Should we be close friends with non-Christians?

Hey! So what I’d say is that it is important to have strong Christian friends and non-Christian acquaintances. Meaning you share who you are and your trust with those who believe in Christ. You grow together with them and strengthen each other through your faith in Christ. At the same time God calls us to step out in our faith and so we must get to know non-Christians and show them we care. After all, people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. So I’d say that you should have a Christian support group who you can go to, but that you should also befriend those who don’t follow Christ. Personally I would never keep someone from being my friend unless I felt they were endangering or compromising my walk with Christ. I would say that you should pray to God about how close you allow others to your heart.
Hope this helps!!!

Great question, Brooklyn! (@brooklynmm:disqus???) =P

In general, I’d say it’s fine to have close non-Christian friends, as long as they don’t cause you to struggle in any way.

For example, if you hang out with someone who’s not saved and they use curse words or talk about “bad stuff” all the time or whatever, then it’s probably not a good idea to hang out with them, ’cause they WILL make you want to do what they do…”He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will suffer harm.” Proverbs 13:20 OR if you have a friend that claims to be a Christian, but doesn’t act like it, then they could also cause you to struggle.

Hey, also check out the first part of Psalm 1:

“How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked,
Nor stand in the path of sinners,
Nor sit in the seat of scoffers!
2 But his delight is in the law of the Lord,
And in His law he meditates day and night.
3 He will be like a tree firmly planted by [b]streams of water,
Which yields its fruit in its season
And its leaf does not wither;
And in whatever he does, he prospers.”

Hope this helps! =)

Thanks! You too!

So I kind of have a lot of thoughts about this question, but I really have a lot of reading to do for my class tomorrow morning (like 138 pages are supposed to be read before 8am tomorrow). So with that being said, if you want to hear my thoughts and possibly receive a really long reply to this question than let me know and I will try to write it out tomorrow. But right now it would probably be good if everyone just scolded me and told me to go do my homework right now because I don’t have much motivation for doing my reading and would much rather be discussing this topic with ya’ll. 😉

Well the non-believers I know are…hmmm…very interesting let’s say. So it’s the actions that do the trick.

How’s your homework going, and btw. when you get finished with that I would like to hear your thoughts

Another thought. I feel like we can be open with nonbelievers about our short comings, but our Christian friends are the ones we should really talk to when we have a problem. Let me emphasize, I am not saying you should not be open with nonbelievers. A lot of people think that Christians think they’re perfect, and you can show them that’s not true by letting your own problems show.

Wow, a very excellent question Brooklyn! I think it is okay to be friends with non-believers, however, like all things in life, you need to bring balance into your relationships. When a new believer, it is best to surround yourself with fellow believers who can encourage, strengthen, and stand by you. When you have unbelieving friends, you must be careful not to be led astray by that friendship. Be the leader, the image of Christ, and not the follow. You have the ability to bring a non- believer to Christ through such a relationship. I hope you find this helpful!

When addressing any dilemma in life we should always examine the scriptures to find ‘the whole counsel of God’ concerning our dilemma as opposed to isolating one scripture here or one there.
This question is a good one & requires the Christian to carefully navigate his/her way in balancing between obedience to the great commission & the other verses that tell us that light & darkness are not compatible.

We are called to be in the world but not of it. This means we work, live & play alongside unbelievers. Paul said to avoid unbelievers, one would have to go outside of the world so it’s clear the Apostle is not suggesting no integration.
Where the distinction is drawn is the NT understanding of ‘fellowship’ The scriptures tell us that believers live in the light while unbelievers live in darkness, serving their father the devil. That said, our interactions with unbelievers should be limited in scope to those instances of necessity & opportunities to evangelize. Yes, we can be friends & acquaintances with unbelievers, but we can never have the bond of fellowship reserved only for those whose eyes have been opened to the truth of Jesus Christ.

My teens are allowed to attend events when they’re invited provided they are not going to be compromising their beliefs by what they will hear, see or be expected to participate in. They’re encouraged to engage unsaved friends with the good news of the gospel as the Lord presents opportunity but their primary source of close friendships come solely through other believing teens who likewise believe that whatever we do, we do unto the glory of God.

Hope this helps!

Having non-Christian friends is pretty awesome because you have a chance to share your life with someone who needs Jesus. But you need Christian friends who will hold you accountable, and encourage you in a way that just wouldn’t be happening if the gospel wasn’t there. So, keep a good balance and don’t isolate yourself in a Christian bubble.

