“I just feel so dead. I am so torn up inside. Worthless. Believing lies [and] feeling incapable of believing truth. But I just have to. I am desperate. Angry. I need God yet I feel extremely angry at God. I feel hopeless. This battle never ends. I just want to die.”
I penned these words in my journal not two years ago, not nine months ago, but yesterday and they expressed what I wanted to scream at God in that moment — and I did when I was alone.
I’m not proud of it, but I cannot deny: I’m angry at God.
Pain, lots of pain—and anger—along with frustration, confusion, and despair pretty much describe my relationship with God right now. Sounds really Christian doesn’t it? Aren’t Christians supposed to abide in the love of God and rest in His peace?
I wish I could supply some answers. I like to have my life under control. I like to know what is going on. I hate struggle. If something is bothering me, I like to know why and I like to deal with it. I hate confusion. I hate not knowing which way is up.
But God has chosen to devastate my life like an eruption devastates a volcano. And this frustrates me. It makes me angry that He took my Mom in a car accident nine months ago. I resent the feeling of disconnect from God that I feel. I can’t sleep well; it’s hard to concentrate on work.
Like I said, I do not have a lot of answers, but I have had a few thoughts rolling around in my soul. They are all true, I believe, but extremely hard to grasp and live at a heart level.
Remember:
1. We are in Normandy
This is reality folks: it’s D-Day, but so often we get deceived, thinking that being a Christian means living in paradise—this is wrong, dead wrong. We have lost paradise and have been thrust into an intense daily battle of blood and sweat and slow progress.
Sure there are respites of peace, and times of overwhelming victory. I have had awesome times with God, moments where I felt God’s love and peace. But mostly I feel the daily wear of battle. I have to keep Christ in focus and look to Him for healing, because I am constantly feeling the shots of the enemy dragging me down—daring me to give up.
2. Anger isn’t the enemy
My feelings of anger and resentment at God have been a source of much of my discouragement because I try to stifle my anger instead of focusing on truth. It is a never ending cycle of Discouragement > Anger > Discouragement > Anger. This is because I believe Satan’s lie that my emotions reflect my relationship with God. But this simply isn’t true! Emotions reflect surroundings and happenings. When we are in paradise, we generally feel good. When we are fighting, we feel the intensity and seriousness of the situation and may feel discouraged.
Many heroes of the faith also felt and expressed their anger at God. Job did so without sinning (but was eventually rebuked by God). In the Psalms, David vividly articulates his anger and despair (but nearly always vocalizes his trust in God). And even Jesus cries out on the cross “My God, my God why have you forsaken me?” (But despite His feelings, He submitted to God’s plan and resigned Himself to the cross.)
[I say all this realizing that anger could involve bitterness. To discern bitterness is up to the Holy Spirit and our openness to Him. Still, the anger we feel comes from pain somewhere inside of us and is a normal response, but if let alone, it will tear us up. Forgiveness is choosing to accept, on ourselves, the consequences of whoever gave us that pain and to nail it to the cross. (There is much more to this complicated issue than can be fully written here, that’s why whole books are written on anger, bitterness and forgiveness.)]After the above journal entry there is a mark where I had began to write more depressing thoughts. But God suddenly stopped me and threw my words right back at me: “I just want to die.” Of course, that’s what Satan wants to do! To steal, kill and destroy! “He’s trying to steal my time, life and affections from God,” I wrote. “He’s trying to destroy my mind and relationships. And he’s trying to kill my life and influence. I will fight this.” We must fight him! And…
3. We must cling to Jesus
A couple of months after my Mom’s death, a friend sent me a letter in which he told me:
“If you ever come to the place where you can’t run, then walk. If you can’t walk, then crawl. If you can’t even crawl and you are on the ‘ground,’ and all you can do is look at Christ, then look with all your heart, soul, and mind! That is OKAY to be there. Just never take your eyes away from Christ!”
At the time this was very meaningful, but life got busy and I forgot about it until just this morning when I was really searching for God—and then He reminded me.
Jesus wants to heal us and will, if we stick close to Him. Sometimes He heals instantly, sometimes it is a progression — but He will heal. That is what He does: He restores paradise. And He loves it.
Simply clinging or looking at Christ does not necessarily feel like progress, but it is endurance, which is just as healthy. We must be patient and wait for Him to help us to our feet again.
4. God is in CONTROL
Think about it. If “God is love” (1 John 4:8b) and sovereign, then He must be planning for something good to come out of the painful things. He even says that “in all things [I] work for the good of those who love [me]” (Romans 8:28). When arguing that we should seek God’s happiness and not ours, Charles Finney said, “[God] seeks his own happiness, or glory, as the supreme good. But not because it is his own, but because it is the supreme good” (Finney, “Selfishness: Not True Religion”).
So relax. God is in control and we can trust Him because He has promised that anything that happens is for His ultimate glory which is the best thing for us as well. He will guide us through the fog, eventually, and lead us into abundance! Just believe…and wait.
One last thing which I have found to be incredibly beneficial…
5. We should read the Psalms
David was very human and open about his humanity, as were the other psalmists. The Psalms deal with real, authentic issues but also communicate the truth and hope of a living, loving, and faithful God.
[Just a hint, if you read 5 psalms a day reading every 30th psalm, you can read through the whole book in a month (e.g. Psalm 1, 31, 61, 91, 121).]Life is a journey, one with many battles. We all experience fighting at some point in our journeying. I pray that none of us will give up, because there is a joy coming for those who persevere. There is an inheritance we are set to earn. And it will be worth it all.
Don’t give up friends! Struggle on! We are in this together! Be real, be open, be honest! Share your journeys, your good times and your bad times, and listen to those around you going through similar battles. And in it all keep your eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith!
Some scriptures that have been meaningful to me, especially during the past weeks, include: Psalm 18, 19, 66, 139; Isaiah 54:10; John 14, Hebrews 12. Look these up if you can, they may or may not be helpful to you.
Some favorite “modern psalms” that have specifically helped me walk through the battle have been:
- “Still, My Soul Be Still” – Keith and Kristyn Getty
- “Beautiful Things” – Gungor
- “Sovereign Over Us” – Aaron Keyes
- “10,000 Reasons (Bless the Lord)” – Matt Redman
- “By Your Side” and “Worn” – Tenth Avenue North
- “Our God” and “Whom Shall I Fear [God of Angel Armies]” – Chris Tomlin
- “At the End of Me” – Bebo Norman
- “Remind Me who I Am” and “Nothing Is Wasted” – Jason Gray
I encourage you to check out these powerful songs.
Son, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in TRUTH” (3 John 1:4). To be less than authentic and honest about where we are at in life would be so foolish. Thanks Christopher for being real… for walking in TRUTH! – Dad
I found this really inspiring to me, probably because at times I’ve felt like this, sometimes word for word. Thank you.
Praise God! I am so glad it was an inspiration to you! It is easy to often feel like we are battling alone, and so it is encouraging to hear the stories of others struggling with the similar issues.
wow, I am walking my own painful journey right now and when I read the first few sentences,I thought “those are MY WORDS to God right now”!! bless you for your realness…you have encouraged me to stay focused on God, cause all I can do is lay here and look at Him with all my heart, soul and mind! And it’s okay.
Wow! Praise God! I am so glad he used this to bless you!
Chris, your earnest passion for Christ and his ability to transform lives and heal the broken shines through your writing. You lost your mother, a pivotal role in a young person’s life. I can understand why you might be feeling this way, even though I have never been in a situation I could call similar. When you admit you feel this way to your Christian community, it not only uplifts others, it allows others to see where there is need. It gives them the opportunity to pray for you. This means that, as angry as you are at God, as much as you are struggling, not only are you not alone, you are winning victories already. When you submitted that article, Satan knew. He got the message. He knows Who you belong to. And I believe that you know it, as well; this article–this sharing with the Christian community–is also a reminder to yourself.
As for your mother…. All I can say is I am so sorry; to lose someone who should always be so near and dear to you must bring pain much more deep than I can imagine. But–if she was a Christian, which I’m assuming she was–she is in Paradise right now. There is nothing there that can hurt her, or make her sad; there’s no sickness, no heart-ache. She is in a better place–and I can understand that that’s hard to hear for someone who misses her so much. But you also need to remember that you will see her again, and that reunion may not be so far away as it seems.
When I read this article, it was only mere moments after I’d been arguing and fighting with my mom. This reminds me that I only have a certain amount of time with my mother, and I need to make it count as much as I can.
I have a tendency to leave long comments; I’m trying to keep this brief–so I’d just like to leave off with a few Bible verses. Chris, I pray that God will continue to comfort you, and that He would provide you protection from Satan; I hope that peace is not too far away, and that when it comes, it will be unsurpassed.
Jeremiah 29:11
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “Plans to prosper you, and not harm you. Plans to give you hope, and a future.”
Psalm 143:3-
…the enemy has persecuted my soul;
He has crushed my life to the ground;
He has made me dwell in darkness,
Like those who have long been dead.
Therefore my spirit is overwhelmed within me;
My heart within me is distressed…
Answer me speedily, O Lord;
My spirit fails!
Do not hide Your face from me,
Lest I be like those who go down into the pit.
Cause me to hear Your lovingkindness in the morning,
For in You do I trust;
Cause me to know the way in which I should walk,
For I lift up my soul to you.
And, lastly, though it’s a bit out of context, as a reminder that God will give us no trials which are too strong for us to overcome, and that we are not alone in that fight.
Matthew 4:4
But He answered and said, “It is written, ‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.'”
Thank you Sadie! Your comments are always encouraging! 🙂 I praise God for working in my own life and in others. I know He is at work in my life–even through writing this!
Matthew 4:4 is actually quite pertinent and appropriate in my life right now. It’s a good reminder to keep looking to God for strength–daily!
Blessings to you!
I am blessed with this,it compels me to testify who God really is, flowing into the calling God gave me,lead me to flow and just write the words of encouragement inside my heart.i felt your pain and agony in the fb rebelution account-and it’s good to hear you’re singing praises,2 were same with mine when i was downcast-“you hold me now” by hillsong united and “i will rise” by Chris tomlin are great song for healing inner wounds too.our God is great ! Keep on sharing your life to others…
It’s taken me years to even admit struggle to myself, so I admire, and am thankful, for your honesty and openness. My brother died almost 6 years ago, and I went downhill after that — chronic sickness, eating disorder, etc.. My battle this year has been recognizing that I’m in a battle, admitting that I’m struggling, and reconciling with the fact that it’s okay to be broken. Reading about your trial was, in a twisted way, encouraging to me. I’m hurting for you.
We might not be perfect, put-together, happy-happy Christians, but there’s beauty in suffering with Jesus, and joy even in the midst of sadness and confusion.
