Help anyone? Am I way off base? I’m still kinda thinking it all through, so pardon me!

  • Depends on the girl. But I feel like it is out of courtesy and shows respect because a lot of guys out there are very disrespectful to girls and not serious about a relationship. It also gives approval from the parents if they say yes. It depends on the girl (mainly religiousness) because some might think you are just going around them. Good, Christian girls would prefer you to ask their dad. I’m not saying i’m old-fashioned, but I do respect the old customs because our culture has lost so much morality and its nice to see things like that being done.

  • It’s all good! If guys asked me, like I said I would have him talk to my dad. But I would also pray about it because the relationship would be mine. I trust my parents and would want their wisdom. But I get where you are coming from.
    I hope this helps you!…?

  • Yeah, I just did. So, if you don’t mind, I’m gonna ask this: why do you say that “good Christian girls” would want you to do it that way? Again, I’m asking this trying to understand better, not to argue. Am I understand it correctly that the reasons would be 1. they want parental approval, 2. they want to fulfill a traditional, cultural norm, and 3. for religious reasons. What are the religious reason?

  • The dad is responsible for everyone in his household.
    I would say you must talk to him out of respect for him and his daughter.

    I would lean towards you being way off base.

  • If a guy approached my dad about a relationship, I would probably be impressed with his maturity, and at least be intrigued enough to find out more about him.

  • I would think so. But if my parents totally didn’t like the guy, I would want to know why. Sometimes when you like someone, you can’t see their faults (or the bad). So asking other people can help you gain a new perspective!

  • Yeah. Personally, I don’t think I would want sending a guy straight to my dad to be my “knee-jerk reaction” like in Blimey Cow. 🙂
    I’m still thinking this through a lot too, so you’re not the only one!

  • Okay, that makes sense! Thanks! The same is true for us guys. I would ask my parents about a girl too for advice, I was just curious since it seems like the predominate idea here is that a girl instantly redirects you to her dad rather than trying to decide for herself. It came across as her dad making the decision rather than her, but it seems I may have read that wrong. Thanks for clarifying!

  • Your welcome! And I’m glad people can benefit from my advice or whatever. Basically everyone is older that me and may not want advice from someone younger. 🙂

  • Age doesn’t have anything to do with it! I don’t know your age and haven’t bothered to look. It doesn’t matter if you’re 12 or 25, you still had a good answer!

  • I wouldn’t say it is to put a lot of commitment there if the guy is just talking to her dad first. But now that I think about it, it does require some commitment, and I would want that much commitment there if I’m going to give this guy a chance. It means that he’s not just dating me because I’m a pretty face, he actually has taken time to consider this, and get to know who I am and to find my dad.
    And this is late at night for me, so I’m not probably going to make much sense. Feel free to ask me to clarify!

  • Ok, I get that much, and I’ve always planned to do so (in case anyone is wondering, I’ve been raised this way, and have just begun questioning some of the thinking the last couple of years). Thanks for writing! I would agree, it does give it a good measure of pressure.

  • Yup! *looks around suspiciously* You read my profile right? Not stalking me? Jk 😛

  • I agree. And, even before any “go talk to my dad” moments, I would want to discuss with my mom any person I was seriously considering marrying.
    On a side note, I think a good relationship with your parents is really important before even considering marriage! Even if someone’s parents are not Christians, they can still make an effort to communicate clearly with their parents and let them know of general expectations/desires/hopes in a future spouse. 🙂

  • I literally have no clue to how to answer this… Can’t wait to see what everyone else has to say though XD

  • Yep!! You should always have other people around you, because if you like a person most of the time others can see things that you don’t see.

  • There is something in the Bible about the man being responsible for his family and such, but honestly I can’t think of it at the moment.

    Forgive my lack of Bible memorization.

  • I totally agree here, Ruthie! Also your siblings can help you too! (if you have any) Or Christian friends you trust. 🙂

  • Thanks for your perspective! That makes me feel a lot better.
    Yeah, I really need to get to bed myself…

  • I get what you’re saying don’t worry. Okay so a lot of the “mainstream” girls who aren’t very religious do not really care what their parents think about their relationship. Having your dad’s approval means that our parents respect our relationship and won’t be telling us we are going out with a dirt-bag or constantly asking questions about them because they should already know the guy is a good person. Our parents should think we are safe when we are with them; and approval is a big weight off our chest. You understand well, and I would say there are a couple religious reasons. 1. we most likely won’t be pressured into things we do not want to do; or that God does not want us to do. 2. If a guy puts that amount of effort into it (as in going and asking for approval) they are most likely following God. 3. The relationship should have God at the center and, again, it shows that this guy is more serious about the relationship (I don’t necessarily mean marriage just not going to break your heart the next day). And also I feel like the guy would have standards now that he has parent approval — like he has expectations now. Does this help?

  • I would say that a girl who sends you to her dad isn’t questioning her own ability to hear from God. I have no doubt that God speaks to me; I know He has at times. Yet I also know that if somebody that I “like” were to ask me out, I might think I hear from God when actually that was just my romantic/lonely/whatever side saying “You know, this guy is nice! You should totally go out with him.”
    So… I would send you to my dad if you asked me out, but I would also listen to what God is saying to me. “In a multitude of counselors there is wisdom (or peace, depending on what translation you read).” And “The heart is deceitful above all things.”
    These make me think that I need to not trust myself to hear God when my own heart really, really wants to hear one thing and in fact He might be trying to tell me the opposite.

    Of course, there’s the flip side too, such as with my sister-in-law. Her parents were against her marrying my brother, with no reason. She asked them to explain their problems with him multiple times, but they were just prejudiced against him. (I don’t know the whole story there.) So parents can be misled as well, but I think it’s a whole lot easier for us girls to let our emotions run ahead of our brains.

  • True, but since every believer is called to have a “personal” relationship with Christ, and Jesus calls us in Lk. 14 to follow him above every other earthly relationship, the Bible seems to reflect more in the direction of following what you see God directing YOU to do rather than having God speak to you through someone else.
    I too don’t memorize Scripture as well as I ought! Thanks for commenting!

  • Absolutely! I’ve heard many young women say that brothers usually have helpful, unique perspectives. 🙂 And I would imagine sisters would be really helpful as well.

  • My brother and older sister are married already. But we (kinda) had a say if we liked a girl or guy 🙂

  • Haha. I have 3 brothers and 1 sister, so I guess I might have a lot of opinions to consider 😉

  • Okay, but asking your dad for advice is not the same as having a guy go ask your dad for permission to ask you out or get to know you better or whatever the phraseology used. I’m 100% in favor of asking for parental advice, even as a guy, I’ll ask my parents advice. Not the same as asking for permission though. Do you understand what I’m trying to say, not very smoothly?

  • Well, I’ll jump in here, Taylor 🙂
    I would want a guy to talk to my dad because:
    1) In the words of a guy “friend” of my sister-in-law, “That would take… *courage*!” Instead of talking to a girl who might fall for romantic lines, the guy has to talk to someone who is very protective of his daughter. And if I were a guy, I know that my knees would just about be knocking when I talked to the father of the person I’m interested in.
    2) Like I said ^, my dad won’t be taken in by the same lines that might take me in — he was once that young man, and he knows that some guys will say anything to get a girl to like them.
    3) It takes commitment on the part of the guy to look up my dad and plan to talk to him. It helps protect me from a guy who’s just looking for a pretty face because my dad will ask him why exactly he’s interested in me.

    There are times when it wouldn’t really be possible for a guy to ask my dad first, but if he’s around, I would want the guy to talk to my dad.

  • Just one brother and two sisters. My sister is about 3 years younger than me, so we are pretty close! But my oldest sister is about 14 years older and has 6 kids. My brother is about 12 years older.

  • Right you are! I’m 10 times more nervous about talking to her dad than I would be talking to her. I hear guys in public talking about asking girls out being nervous and I think, “Ha, you don’t know the meaning of nervous!”
    That makes good sense, but I know enough horror stories and seen some of over-protective fathers for this whole idea to frighten me more than a little.

  • Oh, happy early birthday!! 😀 This is a great time of year to have a birthday! Mine is in November 😛

  • Sorry having a hard time keeping up haha 1 happy early birthday @samwegner:disqus and 2. Ruthie, MINE IS IN NOVEMBER TOO!

  • November 2. Also known as the Day of the Dead in Mexico. Yes, that is a real holiday.
    xP
    Wow, our birthdays are pretty close! Cool! 🙂

  • Yes, but… you see… back in fairy tales, a guy has to save the girl from a dragon. A father is the next-best thing nowadays! But really, I personally would love to see a guy who would be willing to go up against my dad in order to go out with me.
    Yeah, over-protective fathers can be… well, over-protective. I’ve heard horror stories of that myself! But I think it’s worth it.

  • I know, right? I got six upvotes on a comment I left like ten minutes ago! This is cuh-ray-zee!

  • Fathers are the next best thing to DRAGONS?!?! I dunno about that one dragons are pretty awesome.. 😛

  • So, what you’re saying is that it is always handy to have a fire-breathing dad around as a young lady? 🙂
    But seriously, what would your response be if you felt God’s leading one way and your parent’s another? I understand if you don’t want to answer this question (it could sound pretty personal), but to me it’s kinda the pivotal question. If you’re asking for advice and guidance, great! You’re wise to do so! If you’re asking your dad to interpret God’s will for you, that seems dangerous to me.

  • Okay, okay 🙂 But fathers are pretty awesome, too! (They don’t breather fire, but still…)

  • Yeah. I think (hope?) my dad wouldn’t give the guy too much of a hard time. I do trust him to be wise and discerning too, though!

  • Yeah! I agree. I wouldn’t trade my dad for a dragon!…
    That would be a cool shirt though…

  • Well, we are somewhat along the lines of what the discussion was originally about. At least it’s not turning into “My Prayer Problem” or “Why I’m Shutting Down the Rebelution”… 😛

  • Gonna jump in here 🙂
    Personally, I would pray and spend some time talking with my parents about why they felt I should or shouldn’t pursue a relationship with a certain guy. But, I wouldn’t go behind my parents back to be in that relationship. Hope that makes sense 😀

  • If my parent’s and I were not on the same page, then we would need to have a long talk about all of our reasons. God IS the higher authority, but I think you should talk to your parent’s about what you think God wants for you. I also think that they should respect that and you all should pray about it.

  • Awesome 😀 So I’m not alone being born on the Day of the Dead! My sister was born on Christmas Eve. I’ve never thought that was quite fair. 😛 😉

  • Really? That’s cool! My sister was born on July 1. She gets a pool party every year! Eh, whatever. *flips hair* Novembers great too! 😛

  • Yeah 🙂 Fire-breathing dads are awesome!!!!!!!!!!! (He has been really helpful sometimes! So has my older brother.)
    Okay… So this is a question I’ve asked myself before, because my sister-in-law got married against her parents’ wishes, so this has been a reality for me. I suppose I would sit down with my parents and ask them what exactly they saw as flaws in this young man. If they were determined that this man was not qualified, I would probably cut it off.
    If and only if I felt God speaking so strongly that there was no way it was anything other than His voice would I consider moving forward in a relationship that my parents did not bless. Even then, I would stop as soon as I felt that this was not God’s leading.
    God “Controls the hearts of kings” — I believe that He controls my parents’ hearts as well.

  • Wow, so you were born pretty early! I was supposed to be born in October, but I was almost 2 weeks late. At that point my mom was just glad I was finally out of there. 🙂

  • I want him to talk to my dad first because I want my dad to see who this guy really is. It is SOOOO easy to fall for feelings, appearance or romantic words and actions, and so I’d want my dad to be able to keep me and the guy accountable all throughout a potential relationship. Dads have a magic eye – they can see things in fellow men that we girls can’t. 🙂

    I could go on and on about why I feel what I feel about things regarding this…but that will be too confusing and may lead to misunderstanding. 🙂 So I’ll leave it at that.

  • wow!! yeah haha at first I was suppose to be born in January… but the date changed around a lot 🙂

  • From a girl’s perspective who is in college and may be in some ways a little closer to marriage (although not really necessarily, as I have never known a guy to be definitely interested in me in anyway). First of all I go to a college that is far from my home and parents, so most likely any guy interested in me won’t even know my parents. With that being the case, I think it is probably unreasonable to have him talk to my dad before he ever says a word to me about his feelings towards me because if I am NOT interested in him than there is no need for my dad to be involved in that way and especially when they do not know each other. If I am interested in him after he has told me his intentions and if I am desirous for things to move forward, then I would want to get my dad’s approval and I think at that point it would be appropriate for the guy to then speak to my dad, getting permission to date me. I don’t think it is disrespecting the parents to do it this way. In fact, I have talked to my dad about this and he agreed that this would probably be the best way considering my situation.
    I hope all of that makes sense and is helpful, just coming from an older persons point of view. 😉

  • I was about 2 weeks late too! Lost alotta weight, almost died. Creepy how much we have in common!

  • Alright as much as I enjoy discussing with you guys I still have a lot I need to do tonight haha! so, in the words of @mimeforjesus:disqus , “ttyl, y’all!” 🙂

  • Yeah, I was waiting for everyone to stop posting. I think I actually read everyone’s posts. 😛

  • I’ve read most of the ones on here. But definitely read the ones everyone posted while I was on here. Btw did you draw your profile picture?

  • Aaaand… I’m back for another minute! (Staying up till 10:00 my time…)
    Seriously, Josiah, you’re good! I thought that your pic was you until I looked closer and saw that it was a drawing 🙂

  • I’m serious! I’ve also never seen you in person and never seen your drawings before

  • Cool! I like drawing random people. Just not as good as you! 😛 I like mostly drawing eyes. I know that may seen a little creepy, but I like coming up with new was to draw eyes. *shrugs* 🙂

  • Well, hopefully those standards aren’t dependent on parental involvement. If you are mature believers, those standards should be true no matter whether parents are in the room, dead, or across the country. Thanks for commenting though!

  • Yeah I would say it’s more for advice! Also, I know I would want my dad’s opinion on a guy, because he wouldn’t be falling so easily for charm or anything that could be messing with my judgement.

  • Do you want to see my self portrait? Not a perfect replica of my face, but it isn’t too bad.

  • Nice! Well, now I know what you look like! 😀 Mk, you draw the pictures and I write the stories! 😉

  • Are you wanting to be an artist when you grow up? (more than you already have) Or is it just a hobby?

  • I want to be a motivational speaker, and I want to share the gospel wherever I go. I don’t know. I was thinking of getting a degree in psychology. Right now art is more of a fun hobby, but I don’t mind getting better at it. 😀

  • Okay, I understand asking for advice. Earlier, it seemed to be asking for permission and for God’s guidance, and that seemed questionable to me.

  • Okay, I’m not arguing with the idea of talking to your parents. Please, guys or girls, talk to your parents! Ask their advice! Certainly, if a guy tries to dodge your parents, you certainly have cause for concern. However, what I’m trying to understand is if the girl is asking her dad for advice (that is, information which she may or may not obey) or permission (that is, her father tell her how it will be and she takes that as God’s leading, no matter what she feels God telling her personally.)

