How do you get over a crush?

I totally get it!

It seems to me that you’ve been doing the right thing: trusting in God, surrendering to Him, praying. Jesus knows all our struggles; however, sometimes it just takes time and patience. Sometimes we can’t control the way we feel, and yes, we all have those moments where we’re like, God, will it ever end?

But the truth of it is that it won’t happen quickly. Keep pursuing God, reading your Bible, shepherding your own heart, and talking to other believers, many of whom have probably been in the same or similar situations. There’s no perfect chemical equation for this (there is never one), but if it’s God’s will for you, you can be sure that it will eventually happen.

Maybe you could write a letter to your future husband or something like that, saying that you’re waiting for him.

And trust me, you are NOT alone 🙂

I know exactly how it is. You want to forget, but you can’t, because the person comes to your mind every time. I’m going through this too, so I am trying to forget focusing in God, reading the Bible and focusing in other importants things to me. We will overcome this =).

Hey Victoria,

When I was 11 years old, I had my first crush.

Then another at 13 years old.

And another at 15 years old.

Each time, it ended differently.
The first time, I got it into my head to write some… well… explicit content in a fictional story I was writing. I put her name as one of the characters and she showed her dad because she saw it was “disturbing”.

Writing that was one of the worst things I ever did. Because of that, the truth was exposed and I was shattered.

But I am grateful to her for doing that. It was the wakeup call I needed.

The second time, I had a crush on a high school senior. Haha. I was still in middle school (8th grade). I didn’t tell her until she left for college. I gave her a letter to read later. (Terrible choice). Eventually my feelings for her faded. Though I haven’t seen her more then once or twice since and we never discussed it. That stunk. But it was more gradual.

Lastly, it was with a girl closer to my age. And she liked me back. We never admitted we were close as a boyfriend/girlfriend, but really that’s what we were, without it being official and without ever kissing.

But I decided to gradually break it off because we were too close for it to be healthy. It took a while for me to get over that.

So, I sort of understand where you’re coming from, my friend. This is my small piece of advice:

Pray pray pray and know that if God wants you to be together, it will happen. And if not, your feelings will change. Just pray, think, and act as if God knows best…. Because he does, and he loves you. 😀

Hi Anonymous , I’m Anonymous. #thisissoconfusing.

First of all, God doesn’t make mistakes. He wasn’t distracted one day and you fell for a guy he didn’t mean for you to have, and now he’s scratching his head trying to figure out what to do about it. I promise you, he know’s what he’s doing.

And everything we go through is to make us the people he wants us to be. Just because we don’t understand, or the emotions we’re dealing with don’t make sense to us, doesn’t mean they aren’t part of God’s really big, really awesome scheme. Speaking from experience, this will change your life. You won’t ever forget it, but you can also recover, and be the stronger for it. Don’t beat yourself up over the time you need to take to heal, and ask God what HE wants you to learn from this.

“In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory.” Eph. 1:11-12

Maybe this comment will be old hat, but I want to encourage you to keep fighting hard. I had a friend and he and I liked each other for around 3 years, since I was about 13. We were best friends for that entire time, and were trying really hard (and failing really miserably) to be wise in every action and word toward each other. At the beginning of the summer last year we started trying to cut back on the amount of time we spent together and we really put a stop to a lot of foolery that was going on. Out of that we were drawn apart, and he eventually expressed disinterest in me. I saw it coming, but it still hurt so much. Like you, I was angry and sad and hurt and hopeless and trying to hold on all at the same time. I tried to avoid thinking about him as much as I could, but I eventually realized that avoiding the problem doesn’t fix it. So I started to pray. All the time, constantly. Every time I thought about that boy I would pray for him, and for me, and for our friendship (Which was basically nonexistent). And I prayed that I would take every thought captive, and give my heart to JESUS FIRST. It was hard going, and I can’t honestly say that everything is “ok” even now. It still hurts sometimes. Sometimes I absolutely wish I could just hide under a rock until “the right guy” appears in front of me. But I know that the Lord is everything I need to live, and He isn’t going anywhere.

But that’s what our goal is, right? To give Jesus the first place. To make Him be above every person in our lives, including our crushes. I would encourage you to pray, constantly, consistently. And keep yourself accountable, to your mom and your sisters in Christ and your best friends. You need the Church backing you up, and you need people who will show you Jesus and lead you to His cross where you can lay down ALL your burdens.