Hi Brooklyn!
I think it depends on your definition of close friends. I believe that when the Bible talks about not being “unequally yoked” in a romantic relationship, it can also be applied here. If the people who have HUGE influence on you are not Christians, that’s a little dangerous. For example:

Say you have a friend you’ve known for years. You know she’s not a Christian, but you still love her as much as a sister. You feel you can trust here with pretty much all your mistakes and stories. You are always open to her giving you advice, but you always filter it because it may not line up with the Bible. You listen carefully and are interesting in everything she has to say. But, you also have some strong Christian teenage friends who you can trust just as much and don’t have to have such a strong filter when listening to them.

I would say that’s an awesome close friendship, but not one that compromises your morality or wisdom of avoiding bad situations. 😀

Twas not me, though I’d like to take credit for this brilliant question. 😀

Great illustration! =)

Naw, what you said was good, too! =)

Good question, Brooklyn! This is something I wrestle with quite a bit!

You already have a lot of good answers, but I’m going to pitch in a few thoughts as well. =)

I think it’s a matter of changing our mentality and growing in maturity.

Let me explain:
I don’t think we should be scared of developing relationships with unbelievers. If we are mature in Christ, than we can have good, positive relationship with people who don’t believe Jesus. We shouldn’t view them as untouchable because Jesus didn’t view them as untouchable. It is not that unbelievers can’t be good friends–there are many who don’t believe Jesus yet make excellent friends!

Don’t view yourself as above or more important than someone who doesn’t believe Jesus. Because it’s not a matter of us being made better or higher; it’s a matter of us being made alive.

The difference is that we are alive in Christ. We must not avoid unbelievers: we have life of Christ in us! We have the hope of the world in our hearts! This isn’t a cause for pride–it should humble us and make us better friends!

So yes, I think you can be friends, even close friends, with non-believers, but you also need good friends who are going to point you to Jesus and remind you of your identity in Christ.

Unfortunately, many Christians point us to condemnation and tell us to try harder or believe more, rather than give us the life and rest that comes in Christ.

It is that life and rest that you have to offer to someone who hasn’t received Jesus.

Remember this: Relating to unbelievers can be very draining because they don’t offer that life and rest in Jesus and instead often bring a lot of spiritual warfare into our lives. Rather than running from this, we should accept it while making sure that we have people in our lives restoring us in Christ and leading us back to that life and rest in Jesus Christ.

Other Christians can also be very draining, which is, again, why we need Life-giving people in our weekly or even daily lives.

Non-Christians are not untouchables, they’re not less-than or incapable of being good friends. But they won’t give us Christ–and we need that desperately.

A non-Christian friend won’t be on the same page about Christ, which is a huge obstacle. But that doesn’t mean you can’t influence them toward Christ nor does it mean they have nothing to offer you.

I don’t believe we should hold people at arms length until they receive Jesus, because even Jesus didn’t do that. It does more harm than good. Instead, Jesus reached out, accepted, touched, welcomed, and befriended those who society and culture rejected, scorned, and refused to touch. Jesus said “I’m including you in my life” long before they believed He was the Christ.

Hope this helps!

Haha, I would have to agree on the brilliance of the name Brooklyn, Brooklyn! 😉

The illustration helps show things more clearly, and I love your answer!
Thank you. 🙂

Great point. I know exactly what you mean. Thanks for the response. 🙂

Good discussion question!

Wow, wow, wow, great answer! I need to think about your response for awhile. Great stuff.

So probably everyone else is saying similar things as to what I am about to say, but I will share a couple thoughts and probably make a way too long of a comment.
First, is it really possible to actually be friends with a non-believer? Before my sophomore year of college I would have totally said, yes. But after reading Augustine’s Confessions (a great book, by the way) in my sophomore year, I had to pause and rethink some of my thoughts on friendships and whether a believer can actually have a true friendship with a non-believer. Now I won’t go into great detail about what Augustine says because most likely Brooklyn was not thinking in quite his terms when she asked this question. Simply put, I believe Augustine is arguing in his book that a nonbeliever and a believer cannot be true friends because what bonds two or more together to make a friendship are characteristics that can be found only in the bond of Christ, such as a bond that can never be separated by death. Now if anyone desires to argue with me about this, I am not saying I agree completely with Augustine, but if you read his book you might see what I am hinting at and be willing to consider his point of view as valid. Also I wrote a whole paper on it, but I just didn’t want to post it here, because I am pretty sure that’s not really exactly the question here anyway and its long and it’s probably embarrassingly bad argumentation. 😉
So with that being said, I used to work with several non-believers who I would call my friends. In fact, at the time, they were some of my best friends and I considered these guys like my brothers and one of the girls like a younger sister. Yet at the same time, I did not go to these friends for spiritual growth. I worked with them; I talked about life with them; we shared hopes and dreams with each other; we cared about one another, but these were not my friends that I sought spiritual guidance from. I still treasure and care about these friends even though I don’t keep up with them much any more. Why I am so thankful to have these friends in my life is because of the opportunity I had to show Christ’s love to them and share the gospel with them. I think all of them knew that I was a believer and that we believed differently, but the fact that I was willing to be there friend and love them and care about them, I believe and pray, made an impact on their lives. That is why I am so thankful for these non-believing friends and why I believe it is important to have non-believing friends. I think one of the best ways to witness to non-believers is to be there friend and be an example of Christ-like love. Yet at the same time these friends should not be your best friends nor the friends you look to for spiritual guidance or encouragement.
So that is a little of my thoughts, I am sorry for my once more very long comment. I hope that all makes sense and might be of some help.