It’s taken me years to even admit struggle to myself, so I admire, and am thankful, for your honesty and openness. The way you’re reaching out to the world, humbling yourself and sharing what The Lord is teaching you, even though life is so raw, is so special to me.
My brother died 6 years ago this November, shortly before I turned 12, and I went downhill after that — chronic sickness, eating disorder, etc.. My battle this year has been recognizing that I’m in a battle, admitting that I’m struggling, and reconciling with the fact that it’s okay to be broken. Only now, after all these years, am I finding healing.
I’m hurting for you, but reading about your trial was, in a twisted way, encouraging to me. It’s okay if it never stops hurting, but you’re healing right now, Christopher. The Lord is so evident in your writing — keep lifting high the name of Jesus.
We might not be perfect, put-together, happy-happy Christians, but there’s joy even in the midst of sadness and confusion. There’s beauty in suffering with Jesus.
Christopher, thank you for your humility and being honest about where The Lord has you right now. Your story brought tears to my eyes, because I’ve been where you’re at. Five years ago I told God that I hated Him and that I was done having Him in my life. I had so much pain in my life at that time, and I allowed it to pull my from Christ rather than compell me to run to Him. God was incredibly gracious to draw me to Himself three years ago, and He restored those years of bitterness and rebellion. All that to say, it thrills my soul that, even in the midst of your extreme pain and anger, you are fleeing to Christ. He is he ONLY one to go to! Continue to fight the good fight of faith, knowing that He will supply the strength to do so. NEVER put your sword down…victory is on the way, because Christ purchased it for you on the cross.
I’m so blessed by your faith and honesty. These battles will be used by your Father to build you into a mighty warrior for Him.
You’ll be in my prayers!
Oh, and a hearty “YES!” to the songs you mentioned!
I was encouraged by this article you wrote. I am so sorry you lost your mother. That must be one of the most terrible things to have to go through. But I am so glad that we have something more to hold on to in this life than just the vague hope the world has. We have the assurance that if a loved one knew the Lord we will see them again. We have the creator and savior of the world to walk with us through our trials. I just recently read through Psalm 119 portion by portion and thought about what each verse was saying as I went through it. It was a huge blessing to me, especially the second half. I will pray that God will help you through this trial, and that he will bring you out stronger on the other side.
I love finding Christian teenagers that are the same age as me. It is just encouraging to me knowing that there are people my age that are standing up and living for God. 🙂
I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently. My family picture perfect family fell apart and parents are getting divorced, I came down chronically sick, ended up without somewhere to live several times, lost my job through no fault of my own (quotas), and the pain of the given situation can be overwhelming sometimes. One of the hardest things I find is articulating the pain or finding words to describe what it is like to lose your family in a phone call, or being rejected because you’re no longer strong, fit and “normal”. It’s certainly an area the church can work on understanding.
Yesterday I was thinking of what I would say to someone who is also going through intense grief to the question, “How do you hang on to God in these situations?” My first thought was, “By my teeth some days!” and then I heard a whisper in my heart from God, “Sometimes I hold on to you.” And it’s true. There have been times when all I could do was weep, and somehow, some way, He was there for me, when everyone else was/is gone.
My heart hurts for you. My pain is different, but loss is still loss. Know that whatever you do face He IS there for you, and it’s okay to hurt and be angry. It’s okay to weep. It’s good to grieve, and in the grief, He will hold you.
Blessings.
Rebelutionary Allumini
Thanks for you comment and encouraging words! Your so right, at times all we can do is be carried in the arms of Jesus!
God bless you!
You are so right, Elisabeth! Our hope of Jesus and eternity makes a world of difference! Thank you for your prayers!
I agree, it is encouraging to find like-minded teenagers!
Thanks for your encouraging comment, Baylie! I really do desire to draw closer to Jesus through all of this, and it is encouraging to hear of people (like you) who have experienced that.
Thank you for your prayers!
I praise God that you were encouraged by this! I am also glad that you are finding healing and am grateful if my article can help you heal in any way!
Thanks for your comment,
Blessings to you!
Hi Christopher, thanks for sharing this. I hope that you will always have this simple truth in mind – God loves you! You are His beloved. Jesus was victorious in doing His Father’s will because of the assurance that He is the Father’s beloved. Believe that God loves you no matter what you have done because the truth is, it’s not about what we have done, but what Christ has done for us. Be rested in the finished work of Christ. I hope you’ll have time to listen to the preachings of Ptr. Joseph Prince in this link: http://www.4shared.com/folder/nyWSvRDP/JPrinceRocks.html . Knowing the Father’s love for me and what Christ has done for me gave me great encouragement. Dwell in God’s love and fight from victory and not for victory because the battle has already been won by Christ at the cross. May you continue to fix your eyes on Jesus, He is everything that you will ever need. Rest in His love for you and may He surround you with His peace and cover you with His grace.
Your sister in Christ,
Angel
Wow… Thank you so much for speaking to me right when I needed it most.
Wow. I feel like God really led me to this post. One of our assigned summer reading books was “Do Hard Things”. When I was reading it I noticed that they had a blog, but I hadn’t gotten around to checking it out. August 22 (the day this was posted) was my 15th birthday. Honestly though, after it was over I wanted to do nothing but forget it ever happened. So this is how the day went: I went to school and my friends and I celebrated. I thought this has to be a sign that this day will go great. Well, that wasn’t the case. When school was over i was waiting for our nanny (my younger brother has special needs and I have a little sister too) to pick me up. My phone had died and I borrowed a friend’s and called my mom. “Dad has been trying to call you. Meredith is home sick. She’s been throwing up all last night and today.” This was the first I had heard of this. Anyway, my dad arrived and I picked my sister up from extended day. We had to go to my dad’s dentist appointment and then we went out an got cake and balloons. When we finally got home my mom was laying in bed saying she didn’t feel well enough to go out for dinner. So my dad, brother, sister, and I went out. At the restaurant we were talking and my dad said, “Well, at least this day can’t get any worse.” Well, he was proven wrong. After we got home and had cake my dad was helping my little brother get ready for bed when we heard loud whimpering from out in our backyard. My dad came running downstairs and by then I knew something was wrong. I looked out the window and our 9 year old labordoodle, Lilly, was in the back yard whimpering, sitting and dragging her back legs. I wish I could say I stayed calm and handled the situation well, but I didn’t. I started crying and hyperventilating. I’ve had Lilly since I was about 5 so she’s really a special dog to me. My dad and I then had to take her to the Animal Clinic Emergancy Room. They didn’t exactly know what was wrong with her and they were sending her scan somewhere to be more thoroughly examined. Well, we got home and I finished my home work. When I went to put Abbey, our tou australian shepherd, in her cage for the night she refused to and just sat in front of lilly’s cage loyaly. Around 12AM our house phone rang. The clinic was calling to tell us Lilly has spinal disk compression. After that I cried a lot and I got mad at God. I started wondering why he would let this happen to my dog and why he would let all these things happen on my birthday of all days. It was a tough night and I started to feel like God maybe forgot about me. I had my party yesterday and 2 of my friends wouldn’t come over because my mom was sick (but she wasn’t contagious and wasn’t even going to come downstairs). It hurt and again I felt like God wasn’t on my side anymore. Well my 2 of my other friends did stay the night and we had a lot more fun than I thought we would. They left my house about 4 hours ago. I have been sitting around reading magazines then thought about maybe starting a blog. After about 10 minutes of trying to find a site to do it on, I remembered this site. When I went to the blog part and saw the title of the post and the day it was posted, I knew I was led here for a reason. Reading this post has encouraged and uplifted me. I feel like God is here for me and I don’t doubt it. This has brightened my day so much. I have struggle with my relationship with my relationship with God for a while. I’m in 9th grade, but last year in 8th I was bullied quite a bit. I cried myself to sleep a lot of nights and was constantly wondering ‘where is God?’ and ‘Why is he letting this happen?’. I did have a point where it got so bad I did consider ending my life, but I did end up going against it. But sadly I do have a few scars on my ankles that I’m not proud of. But I had my friends and I started the “Butterfly Project” with my friends. And actually a few of them did it for them too and had their own stuff they were struggling with that it helped them with. I have been cut free for about 6 months. My friends are so supportive through it. And even though I didn’t realize it then God used me with my situation to reach out to my friends who were struggling and help them out of their tough times and give them someone to lean on. So thank you for your inspirational blog. It truly has help me so much.
Wow. I feel like God really led me to this post. One of our assigned summer reading books was “Do Hard Things”. When I was reading it I noticed that they had a blog, but I hadn’t gotten around to checking it out. August 22 (the day this was posted) was my 15th birthday. Honestly though, after it was over I wanted to do nothing but forget it ever happened. So this is how the day went: I went to school and my friends and I celebrated. I thought this has to be a sign that this day will go great. Well, that wasn’t the case. When school was over i was waiting for our nanny (my younger brother has special needs and I have a little sister too) to pick me up. My phone had died and I borrowed a friend’s and called my mom. “Dad has been trying to call you. Meredith is home sick. She’s been throwing up all last night and today.” This was the first I had heard of this. Anyway, my dad arrived and I picked my sister up from extended day. We had to go to my dad’s dentist appointment and then we went out an got cake and balloons. When we finally got home my mom was laying in bed saying she didn’t feel well enough to go out for dinner. So my dad, brother, sister, and I went out. At the restaurant we were talking and my dad said, “Well, at least this day can’t get any worse.” Well, he was proven wrong. After we got home and had cake my dad was helping my little brother get ready for bed when we heard loud whimpering from out in our backyard. My dad came running downstairs and by then I knew something was wrong. I looked out the window and our 9 year old labordoodle, Lilly, was in the back yard whimpering, sitting and dragging her back legs. I wish I could say I stayed calm and handled the situation well, but I didn’t. I started crying and hyperventilating. I’ve had Lilly since I was about 5 so she’s really a special dog to me. My dad and I then had to take her to the Animal Clinic Emergancy Room. They didn’t exactly know what was wrong with her and they were sending her scan somewhere to be more thoroughly examined. Well, we got home and I finished my home work. When I went to put Abbey, our tou australian shepherd, in her cage for the night she refused to and just sat in front of lilly’s cage loyaly. Around 12AM our house phone rang. The clinic was calling to tell us Lilly has spinal disk compression. After that I cried a lot and I got mad at God. I started wondering why he would let this happen to my dog and why he would let all these things happen on my birthday of all days. It was a tough night and I started to feel like God maybe forgot about me. I had my party yesterday and 2 of my friends wouldn’t come over because my mom was sick (but she wasn’t contagious and wasn’t even going to come downstairs). It hurt and again I felt like God wasn’t on my side anymore. Well my 2 of my other friends did stay the night and we had a lot more fun than I thought we would. They left my house about 4 hours ago. I have been sitting around reading magazines then thought about maybe starting a blog. After about 10 minutes of trying to find a site to do it on, I remembered this site. When I went to the blog part and saw the title of the post and the day it was posted, I knew I was led here for a reason. Reading this post has encouraged and uplifted me. I feel like God is here for me and I don’t doubt it. This has brightened my day so much. So thank you for your inspirational blog. It truly has help me so much.