I don’t know you, but I love you, sister. Keep running the race set before us. Jesus is our prize.

I have been in this situation a few times. It is hard to get over a guy, but it is also freeing when you realize that you are free from trying to impress him, or catch his eye, even if you didn’t realize that you were trying to do that.

I would recommend that every time you think of him, pray for him. Pray that God would bless him in his life, pray that God would help you to “get over him”, just pray. Also spend time with God. A lot of time. Maybe find a good Christian non-fiction book that focuses on healthy relationships with guys and your relationship with God. (Get Lost by Dannah Gresh looks like a really good book, though I haven’t read it myself yet) I know it is hard, but God will help you heal from all your downhill emotions.

Victoria,

First of all, let me say, as others have said, you are not
alone. What you are feeling is natural – and you’re asking the right questions,
doing the right things. Keep praying, sometimes how you feel has nothing to do
with what is real and you just have to push on through and trust God to see you
through even though you don’t see the end.

***Warning: Long Post Ahead!***

My name is also Victoria
(though I go by Tori) and I’m so glad you asked this question. I totally relate
to where you are. When I went through the same thing, it took years to get
over. I prayed over and over again that God would use what I went through to
minister to someone else. Today, when I saw your question, I knew I had to
share some of what I’ve learned. There’s so much more I have written from those
years and so much more I could say right now, but I’ve cut it down (haha) to a
basic overview and a list of what I found to be helpful. (Hence, the Long Post Warning.)
If you want to talk more, please feel
free to e-mail me at torilynn92(at)rocketmail(dot)com.

I had a major crush on a guy and a few months later he
started dating a mutual friend. I gave myself the runaround. I knew all the
right answers but, like you said, the rollercoaster of emotions wouldn’t stop.
It was a long and hard road getting over him. It wasn’t a sudden victory. It
was one step forward, five steps back, kind of thing. It was constantly
wondering if maybe he and his girlfriend would break up, and he would somehow
come running to me. It was constantly reminding myself that God had a bigger
plan, that I was being selfish and petty to wish for such things. It was
constant prayer that God would pull me through, for His glory, and some how use
this experience for good. And, oh! the good that came out of it. I learned how
to truly “pray without ceasing,” I journaled nightly and kept up a running
conversation with God throughout the day. I turned every thought of the
situation into prayer, sometimes about the situation and my emotions and other
times about other things and people. I also found, for me personally, that
dropping all fiction (especially romantic) books and movies helped. Discovering
that I’d wasted so much time on fictional thoughts and daydreams – even
daydreams about what our future could be – was another wakeup call. I realized
that I needed to learn how to focus on people right now, where they are rather
than dwelling on a future ideal – or worse hiding away in a world full of made
up characters. And then one day, as I was about to pray, middle of the
afternoon, nothing out of the ordinary, it seemed as though the final thread of
romantic attachment I’d had pulled free, and I learned, once again, that “he
whom the Son sets free, is free indeed!”

Here are a few things that I found
helpful when I had a crush:

a) Tell
God and trust Him. Surrender any thoughts of your crush completely to Him. He
knows whether or not this young man will be your future husband and He will
work all things out “for the good of those that love Him and are called
according to His purpose.” What I found most helpful was to talk to God
continually throughout the day. It really helped me keep my thoughts on “true, noble,
right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy” things. I got to a
point where every time I thought anything, I would instantly turn it into a
prayer. Through that I grew closer to God and became more sensitive to His
Spirit’s leading.

b) Tell
your parents or another mature, godly adult you trust, definitely not someone
your own age. We tend to think in the same way our friends do. And often that can
lead us astray. Older [than we are] people/our parents are almost always much
wiser than we are (or think we are). (1 Kings 12:1-24 illustrates my point)
When I had my first crush it took me almost a month to work up the courage to
tell my parents. But when I did I realized it was the best thing I could’ve
done. When I first admitted I had a crush, I freaked out. To me it seemed
almost sinful to like a guy in that way and it scared me. My mom and dad both
talked with me and helped me see the truth. I am so thankful for their wisdom.
My parents told me it wasn’t sinful to have those thoughts it was what I did
with them that mattered. That I needed to do as 2 Corinthians 10:5 says and
“take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

c) Do
not tell your friends. It will only prolong your crush if you continue to talk
about him. If you trust your best friend enough, you may want to tell her. Just
know it may set you up for some unnecessary – and unneeded – teasing. But you
also may get a good accountability partner. It’s a judgment call you will have
to make based on what you sense God is telling you.