  • Good! I’m not advocating for a secret relationship. I’m just wondering if parental permission/approval is advice or a make-or-break deal.

  • Glad it’s not just me! I scrolling through, like, “Well, everybody saw me coming and decided to get out–fast!”
    Lol, don’t worry, I’m not that vain. XD

  • It can be a make-or-break deal, but of course, there will be some exceptions. If it is God’s leading, not your heart desires, and it He would pretty much have to tell me very obviously that I had to go against the parents wishes otherwise, no way.

    But, this seems way hypothetical here.

  • Um, I’ve seen this occur several times and read of it even more than that. When you say it’s too hypothetical, are you saying you just can’t answer it because you’re not sure what you’d do, or are you saying you just can’t see that happening? Believe me, it happens.

  • I think it’s cool that it doesn’t matter if we live in totally different places or are totally different ages, we can all come together on the Reb!! 😀

  • Very good explination! Did you look it up? Just wondering because I did and that was like excatly what it said! 😛

  • Some people are soooo good that they can make there art look exactly like a photo. Like virtually pixel perfect.

  • Totally off topic, but what does it mean when you comment and you’re comment is in moderation and never actually finishes pending? I was answering a question @Taylor B asked somewhere below but it isn’t seen because it’s still pending. It’ll probably never come up sadly.

  • It means Brett has to approve it. You must have accidentally triggered the “safety net” (idk what else to call it). I did that once and it took a couple of days for it to come through. :/ It may just be faster to retype it (and look out for words that might keep it from going through).

  • Don’t use God’s name alone. Don’t use se… for intimacy.
    Don’t use Hel… for not Heaven. ect…

  • I have a little bit more time, so I thought I’d reply a little more in depth! Obviously, since we’re almost all teens here, we’re too young to be married now, so I’m speaking for a few years in the future, say, when we’re twenty.
    As an example of what I’m saying, if I’m offered a ministry opportunity overseas when I’m twenty years old, it would be strange for me to respond with, “Well, you should go talk to my dad.” Why? Because by that time, I should have the maturity to be able to seek God’s face myself, maybe with advice from parents and elders, but not depending on them solely. In the end, it’s my decision, not theirs.
    Let me write what I’m struggling with here. I’m a young guy who wants to go overseas into missions when I get older. I’m a little iffy about a young lady instantly redirecting me elsewhere to see if I’m marriage material for her. I’m fine with meeting her dad, and even her dad evaluating my marriage-worthiness. But what it appears to me at a cursory glance is that the girl is not confident enough in her ability to hear God’s voice and detect His leading to make this decision on her own. Instead, she sends me to her father who will make the decision for her with maybe some input from her.
    Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for asking advice from parents! If a guy asks to get to know you better, please talk to your parents. Introduce the guy to them. Ask their opinion. But, what seems off to me is relying on your dad to tell you who is a good guy and who is not.
    While I have an immense amount of respect for my own dad, it would be dangerous in the extreme for me to simply trust him to reveal God’s will and leading for/to me. That’s why God gave the Bible and the Holy Spirit to us on a personal level, not on a family level. This way, while advice is great and necessary, my decision is not ultimately dependent on my dad, pastor, or emotions.
    To me, a girl who depends on her dad to reveal God’s will to her is kind of a bad first sign. I don’t want my wife to have to do that after we’re married! I’ll be happy to give her advice, but I want her to have a PERSONAL relationship with Christ, not one through me or her dad, or anyone else. I want her to hear God’s voice to her, by herself.
    So, the pivotal question to me is: is your dad’s opinion/command the final authority on the matter? Do you see your dad as revealing God’s will for you? This is really what I’ve been trying to ask all along, just haven’t been good with words!

  • Take a photo and turn it upside down and draw it.
    Keep doing that if your perspective gets off.

    It helped me big time.

    I sill do upside down drawing to help out my perspective, very useful.

  • Again, I’m not in any way disagreeing with asking parent’s advice! Absolutely not! However, at the end of the day, just like in any other matter whether it be life calling, theological belief, or anything else, I believe I am responsible to God for my decisions, decisions I should make based on my personal relationship with Christ and from what He reveals to me through His Word and Holy Spirit. So, is this discussion with your dad for advice or for his statement which you will follow, no matter what you feel God telling you personally?

  • Like putting a period right after the word God or a question mark.

    I’m not sure if I am totally accurate.

    Speaking from limited experience. 😉

  • Mkay I will. Probably won’t try till tomorrow though. Guess what guys? We have a chicken on our counter! 😀
    P.S It’s ALIVE!

  • I was trying to answer you, but the comment hasn’t loaded, and may not load, just so you know.

  • wow the post were flying right and left for awhile. I got to go, thanks for chatting. I am hungry and sleepy. 🙂

  • alright I already told you my input (i’m back i know haha but leaving after this) I do not feel this is a matter of God’s will being revealed through a guy asking a girl’s dad to date his daughter. It is not marriage (not yet anyway) and it’s not like the girl is making her dad marry her or not. This is a first time thing and its out of courtesy that the guy should ask — not lack of faith from the girl. It is also respect from the girl to her parents by letting them know that she values their opinion. This is not her lack of trusting God by any means.

  • Okay. Nice talk with you too! Get some sleep, Josiah. 🙂
    I’m hungry too! Time to raid the fridge! Bye.

  • Okay, thanks for the input. I’m probably going to drop the conversation now, since I think we’ve all stated our opinions. Thanks for talking to me this evening, and it’s helped give me a better idea of where some of the ideas are coming from! Thanks!

  • I think its a little different depending where you are and how old, mind you. And yes we have haha its been a pleasure discussing this and i’m glad it helped!

  • Gabrielle was responding to a comment of mine, but now I can’t read all the little jewels of wisdom I know were there! Ack! Please show up, please show up, please show up!

  • Thank you very much @skymac11:disqus , @disqus_rxHwcqpiM4:disqus , @mimeforjesus:disqus , @disqus_v7zgvL3EXD:disqus , @ruthie_c:disqus , @run_your_race:disqus , and anyone else I missed for the interesting discussion tonight! Y’all helped me learn some stuff and be much more understanding of some ideas that I haven’t understood well before! Thanks for the patience with all my questions!

  • I think it depends on what your friend is actually doing. Me and my group of girl friends and guy friends will always tease and laugh with each other. Some people may see that as flirting, but when you’re really comfortable with someone, you feel okay with teasing them. If he’s teasing you, he may just see you in a brotherly love kind of way, and that makes him comfortable to joke and “flirt” with you. Of course, if he’s being a bit touchy, that is something to talk to him about. But unless he said he’s purposely trying to flirt with you, my guess is that he’s just being his friendly self.

  • It is possible. The closer they are to the Lord/the stronger their walk with the Lord is/the more tuned in to God they are/the more honest with God they are, the faster. If they have a mediocre to weak walk with the Lord like I did at the age of 16, then it’ll take longer or not happen at all (because it depends on if they’re listening to what the Holy Spirit is trying to tell them or not). Actually, my mom confronted me about it and we talked and prayed together and God used that to bring me under deep conviction that what I had done was wrong and that I should totally surrender that area of my life to Him and leave it in His hands.

  • Sometimes you just need to meet up with that person and say it again as it is. When my ex and I broke up, it took me a bit to get it, and I know a couple of friends that have in the past few months had to make themselves clear and restate that they were not interested. Sometimes guys see it as a challenge to try harder, so he might need to be told a couple of times.
    If he really won’t leave you alone, talk to your dad or another older male figure you trust. My sister had this happen before, and the guy wouldn’t get the point, so my dad ended up going to talk to him and he got the point.
    (Ironically she’s now married to him, but that’s beside the point) 🙂

  • I’m curious…and jumping in here. 🙂 How in the world does a girl “show interest” in some guy without flirting or being too much of a leader? Or do you mean just being friends?

    haha… @Kittenese:disqus I’m with you there – I ALWAYS avoided at all costs guys I was interested in when I was younger. And I was one of those girls that took longer to grow out of it, too. 🙂 Introvert problems, probably, at least in my situation. Glad to know I’m not the only one, anyways! 🙂

  • Just be friends. Talk to us, don’t be bossy, but feel free to give advice.
    If you are looking for something more than friendship, we will most likely sense it.

  • This happened to me yesterday too. My comment showed up within 30 or 60 minutes, I think.

  • Umm… If it were me you could just say your interested… hmm… that might be too blunt for some people…

    Try inviting him over to your house more often for lunch and stuff. NEVER invite him over alone, just you and him.

    Spending more time with him, and being a better friend may be the best form of hinting.

    If he is too dense, just tell him you are kinda interested in him.

    Ok, I am really not sure…

    Help anyone?

  • That’s a really good question! I’m interested to see what people will say.
    I was always like that too! I think I was around age 12 when I just *started* to accept that boys were okay to talk to. 😉 And I’m an extrovert!

  • Ask him if he is interested in you. If he says, “No.”

    Then you act kind of disappointed.

    Invite him over for food, in a group setting.

    NEVER alone with him!

    Other guys? More input?

  • I’m having the same problem, only the other way around. There’s this girl I’ve been friends with for some time, and she broke up with her boyfriend a little over a week ago. And now, she’s chatting with me all the time, and generally spending a whole lot of time with me.
    It’s really a very tricky situation, especially now that I really don’t want to disrespect her ex-boyfriend, but I don’t feel like shutting her out either. I’m worried about our friendship getting hurt if things go on like this.
    Anyone got any advice for a stranger? (;

  • I am an extrovert when texting, but kind of an introvert in person.

    Melancholy is the perfect description of my personality. If I feel comfortable around you I might sort of blab on and on.

  • Just keep talking to her and being her friend, nothing wrong with that.
    As for the other guy, I wouldn’t worry about him too much.

    Pray about it.

  • Yeah, that sounds kinda blunt. 🙂 haha… But isn’t it better for a guy (rather than a girl) to initiate a deeper friendship anyways? Since the man is to be the leader in marriage, it’s easier to keep it that way from the beginning…

    Anyways. When you said that thing about girls who showed interest in you, were you meaning girls just being able to be platonic friends and not avoiding you, or were you talking “INTEREST” kind of interest?

    I do think that most people will be able to sense if a girl likes them or something, but I was curious as to how you were thinking that girls would express interest without being weird. Unless you were just meaning friendship. 🙂

  • I would agree that the girl is worth it, but still, I’ll admit the idea is scary to me since I’ve heard some pretty interesting stories about dads being very hard to work with. I’m not saying that I wouldn’t (hey, if it’s for a young lady I want to marry, I’ll fight your fire-breathing daddy with a super-soaker.) fight to marry the young lady, I’ve simply heard enough bad experiences about parental involvement going way over the top (a father making an adult guy write papers and do jobs at his house for seven years before finally telling the guy to leave when the guy finally said that he wanted to pick up the pace. Or one father I know who made his son-in-law agree that he and the young lady were going to get married before he was even allowed to court her.) Both those are people I know personally. Stories like that make me just a teensy bit nervous about some of the idea.

    However, y’all have convinced me that y’all are not doing it with the intention of finding God’s will through your dad. While I still think a lot of girls are, y’all have helped me understand where you’re coming from much better! Thanks!

  • My comments are freaking out right now.

    I would say it is better for the guy to do the initiating.

    Platonic friends is what I meant. I don’t like being avoided.

    I don’t really know how a girl could show interest in a guy, other than just being a good friend.

    I fumbling trying to think of something.

  • It was…kind of bad. I mean, I had a really good morning at church, but I made a poor decision and now I feel really bad about it. It’s just one of those things that you wish you could re-do, you know?

  • We do indeed (I hope). I made a mistake judging a taekwondo tournament that cost a guy the medal he should have received. Still feel pretty bad about it! I know it’s motivated me to be much more careful in the future.

  • Aw! 🙁 I made a mistake not stopping something when I should have. There were a lot of reasons why, but ultimately I just didn’t have the presence of mind to just say no. 🙁 Lesson learned!

  • It should be, unless my school books or cats start doing something they shouldn’t, lol. 😛 Same to you!
    That’s pretty cool that you were judging a taekwondo tournament, though. 🙂

  • The whole boyfriend girlfriend thing confuses me.

    I have friends that are boys and friends that are girls.

    I find the whole ex-boyfriend and ex-girlfriend thing too strange…

  • Well, I love taekwondo, I hate judging. It was much easier as a color belt, cause i could just come in, and do my stuff! Now, I have to help decide who won what, and I don’t enjoy that at all (for obvious reasons like Saturday!)

    Yeah, you never know when those rascally school books will get out of line!

  • I can understand that. More pressure, less fun?

    “Stop! Come back here! I didn’t finish reading you!” *chases school book around the house*

  • I’ll be happy the day my school books try to run away from me! (In fact, I may try hinting to my chemistry book that he might want to disappear soon.)

    Yeah. That about sums it up. Although pressure can have some fun too!

  • I’m glad it’s not just me! I think I grew out of it faster because I was already fighting my shyness, and in doing so pretty quickly realized….what I was doing didn’t make any sense! And then that weird transition of figuring out how to talk to them… XD

  • Lol, true. “Mom, I couldn’t finish school and I have the most amazing excuse ever…”

    That makes sense! I don’t deal with pressure (in most situations) well, though. I stress very easily. 😛

  • Ha, that’d be nice! But my book isn’t taking the hint, so I might just help him out a little. 😉

    Well, pressure can be good in a fighting situation, cause it’ll get your adrenalin going and get you more in a fighting mode rather than , “la, di, da, di, da, I’m skipping along”. Yes, I have seen fighters with that attitude before!

  • “It just ran out the door, straight into the swimming pool! Really!”

    That’s true. Occasionally I’ve managed to put the adrenaline rush to work for me, but usually I just start shaking (which doesn’t help anything).
    That being said, I do a lot of stuff that I think a lot of people would freak out about. I just push through the stress. 🙂

  • Ha! Yeah, something like that!

    Yeah, everybody’s different, and everyone handles stress differently. And different kinds of stress differently.

    See, certain kinds of stress I don’t mind. Stress before a test though, will unnerve me badly. We all handle it differently!

  • Good point! Ooh, test stress…not fun! 😛
    I actually have these homeopathic “candies” (idk what else to call them) that I’ve been trying that are supposed to relieve stress. I feel like they work, but it could just be a psychological effect. 😉

  • Seriously! I think my tendency to stress is why I really like that passage in Matthew–you know the one that talks about not worrying? 🙂

  • Lol, yeah. 🙂 It’s a pretty well-known passage.
    Well, I think I’d better go focus on my school work. It’s been great chatting with you! =)

  • This is so crazy… I’m dealing with a flirt right now! We met last month because of a mutual interest… Music!

    He always complements me on everything, all the while telling me “he’s not trying to flirt or anything.” I honestly don’t believe him. Every time we see each other he “wants” a hug… I was feeling sick one day and tried to tell him to keep his distance, but he wanted a hug anyway… this creeped me out! He’s nice, but a bit overwhelming. Because of our mutual interest, we had exchange numbers. He does more texting than calling, but some of his texting lingo, I feel, is “too familiar.”