Hi Christopher, thanks for being so honest as to share this, especially the quote from your diary–written just the day before. I remember feeling like this a few years ago. I didn’t write down my thoughts because I didn’t even dare admit them to myself, and I can’t remember how I got out of it.
Thanks again and God bless you.
I am crying right now. My life has been very tough, everything has you can think of has happened and I felt very angry with God, and while reading this I decided to give it all up. I have always wanted to just let go but never would. But know I realized God has a perfect plan for my life!
Christopher, I want to bless and thank you for your openness and vulnerability. Recently, I’ve been battling with God about some things He is allowing me to go through and this hit the nail square on the head. It’s such an encouragement to know that I ain’t the only person who goes through anger at God. I want you to know that I’ll be praying for you. Keep holding on and God bless.
-Marc
Jordan,
Praise the Lord! I am so glad that this was a blessing to you! And I am sorry things have been going kind of rough lately. Keep pressing on, brother! Let God speak to your heart and let Him lead you and carry you to greater places!
Blessings, and happy belated birthday! 🙂
All the glory to God, Marcia! It’s amazing how God uses each of us to encourage each other to persevere and follow Him!
Thank you for your prayers.
God bless you!
Blessings to you, Sadie! This is a place that I am continually coming to as well–surrendering to God, trusting He will lead me through the fog and help me through the battle (that’s already won, btw). He does have a perfect plan for your life, but it won’t always be easy. Continue on! Endure the race! Paradise is coming, sister! 🙂
Chris,
Thank you so much for sharing your hurts in order to encourage others. It is a beautiful gift. Some of your psalms (biblical and ‘modern) have encouraged me in my dark times too. There are a couple I wanted to add here in case you hadn’t heard/read them – they came to mind as I was reading your post. I hope you can be encouraged by these as I have been. Once again thank you for your gift.
No Matter What – Kerrie Roberts
Psalm 27:13&14
From,
Esther
Chris I’m nearly 40, booyah! just got rebuked with much love by a 17y.o! (Whos has Godly wisdom beyond his Years!!) You’re a champion have encouraged me so much in the midst of a battle. That was honestly ready to Give up on…Love you mate!! God Bless!! He is FAITHFUL!!
Michael
This is exactly how I feel. Confusion and discouragement. I long for hope and more but just cant find it. Thanks so much for writing this. I feel like God used you to speak directly to me. thank you.
Christopher,
I wanted to take the time to thank you for this article and all the other ones you have written on here. It has impacted me and a lot of my thoughts these past few days. I recently started going through this website and found this article and was blown away. I was able to send it to a friend of mine who lost her father about a year ago. Since I have not gone through what she has, sometimes my encouragement and prayers can ring empty, because at the end of the day, I still have my dad and she doesn’t. I know it was helpful for her to read about the truth of clinging to Jesus through these incredibly rough trials from someone who has gone through a similar trial. Your words have really given me much to think about and has been impacting my relationship with God. Thank you for posting these articles!
I have been praying for you and will continue to do so 🙂
Your sister in Christ,
Madison W
Wow, Madison! Praise God!
Isn’t it awesome how God uses each of us uniquely to express His love to each other? We are but catalysts between our fellow beings and God!
I am so glad you and your friend were blessed by this article!
And thanks so much for your prayers! God has been so amazing to me, especially since this article. He’s revealed Himself in completely new and wonderful ways! So thanks for praying!
Blessings to you!
Christopher
Thanks I needed this tonight! I’m in so much pain I want to end it all! All I keep asking Jesus is “how could you?”
I just wanted to say that I know exactly how you feel, I could have written every sentence of this. Just know that God has heard your prayers. I want to share a scripture with you: Exodus 2:23-25. I hope it helps.
in 18 months I lost 2 cars, 2 jobs, and have a $47K hospital bill thanks to GOD’s will. I’m currently ill for the past 5 weeks. Put a bullet in my head GOD if you want to keep the laughs rolling in. You’re a colossal disappointment who just gives & takes.
My heart really goes out to you, Darren. I have to ask though: What did you expect God to do for you? What promises did He break?
Life and other people have taught me to be grateful but God promises me nothing. He takes away things that I EARN. He picks me up to knock me down -year after year. I guess he squeezes more disappointments out of me by keeping me alive. Human’s deep emotions make us a Schadenfreude God’s favorite. I did my best to go to church every week until I got sick and now I’m alone.
There is no such thing as God. He is an excuse or a crutch for things without a scientific answer. How can I thank him for all the good things in my life yet blame myself for all the bad things?
Darren, God does promise you something, but it doesn’t involve never losing your car, job, money, or health.
God promised to make a way for you to know Him — which is what He did by sending Jesus Christ to die for your sins.
What’s more, for everyone who believes in Jesus, God promises to make everything work together for ultimate good — including our suffering.
Jesus was the only perfect man who ever lived, yet He was a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. His friends abandoned Him. He family didn’t believe Him. He was falsely accused, condemned to die, and crucified.
If you don’t believe me, read about Jesus yourself:
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Isaiah+53&version=MSG
If you really study the Bible, Darren, you’ll find that God promises that His children will face trials and suffering in this life — and shouldn’t be surprised by it. And yet, in an extraordinary act of redemption, God does promise to raise beauty from ashes.
My prayer for you is that rather than turning away from Jesus in your suffering, you’ll turn to Him. That you’ll realize that Jesus suffered too — suffered for you — and offers you hope in the midst of your present darkness.
Interesting, testing my faith huh? After 36 years of worship? If I was married and my spouse broke my heart every year I wouldn’t think that maybe I need to love her more. I’d take that love someplace else. My relationship with God is over. Bring him closer. HAH!
Actually Darren, life is about the destination, not the journey. Did you read about Jesus’s life, like I suggested? If so, you’d see that His journey wasn’t so hot either. How did He endure? Because of the joy He knew was coming. You on the other hand, are looking forward to revenge, to hate, and to bitterness.
Here’s what I think, Darren, after losing my mom to cancer, losing my apartment, facing more medical expenses than you have in the past year for my bed-ridden wife, and watching my career get put on complete hold for 2+ years: you think God is destroying your life, but it is your bitterness that is destroying you and will continue to destroy you.
Christopher, I’m happy to report that my prayer has been answered. Still a long road ahead, but a step now in the right direction. I had gotten to the point of pretty much telling God that He needed to cling to me if He still wanted me because I just felt like the devil was winning. He didn’t let me go. Thankfully!
Wow! Praise God Kelly! I’m so happy to hear this! That is awesome! You are on a good journey–keep pressing on!
I don’t know if anyone will answer me but I hope whoever does can pray for me. I’ve lost my relationship with God. I’m angry at what had happened in my personal life..why does he take away the good things? Why does he punish me? Why am I too damaged to have a healthy positive on life and love? I am at the point where it is easier to not feel and easier for me to be negative.
I actually can relate to that story up above. I did a search on “I am
angry with God, who do I talk to” And I found this place. The thing is
this, I have prayed, and good things have happened in my life, but. bad
things over whelm that. And what is going on now is devastating to say
the least. Yes, I am a born again Christian. and as life goes on ,
trials become just too much for me. I am 56 years old and have lived a
life of just too many ups and downs. I’ll admit though, I have not
stayed in my walk with the Lord constantly. So I do wonder about why
this is. I have been homeless a couple of times. My kids are adults now.
They worry about me, but wont let me stay with them. One of my kids
said “You should not be depending on your kids, you should be at a good
job where you can live on your own”.. That’s easier said than done. I
chose my whole life to raise my kids and now, I can’t seem to find a job
consistent enough or good enough to support myself.
I have been, as
my kids are now grown, in a few bad relationships. I find one good man
that I am crazy about, And we really do love each other. We believe in
the Lords guidance, and now, his 16 year old daughter hates me being
with him and she is very suicidal. I am staying with him yes. Our
intentions were to get married, but there’s a hold on that one now
because of her problems. I am not angry with her, she is a troubled
person… I am not angry with him, because when this all came about, she
was all for it, but after about a month into this, she just couldn’t
handle all this. And know.. I did EVERYTHING I could to help her.. but
she just can’t except me no matter how much I try to show her I care and
love her.. It’s not her fault though no. I don’t know who’s fault it
is. Because we believed that the Lord was leading us to this
relationship. His parents and family adore me, but his daughter is sick
and suicidal and that has to be taken STRONGLY into consideration. Her
Dr ordered that she move out of the house and stay somewhere else till
she heals. But I feel as though she should not have to leave, I SHOULD.
But I am so sad, because I love this man and we love each other so
much,. But I don’t want her to feel as though she has to leave or that
her father is taking me over her. Yes, I feel that I want to die and
give up on life. Because I have taken more than I can… yes, I have way
more that I could tell from the crap of my past, but I just don’t want
to overwhelm readers here as I probably already have. I just need to
vent.. thanks all for reading..
oh my word Chris… this literally made me cry!!!
What you penned in your journal is very close to what i penned last night. “God is in Control,” is hard, but so true!!!! This is an amazing, article !!!!
Great post. I’m angry too, and at this point life’s a big dumb joke. We all die and everything breaks anyways. Who cares
Just something I’d like to say, I love your article, but correction. When Jesus cried out on the cross “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” it wasn’t a cry of despair. It was a cry of profound trust. Yes, he starts out saying, “…why have you forsaken me?” but if you read further into the Psalm 22, it says, “Yet You are enthroned as the Holy One, you are the one Israel praises. In you our ancestors put their trust; they trusted and You delivered them.” (Israel meaning us too, not just Israelis). Jesus is saying, “Through all this pain, through all this suffering, I’m still going to trust in You, God. I trust that You will bring me out of this. I believe and trust that there is something greater for me at the end of this. So, although it may hurt, although I will die, I will trust.” You can see why it isn’t a psalm of despair, but trust. Again, I’m not trying to say your article is wrong, a lot of it is right, I just wanted to comment on that part. Thanks for the article. 🙂
God never stops testing someone.
Praying for you.
Kate
No, that’s not true. If you really believe in God, there is something so much greater after this life. Life continues. Except for, life in Heaven is so much greater, with no suffering or pain.
Yeah. But I feel like he could at least help during this depression. He’s silent, and I don’t wanna love him anymore. Happy people and depressed people get Heaven, it just doesn’t seem like anything to want. After he destroys the world and sees who will suffer and die for him and refuse the mark of the beast, then we can get heaven.