d) Treat
the guy in the same manner you would any other guy, as a brother in Christ. Be
careful not to show your feelings or flirt. Remember “…love is kind… It does
not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking… Love does not delight in evil
[including evil thoughts] but rejoices with the truth.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-6

When I was in high school, I had a pretty serious crush on this guy a little older than me. He started hanging out with this other girl and I was really upset. I had obsessed about him for long enough that I wished this other girl was out of the picture. One night I was daydreaming and I imagined her dying. That was a serious reality check for me. I realized that I was being incredibly selfish about the whole thing.

So I thought, what is love, really? 1 Corinthians 13 says that love “does not seek its own.” I realized that if I really loved someone, it meant that I should want what was best for them regardless of what that meant for me. And so ever since any time I have a crush I focus on what would be best for that person, not for myself. I pray for them, as others have said; but when they’re with someone else, I specifically pray for that relationship. I ask that God would work things out for the best for both of them.

Also, I avoid daydreaming about the could’ve beens. Daydreams create an alternate reality that feels really appealing (duh, you created it). But when you let yourself start living in that reality instead of the real world, and keep on fantasizing about this person, you won’t be able to get over them. So any time I catch myself daydreaming, I get up and take a jog or hit the gym. The physical exertion helps to clear your mind. And personally, I feel it’s easier to pray and I’m more receptive to God when I’m physically active. Cooking also helps clear my mind, but I stress eat so it doesn’t work if I’m upset, haha.

Ultimately, I think it mostly takes time. Just keep your mind focused on others and not yourself and use it as a learning experience.

Great advice!!! Thanks for sharing!

Hi Victoria!! Yes, I can relate! And there is soooo much I’ve learnt that I could write. Let me first, though, just link to a post I wrote that might explain a bit of what I think regarding crushes and dealing with them: http://purelyhis-bringinghimglory.blogspot.com.au/2014/10/a-converstation-and-subsequent.html
Here are some other thoughts:
1) Keep submitting to God! That’s the BEST THING YOU CAN EVER DO!! Take your feelings to Him, and saturate yourself in truth, no matter if you feel it or not.
2) Don’t indulge your feelings! Keep strong! As you said, your flesh just wants to let go, but we must keep fighting! Don’t let this guy take primary position in your heart. Don’t fantasise about him. It’s so very very hard, but you can do it in Christ’s strength!
3) Remember that this is not forever! This feeling WILL pass. Look to the future. You will not be stuck here for the rest of your life. It might take a month. It might take a year. It might take five years. But it WILL pass.
4) If you can, look for flaws in the guy. I know it sounds weird, but often crushes are associated with idolising the guy and thinking he can do no wrong. Looking for stuff that you wouldn’t want in a future husband may help, crazy as it sounds.

Also, to you and everyone else commenting: I encourage you to be careful how you use the word ‘love.’ Crushes are not love. Love is a choice, not a feeling. A few other people have quoted 1 Corinthians 13 (@veronicabeemiller:disqus @victoriamarse:disqus), and they’re right. Love is selfless. Crushes are all about MY feelings and what I could gain. Etc etc. So please, just be thoughtful in how you use ‘love.’ 🙂

Thanks for this Bee, I found your comment really good
“…love “does not seek its own.” I realized that if I really loved someone,
it meant that I should want what was best for them regardless of what
that meant for me…” 🙂
And I love your example of focusing your physical energy into something -like hitting the gym 😛
Praying our way through it, really helps us to grow and learn through the experience
All I have to say is “DITTO” to yours & @disqus_lqJFqcQpTy:disqus ‘s comment, God has every thing in His plan for our best Rom 8:28
🙂

Read I Kissed Dating GoodBye by Joshua Harris, he explains a lot of things like this in his book.