    Well that’s my story and now I’ll tell you what I’m doing about it.

    1) Be Genuine: We haven’t known each other long so I’m going to tell him a bit more about me and my personality. Like the fact that I’m an introvert, not really a hugger unless I really know the person, and prefer he not use “familiar terms” when texting me. Sometimes in an effort to be more outgoing, I hide my true feelings (bad idea!). I have guy friends who know my true feelings and still like me for who I am.

    2) Be Honest: I will also explain that I am only interested in friendship. He has hinted at hanging out with me or treating me to lunch or coffee… just the two of us. I kinda brushed him off… hoping he wouldn’t bring it up again. But I need to be truthful. If he’s looking for “more than just friendship” then we might have to end this relationship. Trying to be “just friends” with a guy who has a crush on you can be awkward!

    3) Be Wise: I gave him a “side hug” once or twice because he it. I was trying not to be the “awkward one.” But I see now I should probably keep things at “a wave” or “fist bump” at this point. He’s very much an extrovert and something tells me that even a side hug might give him the wrong idea…

    Pray for me, guys! These situations can be sticky at times…

  • Yeah, it makes me as a guy (who knows several more stories like that) a little bit nervous about the whole system. I kinda want to poke at it a little with a stick first and make sure not everyone is that way! 🙂

  • Your comment actually seems to be one of the best.
    It is down to earth. I like it.

    And, of course, pray about it. 😀

  • I prayed for you just now.

    Keep praying, and look to God and His Word for direction.
    Parents are great for asking questions too. 🙂

  • haha…well you answered the question I had, and it does help to know that I should make more effort to avoid avoiding people, as I wouldn’t like being avoided either! 🙂 I didn’t mean to bombard you with confusing questions, though…

  • You’re right. Prayer plays a major role in friendships! Thank you all for yer prayers… 😉

  • Well I can’t imagine some of the struggles girls go though.

    Boy and girl relationship questions are always really hard for me to answer, as I have just about have nil experience with them.

    However, I can answer some of the moral questions involved.

    Good questions, but you have me fairly stumped on the girl letting the guy know she is interested in him. I am not even sure if there is an appropriate way to do that.

    I would love to see some of the other guys opinions on that.

  • I too have a friend who recently “broke up” with someone.

    We talk all the time and sometimes he pours out his troubles. We are both Christians so I just listen, encourage him, pray for or with him, and enjoy his company.

    Don’t read into things unless it’s obvious. Sometimes they’re just trying to get there minds off of their ex. It may not be comfortable at times, but be a godly friend in word and deed!

  • Quick question: are you friends with both this girl and the ex boyfriend? Just wondering…

  • Yup, same here. No experience whatsoever…but I’ve read that it was pretty inappropriate for the girl to express interest in the guy, except sometimes some guys do need subtle hints. I doubt it happens all that often, though!

    Maybe you could tag some other guys on here and ask their opinions?

  • Well it sounds like your the one with the answer.

    Discus is really bogged down for me right now, so I can’t seem to tag anyone, and my post are usually delayed. I wonder what’s up?

  • @disqus_ZVcjO0n21N:disqus, I know what you mean! I get the same way. As soon as I walk away, I start questioning everything I said or did and how it came across to the other person. I guess its the problems of an over thinker. 😉

  • @Kittenese:disqus, yeah, I am definitely more playful or teasing with those I know well, and a lot more cautious with random people. I also have the kind of personality type that other people enjoy teasing, so I get a lot of people teasing me and then I just end up throwing it right back at them. 😉 Thanks for responding!

  • I know how it can be trying to not be the “awkward one” up until this past year I refused to hug any girl (excluding relatives) at all. Now I hug girls that I am good friends with that I’m sure have no interest in me other than just as friends. It is important not to lead someone on that you know you don’t like in that way, as you could end up hurting them, BUT it is also important not to be rude. This is a fine line which everyone has their own idea on where it exists. I hope you are able to make right decisions in this matter and am sure with God’s help you’ll be just fine. Keep praying and doing what you know is right. 🙂

  • I know how it can be trying to not be the “awkward one” up until this past year I refused to hug any girl (excluding relatives) at all. Now I hug girls that I am good friends with that I’m sure have no interest in me other than just as friends. It is important not to lead someone on that you know you don’t like in that way, as you could end up hurting them, BUT it is also important not to be rude. This is a fine line which everyone has their own idea on where it exists. I hope you are able to make right decisions in this matter and am sure with God’s help you’ll be just fine. Keep praying and doing what you know is right. 🙂

  • I know how it can be trying to not be the “awkward one” up until this past year I refused to hug any girl (excluding relatives) at all. Now I hug girls that I am good friends with that I’m sure have no interest in me other than just as friends. It is important not to lead someone on that you know you don’t like in that way, as you could end up hurting them, BUT it is also important not to be rude. This is a fine line which everyone has their own idea on where it exists. I hope you are able to make right decisions in this matter and am sure with God’s help you’ll be just fine. Keep praying and doing what you know is right… 🙂

  • yeah. My dad is the most godly person I know, and definitely if I guy was interested in me I would have him talk to my dad. Plus, My dad’s a pastor and super nice person so I would be really thrilled to have him involved. And as a girl, if a guy took the initiative to talk to my dad before he talked to me that would make me feel really special. It’s great to know guys still do that!!

  • I’m afraid it’s not that simple.. Thing is I’m not sure if she thinks of me only as a friend at the moment.
    I have been praying about it. A lot.

  • I wouldn’t say I’m friends with her ex-boyfriend, but I do come into contact with him every now and then, and he doesn’t like me all that much nowadays..
    Thanks for your comments, that’s some good advice there.

  • I’ve moved a lot too – are you a TCK, military kid, missionary kid, or the like? My family just moves a lot… I’m none of the above!
    Thanks for your advice, Rachel!

  • Yeah, your fault 🙂
    I do it in the evenings instead. But I guess eventually I’ll end up doing it on the weekends too.

  • Lol, yeah, evening work quickly overflows into the weekends. And to think that not too long ago I only did four days of school a week!

  • Okay… so I’ll try to answer this. I think that a girl is under her dad’s authority until she gets married. I know it’s different from a lot of peoples’ ideas, but I think that’s part of God’s plan; somewhere in Levitical law there’s a passage about if a daughter makes a vow or an oath, her dad has the power to overthrow that vow or oath. That authority remains with the father until the daughter gets married; then the husband has authority over the daughter/wife. I know we’re not under Levitical law anymore, but it seems that it can give us an idea of what God wants, even if we’re not bound to it.
    So I would not go out with a guy unless my dad gave me the go-ahead, unless I was in a situation where it wasn’t really possible, such as if I was at a college hours away from home; then it wouldn’t really work for the guy to meet up with my dad.
    I’m still figuring out what I think myself, so I’m happy to discuss this some more if you want 😀

  • Aww, I’ll be praying. <3 Maybe you should allow him to treat you to lunch or coffee sometime, and have a nice long discussion about where he's trying to go with this.

  • God speaks through other believers, including (and especially) parents. But if my parents said no and I was absolutely sure that it was God’s Will that I pursue that relationship at that time, then I would tell my parents where I felt God leading, and follow Him.

  • Yeah, I’m serious too…
    You want to show us one of your more-detailed ones? Pleease?

  • This is really funny! Worth every single one of the 200 emails y’all filled my email with yesterday ;D

  • Oh, I thought you meant by “upside down drawing” that you’re drawing in the Southern Hemisphere, so then to us Northerners it would seem that you’re drawing while upside-down!

  • Awesome! I remember the days when my family had chickens… good times, good times.

  • Hmmm, okay, I see where you’re coming from.
    My dad (who is sitting next to me as I’m typing this, which is kinda weird… but anyway) is someone I greatly respect, and regardless of that, I believe he is one of the authorities referred to in Romans 13. So he is there for a reason, and I am to honor his authority, which, considering that he has authority over me, would extend to this area of my life, as well.
    If you came to me (weird thought, cause i don’t know you) and said “Laura, I’d be interested in getting to know you better,” I would probably thank you, and say that you’d have to talk to my dad (probably with some encouragement). Not because I don’t think I can interpret what God is saying to me — I have heard Him — but because I think that is my dad’s role.
    gtg, bedtime. I’ll answer more tomorrow! If you want to continue this…

  • It is still a bit different then what I really look like, but it is close enough.

  • Okay, while I disagree, I don’t think there’s a whole lot of point to continuing. Thanks for writing back though, I appreciate the input.

  • Ok, although I said before I’d let it drop, I guess I’ll step up (I do love a good discussion!). I’ve heard this idea before, but it always seemed to be on somewhat shaky Biblical ground, in my opinion. Not only is the argument based on a precept of the Levitical law (which we both agree we are not under anymore), but it reflects the very structured format of the OT relationship with God, where you heard from God through the judge, priest, high priest, prophet, etc. God didn’t usually speak directly to the individual. I would disagree that the rule you indicated “can give us an idea of what God wants”; I would say it tells us what God wanted at that particular time in history. I don’t see why would apply that verse today any more than we would verses about diet restrictions or circumcision.

    However, in the NT, God begins operating on a much more personal basis and much less structure dependent on revealing His will. Instead, throughout the Gospels, Jesus is abundantly clear in Lk. 9 and 14 that He and following Him must come before every human relationship (and I would claim that would include the parental relationships). Lk. 14:26 even indicates that our love and fervor for following Jesus should make our love and obedience to our parents and other relationships appear to be hatred. In my opinion, this seems to shut the door on the idea that the girl is somehow only supposed to follow Jesus’ voice in her life if her father agrees.

    In Gal. 3, Paul makes the case that we are all equal at the foot of the cross, “Jew or Greek, slave or free, male or female”. We are all covered by the same atonement and granted the same audience with God. I believe this also seems to indicate God’s revelation of His will to some (fathers/husbands/whoever) is no more meaningful than His will to others (daughters/wives/whoever).

    Our ultimate call is to follow Jesus. He never guaranteed that that would not contradict our parents. Unpleasantly, He actually claimed that His coming would divide parents and children. Matt. 10:34-39 reflect that our ultimate duty (as adults) is not to obey our parents, but instead to follow Jesus Christ.

    You mentioned earlier Rom. 13. Now, while this particular chapter does not mention fathers (I didn’t see it; if I’m just missing it, please could you tell me? :), I could understand seeing that there, although the classic interpretation of that passage is that of our governmental authorities. However, assuming that parents are an authority Paul had in mind while writing that passage, I think it would be Biblically consistent to assume he is addressing children, as he does in Eph. 6:1-2, rather than a universal rule to all people everywhere.

    Please don’t hesitate to point out any mistakes in my logic or thought processes. I know all too well that I am imperfect (ha, just ask my family or friends!), and I appreciate your talking with me! Thanks!

  • I know, it’s just weird 😛
    I have lots of good guy and girl friends. The whole ex thing can be awkward too, but if you date someone with the intentions of pursuing marriage and you realize that you both wouldn’t be suitable for each other, then you’re going to have to break up. The important thing is doing so in a gentle, God-honoring way and keeping a God testimony. My ex and I both work in the same mall (I got the job a bit after we broke up), but because my ex and I have decided to just be friends again and not avoid each other, we’ve been able to be a good testimony to our coworkers about what true love – God’s love – is. It’s not fuzzy feelings or all that mush – it’s about caring for others more than yourself 🙂

  • Oh, I was just mentioning everyone (in a comment) who had given me some helpful advice (or comedic relief) in a comment and it wouldn’t let me tag you.

  • Yeah you’re right! My dictionary defines it as, “Playful behavior intended to arouse sexual interest.” It seems, though, that different people can act in a way that might be classified as “flirty,” and one person is trying to flirt, while the other is just trying to be friendly. That’s why I think it’s important to communicate with people like that, and tell them how their actions are coming across. Some people really don’t know, and they would change if we just mustered up the courage to tell them.

  • Yeah, that makes good sense. Thanks! I was kinda thinking the same thing. A lot of the things mentioned on here as being flirty (joking, talking a lot, so on) can also just be being friendly. Thanks for clarifying!

  • It does help me understand where you’re coming from. I am a little curious (and don’t take this wrong, I don’t mean this antagonistically at all): is there Biblical backing for the idea that “her parents are held responsible before God, and her parents, especially her father, have to hear from God first” or “the guy and the father must seek God”? I certainly agree that all parties involved should be seeking God, but what’s the Biblical backing for the idea that her father is a girl’s spiritual covering? Please forgive my curiosity and possible ignorance! I’ve heard this belief a lot (I attend a church that believes this way, and I was raised with this mentality), but I have never seen a ton of Scripture behind it. Thanks!

  • A life of strict celibacy, to preserve your self for your future husband, starts with step One…

    1. No touching.
    2. Avoid all appearance of flirting. (I have 4 daughters, this one is really hard)

    Being friendly is not flirting. But there must be strict boundary’s that you set with all boys so that there is absolutely no confusion. Hugging is definitely a breach of your personal boundary’s. Now setting these boundary’s may actually make you more appealing to many young men. So be prepared for that. Also be prepared for some kids to have no clue what your boundary’s are all about. Remember, 90% of American youth have been raised by the TV and movie industry. And to see you set up these boundary’s will be completely foreign to them. They may call you names and make fun of you, because what you are doing has never crossed their minds, ever. But stay strong kids! It’s well worth it! You are, after all, a royal princess! And princesses are definitely set apart!

  • “…setting these boundaries may actually make you more appealing to many young men.” Definitely agree, and I’d certainly say it’s true visa versa. Any serious girl will tell you that a young man composing
    himself with his standards is much more noticeable than a wind-blown social butterfly. Note, I’m not saying that means not to be lively or friendly, but knowing where the lines are and choosing not to cross them as a personal choice. It signifies that there’s more happening inside.

  • Good, I don’t feel lonely about hugging girls that are just really good friends. I, like you, try to make sure they are like family before I do that.

  • I found this helpful too. I’m not an Adam Levine but I’m not exactly ugly either, so this issue has come up a few times. Thanks for all your thoughts!

  • That’d work for me. If the dad has to step in for the girl, that tells me that the girl isn’t capable of handling issues herself and is probably someone who I should stay away from. I would never marry someone like that! Plus it’d probably scare me too 🙂

  • Wait, my name’s not Whelp! 🙂

    On a more serious note, I see a lot of Biblical backing where Jesus tells us that He has come to divide parents and children and that we are to follow Him above our relationships and obedience to parents (Matt. 10, Lk. 9, 14).

    Children are commanded to obey their parents, but I don’t see a command in Scripture telling adults to. And the command in Ex. 20 to honor your parents is not the same as always obeying them.

    I don’t mean to come across as blunt (I often come across that away unintentionally), so please forgive me if I seem rude! I don’t intend to at all! Thanks for commenting!

  • AAAHHH! Jk, I’m a guy. Definitely. 100%. Entirely. Completely.

    After all that though, how about yourself? Again, I don’t know!

  • Tell me about it. There’s tons more girl Taylors than guy Taylors. Why couldn’t my parents have named me Thor? There’s no question there!