No, to get to Heaven you have to live the life God planned for you to the best of your ability. I just went through this too, so don’t feel like I don’t know what I’m talking about. I’m not a professional at this, but I know what you’re talking about. Although it may feel like God has left you, don’t despair, he’s probably just testing you. Testing isn’t bad, it’s like at school. Tests are meant to see how much you know so that the teacher knows what you struggle with and how to help you. Although God knows all your struggles already and really (for Him) doesn’t need to give you that test. It’s really for you. Will you stay with God even though it’s tough? Think about the best time of your life. When you were truly happy. That is just a snippet of Heaven. Just a little piece. Can you imagine something 1,000,000 times greater (in fact, even more than 1,000,000) than that moment? That’s Heaven. Don’t you want to get there? Trust in God. It may be hard. Life isn’t always easy. Life is hard at times. I’m going to leave the choice to you. Will you keep trusting in God?
Praying for you.
Kate
It. Just seems dumb that he made us to only be happy with him, then he pirposely stays silent so we are miserable. I don’t like his plan at all, and it’s definitely not love. I have no garauntees except that it I love him back I will go to heaven… How can I force loving him? My desires are better then his and it’s been proven in my own life. I appreciate you trying to help, I just definitely don’t believe he is good. Too many problems and it’s unrealistic to be thankful for all the trials. I don’t wanna wait for him Kate. I don’t want his miserable depressed way of living, I want to be free of God and the devil and their own battle between themselves have nothing to do with me.
I have no doubt heaven will be more then we can imagine, but everyone gets golden streets. All I want is a small peaceful life, with a wife. Or not even that, just to be happy and fear the awful future. It’s BS he doesn’t help
But thank you Kate. I’m sorry it’s just how I feel. When will the test be over? Is this what life with God is like?
God Speaks: “Sometimes you just have to be still…refuse to give in, give up, fall apart, or make any move…just be still. It is all about getting before Me and not allowing anything or anyone in your space. This includes giving nothing to the devil…time, thought, a listening ear…nothing. It is to be just you and Me. Be okay with silence, stillness, and quiet. It is at this moment when you intentionally bring your total being under My subjection that you will hear My voice the clearest. Don’t allow your attention to be given to anything else. Sit in My presence and allow My Spirit to captivate, envelope, soothe, heal, and hem you in. It will be the most blessed quiet time you will experience on earth. It will be so divinely captivating that you will want to carve out time like this to be still and know Me. It is the start to hearing My voice, becoming One with Me, and our unity taking off into a blessed direction in relationship unlike you have ever experienced. I encourage you to come and know Me in this way.”
Psalm 46:10 – “Be still, and know that I am God…”
I’m sorry.
I actually don’t know what to say to that, except trust in God. I don’t know how long the test will be. It’s your choice. I wish I could help more. God made us for for so much more, that I can’t believe that He would give up on us now. God doesn’t force us to love Him. It’s your choice. Pray about it
I will think about what you’ve said and try to help. All I can say is that He still loves you.
Yeah I don’t know either. Sorry about that, I get so sad it drives me crazy… God does want my trust. So I should probably do that. Thanks Kate
Yes, God totally does want your trust. I know what you mean by “I get so sad it drives me crazy.” I have moments like that too. I’m glad you understand, because this stuff is confusing. 🙂
Another thing is that sometimes, yes, God stays silent, but that’s for our own good. God will always know you better and Love you better than you can yourself.
Even though you may feel like there is absolutely no way that you can still get to Heaven, there is a way. It’s called forgiveness. I agree that you can’t ignore your feelings, but give God a chance. He was beat, starved, and killed because of the world’s sins. He knows why you’re mad. I agree that the world is a mess, but we as Christians are called to be love to the world. People who cause all these problems probably went through something like you’re going through now, where they got mad at God but they chose to be bitter and take their bitterness out on the world. I’m sure you don’t want more problems, so why are you letting Satan to get under your skin? I’m not saying let go of your feelings, but use them to change the world for good, not evil.
Praying.
Kate
Kate we got highlighted now everyone will see us lol
Haha! Well, maybe our conversation will help others too. 🙂
Hey, good point Kate!
I agree, many of Psalms are Psalms of trust. That’s one reason I love the Psalms so much. The year after my Mom died, I devoured the Psalms. Often, they express so articulately how I feel, but the amazing thing is the Psalmist usually brings it back to trust. However, I don’t believe the Psalmists necessarily *felt* trust in God, but they knew they had to, so they did. Jesus only said “Why have you forsaken me.” I think that’s really how He felt. He felt forsaken by God. But expressing how one feels, especially to God, doesn’t necessarily mean we aren’t going to do our dead-level best to trust.
Thanks for your feedback!
Yeah, I agree. You’re welcome for the feedback, thanks for your article!
Well, you just have to do what you think God is calling you to do at that moment. Live in the moment and pray about it. Again, you’re not going to live it perfectly because nobody is perfect, but try to just live in the moment and do what you think God is calling you to do.
Btw, how did you get your words in italics?
Your story about your mom reminded me of this song called “Iris” by U2. The singer lost his mom when he was 14. (I think he was fourteen or around that age.) The song is about his mom. His mom’s name was Iris. It’s kind of a sad song if you listen to the lyrics.
Maybe! And maybe you can share about your season of silence? You can email me If Ya want.
I wouldn’t call it a season of silence, a test is more like it. My life at that point was going pretty well. I had friends, good grades, my grandparents were living by us… etc… I think God really just wanted to test me so that I would realize that I need to rely on Him, not material things or relationships. It was hard to keep on trusting God. I know I failed at times, but now I realize that as much as I love my friends and my material goods, God needs to be first. It needs to be God, others, and then me.
Have you gotten my reply yet? Because it isn’t showing up on mine.
Ok. Now have you got it?
Hello Jonathan,
I went through the stage you’re going through. I didn’t want to live my life for God and do anything for Him. I just wanted to do what I wanted to do. I didn’t want to follow God because I wanted to do what I want, God was just a side thing for me at Church. But then I realized, this life is only temporary, God is eternal. So why not live your life for Him? All the materialistic things before us will be there and gone forever. I am now working on projects for God’s glory, and I find extreme joy in that, I find extreme joy in writing for Him, I find joy in living my life for Him. Most of the times living your life for God is to give up the materialistic god’s you have, and focus everything on Him, and trust me, although the road may be hard, you can still live life knowing that He will provide! You might be feeling the way you are because are still attached to certain things. I know I felt far from God when I was.
There’s my little thought. 🙂
God Bless,
Liam
I agree with everything except the part that says “… because we love God we love others.” That doesn’t explain the people who hate God, but love others.
Yes I agree with 1John 4:20, but still that doesn’t explain how so many people will go out of their way to love others, but do absolutely nothing for God and don’t love Him.
And I wasn’t trying to say that sin gets excused, since it doesn’t except thru forgiveness, but that we should try not to sin anyway.
Oh, and please don’t think that I’m trying to disagree with everything you say, I’m not. I just want to get this cleared up. Who knows? Maybe both of us are wrong. 🙂
Yes, agreed. But, even if we love God, we will still mess up. You can love your parents and still lie to them if you’ve done something bad or something. I’m not saying it’s impossible to follow the commandments, but just loving God doesn’t mean that we will never sin again.
Oh, I thought we were talking about before going to Heaven and our life on earth. Oops. 🙂
Wait, in “being saved” do you mean when we get to Heaven, our when we are saved thru forgiveness on earth? Cause I thought we were talking about Heaven.
Ok, yeah, I was confused. Sorry. 🙂
I just googled this as I am so angry at where I have ended up and feel in such deep despair. I am a domestic abuse and rape victim who has had the table turned on her. My abuser is being supported by the Church, the state and has my home and my children. I have been called a liar and worse in court. I now live a tiny damp apartment, have no money and I feel no future. If I had the courage suicide would be a great option.I do not need trite praise the Lord.I think God hates me . I am facing my 4th Christmas without my children , all because I had the courage to call the police. They let me down badly. I do still read my Bible but struggle to pray. I have also taken comfort from the books of Archbishop Desmond Tutu and his daughter. I can still call out to Jesus.
I wish it all would end .
Dear Maggie, I am so sorry for what you have gone through. I know it breaks God’s heart too. I am praying for you. Have you tried finding a church that will support and love you? I imagine trusting another church would be very difficult after what you’ve gone through, but not all churches are the same.
Hi Brett
Thank you for replying and thank you for your prayers. Yes I do go to Church , I started about a year ago not all the time though. Just to encourage you for the first time in a long while in Church today I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit. I have also made a friend who is in a similar situation and we give each other strength.
Thank you. I am very grateful for your prayers.
That’s wonderful, Maggie. I pray that God continues to show you His love and care for you.
Your opening paragraph is my story … but for different reasons.
I am also scared to death that God has left me forever. When I was saved at 8 years old, I wondered why I didn’t feel any different. Mostly just did my own thing until I was 17, then returned to God and enjoyed a relationship. Again, the relationship slowly slipped away. Years later, in great distress (abuse) I called on God and He met me immediately and changed my heart. We continued together for some time … until I slipped away again. This time, I joined the world in filling the pain of abuse, as God didn’t seem to hear me or help. This break up lasted a long time. Now … I want to worship God, confessed my sins and am seeking Him.
He is no where to be found. I live in dreadful, almost evil, fear every day this past year. I’m angry at God because he doesn’t respond … I don’t sense His presence,
I don’t know how to be humble, cannot figure out how to love Him or worship Him.
I know about different biblical doctrines and confusing verses. SOOOOO many harsh verses only scare me more. No matter how much time I spend praying and asking for the gift of faith ……. I am so angry that He will not answer my prayers … not for anything physical and an easier life … my only prayers are for a relationship with God. Where is He? My mind is so messed up, that suicide seems like the only way to get relief. Which sounds crazy, but eternity is eternity, so what does it matter if I get there sooner or not.
Mmeeww,
When I read this, I actually started crying. Because I know where you are coming from with this. I know that feeling that suicide is the only way out.
I know how you feel. I know how crazy it feels. But how true it feels.
You feel like you are alone. Like you are a hopeless case. Like you are to flawed and lost to ever be found.
But Mmeeww, there is hope!
But he is the good shepherd! The one who looks for his lost sheep! He is carrying you on his shoulders, like a shepherd carries his sheep.
He is your Redeemer.
He is your Savior.
He is holding you up with is righteous right hand.
He is holding your tears.
That is where he is.
You say, “Eternity is Eternity, so what does it matter if I get there sooner or not.”
Because God has a plan for your life. He made you. He knit you together before the world was even made. He Loves you so much that he sent his one and ONLY son down in the form of a baby.
A baby born to set the world free.
A baby born to see you free.
A baby born to rescue you.
I’ll be praying for you.
And please don’t be afraid to talk. Because there is so much power in that.
~Rachel
I wish you the best. Trying to figure out life and the “whys” of life is very hard, if not impossible. The sensitive and intelligent suffer more mental anguish than the clod that just bang on through.