Hi Victoria,
I recently had a guy turn me down too. I know it’s not fun, and a lot of times it can be disappointing. But I keep a couple things in mind when I start to feel blue:
1. That person, wonderful as they are, doesn’t control every happy aspect of my life. I can still enjoy life even if they aren’t a part of it.
2. We can still be friends. The day after he told me he didn’t like me, we got together. And guess what? It was exactly like it normally was when we hang out. 🙂
3. I was a little obsessed with him. I don’t know about you, but I spent a lot of time talking about the guy I liked and thinking about him. Now that I think less about him, I’ve had time to focus on other things that I feel God calling me to contemplate.
4. God always has a plan. And he will put people in your life to help you serve him well. Proverbs 3:6 says, “Seek God’s will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take” 🙂

Love is the willful commitment to the good of another person. Think about why you like this guy so much. Then think about the biblical model of relationships and see if they match up. Ask some adults too. They’ve been there before.
Sometimes you do just really genuinely like someone and they don’t think twice about you. It’ll take time and discipline to sort yourself out but don’t feed the crush or it will take longer and hurt more. You’re still young. There’s no hurry.

P.S. Don’t let it ruin your friendship with the friend he’s dating. No matter how you feel about him, she was your friend before any of this.

OK, so I posted something last night but after thinking on it some would like to say a little more:

Get to know this person.

Not as “That REALLY cute guy/girl”.

But as a friend.

Ok, so you might be saying “Josh, you’ve obviously never had a crush. You can’t just TALK to someone you have a crush on! I’d melt or something!”

But that’s kind of the point. If you have such a crush on this person you can’t even talk to them, then you’ve objectified them! They’re no longer a person, they’re a cute object to fantasize about or whatever (sounds harsh, I know, but it’s true). Make sense?

This also helps (at least for me) with lust. When you get to know a girl, they become less of an object to be stared at and more of a human being.

Hope this helps! =D

-Josh

Wow, I love that point you made at the end! I think a lot of people enter into a relationship thinking that they’ll find significance in it, but that’s just not true. God’s love is the only perfectly satisfying love that we will ever feel. Great quote too 😛

First, I wanna say that you’re brave to pursue surrendering your feelings. It’s a hard thing. A lot of people don’t want to do this because of the level of difficulty it brings!
And second, I know exactly how you feel.
I’ve had some bad “crush habits”. I’ve only had a few solid crushes in my life, each one lasting about 3 years. Man, I would fall SO HARD.
I couldn’t figure out what my problem was. Sometimes I wanted to stop feeling that way because it didn’t feel good, and other times it felt really good and I didn’t want to stop. But over the past year and a half I have stood and said, “This IS unhealthy. I will do something about it.”
One thing I knew I was doing wrong was fantasizing. Nothing bad or dirty, but just dreaming up scenarios in my head of how he would swoop me off my feet, fall hard for me, ect. I dreamed up the perfect guy without really knowing him. Half of the reason I was crushing on him was because of his perfect personality that I assumed he had.
So how do you fight it off? God and accountability. God WILL help you, and sometimes he does that by providing you with a Godly young leader to talk to. Sharing your feelings can be scary, I know. But having someone there to hold you accountable to your feelings truly is wise and tremendously helpful.
One last thing. A book that has really helped me is Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl by Paula Hendricks. I think every teenage girl should read it. The book has helped me to surrender my feelings to God and pursue purity.

So been there! It’s horrible to look through this thread see how many hearts have been hurt! But God is the great healer. And I can see He is at work.
So, Victoria. I’ve been through something very similar. Although I’ve been easily interested in guys since I was 13 and things have never worked out, the latest situation completely broke me.
I started getting interested in a guy when I started going to my young adult Bible study. All evidence showed he might be interested in me, as well. Well. As much evidence as frequently flirting could possibly be.
In any case I fell hard. I really loved him and little tiny things would remind me of him every day.
But here’s the thing.
It took less than a few days of liking him to know it was not God’s will.
The biggest reason for this? Because of the way I felt around him, and the person I was with him, I was willing to push aside my God-given calling and every dream I had of bringing Him glory to be with this young man.
Let me tell you true, as far as I’ve noticed, God does not like it when even though you know what His will isn’t you continue to pursue it instead.
Usually things don’t work so well.
Like with this guy at my young adult group? He began to act like a couple with this other girl.
And it broke me.
After a whole spring and summer of liking this guy and praying against God’s will that He’d let me have him this happened. And it threw me into depression for about 3 months. Those were without a doubt the worst 3 months of my life.
However, I experienced God’s healing in a way I never would have if I’d never been through that experience.
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18.
So here’s my advice to you.
Surrender.
Test the spirits. If this is the man for you no doubt God will tell you. Pray about it. If it’s not His will, or if His will is you two be a “not yet” and God wants you to wait, then the answer will either be no or there will be no clear answer. You have to trust God in this.
More than that, obey Him. This is ultimately important–for your well being. Continuing to like this guy and cling to whatever you imagined having with him or whatever the two of you may have had in the past will hurt you more. If God says let go it will only be better for you to do it sooner than later.
Pray. Take solace in God. And you will experience His healing. I’m really certain of this.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this Victoria! God bless you! I hope to hear from you sometime as to how you’re doing! And I hope you’ll start doing much better soon!