The homework went ok for about 10 minutes until a friend messaged me asking if I could help her with a catering event she was doing. So off I went for a few hours to help relieve my friend. But I did give a response to the question and you will probably regret ever saying you wanted to here it. Lol

I struggled with this one too because there were so few Christians around that were my age. I found that you can be good friends with a non-Christian but it’s a different kind of friendship. It’s like there will always be a part of you that will be closed off to them. Friendships with unbelievers can be deep but they are also limited. There is a depth to my friendships with Christians that I could just never reach with my non-Christian friends because we just aren’t on the same level spiritually.
But yes, you become like those you surround yourself with. By all means be friends with unbelievers but if they are damaging your relationship with God, you need to keep them at arm’s length (as kindly as possible).

So, we can stop scolding you now? I was kinda enjoying it…

Awesome! Thanks!

You’re very welcome! I’m praying for you Brooklyn!!!

Thank you! And yeah, America must love the name Brooklyn too. After all, they named a city after us… 😉

What do you mean by it makes you a better person? just curious.

Okay, I know this totally irrelevant, but I notice you change your pic and I tried, but it won’t change.. :/ how do you do this?? 🙂

I think that this is a very important question. It has already been mentioned that Jesus ate with sinners. In Matthew 9 the self-righteous Pharisees asked the disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?” And Jesus overheard the question and answered, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: I desire mercy, not sacrifice. For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” With Jesus as our example, we should have relationships with those that are not saved but we should also have boundaries concerning behavior and activities that we should not cross. Jesus was sinless. In his relationships with sinners, he did not sin. He had boundaries that he would not cross. In Matthew 10 Jesus sends out the twelve and tells them, “I am sending you out as sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.” To do God’s work we must be wise, being led by the Holy Spirit, but not vulnerable and fall victim to peer pressure and the culture. Our relationships with the unsaved, especially those we are going to call “friends”, has to be with a heart that loves God and wants to do His will. We are to be God’s ministers of reconciliation. Paul writes: So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ,the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. 2 Corinthians 5:16-20 NIV To be ministers of reconciliation requires that we befriend the unsaved. But Paul also writes, Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” I Corinthians 7:33 In my duties as custodian at the high school I try to form relationships with the kids that are continuously in detention. Not because I want to be like them, I have already lived and survived a life of disobedience through God’s grace, but because I want them to be reconciled to God by the cross and love of Christ. Befriend the unsaved, offer the grace and mercy of a loving God, but be as “shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.”

We should definitely build relationships with non-Christians so we can share our faith with them, but we should make sure we are influencing them toward Christ without letting them influence us for the world. Our closest friends should always be believers.

Yeah you’re right! Although there is a difference between being a friend, and being friendly. Jesus wasn’t necessarily “close friends” with nonbelievers, but He was friendly (and loving) to them (and everyone). We can lead a nonbeliever to Christ without being his “friend.” I think we need to be very careful when we’re friends with nonbelievers. Our friends influence us more than we think, and wether we like it or not.

I only have a few Friends and they are Christians. I think we should pick our best Friends carefully, but I don’t see anything wrong with having non christian Friends as long as we be carefull that they will not lead us a away from God instead we should try to lead them to Christ.

There’s a difference between friends and close friends.