It is hard to believe God is in control. Sometimes I feel like, “Dude, take the wheel and drive this thing, we are off the tracks”. The hurts keep coming, and they will wear you down.
I feel sometimes as someone who is completely in love with God and he goes out of his way to break your heart. Standing there hurting and getting hurt by the one you love the most, and they do not seem to care.
Cry me a river….
How many of you have been seeking Gods face but he has become less and less of a refuge due to silence.
Over the last 7 years I have lost faith…. How can a loving God let a person suffer and be silent for so long, turning a deaf ear? How can a loving God let a believer soak their pillow with tears at night and awaken every morning wishing they could simply pull the plug on life because of unanswered prayers and life’s painful struggles?
Why does God allow a person to seek his face, laying all troubles before the throne while standing on the scripture only to yield barren fruit. How is one to keep faith when God remains silent I ask, just as many of you do.
Many seek answers to these questions on the internet only to find people giving answers that are fed with silver spoons all their lives…. sin they say.. you have sin in your life… Tell that to someone that is on their knees crying out to God for whatever reason, only to come away understanding their prayer has been void and null.. Tell that to me having cried out to God only to lose my home, family , job and the will to live ….
Maybe God has turned an ear away from America for taking prayer out of schools and allowing guns to be replaced. Ten commandments being removed from courthouses and replaced with gay marriage legislation . Allowing a president to be elected who hates Israel… Scripture says ” I will curse those that curse Israel and I will bless those that bless Israel… you get the idea
On the other hand, with all the negative remarks I make,I like so many others are ready to see the sleeping giant, God almighty awaken and start blessing all those that love and trust in him.. restoring a nation under God as it was meant to be by our founding fathers.
With new found faith, I ask everyone that is in need to no longer be complacent with your surroundings and stand in faith with me and I likewise with you that God’s grace and mercy be fulfilled in our lives starting today.. the word says we are ambassadors of Christ, blessed in the city and blessed in the country- so be it…
And let the church say….
Thank you! God bless.
I agree i am slowly losing my faith and battle with depression and im tired of prayering for years and having none of my prayers answered.
Hi Christopher, I don’t know how you are doing now, but I pray well. I am so sorry that you lost your mother at such a young age. This may be wordy, but I feel compelled to write you and tell you what I have learned in the last few years. If anything I say brings pain please disregard it and know it is not from the Lord, it is just me not articulating my words well. To begin, I was raised in the church my whole life and accepted Christ as my Savior at age 8. I was home schooled, did some public school and spent 8th grade through 12th grade in Christian school. My life was easy and faith came easily. I met my husband in school and we were married at age 20. He worked for his dad and was supposed to take over the family business. We had our first child in 2009 when we were 24 years old. When our child was just one month old my brother’s best friend (who’s family can only be described like your very closest cousins and aunt and uncle) drowned at the age of 23. He was innocent, followed the Lord, volunteered in church and just achieved his goal of becoming an x ray tech. I knew him since he was 3 and I was 5. During this time my in-laws decided to have a nasty divorce and my father in law quit going to work. My husband and I were not able to cash his paychecks on time and eventually fell WAY behind financially. My father in law promised to sell the business and pay out my husband his retirement money, but never would end up doing so. My husband shut dow and hid financial distress from me, during that year. My brother quit eating because of the pain of losing our friend and almost died of anorexia. I cried-no sobbed every day for over a year. I felt that God had let me down. When the financial problems were so bad that my husband thought we may lose our house he told me. All of the sudden I could not trust my husband and my financial security was gone. I was angry at God. When I reached out to my church, some people responded with wisdom, others responded with harsh words that they probably read in a book and thought sounded good. I don’t believe these people had ill intentions, but they spoke words of death none the less. During this time, my husband got a new job (huge blessing from God) and he repented of deceiving me about our finances. We began to heal. In 2013 we had our second child and were looking forward to getting caught up financially and learning a new norm. When our second child was 2 months old and our first was 3, my husband’s dad took his own life. We were left with sorrow, anger, resentment and a plethora of other emotions and issues to deal with. It was a HUGE mess, he had spent everything he had on feeding his and his girlfriend’s addictions and then opted out of life. Again some of the church spoke words of wisdom and some words of death. This time I had already learned some truths of God that helped me deal with the pain, but it was like walking through fire. Then, 10 months later, my uncle was beat to death. It made national and international news. The people that took his life were members of law enforcement. They walk free today and it kills me inside. I share this not to gain sympathy or to show “how bad I’ve had it”, but because I want you to understand my journey. When I lost my loved ones every time Christians told me it was God’s will, this never sat well with me and caused me much pain and anger. With the first loss I was at a turning point in my walk with God. I went to church ONLY out of obedience I told God I was sorry, but I was angry with Him. I prayed that if He willed for this to happen He would make me dumb so I wouldn’t know, or that If it wasn’t His will He would teach me the truth about who He Is. I sometimes (when I had the strength to do so) read my Bible. I talked to pastors and other believers. The thing to remember is to be cautious when talking to others, you MUST check what they are saying against the word of God. This is what I learned: there is A TON of bad theology out there! People told me God willed my friend to drown. Scripture says in Genesis that God asked Adam and Eve NOT to eat of the tree and sin or they would die. Other scriptures say that when Jesus saw that Lazarus was dead Jesus wept! Scripture is littered with the fact that God wants and creates life and SIN is what causes death. Many Christians also believe that everything that happens is God’s will because God is omnipotent. This is not what scripture says though. God is all powerful, but the Bible tells us that man has his own free will. In the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus tells us to pray for GOD’S will on earth as it is in heaven. If everything that happened here was HIS will, I don’t think He would tell us to pray that way! Now, the hard part: why? I got the best answers from the parent’s of my friend that drowned and some really old Christians. It’s much simpler than I ever expected. Because we live in a fallen world. When sin entered the world so did death.That’s the reason we need a Savior. That’s the reason He will come again and set all things right! Because His will is good. So, when my uncle was murdered and some well intentioned, misinformed Christians said that I must be comforted by the fact that this was “God’s will” I could say, “according to scripture murder is NOT the will of God. It was a sin of those that took their gift of free will and used it to sin against my uncle and my God. It violates His GOOD and perfect will!” Which brings me to my next point, God will not waste our pain! We know from Jeremiah that God has plans to give us a hope and a future! At times I too have felt like so many that have responded to this post, that God hated me and did not answer my prayers. The only thing I can say is hold on, one day you may look back like me and see that He was doing more than you even thought to pray for. Know that when I look back I see He was carrying me and when I cried He was crying too. He suffered with me and still does. If you google the words to David Crowder’s song “All I Can Say” this song very accurately depicts my heart. I hurt EVERY day because of the ones I have lost. I Know that my heart is very scarred but I know that when Christ comes again or calls me home, then I won’t have to carry the scars of this world any longer! I did not have to go through all of this tragedy to learn this about God. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, but o am glad that He didn’t waste my pain and that He has given His word so that I can know that He truly does love me and have a GOOD and perdect will for me!
To God be the glory forever and ever!
In Him,
Meg
I am so sorry for all the lost you’ve experienced, Meg! I pray for God’s continued comfort and healing!
Thanks for sharing, I think it will be helpful to many readers!
Keepin it real! Love it!
Wow. This is so encouraging and so REAL to me.
Sometimes I feel like every wall around me is falling down. I want to run away and I want to be angry at someone and I want everything to just STOP. But it doesn’t. And God has slowly been teaching me that He is always good. He is always sovereign. He is always here, and He is not silent. I am His.
Thank you for writing this. It’s exceedingly encouraging to see the way that God is working on you through your struggle, and to be reminded that He will not ever leave you or me or any of His children.
It IS depressing to see how many people are struggling. But we have to remember that He is sovereign. Our God doesn’t sleep (Psalm 121:4) and He is not silent. (Read 1 Kings 19… even when it feels like it, God is not silent.)
If we believe that God is silent, we CAN’T keep faith. It’s not worth it. But if we believe that our Lord is fighting for us, and that He is good all the time, and that He sees us in our misery and He will restore us eventually (Psalm 115:3), we CAN keep up faith and we CAN hope, because we know that we are not alone.
We must also remember that we who are called to Christ are not called to a “good life” or a life of peace and complacency. We are called to suffer. (Matt. 16:24) And we are called to rejoice in suffering, not grumble and cry out against God. (Romans 5:3-5)
In the end we will be rewarded for our suffering for the sake of Jesus Christ. (Romans 8:18)
Do not give up hope. God is not silent, and He will not reject forever.
He is good.
This is the age old question, I feel for you, I understand this pain and how you feel and the intensity of how you feel it, I’m in this place as well.. its the hardest thing, because your heart doesn’t want to be angry at God..in itself is hard to even talk about.. its so confusing. I’m guilty of not seeking him with all of my heart for a while being in this dark place..feels like I’m buried alive and It’s like I can imagine him seeing me, but not helping me… its remarkably hard. I think its best to realize emotions and feelings are normal, simply a reaction to what is happening, we can’t help it, I need to start doing something with it, instead of letting it kill me inside, because I know its killing me. What if we took our anger and pain to God, I mean even on the cross Jesus/God himself in the flesh doubted Gods word saying “Why have you forsaken me”? I use to not understand that verse, just skipped over it. Now I understand such feelings of pain and hopelessness impair your faith, thoughts, feelings, hope even, I think God see’s our hearts are tired and if he really is all loving and all knowing he must see we don’t like feeling this way, and maybe someday if we keep praying, he’ll help us, or something. What else will we put our hope in? It is scary when you don’t understand him, or know who he is fully.. I can confess this, I wish he would do something, or let me know he still loves me or and that he won’t leave me </3 lets pray he shows us both.
This was incredibly helpful to me, and I’m also bowled over by how much wisdom you have at such a young age. Thank you!
My husband of 27 years was killed on his way to work by a semi just 9 weeks ago. The pain and despair are so great and fresh every day. In receiving the news that day, I fell and broke my ankle in three places and had to go straight to the hospital for surgery and then 4 weeks later I had a heart attack. I am trying hard to trust and hang on but I don’t know how to let go and let God hang on to me instead. My prayers are still just empty cries of despair. I know God’s timing and God’s plan is perfect. I hold to that in the only hope that someday I will be able to get beyond surviving a few minutes and live again. My relationship with God feels empty and I feel abandoned. I try my best to be honest and tell God how I feel and trust that He cares and will carry me. I want to either give up or live – the first is not an option and the second, I don’t know how to do at this point. I have 4 grown (20’s) children that I don’t know how to help cause I can’t help myself. I am doing my best to just walk through it and be gentle, believing that this is just a season and God’s grace will be the victor in my life. Thank you for sharing your story.
I am so sorry. I don’t know if you’ll see this, but I am praying for you.