Idolatry: when someone/ something is your first love rather than God

I saw this conversation and thought I ought to introduce myself.

I’m the other Rachel, but I think there Are quite a few of us on here 🙂

Me too! Glad to know i”m not the only weird one over here…

Totally agree!!

YES!! This is my life (well not really, but y’all know what I mean)!
I’ve always had crushes on boys all my life, I hid my feelings well though. They were all infatuations until I had hit age 12 or 13. I started thinking ” What if no guy will ever want to date me and I’ll be single for the rest of my life?” I felt left behind when most girls in my 8th grade class were dating. It made me doubt myself as a child of God, because I felt like my worth was dependant on my physical appearance.
Then I started having crushes on guys who were older than me (like by 4-5 years). They were kind, compassionate, chivalrous and yes, handsome. They had hearts for the Lord and His people. But after a while I realized that they only looked at me as a younger sister in Christ and nothing more. I was crushed (haha no pun intended) when I came to that realization.I became angry at God, because I wanted someone to confide in, someone to make me feel like my inward beauty mattered and someone that would hold me when I was hurt and say “I love you.”
I wrote all this down in my journal, with some angry things towards God. I asked Him “Why? I just don’t understand.”
“We aren’t always meant to,” He said to me. The truth is He revealed that the love that I was looking for, that person I could confide in was in Him alone. Our identity is not found in relationships with other people, it is found in Him. So I began writing letters to my future husband. I also wrote long journal entries to God explaining how I felt. I wrote letters to my brothers in Christ that I had a crush on telling them how much I admire and look up to them (I never sent them).
Victoria, how beautiful is our father and his all sufficient grace, love and peace for us. We don’t always understand, and thats ok. We aren’t always meant to.

Inter-human relationships, such as marriage, aren’t idolatry. Having a crush on a person isn’t putting someone or something before God.

Wow. I am realllly not the most qualified person to answer this. ^-^ Looking forward to reading other people’s advice though!

It COULD be, but definitely isn’t always. It was for me and I really had to fight to kill my idolatry. I don’t know all about Victoria’s case, but in situations like this we definitely need to examine ourselves and make sure we’re not in sin.

I’m reading that book right now! It’s so good! Definitely recommend it.
I read Before You Meet Prince Charming, and while it wasn’t my favorite book I’ve read on the subject, I wouldn’t say it’s legalistic and discouraging. I’m sorry you disliked it so much!

I have “It’s (Not That) Complicated”, but have not had a chance to read it yet. It looks really good though! (I have thumbed through it!) Also, has anyone read “Passion and Purity” and “Quest for Love” by Elisabeth Elliot?

I hardly think having a crush on someone is sinning. Just because you like that person a lot, or even love them doesn’t mean you’re putting them higher than God.

You can love (agape) a person here on earth while still putting Christ at the head of your life.

Elisabeth Elliot! I haven’t read those specifically, but everything I’ve read of hers has been really insightful.

“The Lost Art of True Beauty” by Leslie Ludy has some really good stuff about relationships too. It’s one of those books that can change your life, if you let it 🙂

I had a crush on a guy for seven to ten years. Then I found out that he liked some other girl. I was devastated, yes. Then I found the best cure to that was to train your mind off of him. I had also talked to other guys to remind myself he is not the only guy out there. Try listening to Average Girl by BarlowGirl. Also spend a lot more time with God. These are just a few things that helped me. I hope all goes well for you.

@victoriamarse:disqus, I used to go to the same church as you and your family a really long time ago. 😉 I don’t know if you would remember me or not. 😉 Glad to see you on here though.

Thank you Nathan!