  • I probably sometimes come across as flirting, where that is not my intention.

    If it’s iffy, then I would just watch and see if he treats everyone the same? If he treats both guys and girls in that way, I would just take it as being friendly.

    But if he treats you differently and/or sends the message of wanting to be your boyfriend, then I would tell him separately, that he’s making you uncomfortable. Cause that’s not a good sign. Of course, if he looks embarrassed and apologies, I recomend you reassure him that you’re not mad at him.

    But if he starts flirting again as a response, I think you’ll have to say, “Look, this is the last time I’m going to tell you to back off. Next time I will go to (youth leader’s name)”.

    I hope this helps. 😀

  • Uh, yeah. It worked before..I was gonna go and edit it..but I was like, whatever. They all get it! 🙂

  • Watch it; you’re destabilizing my already precarious sanity (unless you’re right and it was just never there in the first place in which case that means I MUST BE–)
    …..
    Well, it’s certainly gone now. 😉

  • That’s a little more difficult, because it’s not really something you teach someone. But there are a lot of things that tell off, like his/her eyes, posture, the intonation of their voice, who they focus on when they’re saying something; these things can easily give away underlying meanings or trip red lights without you being able to pinpoint “exactly what it was”. Obviously body language is to be observed cautiously, people get easily offended over misreadings all the time. But it also can’t be ignored, it’s often what notifies a girl (or guy) that she’s being watched.

  • Yeah 😉 well, for future reference, are you typing in the tag manually? If so, you just type @ username : disqus (without spaces). The problem above is you didn’t use her username (you can find it on her profile page). In her case, it’s disqus_BVvgpvrfkF. So that would be at @ disqus_BVvgpvrfkF : disqus (without the spaces), which becomes @disqus_BVvgpvrfkF:disqus
    But, yeah, like you said; everyone got it. 🙂 I hope I made some sense!!

  • My best advice to you (since I don’t know the full situation or the guardrails you have set up for yourself & it is different for every family)….would be to ask your parents what to do.

    Seek their advice…especially because it sounds like you have already tried to get the message across to this guy and he is still being persistent.

    That’s what I would do. 🙂

  • I just clicked the her name when it came up. It might have been bcuz I put a ‘!’ after it..?
    Lemme test this.. @Skylar

    Huh, well I dunno..*shrugs*

  • Oh, ok…the automatic tagging thing doesn’t even work on my tablet, so idk… Maybe it’s a glitch on Disqus’ part? *shrugs too* 🙂

  • Hey there! I finally figured out what I’m trying to say here 🙂
    No, my dad’s opinion/command is not the final authority on the mater, but it’s like he’s my Commanding Officer, while God is the five-star General over him. If my CO gives me an order, I’d better be following that order, but if the General gives me a contradicting order I’m going to do what he says.
    That was the illustration that came to mind — I have a lot of military kids for friends. Am I making sense?

    And yes, I think God will use my dad to reveal His will, but my dad isn’t the only way.
    If you want to talk about this more, feel free — this is helping me figure out what I believe and why, too — I’m wondering about some things that I just grew up with and never asked about 🙂

  • So… this was not my DQ, but still — if I go through these steps but this guy is still being weird/flirty, what do I do in a work situation without a youth leader/anyone else I can think of to go to? Or should I just learn to deal with it, and I’m looking for a solution that isn’t there?
    Anybody feel free to answer! 😀

  • 4 daughters! How many sons? There are five girls in my family, so I’m curious 🙂
    Hugging… How’d that ever get started?! Sooo weird…
    Thank you for your input, Sgt. Barrett!

  • Hi guys… thanks to all who are praying for me in this situation! I really appreciate it!

    A QUICK UPDATE: I see this guy every week at choir rehearsals and have made some progress in sharing my feelings on “his texting lingo” and overall behavior when he’s around me. Like I shared above, I haven’t known him long so I also asked him about his personality and his intentions.

    I am pleased to say that he told me that he respects my feelings, wants to be friends, and will try not to offend me in the future. I sincerely hope he’s sincere! I will be keeping an eye out for anymore “special attention” but, for now, we will continue being friends.

  • I would ask why you want to indicate that you’re interested. Yes, it feels good to have a little mini-relationship, but is it really helpful for either of you? I don’t want to sound harsh or anything, but I haven’t yet found a good reason to start a relationship before I’d be ready to get married. Just a thought…
    I’m assuming you’re not old enough that this relationship would be likely to end in marriage.

  • Me too! I’m really extroverted, but I didn’t realize that I could talk to guys until I was 14 or 15, and even then only when I had to.

  • I tried to say something with that contraction, and it was flagged… my first thought was, “Did I really mistype that?!”

  • I would just deal with it, but if it gets to extreme, first talk to your parents. then take the person aside and ask him to stop, if it continues, then take it to your employer. hoped that helped!

  • I’ve never broken up with someone, but whenever I lose a relationship with a sibling (when they go to college or get married), at least, I tend to draw closer to other people who remind me of the sibling. So when my next-older brother (who’s called Joe, by the way — awesome name you have!) went to college, I spent a lot more time with my younger brother and this one friend who really reminds me of Joe.
    So it could be that she thinks you’re like her ex, or she could be interested in you. I’ve never been through a breakup, so I have no idea what’s going through her mind.
    Sorry, not much help, am I?
    I’ll be praying for you!

  • yeah, lot of homework and a busy life 🙁 I come here as often as I can though 🙂 how have you been doing?

  • Oh, I see… at first I thought maybe your relationship with her was affecting your relationship with him. That could definitely be awkward! I’m glad that’s not yer situation. A little discomfort can be expected though with her ex. You don’t have to bend over backwards… just be civil… 😉

  • I can just imagine it: You show up at her dad’s house armed with a super-soaker and say with at totally innocent expression, “Oh, are you Sally’s fire-breathing dad?” (Hope you don’t know any Sally’s…)
    Whoa, those dads were really extreme. They’re like Laban or something! wow…

    Great!

  • I told Christopher 164 that I’d go back to MimeforJesus for one day — he was saying how he missed my old name 🙂 And who knows, maybe I’ll be MFJ for a couple days extra!

  • Pretty good 🙂 I’ve got a lot of schoolwork and a pretty busy life, too.

  • I know right?! If I’m friends with a girl wouldn’t she be a girl-friend (or a friend that’s a girl?)

  • I’ve been in a very similar situation, with no adults around to ask for advice. As long as you aren’t giving him ANY encouragement (be firm, but polite), that’s all you can do. Unless you feel like he’s going too far, then you need to ask for help.

  • Yes! I wish the English language didn’t have those words, it’s too confusing.

  • Or is it a friendgirl? Does anyone know what that word means? Someone was telling me about their friendgirl, and I’m not sure if he was saying she’s a friend who happens to be girl, or she’s his unofficial girlfriend, or what?

  • Uh, what does ‘DQ’ mean? I seriously don’t think in this context it means ‘Dairy Queen’ 😛

  • “DQ” is @trent_blake:disqus’s acronym for “Discussion Question”. I know, it confused me at first, too 🙂

  • I wouldn’t. I actually don’t think it’s a very good idea in most situations. 🙂 I was just wondering if @disqus_v7zgvL3EXD:disqus had something in mind already, but it turns out he was talking about how he appreciates when girls talk to him rather than avoiding him, not when they try to show interest. Does that make sense?

    I am totally with you, though! No reason to start relationships until both participants are ready for potential marriage. 🙂 Thanks for your thoughts!!

  • Good, sorry it took me so long to respond, my computer crashed 🙁 My sister had a eye appt, so spent about 2 hours sitting in a doctor’s office, in uncomfortable chairs. *shrugs* at least I got 2 hours of reading in! 🙂

  • Wanna explain? I’m one of those homeschoolers who gets to go outside the house once a week and doesn’t have any friends. Okay, not really, but I don’t know this one 😉

  • So how do I talk to guys without being misunderstood? That’s really why I don’t talk to guys much — I don’t find it worth the risk.

  • No need to facepalm, when i saw it I thought they’d gotten really off-topic and were talking about Blizzards 🙂

  • Yeah, me too. Although, I do end up finding at least one interesting thing in at least one chapter 🙂

  • Explain what friendgirl means.
    I thought you go to school… which immediately makes you someone who’s more in touch with culture, I thought. One of those misconceptions, I guess!

  • How is there not a Blimey Cow video for “why I hate eye appointments”?? I mean, they’ve already covered dentist and doctor appointments…

  • If you’ve been friends for a long time… then test that friendship! Test your relationship with honesty. Ask her what she’s thinking and how she’s feeling… about her ex… about you… Let her know that you feel uncomfortable. Be genuine, be truthful about yer feelings. Friendship is a two-way street. I’m praying for you! 😉

  • Yep, they have to make one 🙂 I can’t think of antibiotics without hearing in Big Head Kid’s voice… then “…just to say that I tried!”

  • I want contacts, but I have eye allergies pretty bad, and my mom pointed out that, I wouldn’t even be able to wear them 🙁

  • Interesting, I never had to read that. But Great Gatsby :((((( I didn’t know any one could be that dumb

  • Nope, but because I read so much when I was little my mom was sure I would have to!

  • I haven’t read that yet, but I think I will in an upcoming school year.
    Seriously, who decided that so many of these “classics” should be classic??

  • yeah, well it makes more sense because instead of saying girlfriend, which makes people think you’re dating, you could just say friend girl, which makes things less complicated…sorta 😛

  • You guys are lucky! I used to want to wear glasses, bcuz I thought they were cool, my parents and older sister wore them.. 🙁 Nope, not cool. But ya know I can see so.. *shrugs*

  • I’m about the only one in my family who’s never needed them. Ironically, I’m also the only family member who’s ever *wanted* glasses. Lol 😛

  • yeah, sorry 🙁 but at least you can fall asleep in glasses. with contacts, they might disappear some where in the back of your eye :(((

  • Oh! Thanks for making me realize that! Lol, lost track of time there. Goodnight everbody!

  • I like!! 😀 Rather than saying ‘girlfriend or boyfriend’ and then saying: “A girl/boy that’s a friend’ 🙂

  • 🙁 I could, but it still hurts (if your head goes to the side) and you could end up breaking them..

  • 🙂 My whole family (immediate) wears glasses, except for my brother, he has glasses, but can see good enough he doesn’t need to wear them all the time

  • I, having never flirted/received flirting, am not too acquainted in this area. But I’ll do my best!

    If they are what some people on this thread have called “100% unintentional flirters”, then it’s important to inform them of that immediately, as it could keep getting worse.

    Even if they do mean to flirt, it very important to ask them to stop. If they flirt in small ways at first, and you don’t do anything about it, they’ll keep getting closer and closer to the line that you set. Until BOOM!!! they’re way over the line. It’s too late then. SO it’s best to tell the to stop early on.

    Hope I helped!

    -Carson Sheppard

  • oops, my bad I thought the Hschooler stood for Highschooler. so no I am unfortunately not homeschooled 🙁

  • Ya know what? It could! 😛 “Unfortunately”? Do you wanna be homeschooled? And in about 3 months I can say “#Highschooler 😛

  • Heh, I want glasses. And… I don’t have them. yeah, I’d say that’s a pretty good trade: you wear glasses, you can see.

  • Yeah, one hour it is 🙂 Where do you live?
    Okay, now i’m really leaving 🙂 I just jumped back on here because I didn’t really want to go to bed, but now I really should go.
    I’ll answer all of your oh-so-interesting comments tomorrow! Or the day after… tomorrow’s going to be busy 🙂

  • Yeah, except when you try to unload the dishwasher after it just gets done or when cooking, and then your glasses fog up and you can’t see! 😀

  • I live on the Planet Earth..ever heard of it?

    Jk 😛 Missouri, middle of the USA. Don’t know what else to call it..

  • Wait, Mime for Jesus is back! There’s been somebody going around imitating you named God’s Thespian. You might wanna take care of that!

  • That’s fine! I was having dinner anyway. 🙂 2 hours of reading is always good! I used to hate eye appointments, but we have an awesome doctor now, so I actually enjoy the chance to chat with her. 😉
    And yes, I wear glasses…it just occurred to me that y’all don’t know that since I’m wearing sunglasses in my pic! What a weird thought… *shrugs*

  • Nope, I don’t know any Sally’s! Ha, I think that’d be a really quick way for him to tell me no.

    “No, I’m not letting you date Taylor. He’s insane; he just sprayed me with a water-gun! I’m not letting you go out with a crazy man!”

  • Um, are Mime for Jesus and God’s Thespian, one and the same..? Or different people..?
    ~KindaConfused 🙂

  • Lol 🙂 same person. GodsThespian’s name used to be Mimeforjesus. When she switched usernames, chaos ensued. Switching usernames is now (in my part of the world, anyway!) referred to as a Mimeforjesus. Then someone else (Christopher!!) changed his username to Mimeforjesus and went around pretending to be her, and it was terribly confusing. And now, GodsThespian has switched back to Mimeforjesus just to make us all feel nostalgic (or, should I say, for reasons unknown, since I can’t read minds!).
    And yes, that was a very complicated story to a simple question. But it’s legendary around here, haha. 😉

  • I too dislike the terms ex girlfriend and ex boyfriend when referring to someone you were in a relationship with (in the past). If after the “brake up” you are still friends with that person then they should be called a friend and if the “brake up” causes your friendship to end then they should be called an acquaintance.

  • Although most of the comments are “off topic” …ya know …like the Chinese telephone game. Everything from reading “Frankenstein” to an appointment with the Eye Doctor… I guess the youth of this world really do have short attention spans! All hope is lost… Lol

  • Yeah! 821 now! It’s either REALLY popular or people just like talking to each other about random things using this subject as cover. I suspect it is the latter.

  • Thanks. I have been and now, believe it or not the situation IS getting better.

  • Thanks @trent_blake:disqus Actually I have been implementing different things such as this advice that has been mentioned and I the situation is improving so thanks!

  • Thanks @sgtbarrett:disqus
    I actually have been trying to set some of these boundaries for myself! So what you are saying has kinda been confirmation of what I’ve already been doing. You may be interested to know that since this DQ (discussion question) was posted I have been implementing various pieces of advice that I’ve found and it seems to be working so thanks again!

  • Thanks! I’ve been setting these sorts of boundaries and I think in that comment you sorta just said most of what I have been trying to do. It may interest you to know that since the posting of this discussion question I have been implementing various pieces of advice that I find here and it seems to be working! So thanks for your comment!

  • Stopping it before their flirting gets too far is a great idea! Then you don’t have to worry about them (and yourself) going on an emotional roller coaster.

  • So I thought all of you might appreciate an update on my present situation with said flirtatious guy. I tried the ideas that were mentioned in comments and I think God has truly been working in and through your prayers! The FG (to abbreviate flirtatious guy) started flirting and I tried the different ideas that were mentioned and he DID back off. I tried being polite but not seeking him out and he started to get the message. So thanks to all who have been praying! I love ya’ll and pray for you guys!
    BTW: please keep praying as I am now finding myself fighting different battles!
    Thanks again!

  • Alright, i’m finally jumping in to this DQ 🙂 Better late than never, right?