Our incredible God will see you through, sister. Cling desperately to Him, each moment of each day of every week.The sun WILL shine again. Praying for you.
I greatly appreciate you sharing the brokenness and humility of your heart. I think that there is a misconception that as Christians, we are supposed to be strong and capable all the time. We feel like we are failing God if we do any less. But that’s the point, we can’t handle or do it all. That’s how God is glorified even in our sufferings. “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.” Psalm 51:17. I am praying for your shattered heart and that you will do as the Casting Crowns song says, “Lift your hands, lift your eyes…In the storm is where you’ll find Me…And where you are, I’ll hold your heart…stop holding on and just be held.” <3
thank you so much. i needed this
AMEN!!!
Today I felt so angry with cause the last two years I have bullied by these women at work. And my bosses have done nothing about it. I just ask God why is he letting this happen.
I am so glad God led me to read this page this morning. Mine is a story of illness, suffering and death. It started with losing my Mum to cancer in 2005 aged 64.. 4 years ago both my partner and sister were diagnosed with cancer within the same week. A year later after many treatments the cancer came back in both of them, within the same week. My sister died from this 2 years ago, my partner is still living but has had cancer again since then. She has now been diagnosed with MS yesterday. I know deep down I believe in God’s plan but I am very angry with him. I also believed that suffering is a passing phase and that rest and peace will follow.I know doubt this on a daily basis. I have no proof that it does. I question God’s motives and I am truly broken..
I came across this page while searching for answers as what to do when angry at God and not wanting to believe anymore. I have struggled for 4 years with a daughter with depression, suicide attempts and domestic violence against me. I love her very much but it has been a struggle and a toll on my health. It just seems to be one trial after another and i am at the end of my rope. Thank you for being honest and encouraging. I know that it will take time to get back to where I want to be spiritually but I am encouraged by not beating myself up by not being a perfect Christian. Those words from your friend broke through something in me. Thank you for sharing. Bless you.
why doesn’t god show himself? what the idea behind the “you have to believe in me” i totally don’t understand. I slowly lose my faith because of this and the fact that there is so much suffering in the world. so much inequality….
i prayed for a stronger relation with him but its just getting weaker
there are 7 billion sheep in need of a shepherd i just dont… feel is there
I am at the point where I can not give thanks to God. Everything and everyone that I ever loved has been taken away from me. I pray every single day and still God ignores my prayers and it hurts me to much as I see God answering other people’s prayers but he never answers mine, which can only mean one thing, that he doesn’t love me or care about me anymore
I can only say that God gets you, knows where you are at, love’s you so much, just like so many people in the bible, Moses waited for 40 years for God to speak to him, the woman at the well waited for God knows how long and that bloke by the pool waited for 38 years, hopefully it won’t be that long for you, or for me to see God helping, answering our prayers. I pray that God will give both of us a sign that he does actually exist and care for us. Only one doctrine to care about. GOD IS LOVE AND HE LOVES YOU. That’s it,just like a child receives and trusts and believes, problem is we make it to hard and become to adult, anyway God bless us both
Dude, please don’t give up on God. I can promise you that he loves you more in a moment then anyone could in a lifetime. I don’t know what you’ve been through, but I just want to encourage you to keep seeking God. I’m praying for you.
I’m angry with god for sitting on his throne looking down on us and not doing nothing to help solve the world’s problems! He supposed to be this almighty being…made the whole universe and what’s in it, but yet he can’t stop mere mortal men and women from doing the wicked things that they do. Where is the reality in that? Yes, I used to believe…(well, led to believe) in Jesus/God, but I no longer do.
Norbert, I know there isn’t anything I can really say to you to change your current state of mind. But I know this still presses on your heart. You say you don’t believe, but you found your way here, to this page, searching for something. Angry at God does not mean disbelief in God. God does not view things as we do with our human minds and perception. That is all I can offer you. I pray peace for you, my friend.
Meg, I hope you see this post. Your words were of the Lord and were inspiring. Thank you and I truly pray for you and your family my sister.
Very well said, Bill. I truly believe my sensitivities and intelligence to be a curse sometimes. Like Solomon said in Ecclesiastes…. For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow.
Thank you Charity! I pray the Lord will use my painful experiences, as well as my joyous ones to bless and bring honor to Him and bring comfort to those that are suffering! Your prayers are so welcome and appreciated. I don’t even know how I came across your response (this is the only public thing I have ever posted on the Internet), and I somehow saw the notification of your response in my email. Funny enough, I have struggled a lot about my uncle’s passing the last couple of days-God must have known I needed extra prayers! Thank you for being the Lord’s instrument. I would like to let you know that the amount of healing that had happened since this post is amazing. The pain is still there, but somehow Christ continues to renew my soul-even when I never thought it would be possible! Blessings in Christ my friend!
-Megan
Blessings to you, as well, Meg. I am so happy to hear of your progress! I will continue to remember you in my prayers.
My Great Grandad was a preacher so I grew up believing in God/Jesus until I was about 14. As children it wasn’t an option, we had to go to church, or else we get a whopping. That was when I lived on a small Island in the Caribbean before I came to the UK. Back on the Island all you’ll hear about is God/Jesus, because it was drummed into our heads by preachers from mainly the US. And our parents, gave them the best of everything…because they were men of “supposedly” god. But it is not until living in the UK, becoming an adult and looked at life and the world in a more realistic way…; this is when I started drifting away from what I was taught about God/Jesus on that Island. When I look at the wars, destruction in Syria and other places, killing innocent babies/children, adults and animals, my heart hardens even more; because your God can’t do anything to save them. The Presidents, Prime Ministers, Politicians, the Churches, the Pope and the UN can’t stop the wars. In fact, they are the ones that start them and contributing to them. And this is where God should intervene… But God, this super being that “supposedly” made the universe and all that’s within it, but can’t oversee and control it. Where is the logic in that? It’s like someone designing and building a machine, but doesn’t know how to repair it when it goes wrong!
I found my way to your page because I googled to see if there were others that felt the same way about god as I do, and your page came up…, but it was different from what I was expecting…
It’s because he doesn’t exists. It’s a man made being…just like other people worship statues, and money. Has anyone ever come back from the dead and said; truly, there’s a god and a heaven? I used to believe…but now, I believe in reality…things that you can see, touch and feel.
I know where you’ coming from…
I understand. My brother is going through the same thing right now. All I can say is God sees the end of it all. He is doing what he knows is best. We cannot see these things He sees from where we are. He says his thoughts are not like ours. We view things from a human heart and mind. We forget that God is not a human. It boils down to that you either have faith that God knows what he is doing or you lose the faith in God and walk away from him. I understand what you are saying and I hope you understand what I am trying to say, as well. I will still pray for you and continue to go out into this ravaged world and help as many as I can. I hope you do the same. Take care of yourself.
Bring back the times when Jesus used to heal, feed, heal and bring people back from the dead. Was all that true? I have my doubts…because none of it is happening today.
It is not possible to be angry at God. You may have a legitimate complaint, but to be angry with your brother makes you liable to the council. And I believe Jesus was referring to the council in heaven when he said that.
But to be angry with that which is not sin, means you’ve set your standards higher than God.
Jesus refers to the earth as a Vineyard owned by a man who left it to his servants (the prophets) before going off on a long journey….. it’s time Christians are taught in Sunday school to accept this analogy, learning that lesson later in life is much more painful.
Mr. Johansen: If what you say is true, then there will be NO humans in Heaven. And if to be angry at God means you are setting yourself higher than him, then 99% of those who wrote the psalms thought themselves higher than God, huh? Good grief, humans are flawed, but whose standards are higher, someone like me who would, were he able, keep anyone from suffering, or the one who IS totally able to do this and chooses not to?
Nonsense. Surely all of us have suffering in life, but suffering NEVER produces peace, only an ending of the same produces peace. I challenge you to take a sharp knife and draw it down your arm, and keep doing so until you have no arm left, just so you can come back and tell me at what point your accepting the pain brought peace. Good God, people are in DIRE PAIN here, and you regurgitate nonsense.
Jesus’ standard is perfection. last verse in Matt 5 and alluded to elsewhere in dozens of locations.
anyhow, i find no substantial evidence that David was ever angry with God.
you may have a problem defining the word anger. no anger is legitamate unless sin is involved. if God sins against you, you can be angry at him. till then, ponder your own false emotions.
So you do not consider God’s ignoring the horrid deaths of six million Jews a sin? Of course you con’t, as you shut off your mind as far as God is concerned. Given His power, knowledge, etc., the bar for Him is LOWER not higher, and He most definitely decided NOT to help the Jews. Don’t know what you would call this re: God, but with ANY other being it is SIN, plain and simple, and cannot be defended. Other than just saying God is perfect, how do you come to the conclusion that His denials of His chosen people’s need is anything but wrong?
no, it wasn’t sin for God to not deliver the dead.
Stephen, one of the very first martyrs, was likely fully aware of what would happen and chose not to follow Jesus’ command of “flee persecution” and it was not sin that God did not send an angel of death to kill those who stoned him.
in fact, allegedly, God regards highly the death of his saints.
psalms 116:15
the dead jews who refuse his salvation, do not apply.
that said: you might do more for the kingdom of heaven to be stoned by a mob, than any argument you can utter in the town square.
Wow, so, because they hadn’t accepted Jesus as their Savior, God said fuck ’em, as you do. I am a Christian, but if I thought there was even a tiny sliver of Christians who thought as you do, I’d find something else, and I may away, as I want NOTHING to do with people who think, as you do, that Jews “deserved it.” You wicked little turd.
The dead Jews who refuse to forgive their brother will be condemned same as any christian, same standard; even Stephen asks God to forgive them… There seems to be room for a jew to be saved even if they are skeptical of Jesus’ alleged fulfillment of the messiah prophesies. As Paul says their heart is partly hardened. But we know that few will enter the kingdom. So we shudder while wondering… “who can be saved?”
In a country ruled by a dictator, where you can barely find a thing to eat, with a paraplegic/autistic son who sleeps all day and stays awake all night, with the death of a great parent who was there for his family no matter what, YET he suffered for 14 years from diverse ailments. God, I’m freaking pissed at you. I tried believing, I tried to be more hopeful and believe your word. I tried to understand your ways, I prayed so many times, I tried so hard. But you don’t care. You never cared. Do you even exist?