Yes, yes, and yes! Love your points, @lyndabethcave:disqus. Especially about not denying emotions, but working through them with God, submitting them to Him.

Wow… you said perfectly everything I think!!

Yes yes yes! Great idea, I love it!

‘Baseless infatuation’ – yup, good definition. 🙂 Mind you, some aren’t exactly baseless… I know I always fall for the guys who are amazing. I have a harder time figuring out something I DON’T like about them! But it’s still infatuation.

Yes! ‘Before You Meet Prince Charming’ is great! I don’t agree with everything in it, but most of it’s concepts are really, REALLY helpful.

P.S. That is NOT long. Have you seen some of the other comments! 😛

Thanks! I think I write too much though:)

Having a crush ISN’T sinning. It’s when you get totally obsessed and put them before God. It is possible to have a crush without it getting out of hand. And I agree, agape love doesn’t get in the way of God in your life.

Oh, thanks! I was hoping it would make sense. Sometimes I ramble on and on. 🙂

That would be awesome!! I’ll look forward to it. 🙂
Yes, I am! In fact, I’m on right now…

I just signed up!!

Oh hi! I didnt know that you knew that I signed up! haha

Haha, he’s one of the moderators! He knows… EVERYTHING…

Oh that sounds creepy, but ok. haha

Yes! I really like her books. I’ve read “Passion and Purity”, but not “Quest for Love” (yet). It was really good! What have you read by her?

Wait… are you ‘Kate Ito?’

Josh! Hi!

Yeah I get that a lot. Some people say “Oh I thought you were another Kate.” It’s kind of funny. Thanks for letting me on Revive!

Thanks!

Aha, I see! *follows*

Haha!

XD

How do you know if someone is creepy or not? haha I’m just a little curious:P

I think this Revive is new… It’s a prayer group of sorts (from what I hear), is it not?

Hi Nathan! Um.. like Sam just said before I could reply… yep prayer group, and place to share/be crazy without driving Brett mad with our off-topic comments. We’ll drive Sam mad instead. 😛

Oh okay! I have to do homework, but I’ll come back later to check my account:)

That was pathetic. I am duly embarrassed. :/

That’s awesome. Did you know I’m half-Japanese, Kate? My mother was full Japanese.

Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl is one of my favorites!

It’s (not that) Complicated is very good! God used it to help me through my struggles concerning a crush.

Wonderful! I can’t wait to read it! I have so many books I want to read…

Haha! Yeah, I have so many books to read, and that I am reading! Not enough time in my days …

“A Chance to Die”, her biography about Amy Carmichael. There was another one I read and liked, but I can’t remember the name of it right now.

So I have like NO experience with crushs but I will share a tip that Sarah Mally shares in her book “Before You Meet Prince Charming”. Everytime you have a thought about the certain guy/girl you are struggling with turn your thoughts into a prayer about the person or really just about anything. The devil will find this very frustrating when his darts of all the emotions that come with crushes become prayers and furtherment of God’s kingdom! His weapons won’t work anymore!

Yeh…

Haha! I have one of those too… Actually, I never quite finished “A Chance to Die”, so it’s still on my list. 😛

Yes, I’ve read Emotional Purity and it was pretty good. There were some parts I wasn’t quite sure about, though. The part about an “affair of the heart” was striking/convicting/eye opening.

🙂

Honestly, I only read like three comments. I won’t make excuses about how my comment might be a repeat of someone else’s, although it probably will. =p So a friend of mine is dealing with this same issue and she asked me for advice. That really put me in a tough spot, because I’m definitely NOT the best person to be offering advice on this particular subject. My views are very different that most average Christian teenagers. I was always taught growing up to trust that God had just one person for me, and He would bring that person to me in His own way, in His own time. That I was to trust and rely on Him to take care of that for me. That in mind, I’ve never gone on a date in my entire life (and I never plan on it) and I’ve never had a “boyfriend” (after all, that my be kind of difficult in light of me not dating and all that). But I’d be lying to you if I said I’ve never had a crush. I have. The thing is, when dealing with feelings for someone, I put my focus back on God and keep myself from dwelling on that person. It’s a good plan actually. Part of what I told my friend was this: I think when we allow ourselves to think too much about guys, especially when we aren’t sure if the feelings are mutual, we put ourselves in danger of having our hearts broken. Maybe not to a serious extent, but a piece of our heart might be chipped off nonetheless. And we may not even know about it, but eventually the little things, the chipping away at our heart, it will build up to something bigger. What I’m trying to say is I believe guarding our hearts and thoughts is part of remaining emotionally pure. And we’ll be better off for it.
So when dealing with these feelings, the best thing you could do is guard your heart and mind and give the problem to God.