Jesus surrounded himself with his disciples who knew and loved him. They were his closest followers and friends. They were like his Christian friends. Jesus also hung out with sinners. He spent time with them to show them love and forgiveness, God’s love and forgiveness. Having only non-christian friends would tear you down. You need Christian friends to support you. Don’t surround yourself with non-christian friends but don’t shut them out. It’s like you are standing on a chair. If you surround yourself with non-christian friends, they will pull you down. If you have good Christian friends on the chair with you (it’s a big chair), they can give you strength to help pull up your non-christian friend. At the least, they can keep you from falling. I hope that helped. That’s one of my favorite analogies.

Great thoughts! 🙂

I think the question should first be posed as to, how do you define “friend” and “close friend.” Also, I have met some who are more christian then christians. Some only draw close with their mouths. Some simply haven’t found how to voice where there hearts are at.
I think this is all rather personal. Perhaps a question that discussion like this, can make you think to ask. But ultimately something that you and God should commune about in order to properly find how to deal with your unique situations.

I don’t mean to step on anyone’s toes but I think the line is marriage. As Christians our main mission on earth is to spread God’s word, and what better way to do that then to show non-believers who we are up close. However, your spouse should be a believer on the same level as you to pick each up and sharpen one another. Marriage is the strongest bond between two people and people’s spiritual believes are one, if not, the core value of that person. To be that close to a person and know that they don’t respect that value is never healthy.

Interestingly enough when I am around unbelievers, it draws
me more to Christ. As I see so poignantly what they are missing and it makes me
long for Him even more. It makes my heart ache to see them living their lives
without the greatest hope of all, and I long it for them so deeply. When I
return among believers I will be literally fighting back tears at the sheer joy
of being with people who love the God I love. When I go to church I will feel
goosebumps at being able to worship God again with other lovers of the truth.

But often when I am surrounded for a long time by only
Christians, I will get tired of them. I am not sure what it is, I feel like I
am constantly being fed and never having the chance to eat, and I have to go
away again to feel anew the presence of Christ. I think it is the incredible
pettiness of so many religious people that gets to me and I need a break from
after a while.

Maybe it is because when I am with other Christians there
isn’t much of a battle, but when none are around I plead with God constantly to
protect me from myself and from doing anything that would dishonour His holy
name and I feel Him so close to me. It’s then that I feel so strongly my own
weakness and I have to depend only on Christ rather than on others.

It’s important that you are not dependent on people to be
around you to keep you strong; you need to find your strength in Jesus. We are
quickly losing our freedoms, can you stand alone without another person. Is
Christ enough for you? Yes, we need to surround ourselves with believers but
are you depending on them to keep you strong instead of on Jesus?

As to marrying an unbeliever, this is something I struggle with a little, as I said many times that I didn’t want to marry a religious guy because unfortunately I’ve seen many “christian” men who proclaim Jesus with their mouth but are extremely abusive. To this day I battle terrible fears of marriage because of them. Yet one of the kindest and gentlest men I’ve ever met is non-committal about Christ, he has won my trust and respect as no one else ever has been able to. He has inspired in me a dedication to total honesty, to being the best I can be. Why?? Why guys, why?? Why do religious men act so holier than thou so often? Yes, there are non-religious guys who do too, I know that. But why? why? All the little white lies? Or not so little white lies that supposedly are ok? Maybe the key is religious, and not Christian.

Well said! Thanks for putting my own thoughts in a much more concise and precise fashion. Precision of language is not my gift in life! 😉

And through you they could find Christ.
I’m not saying they are going to heaven. I’m just saying that they may not pull you down.

This is a great comment. I’m glad that you are finally a part of God’s family! I’ll be praying for you that you’ll be growing closer to Him as you grow in your Christianity. I agree with what you said about being easily influenced by others. If you’re able to stand by your faith, great, but if others tend to lead you astray, non-Christian best friends may not be the best choice for you. And by the way, you have a beautiful name! 🙂

Absolutely!! I relate to how you feel. Thanks for sharing

Yeah. I’d like to think sometimes you know they seem happy of what they do but sometimes I am worried that I may not see them again specially your really good friend. You know what I mean.

Why would you say no?

This is a hard question and one I have asked myself and that we as a family have discussed. I believe that you need to have friends who are solid Christians so that they can encourage you and challenge you in your faith. This is wonderful to have and with this solid foundation you are ready to reach the unbelievers you know with the love of Christ. My goal in becoming friends with unbelievers is not to convert them, but to show them love and the hope and joy I have in Jesus Christ. I will be praying for you to have wisdom in this area, and I hope this helped.
Your Sister in Christ!

Your welcome!
🙂

It doesn’t matter if they’re Christians or not we need to follow Jesus’ example and love everybody.

It does matter, if it didn’t matter then no one would be Christian.