    I think it’s very important to be completely honest. Giving a flirt “silent treatment” might be effective, but it can hurt feelings. So try to talk to them about it. This may or may not help at all, but you never know 🙂

    Be gentle. I was recently reminded of the many passages in scripture that talk about speaking with grace. They don’t say, speak with grace until the other person is being unreasonable. It says let your speech be ALWAYS with grace.

    Be blunt! Flirting is really not okay with me. Don’t be afraid to let people know that it’s not something you appreciate.

    So there’s my few thoughts on the subject. Hope this helps!

  • I think that we held it together pretty well this DQ…for the most part. Lol 😉
    Is the Chinese telephone game that thing where you whisper something in someone’s ear and then it goes around in a circle and…you get the idea. Is that what it is? XD

  • No kidding! I said that I liked it, not that I’d be any good at actually doing it. XD I’d probably end up (way) more gentle than blunt.

  • If you already told him that all you want to do is be friends with him, he should respect that. But if he doesn’t respect your wishes to be treated as just a friend, you shouldnt be friends with him at all. As a friend, he should respect you as a sister in Christ.
    I’ve never had this happen to me before, so I can’t give you a ton of advice.

  • So everyone, I thought you might want an update one the ‘situation’ I’ve been facing.
    Well, I tried some of the advice mentioned and I think God has truly been working through your prayers for me and this issue! My friend really seemed to get the hint and so things are going better, please keep this issue in prayer though! I just want to say thanks for all the advice I’ve gotten and I wouldn’t say no to more! I love you guys and will continue to pray for all of you! Thanks again!! 🙂

  • Thank you @Kittenese:disqus you’re awesome! I’ve loved reading through your comments!

  • I’m not sure how much I actually contributed to the discussion, but thanks! You’re awesome too!! Really, it’s great how involved you’ve been, and that’s no small feat–800+ comments is a lot to keep up with!

  • You’re very welcome! 🙂 I’m just glad to have contributed something useful to the cause!

  • yeah, seems like you can pick the subjects you want, and then just do chores and then have the rest of the day!

  • haha it happens to the best of us! Except me, cuz I sure ain’t the best at nothin’! (plz excuse my intentional incorrect grammar)

  • I appreciate your input very much all the same (;
    Thanks for thinking with me here, and thanks so much for your prayers!

  • It’s sort of the general feeling of conversations we have. I’m not giving direct quotes, but I can assure you she’s being very affectionate.

  • I guess it could be that way, but we have like math,english,history…yaddayadda..
    We do (usually) get done before most schools do though 🙂

  • Well, it is, but seeing as we weren’t friends to begin with it’s not much of a problem.. But yes, it is mildly uncomfortable..
    I’m trying very hard to be as polite as possible. It’s tricky though, with him being mad at me for nothing I could have prevented, and him being.. not so civil to my friend..

  • 😛 I was thinking about saying ‘Yup’ but I was like, nah someone else will! Btw how do you the italics?

  • Yeah, I have a friend that is Hschooled, it sounds great because you get to skip subjects you don’t like or understand, an stick to the subjects that you like.

  • Thanks for all the solid advice you’ve been giving me. It’s much appreciated, as are your prayers. (:
    I am trying to be as open to her as possible, and I’ve decided to stop worrying about it all as much and just roll with it.
    Can’t do much for her ex at this point, but I can be there for her, so I’ll just have to do that.
    Thank you again. I should really start commenting on the rebelution more often (;

  • Yeah, kinda. I mean we still learn! Just clarifying, don’t want you to get the wrong idea about hschoolers! Some people think that being homeschooled means you stay home and do nothing..INCORRECT! 😀 Today, I haven’t done any ‘school’ I went and had new lenses put in my glasses (walked around an outdoor mall place for an hour without them, extremally hard :P) and had a piano lesson. Still ‘school’ but not..sit down and do 100 math problems, school.

    I hope you understood most of that.. :/

  • Yup! XD To do italics, you put the words you want italicized in here but just get rid of all the spaces. So that would look like “in here“. You can also make words bold by replacing the i with a b. And strikethrough by replacing i with the word strike…but I haven’t actually tried that before, so let’s see if it works!
    By the way…are you a guy or a girl? 🙂

  • Hmm…I don’t think you can skip something just because you don’t like it. XD I wish! I would be skipping all this stuff about radians right now… 😛

  • Thanks! Wait I mean.. Thanks! 😛
    I know, universal name. I’m a girl. Clarifying that to all peoples. Skylar is my real name though.

  • Ikr!! 😛 Haha the state you live in will have requirements for the general subject classes you have to pass before you can graduate. (In Indiana, for high school I have to complete at LEAST 4 years of English, 3 years of social studies, 3 years of science, 3 years of math, and a few electives. I looked it up.) And then you have to take these looong standardized tests every year. And mine are extra boring because I’m a grade ahead of my age, but the standardized tests are for the grade I’m “supposed” to be in. So basically it’s review from 2 years ago. 😛
    But yeah, other than that homeschooling is really awesome! 😉

  • You use homeopathy? Cool!
    And no, that’s not psychological effect… in double-blind studies, homeopathy has been shown to work 🙂

  • Okay. It’s really different from your profile, which I thought was you until a couple of days ago 🙂

  • I was asking if you could put up a more-detailed drawing, then you put one up in another comment, so I was telling you that you could ignore an earlier comment… I have a feeling that this is getting more confusing as I try to explain it, so I’ll stop 🙂

  • You’re welcome! I enjoyed the conversation, too 🙂
    If I ever came across defensive or anything, I apologize… tact and diplomacy aren’t among my strong suits, although I try to practice them anyway.

  • Okay 🙂 Do you want me to answer your other comment? Or do you want to drop the subject?

  • Okay 🙂 Great!
    Do you want to continue this? I think I might have just found where we’re misunderstanding each other. I was taking what you said a little too strongly, I think, and I wasn’t being clear what I mean…

  • Sure, I’ll be glad to hear what you have to say! It’s enjoyable to speak with someone who can respectfully defend their position! I’ll be happy to hear where we’re misunderstanding each other!

  • So this is the comment where I finally saw the light! (I know, sometimes I’m thick-headed…)
    I firmly believe that God speaks to me personally, and He doesn’t have to go through anyone. Here I think that we agree.
    And yes, you’re right, Romans 13 was misapplied; I was restating somebody else’s argument and didn’t think it through. 🙁
    In the end, while I think it’s a good way to honor my dad, and that’s how I will be approaching relationships because I think it’s a good idea for me (emotions-led as I can be, sometimes I need a level-headed person to help me think it through), and it’s the way my family intends to approach relationships, it is not the only way sanctioned by God. I see how I came across like that, but I didn’t mean it.
    Anything you see that I missed?

  • Okay, that clears it up! Nope, nothing you missed! I don’t disagree with the idea totally, only when it’s applied as “all good Christian young guys will do this” or “all pure Christian girls will do this” (no, you didn’t sound that way, but it is kind of a pet peeve of mine!). Thanks for clearing that up!

  • You’re very welcome! Yeah, I wouldn’t write off a guy if he asked me out before he talked to my dad.
    That’s a pet peeve of mine, also!

  • Ha, ha, yeah, it comes after years of sitting in a staunchly courtship only church and you happen to possess a very critical thinking mind. You (I) tend to harp on the small stuff. You definitely helped clear up some distinctions in my mind!

  • Yeah… critical minds are something most of my family has been blessed (or cursed) with. It’s interesting trying to find a new church when we move, I’ll tell you!

  • Really! You’re moving, or your going to a college away from home? ttyl, bedtime!

  • Maybe college in a year or so, but I’ll probably be moving to a different church soon anyway. (Shh, don’t tell anyone! 🙂

    Well, I’ll talk to you later! Good night!

  • Oh no, I totally believe (know, actually) that homeopathy works! It’s saved me from many a cold. 😉 I do get the feeling, though, that a lot of brands just stick the word “homeopathic” on their products to make it sound better. I don’t know if that’s the case with the stress thing. I think my point was that even if it didn’t work, the placebo effect (that’s what it’s called, right?) would still be enough. 🙂

  • Ah, ok…I remember now that you said you used Khan Academy. 🙂 I think that would frustrate me, being on the computer but having to do school stuff. 😛 lol

  • Yes! I’m sure my mom knows the specifics for Mississippi, I have no clue. XD I don’t have to take the standardized tests, though, so I guess I’m lucky there!
    And yes, since I forgot to mention it…home schooling is amazing!!

  • Uh, okay so how did anyone figure this out in the first place?? Randomly putting arrows and b’s and i’s??? 🙂

  • You know what I don’t like about dictionaries? I hate it when they use big, complicated words to define big, complicated words! Then you have to look up the words in the definition!

  • I’m not sure there is any fine line of difference, more the motivation of the heart. For example, one of my best friends is a girl, who has been somewhat depressed lately. I have been joking and talking with her a good bit, partly to try to brighten her up, partly just because she’s a good friend! That said, it would be very easy for someone who doesn’t know the two of us to claim we were flirting or so on. That’s why I asked the question above, and I’m still not certain. I think Seth’s answer was right in that if you feel someone is flirting with you, you should talk to him because he may not have any such intentions.

    To bluntly answer your question, I have no idea. I know some really friendly girls with other guys, and I know some really friendly guys with other girls. I’m not sure where we can draw the line between flirtiness and friendliness. Wish I could be more help!

  • Indeed… it can be hard… but I think this is a great way for you to show GOD’s undeserved love to others. Practice the golden rule… even when others aren’t. Proverbs 25:21-22 says “If thine enemy be hungry, give him bread to eat; and if he be thirsty, give him water to drink: For thou shalt heap coals of fire upon his head, and the Lord shall reward thee.”

  • You get into a circular definition, where one word defines the other, and vice-versa. confusing!

  • Ngh, why is love so confusing?!?! I’ve tried not falling in love, but that’s nearly impossible. I was all like, “Hm, I don’t need love! I don’t want to fall in love!” But then… SHE walked in… then BOOM! Mission failure.

  • Yes… basically a story is told in a group (person to person) and by the time everyone hears it, the story is usually off point… Sometimes it has changed completely! I have a large family… so we would play Chinese Telephone and Charades all the time at parties. 🙂

  • Probably. A part of me wishes God had made it easier, like maybe a bar-code on the back of her hand. Your one day wife has the number 20 236 9800 34 275. It’d be a lot easier to work with!

  • hahahaha!!! That would be awesome!!! Unless you got the number of your future wife and it was 66 666 6666 66 666

  • Lol, me neither, though I can fake one pretty well (I think). That’s probably because my extended family on my dad’s side have really Southern accents.

  • It would take some of the fun out of it though. As confusing as it is, I think God made us to enjoy the pursuit along with the fruition.

  • Ack, that would be a bad sign. I might want a long engagement with that girl, just to make sure God got that one right. “Are ya sure? Can you read it back to me one more time; I’m afraid the connection’s bad!”

  • lol my dad gets his country accent on when we go down south to his home town. I can do a pretty good Elvis impersonation, if I do say so mahself… XD

  • Cool! 🙂 I actually get to play a “Southern belle” type of character in an upcoming play at our church, so I’ve been practicing my accent. My problem is, if I don’t concentrate, I’ll accidentally slip into a British accent! Lol 😛

  • uh… I believe Karey Jobe(if that’s how you spell it) wrote it. I goes, “I am not alone, I am not alone, you will go before, me you will never leave me” Gtg now… See ya!

  • Yeah… me too! Thinking back… I must have been really bored! We made up a lot of games back then. Our imaginations were on overdrive!

  • Yes! The other day I was just remembering some of the games my friends I used to play. There were some weird ones! 🙂 But good memories!

  • Have you ever played the alphabet game on road trips… find the letters of the alphabet in order on road/highway signs and on passing vehicles?

  • Sometimes! We usually played the Walmart (or picnic or whatever) game though. “I’m going to Walmart and I’m going to buy apples, beignets, cat food, etc.”. I still play that one sometimes. 🙂 Have you?

  • I have only brothers and they love cars. So we also played a game where we each picked a type of car (ie. Toyota, Ford, Dodge) and the first person to see… say… 30 of whatever was their type of car wins!

  • Okay, Walmart version: the first person says, “I’m going to Walmart and I’m buying to buy (something that starts with A)”. The second person says, “I’m going to Walmart and I’m going to buy (what the first person said) and (something that starts with B)”. And you keep taking turns (with 2 or more people) until you reach Z. It’s basically an alphabet/memory game, and it’s quite a lot of fun! Especially when you put your creative skills to work in deciding what to buy. (X is really hard!).
    Does that make sense? 🙂

  • Haha, cool! I played that game for a while some time ago with my family, but it was only because I was trying to teach myself how to recognize car logos. It worked! 😉

  • That actually happened to me! I looked up the word abstruse and the definition was one word: recondite. So I looked up recondite and…the definition was one word: abstruse.

  • Yeah… that’s neat! Sounds fun! I remember a cities and states game like that… Albany, New York; Boise, Idaho; Charleston, West Virginia; Denver, Colorado… The first person to hesitate was out.

  • Yeah but, thanks to Wilbur and Orville Wright, we have these things called airplanes. xD Kidding, kidding. I’m sure you could find a decent coaster in Oklahoma. 🙂 🙂

  • Wait, but would we girls then have to actually *remember* our numbers?? There is no way I am memorizing that many digits. 😛 I barely even know the first 3 digits of Pi because I use it for my math!
    Then again, it’s on the back of my hand, so I can always cheat!

  • Yeah… one downside. maybe we could wear glasses without the lenses. Whaddya think, @ruthie_c:disqus?

  • I’m talking to an Earthling? Wow… I don’t know that I can talk to non-Martians. I’ll have to check on protocol now.
    Cool! There’s a lot of Rebelutionaries out in Missouri and Oklahoma 🙂 If you don’t want to answer you don’t have to, but where in Oklahoma? I might be moving out that way, so I’m curious.

  • Really? *sighs* Probably my younger sister. Did she have the same profile picture? Or my older brother. I’ll have to go find out 😉

  • I think he’d just laugh and keep going 🙂 Course, if you ended up in the family he would never let you forget it.

  • Yeah… sorry about that! I changed names because somebody really liked my MimeforJesus username, so I went back for a couple of days. Be forewarned, I’m about to pull a username switch again!

  • I’m legendary? I didn’t know! =)
    I’m about to change back. Christopher 164 really liked my old name, so I switched back for a couple of days just for him.

  • I know that one! But the group I played it with had trouble with some letters. I think at one point we were buying vegan animals.

  • Yeah, well, thanks to Obama, we have these things called high rates and high taxes. XD JK JK but also seriously.

  • I recently broke up with my boyfriend and I also spent more time with a few particular friends and was in the mood to see them more often, mainly my best friend who is a guy. For me I guess it is a good distraction to strengthen a friendship, it kind of makes it fresh again, and for most people after a break up they’re looking for something fresh, but also something that’s constant… If I could put it like that.
    My advice is treat her how you’ve always treated her, she’s going to need to heal after the break up and she’s chosen you to heal with (that’s honestly a very big honour). At the same time be very, very careful not to lead her on and don’t let her get any ideas. If she’s into you tell her that you just want to be friends, but you will still be there for her. Take this opportunity to strengthen your friendship. If you have feelings for her, don’t make a move until she’s well over her ex (even if she says she is now, she probably isn’t), and that could take up to 6 months depending how serious they were.