Amen, sister! Over-thinking… *sigh*

I have experienced what you’ve gone through and I know how painful that is. Months later, I am still dealing with some deep heart issues that I allowed to creep in. I let myself believe that my value lay in this particular person pursuing me and when that did not happen, I was shattered. The only thing that has helped me has been spending a lot of time telling Jesus how I honestly feel. I don’t mask it but instead, I let Him know everything. Then, when I run out of words, I listen to what He has to say to me. He has been faithful to tell me who I am and to remind me of His great love and glorious vision for my life. It’s not easy and sometimes I wonder if it is worth it to trust in Him and not get offended at His plan for my life. Yet, His own Words and my family in Christ tell me daily that He is worth it and unspeakable value lies in continuing to press in and trust Jesus.

I pray that you will be encouraged and know deeply in your heart that your value and joy lies chiefly in the Everlasting God. I know how hard this is to believe and hope that this doesn’t sound like a pat answer… but the very fact that Jesus adores you, the fact that the King of Kings displays His affection towards you is the greatest expression of your intrinsic worth that there ever could be. I pray that the Lord will bring people to show you that and I hope that you will be surrounded with sisters who understand what you are going through and will build you up through this difficult time.

Love from a sister in Jesus!

Hey Hanna! Welcome to The Rebelution! Awesome first comment!!

Are you saying that the emotions involved with having a crush are from the devil? What makes you say that?

That book is SO good…

Agreed.

I love “A Chance to Die” it’s one of my favorite books of all time. Elisabeth Elliot is such a great author!

hey, just another thought is to have an accountability partner in this. Talking to someone really helps. Like me blabbing everything to my nine year old sister who thought i was nuts (for actually LIKING a boy:)) but it did help to tell someone!! lol.

I had a heart-breaking crush for a while, so I can understand where you’re coming from. What’s helped me every time in the past was to just try to move on. Avoid thinking of them when you can, and definitely blanket yourself with the things you love, whether that be books, music, sports, acting, God, family, hair and makeup, et cetera. Just keep yourself happy (: Try to train your focus somewhere else, like focus your energy on something else, like maybe creating something. If you distract yourself that often helps. (:

That’s an interesting take, saying that those emotions are from the devil. I guess in one sense, yes, they are. Satan tempted Adam and Eve to the original sin in the Garden of Eden.

But I wouldn’t say these feelings (having a crush) are from the devil. I mean, having a crush isn’t even sin. But the feelings of discontentment, anger, etc. are from the evilness in our own hearts. Obviously the devil sometimes tempts us, but it is our own flesh that causes us to react in the wrong way.

We can’t blame our own sin on Satan.

Thank you, Cassie.

i believe that at face value “Before You Meet Prince Charming” can be taken as all of the things that you said. But I believe that, as with all books, there are many good things throughout the book that are very good and would help many girls in today’s society. I will admit that some of the things in that book and in their conferences has confused me somewhat but having that background as opposed to not has really helped me to set the lines that I will not cross. The ideas are for the most part good but the presentation is mildly lacking.
*DISCLAIMER*
I have not yet read the full book, just snippets. My knowledge about this comes from attending their conferences and doing other related studies for moms and daughters.

So. True. 🙂

Another thing just came to mind. It really does NOT help to tell a bunch of your friends (or family) about your crush. I speak from experience, and blabbing my story over and over only tied more ties that i’m now struggling to break. Telling a trusted friend or family member can help very much, but telling all your friends may not be such a lovely idea. Just a thought 🙂

Yes, good point, Haylie!

I agree. And it won’t always “work”, but I needed to focus my attention elsewhere.

No… I never had a “serious crush” either. *virtual high five*

Welcome to the Reb, Hanna!

I agree! Very helpful, and fun to read:)

I haven’t read that one, but it sounds interesting! Emotional purity is probably the hardest to keep. It is so easy to become emotionally involved.

