I saw him before he noticed me. He looked as tired, nervous, and excited as I felt, his head turning back and forth, looking for me. I hurried to the edge of the crowd, waiting for Peter to make his way through.
It had been six long months of blurry video calls, calculating time zones, and missing milestones. Have you been there? Are you there now?
He turned the corner, and wrapped me in a sweaty hug, one hand on his suitcase. I’d been dreaming of this moment. He was here. He was safe. He smelled the same.
But neither of us was the same person.
Life had changed us, and now we faced the wonderful but challenging task of reintegration. If you’re facing the same transition, I want to share three pieces of advice to help make it a smooth one.
1. Communicate Beforehand
In the excitement of reuniting, you and I plan everything: plane tickets, date ideas, what we’ll say, or even what we’ll wear. But we don’t want to neglect communicating our boundaries or our expectations. Boundaries for long-distance relationships look vastly different than boundaries for in-person relationships.
Some questions to help you consider boundaries may be:
- How does jet lag affect curfews?
- What physical affection will care for each other’s hearts well in a way that honors God?
- What PDA are we comfortable with?
- What kind of solitude does each person need?
Peter and I found that the transition time needed different boundaries than “normal.” Coming together again, our desire for physical affection was much stronger since we’d been far away for so long. We also wanted to spend all our time together but also needed extra space to process and be alone.
Planning and communicating our expectations ahead of time meant that we could enjoy our time together without overthinking or overstepping.
2. Hold Your Expectations Loosely
Coming together after a long time apart isn’t just picking up where you left off. It’s exploring a new part of your relationship that encompasses not only the ways you’ve grown as a couple while physically apart but also how you’ve grown as individuals.
The rhythm that worked before might not work now. That’s okay. As you make your plans and communicate your boundaries, keep in mind that they may change, and that experimentation is okay.
“No one sews a piece of unshrunk cloth on an old garment. If he does, the patch tears away from it, the new from the old, and a worse tear is made. And no one puts new wine into old wineskins. If he does, the wine will burst the skins—and the wine is destroyed, and so are the skins. But new wine is for fresh wineskins.”” – Mark 2:21-22 (ESV)
While Jesus was talking about His time on earth in this passage, the principle applies. We often can’t keep operating in the old way but must merge in the new, or the relationship may burst. Be willing to let your expectations change with the growth of your relationship.
We often can’t keep operating in the old way but must merge in the new, or the relationship may burst. Be willing to let your expectations change with the growth of your relationship. Share on X3. Be Patient in the Merging of Lives
I walked into the room, nervous to meet Peter’s mentor for the first time. What if he didn’t approve? Even though he was an important person in Peter’s life, I hadn’t gotten the opportunity to know him while living far away.
Reuniting isn’t just a magical moment in the airport. It’s a process that impacts many areas of life. Coming together means meeting each other’s friends and adapting to each other’s schedules. This requires grace. We need to be compassionate to the transition our significant other is going through, and aware of their needs and priorities.
Some questions to discuss together may be:
- What are our most important relationships?
- What ministry is a priority right now? How can we work together and when do we need to work individually?
- What do our current daily routines look like? How will they change when we reunite?
Opportunities to Grow
Merging two lives together will require both clear communication and flexible expectations. This can be challenging, but with it, comes the opportunity to grow and to learn more about God’s love and grace in tangible ways.
Merging two lives together will require both clear communication and flexible expectations. This can be challenging, but with it, comes the opportunity to grow and to learn more about God’s love and grace in tangible ways. Share on XDo you have any advice? What has helped your long-distance dating reunions succeed? Share your tips in the comments below, I’d love to hear them.