    Sorry for the long post, but I hope it helps 😛

  • Hey! You know how on SOG I asked you about how to deal with a shy guy who was making me uncomfortable? Well, I finally took your advice 🙂 Thank you so much!

  • No… that’s not really the way it works. I still have to slog through diagramming sentences (bleh!) and Geometry (double bleh!). I do have some freedom, like choosing to pursue more Biology-type sciences rather than Chem and Physics, but I still have stuff I have to do when I don’t want to.
    And my guess is, we have more chores than you do… But I do know that if I decide to buckle down and get done with what I have to do, I can have more free time than folks who go to a real school. It’s just making myself work harder that’s the trick.
    So if you find it easy to motivate yourself, homeschooling can be much faster than “real school”. But if you’re not so good at motivating yourself, it can drag into evening time really easy.

  • It did. I think I scared him, though… poor guy!
    Are you over on Revive? We could talk over there without being off-topic, if you want 🙂

  • Sometimes… more when you’re in elementary school. High School you don’t get to pick-and-choose as much. Especially if your dad is my dad. Basically, I don’t get much choice, I’m doing four years of math in my HS years (even though I was through with Algebra II in 9th so I’ll be, like, through Trig by graduation at this rate) and stuff like that.

    Having parents for teachers can be annoying at times… everything turns into a school project! I am going to be graded on some of my blog posts as part of “writing” (which wasn’t even part of my English curriculum this year!), and if we go to something, chances are I’ll be told to write a report on it.

  • Standardized tests can be really boring. *yawn* Especially the one year that I did it with a group of other homeschoolers… I actually had to sit with nothing to do for like 15 minutes in each section! Wow, Indiana’s pretty strict. My state has some of those requirements but not as many. But they do require that I take English, Science, and Math in my senior year… They don’t seem to get the idea that the senior year is for fun stuff. And I’ll have soooo many math credits by then, I’ll be into the crazy-hard stuff like Trig (or is it Calc by then?). State requirements are annoying at times!

  • yep 🙂 Thanks to homeopathy, I’ve only gone to a doctor three or four times (aside from getting Tetanus shots).
    Yeah, the placebo can be enough for stress, I suppose. I don’t handle stress well either. Until we found a remedy for that, I was using the “cell salt” formulated for stress. It worked, though not as well as the remedy did later on. Have you ever used cell salts? They’re based on the same idea as homeopathy, but it’s different somehow.

  • Yep, it’s frustrating sometimes. But it’s a Hard Thing to be doing, so… for someone who doesn’t see too many Hard Things, it’s not bad.

  • Not yet. I still have two years to have to do those; I’ve put them off for two years after I did Biology. I don’t know how much longer I can hold out before I have to to Chem.

  • So… “love at first sight”? I’m not understanding. Maybe it’s different for girls, or maybe I have been lucky enough not to have experienced that yet.

  • Yeah, that would be easier, but… like you said in a later comment, we’re supposed to enjoy the pursuit, too!

  • Hahaha! That would be scary… Imagine being the person whose bar code is 66 666 6666 66 666. That might be even scarier! “God, are You sure you’ve got my bar code right? It looks an awful lot like lots of sixes to me!”

  • Well, I could be wrong on the regulations, but that’s what Google told me. 😉 Yep, yawn. I usually do my standardized tests with a group of homeschoolers, so I feel your pain. There’s always *someone* who takes the entire allowed time! (Well, sometimes that person is me, so I guess I shouldn’t complain…)
    Wow! You really are ahead in math. I’m doing Algebra 1 in 9th grade, and I’m reallly behind in that so I’ll be doing lots of math through the summer. I don’t hate math, but it’s frustrating when each problem takes so long to figure out.

  • Poor girl! We normally do CAT’s at home, just because we want to not because it’s required. So we can get up and move around when we’re done with what we need to do. (And to answer the door for the mailman, and to let the dog in…)
    Well, my math curriculum does Algebra 1, then Algebra 2, then Geometry. So I’m not as far ahead as you probably think I am. Same here – I don’t hate math, but I get really frustrated with it sometimes. Give me facts I can memorize any day! Or give me a language to learn. I’d love that!

  • It’d be a great time to find out that you’re reading it upside down 🙂

  • My family does British accents too! Somehow we got it into our heads that all pretend grownups speak in a British accent. However, that practice during playtime earned me a compliment on how natural my British accent sounds 🙂

  • Well, actually, no. I had always thought she was kinda cute, but I didn’t really have a crush on her until we started being friends. What really made me start getting more interesting was a dream I had.

    (here’s my dream. the important part at least) I was walking in a very large building with all sorts of games like laser tag, paintball, an obstacle course, etc. But I wasn’t interested in those; I was intent on my mission: to find the girl and tell her I won’t be going to the same school as her next year. (that’s actually true. I’m going to a different school)

    I went all the way to the other side of the building and found her

  • Darn, I didn’t mean to post that comment w/o finishing it! Let me continue…

  • Disqus is being annoying and not letting me log in – I’m replying via email right now. I’ll be back as soon as I can!

  • And now Disqus is being nice again… weird! Anyhoo — I’m waiting for the end of your story!

  • Poor gal! What does abstruse even mean? And please define it using tiny words! I don’t know recondite 😉

  • You’re from Ohio? Cool! I’m (kinda) from Michigan 🙂 Where in Ohio? Did I already ask you this?

  • Yeah, that’s a ton of digits. But I learned that if you have to repeat a sequence of numbers often enough, you will memorize it. Like my six-digit employee ID number for work — I don’t know pi up to the sixth digit, but I can rattle off my employee ID number 🙂

  • But I would totally cheat, too. Especially because it’s not really cheating 🙂

  • Well, actually, no. I had always thought she was kinda cute, but I didn’t really have a crush on her until we started being friends. What really made me start getting more interesting was a dream I had.

    (here’s my dream. the important part at least) I was walking in a very large building with all sorts of games like laser tag, paintball, an obstacle course, etc. But I wasn’t interested in those; I was intent on my mission: to find the girl and tell her I won’t be going to the same school as her next year. (that’s actually true. I’m going to a different school)

    I went all the way to the other side of the building and found her in an empty room (except for a table and a few chairs) with a few of her friends. I told her that I wasn’t going back to that school. She kinda brushed it off like it didn’t matter too much, so I walked out. She quickly called me back in, wrote a note on a piece of paper (I remember the paper was purple construction paper. idk why I remember that), handed the note to me and ran out. She was definately upset.

    I read it and it basically said that she has a crush on me and she would miss me very much. I ran after her, note in hand.

    I ran down one hall, and she ran down a parrallel hall. Both halls joined together to make one hall. I just barely beat her to it! I shot my arm out in front of her to stop her.

    She was crying. Hard.

    As soon as I stopped her, we froze, mezmorized by eachother. I stared deep into her eyes and quietly said, “Ditto…”

    (and that’s where the dream ended! That dream is what made me realize my feelings for her. Now we’re both great friends! But I’m not going to tell her this story…)

  • Finally! FInished it! I’m gonna go now… btw sorry if the formatting was weird on my story; I had to do something to it. Bye now! Enjoy my story! (man, if only real life happened like dreams! Some of them at least…)

  • Wow. Some dream… Yeah, good idea not to tell her the story. That would make it really awkward.

  • And now I’m just going to be MFJ forever… Okay, not really forever but I’ll be MFJ until something unforeseen happens. 🙂

  • Yeah… it was interesting. Well, at first it was “vegans” but somebody thought that was wrong, so we changed it to vegan animals. And maybe we were buying all animals that eat grass? idk.

  • I’ve got some theological differences with our church. We will probably be moving to GA in two years, so I may or may not wait and just change churches when we move. Yes, my parents are well aware. No, they’ve been putting up with me for the last year saying, “no, that’s not right! Ack, that makes no sense!” Sometimes it’s not fun to have a critical mind! 🙂

  • How do you know you’re moving in two years?! That is so foreign to my mind…
    Two years is a long time to wait, but it just might be worth it to keep the peace. I think I see where your’e coming from here. Critical minds do make things difficult, don’t they?

  • My dad is retiring in two years (I’m the youngest, and I was born when he was 41), so we’re planning to move to GA then to be close to my married siblings.

    Yeah, I don’t want to cause difficulty or division in the church, so I’m trying not to share my thoughts outside a very close circle of friends (while I’m not at all secretive about my beliefs, I try to control vocalizing disagreement with others in the church.

  • Oh, I see now. 🙂 All of your siblings in one place! Wow…
    Mm-hmm. You sound more like my brother every day! “You know, God should put bar-codes on girls so we know which one is ours.” “I try to control vocalizing disagreement with others” (but nothing’s going to make you agree!)
    If we ever meet, I’m going to make sure my brother’s there, too. You two sound sooo similar!

  • That would be awesome ! Who knows? I’ve got relatives in Texas, and my dad’s company is based in Atlanta…
    Or if @disqus_clxqoYwM08:disqus’s idea about the Rebelutionary conference ever happens 🙂

  • What if he IS your brother, but under a fake identity??? Hmm…
    Sorry, randomly crazy late-night thought I had to say… xD

  • You don’t see too many hard things? Can I switch places with you?!
    Lol, just kidding. I have life pretty easy. Although I have a hard thing to do tomorrow…

  • Cool! Yeah, I hardly go to the doctor either. Which is a good thing, because wherever we go doctors think we’re crazy because I’m not up-to-date on my vaccines. 😛
    What are cell salts? It sounds familiar but I’m not sure.

  • lol yeah. I wonder if that dream was a vision of the future… That would be freakishly and insanely freaky! But awesome as well!

  • Believe it or not, it means “difficult to understand” or “obscure”. It was in a book I was reading for literature, if I remember right. No idea what book. (This happened a while ago…)

  • Good. MFJ sounds a whole lot better than GT. And I kept forgetting that you were mimeforjesus when you had your name as GodsThespian.

  • Hehehe-I use made-up words a lot:)
    I totally agree with your thoughts on Ex. 20. I’ve always thought of Matt 10 etc. to apply to the decision to follow Christ, but I will have to rethink that:)
    That being said, for me, honoring my parents would mean getting their blessing on any guy wanting to get to know me. They wouldn’t knock a guy that I thought God was leading me to get to know on a whim. If they didn’t like a guy, we would talk it over and come to an agreement. Probably them convincing me to their way of thinking:) If my parents were like the fathers you mentioned, I would probably be more reluctant to believe that checking with dad is the best way to go. So idk, maybe that’s not the case for everyone.
    Totally agree about God’s sovereignty, its definitely not an excuse for complacency, I mean that we wont have to go outside Biblical parameters to get to where God wants us-sorry I wasn’t very clear there:) I’ll definitely be praying for you!
    (sorry it took forever to get back to you life’s been super-busy!)

  • Ummmm… *guilty face* I haven’t started on that yet. Tell ya what, I’ll let you write it!

  • No, I understand what you are saying! I agree with almost all of it, so even I don’t think you’re way off base. And I completely understand; we’re all busy! Join the club!

  • wow, you must have a great memory. On our car trips, we try to find license plates from all the states 🙂

  • Lol, sort of, anyway. I don’t have an actual list, but sometimes I’ll hear about something, and think, “if I had a bucket list, that would be on it”, you know? 🙂

  • Deal! But it’ll be interesting to scrounge together what little I know about you and turn it into a biography. Fair warning: it will probably be short. XD

  • Just a dinosaur toy, I guess! Lol 🙂 It’s our fall back–if you can’t think of an actual thing you can buy at Walmart, say any random thing and add toy to the end of it. So, for Z–zebra toy! 😉

  • My family does that too!! When we went to the Washington, D.C. area on vacation a couple years ago, we saw every single state license plate except for Rhode Island.

  • How did your hard thing go? I was praying for you 🙂
    And I guess I don’t see *fun* hard things. The things that seem like they matter. Which, of course, makes them all the harder…

  • My family found a doctor who at least respects my family’s position on vaccines, even if she doesn’t agree with us.
    Umm, you’d have to look them up(cell salts). I really don’t know much about them.
    We’re really off-topic, whaddya say we stop our off-topic convo on here?

  • Yeah, well… I’d just caution you, it’s easy to see what you want to see, ya know? I’ve been there.

  • I think I get you… I’m just saying it would be cool but weird for one of my dreams to come true, whether it was that one or not.

  • lol yeah! What scares me sometimes is when something happens that is similar to a scary dream I had… *shivers*

  • I had a split personality for a while? Sweet! Yeah, MFJ has a better ring to it, I agree 🙂

  • Yeah… *shivers* What’s really cool is where you remember dreaming something, and then it happens. Like deja vu, but stronger…

  • lol I believe that would be a mega deja vu! My older brother likes to make a joke that “Deja vu is the French word for ‘woah…'”

  • Kinda normal… which for me is boring. But other than being bored and having a really sad day at work on Saturday (a co-worker was found dead that morning, so everyone was really sober) I’m pretty good.

  • I don’t know… I think that authorities decided he committed suicide. But his friends really wonder because he was always so happy.
    Can you pray for Anthony’s family? And his friends Kevin, Nick, and Ashley? They’re taking it really hard.

  • Yeah, I thought it might be. Now, my schoolwork is more regimented than I think most folks’ is. So that’s just my family.

  • *Barging in to the conversation* Hey Carson she posted it on Revive! Do you know what revive is? (@mimeforjesus:disqus I have been praying for y’all btw)

  • Thank you, Josh. I told Ashley about you guys, and I could tell it meant a lot to her that she had people praying for her and her brother.

  • How’s this? MimeforJesus (because you don’t know my real name XP) grew up… well… somewhere. Then she went viral when she changed her name. The end.
    I could write a foreword for it, and it’d still sell 🙂

  • revivingtheredeemed.org
    I saw Trent describe it as a Rebelutionary version of Facebook. Lots of the same people over there. Not endorsed by the Reb, though.

  • It was created for prayer purposes, but now we’ve got a section for off-topic discussions, praise, debate… it’s awesome! You should really check it out.

  • Hey Taylor!! Sorry I’m just now responding. I haven’t been on the internet for a week.

    I’m not sure I can give you particular scriptures that reinforce it or anything but I will say that just as God, as our Heavenly Father, covers us and looks over us, so should earthly fathers look over and cover their kids. God gave parents the responsibility to train up their children, and surely as a child the parents are to hear from God before making decisions about their child. When it comes to entering a courting relationship obviously you’re not a child anymore and can hear from God yourself, but the father is still the covering. As the covering, the father is checking up on the young man interested in his daughter; asking questions, spending time with him in order to get to know him as a person, and listening for God’s voice in the process before he gets close to his daughter. I’m not saying that the young women can’t hear from God herself, but if you think about it even if you are following the Lord, if you’re beginning to really love the guy or what not you can being to not think straight, plus the people surrounding you – parents, siblings, friends – may be able to see things about the guy that you can’t see. Besides all that though, like I said, the guy interested, the girl, and her father must all be seeking God so that they can hear what God is saying. Seeking God shows that you want to be in the center of His will, even if it means not marrying the person that you may be interested in. Not sure if I really answered your question(s), but I hope that sheds a little light on where I’m coming from. The scripture doesn’t tell you black and white, but it does talks about the role of parents. Does that help at all Taylor?

