Contentment Over Indignation: How Should We Act When Others Have It Better?

Do you ever look at other people’s lives and think, “It’s not fair”? Do you wonder why others have different resources or greater opportunities or better experiences than you have? Why can’t everyone be the same?

Take it from someone who has admired the green grass on the other side too often: this mindset is not just useless, it is irrational. And if we indulge in it, it can quickly become sinful.

In a world that is obsessed with equality, we have to remember that there is no such thing.

The Jealousy of Being Different

If you have siblings, you probably understand what it is to try to make everything exactly equal. Brothers and sisters seem to have an instinct for sensing when the other person has slightly more of anything, which can lead to problems when they try to right this “injustice.”

This can be applied to many different situations—from insisting that you get an ice cream cone at the mall because your sister did, to assuming that you will get your first phone at a specific age because that’s when your brother got his. For example, I don’t think my little sister ever quite got over the fact that my older sister and I got to go on missions’ trips when we were younger, and she did not.

In the Old Testament, in one of the most famous examples of sibling quarrels gone too far, Joseph’s brothers rejected him, robbed him, and sold him into slavery because their father loved him best (Genesis 37:3-4, 12-28). While I doubt anyone reading this would dream of doing something like that, this story does remind us to ask ourselves if our reaction to something we view as unfair is correct or if we are going too far—and, unfortunately, the answer is usually the second option.

My mother once told me that she knows that it can be frustrating to not have the same experiences or benefits as my sisters, but that she’s doing the best she can. That helped me to see the truth: it’s not fair to demand that different people and situations get the exact same treatment (1 Corinthians 12:14-20). In fact, as we can learn from our hesitation to point out what’s fair when we’re the one at an advantage, this competition to be the same is really just selfishness.

Equality or Uniqueness

Everyone’s lives are different. God planned out every second of each and every one of our lives (Psalm 139:16), giving us different paths and experiences. He created each of us to be unique—and that is good! Being different from everyone else allows us to glorify Him in individual and varied ways.

1 Corinthians 12:4-6 says that even though “there are varieties of gifts, . . . it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone,” (ESV). Verses 8-11 list some examples of these gifts, ending by saying that the Holy Spirit “apportions to each one individually as He wills.”

God has given us each specific and unique giftings to use in the specific and unique circumstances of our lives to honor Him and to benefit the community of believers (v. 7). What a high calling!

But sometimes it is hard to see it that way. Jealousy creeps into our minds, infecting us with the thought that another person should not have experiences or advantages if we do not have those same ones.

This is a dangerous way of thinking, for it implies that God made a mistake.

In the Old Testament, Job accused God of doing wrong, of perverting justice (Job 19:7). He insisted over and over again that he was upright and God was wrong. And because of his accusations, he got a personal visit from God.

God spoke to Job out of a storm, proclaiming His power and sovereignty. He dared Job to stand before Him and proclaim his own righteousness. Job got the message: God is right, all the time. Nothing that He does or says is wrong (Job 40:4-5, 8; 41:11; 42:2-3).

God created us and planned out our lives with specific purposes in mind. Hebrews 12:1 speaks of “the race marked out for us.” He designed the course of our lives lovingly, intricately, and thoroughly. He thought out every detail! Look outside a window at the sky. Is there a weirdly shaped cloud? God planned for that cloud to be in that exact shape in that exact place right now. The God who thought up that tiny detail knows everything about your life—and, as made clear in Romans 8:28, He has good purposes for each aspect of it, even those things you find hard to accept.

Higher than Our Ways

So, we can learn from Hebrews and Romans that God has a good purpose in each experience He gives us, no matter the circumstances of others; and we can learn from Job that we should never argue with Him about what experiences are right for us.

Isaiah 55:9 says, “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.”

God has a plan that is greater and more complex and more perfect than we could ever imagine. We simply need to trust Him and work with what He has given us, maintaining grateful heart-attitudes toward Him for the experiences and advantages we do have.

But, How?

How do we protect ourselves from giving into jealousy about the lives of others? Psalm 73 tells the story of Asaph, who became discontented and angry to the point of almost letting go of his faith because he saw the prosperity of the wicked (v. 2-14). However, God brought him through; and Asaph’s trust in the Lord was strengthened as a result. We can learn from his example.

1. Go to God. Spend time with Him, reminding yourself of His power and sovereignty. The God who has complete control over everything loves you! What does that tell you about His plan for you? Trust His goodness (see verses 15-17, 23-24).

2. Stop comparing yourself to others. This is where jealousy comes from—if we did not pick out the differences between our lives and the lives of others, we would not wish for what they have. If we keep holding others’ experiences as the standard for our own, how are we to be content? Instead, we should consider our state before the just God, the ultimate and righteous standard. He demands perfection and obedience. Thanks be to Him, we are able to reach this by the blood of His Son (2 Corinthians 5:17-21)! May remembering your unworthiness before Him lead you toward gratefulness and away from discontented living (see verses 1, 25-26, 28).

3. When you see others and start to feel jealous, remind yourself that you don’t see the whole picture. Sure, some parts of their lives are attractive, but what about their hidden problems and struggles? If they are not Christians, what about their eternal destination? Would you really want to switch with them if it meant getting their failing and hurt in this life and the next, too? Why would you give up your salvation for something your good Father decided it is best you not have? (see verses 17-20).

God sees your life. He sees what you have and what you do not have and what you wish for (Psalm 139:3-4). He has made you unique and has given you exactly what you have and what you experience for a good purpose (Jeremiah 29:11). Trust in Him and remember that no matter what the lives of others may be like or what they may have, you’ve been given the most wonderful and eternal gift of all—Jesus Christ.