The end of the book has already been written. We know the outcome. Study Revelations. Are you familiar with end time prophecy and how things will come into play through our political party and who is in authority over us. Satan will be bound (chained for a thousand years) imagine that. We have overcome because Jesus said we bruised and crushed him beneath our feet (yes, our feet). Jesus will set up his kingdom for a thousand years here on earth (the Millennium) and we will be his helpers and rulers if we are at the First Resurrection. Jesus is preparing a place for us, he said, “if I go away I will prepare a place for you”. I know the daily things of life are hard. But, it is a battle that is in the mind. Joyce Meyer has a great book on the Battlefield of the Mind. He put certain people in places of power who will knock certain things out. If it is not you or I we really should be praying for our Government, our President etc. That is our role in all this. Things are happening, behind the scenes. It is not all visible. Remember, Jesus said, “that we should be more concerned with the invisible, the physical will pass away. It is the unseen that is far more important. I can see you have given up but I really believe it is more from immaturity (I was there, so I am not judging). As we study and develop we learn and we can build hope. God could be angry with you for just sitting there and complaining and not studying to show yourself approved. He gave us free will, people will always be out there doing wicked things because they have fallen away from God and they do not seek him. But, I think you really know that you have to put some effort into it. Any relationship takes a lot of time. To be truly intimate with God you have to repent and renew your relationship with Jesus Christ. Jesus died for us, he bore our sins, he healed us. Ask him to fill you with his Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is a counselor, a guide who will reveal truth. Ask him to reveal to you what he wants you to do about world affairs. It could be that he has called you because you are aware of things around you and how much needs to be done. Start small, so you don’t get overwhelmed. But, hang in there. That is the most important thing. Do not give up because you don’t understand everything. We were never meant to understand everything because then we would be too much like God. His ways are not our ways, the heavens are higher than our ways. Take it one day at a time and see if it doesn’t get better. It is a faith walk. I hope this has helped.
One of the things that God likes is a thankful heart. I know it is hard to be thankful when you think things are not going your way but I am sure there is something you can be grateful for. I am in a similar situation but I still thank God when simple things in my life happen. If you begin doing that he will give you more and more because he wants you to be reverent. We should bow our head and thank him for our food, daily. This is easy because most of the world lives on less than $1.00 a day and many do not eat or have fresh water or medical help. Be appreciative for these things because he is meeting your needs, like he promised. Some things in our life go wrong because may be we have caused it, or others have caused it because sin is in the fallen world. Ask for forgiveness of sins and protection. Ask him to rebuke the devourer for you and to give you wisdom to make decisions. Seek his counsel, no one else’s. Don’t compare your life to anyone else’s because we are all on different journeys and walks with God. What your friend got may not have worked for you and sometimes you might be grateful you didn’t get it because you really do not know what they have or what it may develop into later. No one really has an easy life. It may look like it on the surface but you really do not know and it is not for us to know. Just concentrate on your life with Christ. Ask Christ back into your life and repent of your sins. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you. Study the Bible regularly. Learn about the end times and prophecy because this will tell you in which direction as a nation we are heading and how things will be in the next chapter (The First Resurrection). Many Christians are ignorant of the fact that we do not go to heaven immediately. No one is in heaven yet. Our spirit goes with Christ, but until we are resurrected we don’t know anything, we are sleeping with Christ, the Bible tells us. We should not grieve like the people of the world because we will see our loved ones again if they were Christians. There is so much we can do, just ask Christ to open your eyes so you are no longer blind. If he has saved you we can be grateful for that. He died on the cross for us. He took our sins. We are born again of the spirit. There is so much. I am not sure what else he could have done. The final chapter is written. Read Revelation. It will explain through prophecy how everything will occur. A lot is already happening now behind the scenes. Ask God to show you an area where you may develop, starting with thankfulness. His grace is sufficient. God is no respecter of persons, what he does for one he can do for you.
Exactly, what the Bible tells us not to do. Everything you can see, touch and feel will some day pass away but my word will be forever. Even heaven and earth will pass away because he will design a new earth, one which is better to work with the new world ahead. I think we are going to reign from Jerusalem, at some point. God can do anything. The cross is not man’s way. No man would want to write that or live that way. Man wants to be greedy not deny himself. There is no way Christianity could have been written by man, because no natural man would want to live consecrated for God, in his own strength. We cannot make anything holy in our sinful body. We have to have Christ. That is why religion does not work because they do not have a Great High Priest.
We were never meant to live forever on this Earth but we have eternal life through Christ Jesus. This world is a fallen world. It is a fallen world with sin, sickness, poverty, corruptness, war, rumors of war and as Christians we can never be truly happy chasing the things of the world. We need to seek the things of the spirit because that will truly fill the void within us. I am sorry for your losses. To lose a loved one is very, very painful and there are always many, many questions. I attended Griefshare, it is faith based when my boyfriend/companion died. I did lead him to Christ and as far as I know he was spirit filled when he died. I take great comfort in this. I miss him dearly but one day I will see him and eternity is forever. This world will pass away. Do not be angry with God. I mean, it is ok to be angry because he does forgive that but instead try to be thankful. I know that sounds crazy when so much has happened. It is when we are truly thankful that things begin to turn around in our lives. Start journalling and studying the Bible. There are verses for grief too. We all die at some point. We are not guaranteed any length of time here. God knows our timing, we don’t. It is appointed for men to die once, then after this comes the judgment. If we die twice, then we were only born once. We should be born again (born of the spirit) then we will die once (physically) before judgment. Natural man without Christ will die twice (physically and then at the Great White Throne of Judgment he will then die again because he denied Christ. I don’t think you get a second chance if you go there. I want to be at the First Resurrection. I don’t want to take any chances. God is merciful he can do anything. He can show himself through dreams, scriptures, everyday experiences, he can speak to us through His Spirit and warn us, too. He can reveal Himself and if we have a relationship with him he will become more familiar to us. Just like getting to know people we can predict what they will do to some extent but with God since he is steadfast and doesn’t change we will know for sure because he doesn’t lie. If we get to know the characteristics of God and the fruits of the Holy Spirit which become our fruits as we take on his nature. Our stony hearts become soft and he did promise us he would give us a new heart – Ezekiel 36:26. It is impossible to be bored with God, we are always learning. We can read scriptures one day and miss something and later God can reveal the same scripture and it means something else to us at that time. Just keep studying. Build a foundation so you stand strong like a solid rock, not like straw and hay which can be blown down.
This is lovely. Thanks for sharing. I am reminded of the fact that God spoke to me in my brokenness and told me that he loved a contrite heart. I heard the words inside of me once and I hadn’t done any readings or really heard of a contrite heart. So, I know he does speak to his people. We really do have an opportunity to find God in the storms of our life for that is when we really need him and grow. We don’t learn or get to know God if everything is handed to us although he will bless us and make a way out when things get overbearing. Christians want things on their terms, and I am guilty of that too. He brings things into our lives to build character and prepare us for eternity so we should surrender. Very hard because we like to be in control.
I read your post and I am devastated to hear how difficult things have been for you the last 2 years or so. I am truly sorry for your loss. I just cannot imagine the shock and grieve you are going through. I lost my boyfriend of 23 years to an autoimmune illness but at least there was some warning but I was shocked when the final verdict came 4-6 weeks to live – surely this has to be wrong. I hoped they were wrong because doctors screw up a lot so I lived in denial. He was saved before he died. I led him to the Lord and he was Spirit filled. I know we can take great comfort in that. I hope your ankle has healed and your spirit is strengthening. Were you able to go to any grief counseling? If not, it is not too late. GriefShare is faith-based and it helped me immensely. You mentioned you had 4 grown children. I hope they are helping you. Just keep hanging on to the Lord. He will give you strength and guide you through this. It has nearly been 7 years since Ted died and I can honestly say I am doing ok. I didn’t think I could make it but I did. I really hope it has become a little easier for you and once again, I am sorry.
I read your post and just wanted to make a few comments. God gave you so much wisdom through your suffering and has revealed to you a very accurate understanding of his scriptures and theology of his word. You are correct there are many, many Christians out there that are deceived. We will know them by their fruits. Many Christians will talk off the top of their heads without studying and give you so called biblical counsel so you have to be very, very careful when you seek counsel from Man. I learned the hard way. Like you said, it is never God’s Will that anyone die or be murdered and for anyone to tell you that, I find that to be very cruel and heartless and I am sorry but they do not have the Spirit of God, the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is gentle and loving and would not want to hurt anyone and is long suffering. These people are not comforting whether they know it or not and if something happened to their loved one they surely would not want to be told this. I am so glad you learned the truth, because the truth we know, will set us free. Many Christians say the truth will set you free, this is incorrect, because if you do not know the truth, the truth cannot set you free. I believe God has only revealed his true word to a very select, the chosen ones. Many are called, few are chosen. You definitely are one of the chosen ones and nothing can separate us from the love of God. May God Bless you.
When god can control these corrupt politicians, corporations, organizations, terrorists; and religions fighting over him, then maybe I’ll start believing again. As far as I can see, politicians are the gods that controls our lives; and there’s not a damn thing your god (that supposed to be mightier than them) can do about it! And what I have noticed; you believers have all the excuses…for your god for why he not doing anything… It’s like (whoever god is) being a captain of a ship, and the ship is going down so god just stands/sits there, watching what’s happening and won’t help nor tell the crew how to stop the ship from going down! So, the ship goes down killing everyone onboard and your god lives to carry on the same way…through generations for thousands of years. When is your god going to show “his children” even the slightest little sign that he exists?
I’m angry. So very angry at God. He blesses me, then rips it away. Over and over I just get a breath, the BAM! I’m back in the bottom. I am a recovered drug addiction. I am a born again christian. Since I’ve been clean and sober.. I’ve been divorced, been sexually assaulted numerous times by my boss, and I have witnesess of me begging him to stop.. he won, I had a great jobthen got my knee blown out can’t work and I want to work. I really really want to go back to work, and I can when my knee gets fixed, homeless, robbed, homeless again, evicted not once but twice… Texas law they don’t need a reason… All this while being a new Christian and clean and sober… you can all see why I’m pissed.
Look we don’t need your analogy of what God says. We are allowed to be angry. You have no friggin clue to what we’ve been through. And for you to say we CAN’T be mad at God! Shut up man.
He does. He does. Don’t let Satan win this battle in your heart and mind. I’m feeling very conflicted too but I know He is out there. I’m just waiting for Him to show up! I found this because I’m angry and googled something about being angry at God. I had to write back to you – I am some random person feeling lost like you….but your post broke my heart and I have to reach out and let you know that God is out there. He does exist. I’m so sorry for the pain you are feeling and the rough times you’ve gone through and are going through. Stopping now to pray for you!
no, you are not allowed to be angry at God, nor was such emotion legitimate, ever. , and i said 4 months ago “but to be angry with your brother makes you liable to the council. And I
believe Jesus was referring to the council in heaven when he said that.”
so you are taking your chances choosing to be angry with your own brother or sister in Christ.
should you not ponder your own username?
Norbert you speak as if death is such a terrible thing. We carry on after death. It is not the end. I don’t have all the answers. I just have to trust that God knows what he’s doing. That’s it….have faith or don’t. All I know is my belief gives me peace. Do you have peace? It doesn’t seem so.