  • It certainly helps! I’m still a little cautious of the idea of a father being the “covering” for his daughters/family, but I think between you and everyone else who wrote in in response to my comments on this thread, I’ve kinda gotten a better idea of where y’all are coming from. I’m still not in 100% agreement with everyone (but then again, when am I ever? :), but this does help! Thanks, Gabrielle!

    You do have a good point about the involved people easily being blinded by emotions/feelings. That’s certainly true, so I certainly would advise a girl to talk to her parents for advice and so on. I was more questioning the meaning of “covering” and what does it mean for your father to be your covering. Thanks for responding!

  • Let me share this with you Taylor: When the time comes when someone is seriously interested in me I would want my dad to get to know him first before I spend too much time with him. Meanwhile, I’ll be praying and seeking God foe myself. I would never enter a courting relationship unless I knew without a shadow of a doubt that God said he was the one. The whole reason for our courtship would be to spend time with each others families, get to know each other more, and get married.

  • You’re welcome Taylor! I’m going to try and find a scripture to reinforce the idea that the father is his kids/family’s covering.

  • I don’t have an actual online blog yet, but until I get one I’ve been blogging in a notebook whenever I have the time. My latest one is entitled, “Courtship versus Dating.” I might post it on the Reb, maybe! Now before you jump on the title, since you like having friendly debates and all :), let me just say that I came to the conclusion that since both words are synonymously used it’s not so much which word you used, but more so what you’re actually doing – just having fun and sleeping around, or do you have a specific purpose in mind: marriage? As a child of God I prefer the word courting because I don’t want to be associated with the modern methods of dating, and the mentality of just having fun.

  • Ha, no, I won’t jump at the title (do I have a reputation or something? :)! That’s similar to my conclusions on the matter too. I think we tend to use the courtship just to show we’re different from most other people even when our courtships aren’t THAT different from Christian dating. Unfortunately, we tend to go overboard with our terminology rather than meaning!

    Let me know when/if you ever start a blog! I’d love to read it!

  • I agree. It’s what you’re actually doing that really matters.

    Sure thing. I’ll let you know. I’m going to be submitting a story on the Reb soon. Stay tuned!!

    I’ve enjoyed our discussion, but I need to go to bed before I sleep in till noon, which would be horrible!! See you around!! Bye for now!! 🙂

    P.S. ~ After all this discussing it would be cool to meet you in person and have a lot of other discussions!!! 🙂

  • Ha, yeah, I was just about to say “goodnight” too! Gotta go to bed!

    I know! I wish I could meet some of you people! Why couldn’t you all be from Texas? 🙂 Then we could get together sometime!

  • I’m replying to this from my Disqus inbox, so I can’t see if M4J has already answered: Revive is a place where Rebelutionaries (and others) can share prayer requests/discussion question/etc…it’s really great! You should check it out at: http://www.revivingtheredeemed.org =)

  • Thank you for praying!! Well, it turns out I didn’t have to do it. 😮 Although I may still do it this Sunday…I don’t know. It’s complicated. 🙁 But again, thank you for your prayers!
    Ah, I know what you mean. Yeah, the “boring” hard things are definitely the hardest. But God sees the boring Hard Things we do, and they matter to Him, even if sometimes they don’t matter to anyone else. And He’s the only one who really counts. It can just be hard to remembers that…

  • That’s great! And absolutely; I just comment through Disqus, so I forget how long I’ve been commenting or where I’m doing so. It’s been cool chatting with ya! 🙂

  • Awesome! Wait…is Laura not your real name? But you’re right, it would still sell. XD The foreword would be longer than the actual book, probably!

  • I wonder if we could convince Brett to have some kinda of mega conference or something of all the rebelutionaries and readers of the Reb. Or maybe some of us can plan it. Hmm…. What do you think?

  • I’d love to, but I think the idea’s been brought up before. Because we’re so diversely spread across the US and Australia, I think the other guys who talked about it (particularly Isaiah Rodrigez) decided the logistics were just too enormous for everyone. I’m not averse to helping to plan it though!

  • I think the first step would be deciding on where it should be – central America or what. It might be possible. A huge maybe!

  • Let’s see, I think a majority come from the Northeast, then good-sized cluster in Ohio/Michigan area, and a not small group in the Southeast. There aren’t a whole lot further west than I am. So if we’re looking for a central location, it should probably be somewhere in the East.

    Speaking of which, where are you from?

  • Sounds good to me. My sister is in Virginia right now for school. It’s my favorite state. Which state in that area do you think is kinda a central location?

  • Umm, I would guess probably Kentucky would be the central location for that entire half of the US, and I haven’t heard of anybody besides myself and one other person living west of Texas. We’d probably have to poke around among the people around here a little bit. Let me get back to you later, there’s a poll on Revive right now about where do these people live. I can get some info from there!

  • Okay, so apparently, there’s a couple people in the Northwest, a bunch in the Midwest (anywhere from Michigan down to Texas), even more in the Northeast, and a few in the Southeast. So again, really it’s an eastern thing. Other than that, I’m not sure we can get a more exact estimate because we’re all so scattered!

  • I’m thinking Kentucky, West Virginia, or maybe Ohio. Somewhere around there. Some people probably don’t mind traveling, were others probably do. I don’t mind at all.

  • Yeah, I probably couldn’t come :(, because transportation would be hard to get from way out here. But I’ll be happy to help plan from long-distant! I think those three are your best bet, probably Kentucky.

  • People might be able to come if we set it up a couple years in advance, maybe!! Gotta go for now. TTYL Taylor!!

  • One of *those* situations…
    Yep, I try to remember that… but it’s so much easier to think about what I think matters! (Did you see the DQ today? It lines up perfectly with this convo…)

  • No, no, no! Not doing PreCalc in 10th (but if I hadn’t taken a year without math I would be… :0) I’m doing Geometry, and I have to deal with radians for this one section.

  • Laura is my real first name, Owens isn’t. Yeah, we could have the foreword be the actual biography 🙂

  • Lol, I still listen with my siblings too. Just not practically every single day like I used to! Maybe that’s partly because of the scandalous new voice for Whit, and the fact that Mitch married someone other than Connie. 😛 I’m still mad about that.

  • I wanna learn the acoustic guitar, piano, and cello. I already know a little piano, but I need to learn a whole lot more.

  • Ugh! Aren’t we all? After a while tho, I felt that Connie and Mitch no longer deserved each other. And they should have just hired a professional voice impersonator to mimic the first Whit’s voice. It would have been so worth it!

  • Ok, so we went from you writing the biography to me and back to you! I’m getting confused. XD
    Btw, since Owens isn’t your real last name, is there any particular reason you chose it? Or was it just random?

  • Wow. I’m glad I never had to deal with radians in geometry. It does make sense how they would go with that course, though. Radians and sinusoids, those are my curse right now. XD Although before I know it, I’m sure something will come along that makes those things seem easy. That’s the way it works! 😛

  • that is way cool. I tried guitar and recorder. couldn’t do it. I don’t have enough wind and i guess I’m just not a guitarists. It’s handy to know how to play tho…. and you changed your lovely picture 🙁 I like this one tho too 😛

  • it is. especially since there are so many personality differences. I’m there with you, @Christy! Way to gentle ( I hate hurting people’s feelings) and probably not blunt enough 🙂

    And I apologize for jumping in on your conversation. 🙂 I just saw this and had to add in my two cents.

  • Jump right in, the water’s great!
    Lol sorry XD I couldn’t help it. Yeah…I just have a hard time saying anything if there’s a potential that it might make things uncomfortable. I’m that friend that won’t tell you if you have food in your teeth. XD I’m working on it, though!!

  • I’m blunt about things that bother me, but i can be much too quiet when confronting people… even if it’s just about food in their teeth. 🙂

  • Aw 🙂 I can understand that. I’ve found that imagining the consequences helps me with the food in teeth thing. On one hand, it could be awkward. But on the other hand, they might come back later and be like, “Why didn’t you tell me I had food in my teeth?! I’m so embarrassed!” And for me that would be even worse, so thinking about that helps me work up the courage to do it. 😉
    Wow…that was kind of weird. XD

  • I actually am really, really bad at piano! And I’ve been playing for eight years. It’s a really bad idea to start at seven years old. So I’m with you in this area 🙂 What piano books do you use?

  • Hmm… Well, whatever sounds good to you 🙂
    No, I literally searched for the top 100 most common last names, and that was the one I liked best.

  • Sinusoids sound like a medical term for a bad cold…
    Yep, that’s how it works 😛

  • Yep, I sent it in 🙂
    Okay, from now on when I send in a DQ, I’ll sign 1/2 of them Christy and 1/2 of them Laura.
    *starts thinking of all sorts of devious questions to put Christy’s name on*

  • Haha, cool. 🙂 I love creating names. I also have a pretty unusual last name…though it’s on a building at a big college near us! (Think like “The Smith Building” or something.) So that’s pretty cool.
    My last name isn’t that much of a secret though (it’s on several places on my blog). I just don’t go throwing it around, you know? Plus (are you ready for this?!) Christy isn’t my real name. It’s what literally everyone calls me, but it’s a nickname. 😉

  • Hmmm, I’ll have to track that down! 🙂
    Are you Christianna or Christina? I wondered…

  • I wouldn’t tell you if you were right, but you are very close. 😉 Yeah, every now and then, when I’ve known someone for a while, I’ll just casually say, “You know, Christy’s not my real name” and just watch their reaction. It’s fun. XD

  • That may explain how you got so close. It’s pretty uncommon (and no one ever understands how to spell/pronounce it!).

  • Well, my older sister has played for a long time, so several years ago I learned some things from her, plus since I read notes I just start playing from that knowledge, (only with one hand though not two!!). When my sister did use a book it was a book called, “Piano Adventures by Nancy and Randall Faber.” For the most part when I do sit down and play (with one hand) it from memory along with finding or picking out the notes. I can play a little of Carol of the Bells, all of In Christ Alone; Ode to Joy, and I love playing songs from Sound of Music. I just read the notes from the music book. Can you play by ear, or pick out notes?

  • OK guys @Kittenese:disqus@mimeforjesus:disqus@ruthie_c:disqus@trent_blake:disqus (just tagging you because this is kind of an old post so I’m hoping the notification in your inbox will bother you enough to reply :D) I have a problem. Yesterday at school, a kid came up to me and handed me this note. It said that he liked me and he called me stuff like “very polite”, “an angel”, and “the nicest person I’ve ever met.” While all that stuff is sweet and all, I’m….not interested in him. At all. I barely even know this kid. He’s expecting me to send him a reply note or something telling him if I like him or not on Monday. I would always use the “I’m too young to date and my dad doesn’t want me to have a boyfriend right now” card except he’s not asking me to be his girlfriend – he just wants to know if I like him, so that rules out that option. How am I supposed to respond to that?!?!?!?!?!? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (whew) Ok I’m better now :). Anyway, any ideas on how to tell him I don’t like him back without breaking his heart? Thanks! (also, I can’t avoid him any further than Monday morning at school, so….yup.) Thank you Rebs!

  • You sound like my kinda girl – using violent methods to rid your world of annoyingness. Ok, maybe that’s not such a good trait in me…lol. Love your ideas.

  • Hmm… that’s really tough. Maybe I would talk to him later and say something along the lines of, “Thank you, I’m flattered! But sorry, I’m really not interested in having a boyfriend right now.” Maybe. To be honest, I have no idea of the right way to handle this. Anyone else?

  • I think of it like this:

    Playful: messing around with your guy friends
    Flirting: trying to get a guy’s attention on a romantic level

    Hope that helps!

  • Yes, that is helpful! I guess what I am realizing is that it is a heart issue, so it is important to check my heart and know my motives behind what I am doing and know whether or not I am trying to get attention from someone or just being myself.

  • Yep, you’ve got my friend’s name! I’m one letter off, right?

  • OH MY GOODNESS I HAVE THE EXACT SAME PROBLEM RIGHT NOW ONLY THE KID PULLED ME ASIDE AND TOLD ME HES LIKED ME FOR 4 YEARS AND I BARELY KNOW HIM… ok so yeah I’m in the same boat as you (he wants an answer other than what I told him which was basically I need time to think and I don’t know who I like) And yes i’m not really interested…. So I was thinking about saying that I do not have time for a relationship, I can’t handle one right now, and I do not really like anyone. I’m still freaking out haha but this is 100% true because I have a lot on my plate right now and I barely know this guy. Also, maybe that you/I do not want to keep him waiting because it is not fair to him while you “make up your mind.” And honestly, I have no idea where he is right now in his faith with God because I need a strong Christian. I feel like if I tried to say that it would come out wrong and judgmental. So that’s my advice…? Not sure how good it is because I need advice myself so yeah… 🙂 help us please 😛

  • We are in the same boat my friend– I HAVE THE EXACT SAME PROBLEM RIGHT NOW. Quick back-story: Funny… so the guy who gave me advice about friend-zoning in my comment above actually likes me. He pulled me aside and told me a bunch of nice stuff and how he has liked me for like 4 years. I barely know him. He wants to know if I like him but I basically said I need time, I have a lot going on, and I do not know who I like. I’m kinda freaking out (much like you haha) because he is super nice, but I barely know him and am not really interested. The last thing I want to do is break his heart. He wants an answer and I was thinking about saying (btw this is all 100% true) that I do not really like anyone right now, I do not have time to even look for a relationship, nor do I want one. I can’t handle it right now. And honestly, I don’t know how strong he is in his faith in God, and I need a strong Christian. You/I could also say that you don’t want him to keep waiting for you because that’s not fair to him while you/I “make up your mind.” And I know it took courage for them admit it. But yeah can’t keep avoiding…. so I guess that’s my advice…? Sorry not too sure on this one but I hope it helps 🙂 More advice from the lovely Rebelutionaries would be awesome 😛

  • Yeah XD I guess so! That’s cool, I’ve never met anyone with my name. Well, I still haven’t, but you know what I mean. 😉
    Woah, and you’re just one letter off with both names…that’s weird (and cool). 😀

  • Look at this, I’ve been tagged! Unfortunately, I don’t get notified when people tag me, so I’m glad I stumbled across this!
    So, I had to deal with this very same situation once (except I think your guy was better at flattering a girl, lol!). I had to think of something on the spot, though. XD Although I did have about an hour to think about what to say, because it literally took him that long to actually say it (even though I knew what he was trying to say the whole time…yeah, awkward!). Anyway, my point is that I understand what you’re dealing with.

    My advice? Be honest. Tell him that, while you really appreciated what he said, you don’t know him very well, and you’d have to get to know him better as a friend to know if you liked him (in that way) or not. Now, we girls know that you by no means have to get to know someone to have a crush on them, but it sounds nice that way. And tell him that you’re open to being friends and getting to know him better, but just be sure you don’t lead him on. Just kind of leave at that (and straight-up tell him to move on if he needs the encouragement! But in a nice way:).

    By the way, all of this is pretty much exactly what I said to that guy. I told my dad about it afterward, and he said that, from a guy’s perspective, he thought I let him down pretty easily. 🙂

    I hope this helps! =) I’ll be praying that it goes well tomorrow!

  • I’m a lovely Rebelutionary?? Yay!! =) So I left a reply to Emigb4 (too lazy to tag, sorry!) that I think would work for your situation too.
    Still, in addition to that, you could tell him you’re not interested in dating right now, period. I don’t know how long you plan on waiting, but just make it clear to him that you don’t want him to wait.
    But yes, it did take courage…so be gentle but blunt if necessary. As @a_haylie:disqus said! 🙂
    I’ll be praying for you, Lauren! 🙂

  • Thats so funny and i’m thankful that I said basically the same thing (it was on the spot too) but apparently he wants to know if I like him or not (which I said I needed to get to know him better) but he hasn’t even come up to me to talk or anything so I don’t see how my answer would change :/ He talks to my friends about it but I don’t know if I should go up to him and say something or wait until he comes up to me…….. I know what I need to say… Thanks for the advice 🙂 And I will be praying for you @disqus_20sNkO4gPg:disqus 🙂

  • Sheesh, that’s difficult. Ummm, something like “Thank you for your interest, but I’m not interested in a relationship right now.” I mean, that’s what it seems like he’s really asking — he’s not asking if your’e interested in him as a friend.

    Well, Trent provided comic relief, so I’ll follow in his footsteps 🙂 And they’ve got some good advice in here, too! 🙂
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QsoZ0yajAOo

    I’ll be praying for you.

  • They are!! And Monday’s tomorrow, yay!!
    Lol, Blimey Cow is the only reason to be happy about Mondays. XD

  • I’m glad you know what you need to say! I don’t know this guy, but from what you said it doesn’t sound like he’s acting with much maturity. :/ If you know what you want to say, it may be easier for you to go up to him than wait for him to come to you–it may put you more in control of the conversation and make it easier. Maybe. Just a thought. 😉

  • You’re welcome! Let me know how it goes. (But I won’t be able to answer for a couple of weeks because I’m taking a break from the Rebelution.)

  • I’m almost done with level 3 with Bastien piano basics. which in my opinion is awful. I’ve heard Alfred is good. I’ll have to look up the one your sister used. 🙂

  • btw for some reason disqus isn’t letting me comment on a post, but it seems to let me reply from my disqus inbox… idk, but how have you been? 🙂

  • *jumps into conversation* she’s taking a couple weeks off, she won’t be back on until the 18th. ='(

  • IKR? If you look on the internet tips thread or on Revive (hey, do you know what that is?) there’s like three other people taking time off haha. =P

  • Lol! And yes, I do know what that is! She told me. gtg now! Bye!

  • Hey! Sorry, but I’m taking a two-week break from Disqus stuff right now. I’ll talk to you sometime after May 18th! 🙂

  • Oh yeah!! I have a canon camera, and I’m loving it!! Since I got my camera about eight months ago, I’ve been going picture crazy!! You?

  • Cool beans!! I have a Canon T3. At first I had a Nikon D3000 then my dad traded it in because I wanted video and the Nikon didn’t have it. What kind have you used?

  • Thanks, more great advice (:
    It’s been three weeks since my initial post, and things are basically fine now. She still spends a whole lot of time with me, but (I think, always hard to be 100% sure with you girls (;) it’s all just in a friendly context. She’s not coming on as strongly as she was anymore, so I’m not feeling weird about it all anymore either.
    I’ll just continue being there whenever she needs me.

  • GREAT!!! ( I have a BIG smile right now!!! )
    I’ll keep praying. How can I help?

  • Well, honestly, I’m not really in the loop. Caleb N. and Isaiah Rodriguez are really the ones leading it up. I’ll PM Caleb that you’re interested in helping and redirect him over to you.

  • Why, thank you! I thought y’all deserved to know what I looked like, so here you go. This way you’ll know me if we ever meet in person!

  • Wait a minute…is it supposed to be a pic of you? I see a pic of a ninja or something. I just got confused. ???

  • I just went to your blog. Nice name, and I love the title of your post, “Live Dangerously.” 🙂 I did see a pic of you there.

  • WOW!! That is kinda old. What do you think the big difference is between that one and the newer ones?

  • No, this was a picture of me from a recent family reunion. I thought I’d share it with the world. (yes, I’m joking again! 🙂

    I’m afraid my sense of humor takes some getting used to!

  • I like it!! 🙂 A person with great sense of humor is fun to be around!!

  • Hey Lydia! I didn’t end up seeing this, just reading through now! Unfortunately don’t have the time to read through every comment, but thought I’d say what was on my heart for you to think about too 😀 Depending on the depth of your friendship, definitely talking to him seriously if any of the behavior crops up, somewhere between a public, ‘I don’t appreciate that, could you please not do it’ or a private, “I am uncomfortable with your behavior, if you’re serious, please know I’m not, but you can talk to my dad. If you’re not serious, I’d really appreciate if you would not treat me like this (example).’ A number of my friends are going through the same thing and I had a (rather difficult) encounter with a random guy who thought I liked him and was desperate to date me two days ago, which has made me very aware on this topic again!
    A few other helpful things I have found, is in making a concrete foundation for my plan of action for different circumstances. These are things I do, so may or may not be ideal for you, but hopefully give an idea. 😀
    I have a policy against hugging guys, and don’t unless they are Christian/relatives and married or under 13 and close friends of the family. Very rare exceptions to this rule has been a great help for me!
    I also talk to my family as soon as a guy shows on my radar – sadly sounds like your parents didn’t take it very seriously, but if you have mature Christian female friends, asking some to be your accountability partners and forming deep friendships with Godly women is a great foundation, and then you can go to them to ask for prayer, advice, or just someone to listen seriously and support you as you seek to do God’s will. I have some dear sisters in Christ, plus my own sister, sometimes older brother, and my parents, and one or all of them support me when I have ‘guy difficulties’.
    Another thing I do is avoid private messaging, things that could be taken as flirting (tagging them in posts, or the equivalent in real life), and friending on FB – all things I have found helpful. 🙂
    Define boundaries for yourself regarding what would be a Godly response for you personally. This should be with God, and preferably family. Mine are hard to articulate, but for example, if a guy is acting too interested, I back off, don’t talk excitedly around him (bit more reserved), keep any conversations with him brief or to the point, and take things from there. Usually that says a ‘not interested’ straight off, and reduces the number of times I have to actually have ‘that’ conversation and tell them I’m not interested. This may seem extreme (backing off from a guy like that), but I think, if I was having trouble being too interested in a guy, and he was always so happy and talkative to me, it would be really really easy to think he had feelings for me too. If he backs off a little and is that little more careful, it makes it much harder for me to accidentally or purposefully flirt, and easier to deal with it before God and treat him simply as a brother in Christ. 🙂 If he was a good friend who wasn’t keen on my behavior, I would expect him to let me know he wasn’t interested, but thankfully I’ve never allowed my feelings to get far enough that a guy noticed and was concerned! (ouch) A few other tips on that note would be keeping in conversations with others when around him, being careful of outings/groups where you will be in close proximity for long, and have an accountability partner who is aware of what you are planning to do and who will ask you regularly how you are going with sticking to your convictions. God put us in a family (both biological and spiritual) for a reason 😀
    I’ve had too many messy encounters with guys to relate (for example, one guy who told me he was in love with me, and when I gave him the run down on what I believed and the fact I wasn’t interested, then emailed for three months without me replying before giving up, or the one who said he would have married me in a heartbeat if he wasn’t married already or…) but with the commitment to purity before God, even flirting from others becomes something that needs to be treated sensitively but seriously. My bad news for you is that, as someone who is seeking to follow God, you will likely encounter much more of this as you go through young adulthood, but good news would be that working out something of a plan of action (being prepared mentally/physically) and trusting God all the way (being prepared spiritually and emotionally), He is faithful and gets us out of the worst messes! 😀
    In Christ,
    Carrie

  • um it doesn’t have video and it uses an old battery pack that doesn’t last as long. It also uses a cf card instead of a sd card.

  • Interesting…..what’s a cf card? I think old cameras, or older models, are cool! Specifically the vintage kinds.

  • it’s a bigger and bulkier version of a sd card that doesn’t fit into a computer unless you have a converter 🙁

  • I signed up for Revive! 🙂 My account has to “be activated by staff members” So I can’t get on it yet. :/

    “When you’re at the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hold on” – Thomas Jefferson

  • Yay!

    And I noticed that quote recently, too 🙂 Where’d you see it?

  • Oh, whoops! That’s my email qoute! 😛 I saw it in the book for an organization I’m in. It’s called Trail Life USA, it’s basically the alternative to BSA.

  • Oh 🙂 Replying from your email, are ya? Sounds like a neat organization!

  • Oh 🙂 Replying from your email, are ya? Sounds like a neat organization!!

  • Yeah, I am. For some reason Disqus won’t let me comment on any post! The comments don’t even show up. And yeah, it is!

  • I’m good! I hope my friend joins Revive. It would be fun if she and I were on it together. And how are you?

  • You told a friend about Revive? That’s cool! 🙂 Is this the friend we’ve talked about before, or a different friend?
    I’m good. Going to a church picnic this afternoon, which I’m not expecting to be so great. Last time, the only teens that were there, were the sort of people who are always on their phones or talking about (stupid) movies and music. That’s most of the teens I’ve met at my church. Hopefully the two or three teens that I normally hang out with will be there.

  • Hehe, yeah, it’s the same friend… Now don’t make me blush!! And I hope your friends are there, I know what you mean about those other teens.

  • So I’ll have background on her before I even meet her! And we all know the consequences of the 😉
    Yeah, I hope so. Though they’re also a lot like the other teens when they’re around guys. Why do girls have to go nuts around guys? I then have to wander aimlessly until they get over so-and-so and actually act like normal people again.

  • Yeah, I hope she joins! And I really don’t know the answer to your question… Girls never go crazy around me, so I really don’t know what you mean. 😛

    “When you’re at the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hold on” – Thomas Jefferson

  • I hope so too! It’s got to be great to have a real-life friend you can also talk to online. Maybe I should invite some of my friends to Revive!
    Lucky you! You have life so easy. Just saying… 😛

  • You should! Man, I’m missin’ her a bunch right now. She went on a trip wednesday and she won’t be back until Monday! And Yeah, I’m glad girls don’t get all googly-eyed at me. I mean, I’d love the attention but it wouldn’t be healthy for me. 😛

  • So she’ll be back soon!Yep, the attention can feel good but it is very, very hard to take it and not suffer ill effects like an inflated ego. 🙁

  • She comes back today!!!! And yeah, I agree. Every guy wants attention from girls, but it would be bad and could lead to… bad things.

  • hm… She came back home on monday, but she’s only said a couple things to me… She hasn’t emailed me at all yesterday or today!!!! What could’ve happened?? What if she got hurt?!?!

  • I’ll PM you through Revive to answer. We’ve gotten pretty off-topic here! 😀

  • Whoops, I never saw this! Thanks for dropping in! Yeah, that has always been something I’ve said to family and friends (usually before I did something stupid), and it came to mind when I was writing that post.

    Yeah, there are a couple of pictures of me around the web.

  • Hmm… I actually can’t really contribute too much to this discussion because I still don’t really know how “flirt” is defined…

  • I promise to share this testimony all over the world once my husband return back to me, and today with all due respect i want to thank DR Amba for bringing joy and happiness to my life. I want to inform you all that there is a spell caster that is real and genuine. I never believed in any of these things until i loosed my husband, I required help until i found a grate spell caster, And he cast a love spell for me, and he assured me that I will get my husband back in two days after the spell has been cast. two days later, my phone rang, and so shockingly, it was my husband who has not called me for past five years now, he made an apology for the heartbreak he have cause me, and told me that he is ready to be my back bone till the rest of his life with me. As I`m writing this testimony right now I`m the most happiest woman on earth and me and my husband is living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it were even before our break up. So that`s why I promised to share my testimony all over the universe. All thanks goes to DR Amba for the excessive work that he has done for me. Below is the email address in any situation you are undergoing am assuring you that as he has done mine for me, he will definitely do yours. you can contact him via email [email protected]

  • Here, let me help…. @BrettHarris:disqus…also, Liana, you can try flagging it; in the top right corner of the comment there’s a little flag…try clicking it. =)

  • I did flag it, not sure if it went through. Sometimes my computer doesn’t work right 😛 And the stinkin’ thing wouldn’t tag either, granted I was in a hurry. Thanks!!

  • Hey I know this is old but you have 4 sisters? I also have 4 sisters and no brothers!

  • Saw a license plate from Georgia today! They got a treat of an Ohio summer, 67 and cold drizzle!! 😛 Next to it was one from South Carolina, so it must be that they’re looking for a break from that miserable heat of yours! XD Just thought I rub it in (that i live in the best state, you know)

  • Lol, honestly it’s not to bad, it’s never made it over 95 or so yet – averages have been in the high 70’s to low 80’s…so hopefully I won’t melt when one of my friends comes over today! =P

  • No, please don’t melt 😛 Guitar with arms, nice!! Do you live in an area where its pretty temperate all year round? I’ve heard there are places like that, just haven’t been to any. 70’s and 80’s has been our average too, which is warmer than normal, but its great swimming weather!

  • Ehh it gets pretty hot here, up into the 80’s and 90’s some days. But not too bad. And sometimes in the winter we get snow. =)

  • Okay, as long as you get snow I won’t feel so bad 😜 my cousin, when he came from England last year, literally was keeping a list of all the reasons why the UK is better than the US. I thought it was kind of wrong in the moment but here I am doing the same thing only north against south. Must be a family trait 😝. I should probably just drop it….

  • Hi, Lydia! That is a tough situation to be in. Do you have any siblings or good friends around you when he’s there? Whenever I have problems like that my brothers can usually tell and they helpme out. One of my brothers joins the conversation to distract the guy from flirting with me (he does the same thing for other girls too who obviously don’t want to be flirted with) and my other brother stands by ready to say, “Hey, do you want to help me clean up?” to me in case a guy is making me too uncomfortable. After my brothers do this a few times they usually get the picture. It probably helps that they are a bit intimidating and are honest (but in a kind way) about how said guy is making me feel. If I let the guy know that I don’t appreciate his attention and my brothers let him know too, then it works out. It is harder foryou though since you want to be friends. Maybe you could have friends join the conversation whenever you two are around so that he has some distraction and has less of an opprotunity to flirt with you?

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By Discussion Questions April 18, 2015
1,309 comments
rebelling against low expectations

The Rebelution is a teenage rebellion against low expectations—a worldwide campaign to reject apathy, embrace responsibility, and do hard things. Learn More →