Yes
Yes, it’s very, very painful, sometimes it is unbearable…
I had horrible events several times in my life. I keep the letter my pastor sent me to support and comfort. I re-read it when I feel crashed. Here it is (I’ve changed it slightly, taken names away):
“… We never know what agony another heart feels do we…? and all the time in the horrible pain of hurt and rejection we are being drawn into a place where we can see Gods own pain in His heart. He rarely shares that pain with us but it is very real for Him.
I will pray that your own pain won’t overwhelm you and defeat you but instead that from your brokenness will come a yet deeper peace in knowing that God loves you through His pain and that He will not let you go. He holds us in the hollow of his hand and we are very precious to Him. God shows us His open heart and His arms are around you. Jesus knew rejection and pain and felt it deeply… so be sure He understands your pain.”
If you understand who God is and accept God as the Creator and Ruler of the universe and people are only part of His creation it would be less confusion. He has the power and authority to set the standards for our living. He is only worthy to be worshiped. We are His rebelled creation and God could simply wipe humanity out of universe. He doesn’t owe us anything, He is not in dept. We can’t blame God for what happened and why it is so much pain and suffering in the world. He only has given us freedom to choose and have all consequences of that choice. And consequences of self-will (sin) are: guilt, shame, fear, loss of God’s blessing, presence of the curse instead, having distorted image of God; selfishness, slavery to sin, pain, fear, destruction, self-destruction, brokenness, broken relationships, depression, sickness, oppression, rivalries, jealousy, strife, resentment, corruption and perversions, male dominance, addictions, murder, death etc.
Now God gives His people second chance to make right decision. God does not punish anyone. We live in chaos now and what you experienced was NOT God punishment, it was the consequences of someone’s sins or our own sins. We are just as bad, sinful, self-willed as our oppressors or abusers. We have no right to blame God.
God’s plan for His people was a wonderful life in the garden in close fellowship with Him. After people have sinned turning God’s beautiful world to confusion and chaos, inflicting pain to each other, God still wants the same for men: to bring them back to the wonderful life with Him in the garden. He follows His plan to restore corrupted humanity. He HAS already DONE things to change us and save us. Christ has already died for our sins to pay the penalty. Is it not enough for us???
In the midst of the chaos God stretches out His hands for us, He loves us and suffers with us now. He loves your abusers as much as He loves you. He is ready to forgive your abusers and you. He is ready to take your abusers and you to His Kingdom where would be no tears, no pain, where people would love each other unconditionally. Just not right time yet…
God couldn’t care less if I’m angry with Him because everything is perfect in His “plan”. Unfortunately for me that means a lifetime of suffering and depression while the rest of my family has lived the literal American dream. For some psychotic reason, God has chosen for me to endure the suffering of an entire family. And don’t give me the “it’s not God, it’s Satan” garbage because NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING happens without God at least allowing it! If He wants to help you, then you get a miracle, if not, you get a curse. He deserves every bit of anger and contempt I have for Him.
Hebrews 11: 35-40. There were others who were tortured, refusing to be released so that they might gain an even better resurrection. 36 Some faced jeers and flogging, and even chains and imprisonment. 37 They were put to death by stoning; they were sawed in two; they were killed by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated— 38 the world was not worthy of them. They wandered in deserts and mountains, living in caves and in holes in the ground.
39 These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised, 40 since God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.
Lizbeth, so what’s the point? That just because God tortured others that makes it right? Sorry, but wrong is wrong, even when it is God. If all God wanted me to do was suffer, then He should have just skipped it and not created me in the first place (it’s not like I had a choice). For now, all I’ll do is ignore Him and wait around until death arrives. And then He can scratch His head and be perplexed as to why His plan did not get accomplished, a plan which He never revealed a single clue to me.
So what? So it’s ok because He’s done it to others? Sorry, that doesn’t make it right. Wrong is wrong, even if it’s God!
So, it’s ok for Him to torture me because He’s tortured others? Wow, that’s a mature and moral way to treat your creation. Wrong is wrong, even when it’s God.
I agree, wrong is wrong. I’m so fed up with people wanting me to accept anything God does just because he’s God. If God wanted me to just lie down and accept anything he does( the bad), he would not have given me free will. I may be wrong, but I think we are free to be disapointed at God, specially after putting in a lot of effort into obeying Him. You can help but feel as if He let you down. I know how you guys feel. I’ve been serving God and God just let me down in every sense of the word. And what hurts the most is when I look at somebofbmy friends who don’t even consider the existence of God, go through the same thing as me and come out while me who tries to serve Him, I’ve been suffering for 6 monthd now. Is that fair???
You’re mad at him for not helping us. I’m mad at him for putting us in this situation in the first place. Sometimes I just can’t help but realize that God is really good when it comes to letting thinhs get out of hand. Just look at the creation. Why did God put tose trees in the very same garden that we would be dwelling in, and why would God allow a supernatural being (Satan) to tempt us, we’re just mere mortals, how could we witstand the temtation of such a higher being. Isn’t that a sin for God to put us in that situation in the first place and what’s funny is the fact that God has the right to get so mad at Adam and Eve for eating the fruit when they had no knowledge of right or wrong which means they didn’t know it was ‘wrong’ to do so, that He makes us all pay for it. And we have no right to be unhappy about that setup( Eden). It’s kind of like in team sports, you give me a bad pass and then you get mad at me for losing the ball. What sense does that make? Looking at it logically, Either God isn’t a ‘GooD’ as we think or there are things we’re not being told from the start. Because when you look at it, my parents who are just imperfect, mere mortals, non super natural beings, They do all in their power to keep me happy, they sacrifice so much, they do give it their all. So Why does it seem that Our Almighty Father doesn’t. I am not happy with God.
Because there ain’t no god! It’s a man made up being/belief.
Thank you for this…
so “the end justifies the means”, for god?
i just cant help but wonder how powerful , exactly , is “satan”.
when looking upon just how corrupt and wicked humans are (and always have been) and how much suffering comes upon the “good” people by these deceitful malicious other “bad” people (who majority of the time never receive any justice nor payback) its almost as if the strength of good and evil on this planet is at least even if not in evils favor.
this isnt even getting into scriptural texts talking about satan being the prince of this world or light in this world.
nor is this getting into why evil was allowed to exist in the first place…
or even if evil must exist in order for there to good (sorta like light and darkness or yin and yang)
sigh. i never should have researched the histories of religion and the texts and players… because at the top (and the bottom of it all) is politics and power , the same as everything else.
id of done better to stayed ignorant and took heed instead to old peoples words.
it seems like evil is loud… (agressive, active, creative)
and good is quiet … (passive, receptive, submissive)
its almost to the point where i hope there actually is other sentient intelligent life out there on other planets in other solar systems , galaxies or even demensions, so there might be actual good beings that might can help… but then you realise that if there is good beings out there then there are certainly bad ones there too.
no wonder some people seem to ignore the “important” things in the world and instead focus on empty crap like sports teams, cars, music bands or games and fantasy. some of them certainly went that route to stay somewhat sane…. but the vast majority do so because they just never think or recognize just how messed up humanity is and always has been.
my doubt goes more along the lines of perhaps god isnt all powerful – by choice, even …
satan exists by gods allowance.
god is supposedly all good, truth and just.
satan is supposedly all bad, deceiver and unjust.
maybe there is a demiurge in control, or partially in control here on earth or all over … or in our souls?
yeah.. see the all powerful aspect doesnt mesh with anyone or anything being capable of going against him. its a contradiction.
unless he created it as such. then you got a problem with the all good.
then the only retort is that it is beyond our understanding.
well he knows its beyond our understanding since hes all knowing , so how can we be held accountable if we arent able to bridge this gap?
am i suppose to fear or trust god? i cant do both at the same time. for if i trusted him to love me why would i ever fear him to harm or forsake me?
im definitely more in the fear catagory right now. trusted him years ago when i was more childlike and naive. i much prefer trust. at least it was an enjoyable experience. now , i trust nothing.
Hey 🙂
Your comment grabbed my attention … I struggle with the same never-ending fears and complete lack of trust, not necessarily with God but with everyone. Every single person in my life. I’ve been hurt so many times that I automatically try to protect myself, even when the person isn’t trying to hurt me in any way.
One of the first things I saw in your comment was “why would I ever fear Him to harm or forsake me.” As Christians, we do NOT fear Him in that way. Our fear of the Lord (which is the beginning of wisdom – Ps. 111:10) is more of an awe of His greatness and wonder coupled with the fear of His righteous wrath on those who forsake Him. God will never leave us or forsake us (Deut. 31:6), so as Christians that is a nonexistent fear.
What I’ve learned after years of dealing with fear:
Fear is crippling. I couldn’t have meaningful or deep relationships or friendships and I still struggle. Trusting is SO unbelievably hard. Letting people in and giving them the power to hurt you beyond words is terrifying.
Fear is also a liar. Fear says we aren’t acceptable, that we can never be made clean, that we are unwanted and unloved. But, fear is a LIAR.
Check out this song by Zach Williams.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQTnREEtuNk
Fear is Satan’s tool, just like doubt. Satan uses our human minds against us and it is so easy to believe the lies.
Fear, once “inside” doesn’t leave without a fight. It’s a struggle. A daily struggle with fear. NF’s song, “Mansion” talks about letting fear in. A few lines say, “I regret watching this trust issue eat me alive; and at the rate I’m going they’ll probably still be here when I die; Fear came to my house years ago and I let him in; Maybe that’s my problem because I’ve been dealing with this ever since; I thought he would leave but it’s obvious he never did.”
You have to fight against the fear and just trust. Not to be cliche, but let go and let God. Every day. Not just once, but decide daily to let go of the fear and let God carry it for you.
thanks for taking the time to respond. i appreciate it. yeah fear is not a good thing.
God the filthy no good scumbag never gave a good single man like me a wife and family to share my life with.
This is Lowkey my walk over the last several year. My love for God was so on fire, and now I’ve found myself in so many moments exactly like your journal entry. This whole article really speaks volumes and I really resonate with you and your heart. Like I love God so much but sometimes I get so freaking pissed off and I tell God I hate Him, but I don’t, I just don’t have better words. Thanks for writing this post. Im probably going to read it again later. It really helps to remind me of what I already know and thankful for tbh.
Chris,
Brother I am astounded at the beautiful talent the Father has given you to wield the pen. My wife has been struggling with depression and anger towards God, believing lies that the enemy has planted. I set aside my Bible this morning in search of additional resources/testimonies that might help bring her some hope. Thank you for your obedience to write this not once you found your way out of the storm, but in its midst. I’m super inspired and going to send this to my wife to read! My son, Bear, is only 4, but I hope he grows up to be like you man! I look forward to meeting you in the kingdom and rejoicing over the work God did through your life.
I loved seeing your response to your son.