No, there definitely does not need to be a conflict of interests. If Jesus is our priority, there won’t be any.
My original point in this discussion was that we must examine ourselves. We cannot become comfortable with ourselves… our flesh is evil, even if we are reconciled to God.
So no, crushes are NOT sinful. But in certain cases, sin is very much present. So we need to be careful that we are not idolizing our crushes. And yes, in some cases, I just need to back off from a particular person and draw closer to God.

Jesus is more important than my crush.

Hi Liana, I know that this is completely off topic, but I think your name is really cool:) I’ve never seen it before.

Sure thing! As long as you’ve got people to turn to, that’s the main thing. 🙂

Thanks. It took me fifteen years to find someone with the same name! lol. 🙂

and on the other hand for someone like me it’s very hard to tell someone about your crush! if you’re on the opposite extreme end, (like me) It does help to tell one VERY trusted person! 🙂 Thanks for your thoughts, Haylie. (love how you spell your name)

Ha, try having a name like Selah. 😉 Btw, I like your name too. 😀

Well, about what “loving” someone is, here is an idea (and I’m up for contradiction). I read and believe that when you love someone, whether as a friend or something more, is when you can take away any romance, passion, and feeling that might be there and find that you still care for that person. I have many friends and have come to realize I love them (both boys and girls)(btw if you can’t tell I am a boy.) because there is not a lot I wouldn’t do for them.

haha 🙂 Well, I changed back for one day, because somebody was saying how he really missed the mime. Then everyone was like “MFJ’s back!!! XD” and then I decided I should stay as MimeforJesus.

Hey Victoria! First off you’re not alone in this! We all have stories, not identical to yours, but a lot of us girls have or do face struggles similar to the one you’re facing. I remember about two years ago, when I was facing a difficult situation of my own that involved a guy, a dear friend, at the time, talked to me about letting go. What I tried to do was to just let go for that moment. It’s easy to want to take a big step and surrender someone once and for all but you can’t usually face all the moments of all time in one moment. You have to face the moment you’re in and let go for that moment and then the next moment and the next. It’s a battle, I know it’s heartbreaking and tough but you can do it!! I’ll be praying for you and let us know if there’s anything else we can do.:)

I know of a Selah! I haven’t actually met her, but still I know of one. It’s actually really pretty, I love it!

Someday I’m going to show my younger sister everything I say about her, too 🙂

Haha 🙂 My sister’s 13. So… she’s now telling me all her deep, dark secrets, too. For a while it was just me telling her, though.

Oh cool! How does she pronounce it? Mine is See-lah, but others pronounce it Seh-lah. 🙂

Yes there were some more grownup stuff in it but all in all I think it gave a lot of good guidelines for relationships. 🙂

I think its she-lah. Not sure. either way, it’s pretty 🙂

Yep, I do. Seven!

Here is an expert from the Hiding Place I think might be helpful:

“‘Corrie,’ he [Corrie ten Boom’s father] began… ‘do you know what hurts so very much? It’s love. Love is the strongest force in the world, and when it is blocked that means pain. There are two things we can do when this happens. We can kill the love so that it stops hurting. But then of course part of us dies, too. Or, Corrie, we can ask God to open up another route for that love to travel. God loves Karel [The man Corrie ten Boom loved] –even more than you do–and if you ask Him, He will give you His love for this man, a love nothing can prevent, nothing destroy. Whenever we cannot love in the old, human way, Corrie, God can give us the perfect way.’ … [T]hat very hour, lying there on my bed, I whispered the enormous prayer: ‘Lord, I give to You the way I feel about Karel, my thoughts about our future–oh, You know! Everything! Give me your way of seeing Karel instead. Help me to love him that way. That much.’ And even as I said the words I fell asleep.”

I know that this is kind of long and I’m a boy, so this might not be helpful. But I thought I would give it a shot anyway.

Oh my goodness I remember reading that part; I totally forgot about it!! It is helpful, thanks!

Alright, I need some advice(guys please feel free to reply). There is a guy I know and we get along really well, but I don’t know what to do now. I am not planning to date or pursue any crush-like feelings, but I have never had a friend who was a guy before so I don’t know how to react. HELP!!!

Victoria, one thing that I’ve found helpful, is to analyze all the reasons why you would not marry him. It usually works for me.

Just don’t over think it. Friendships with guys are actually easier than friendships with girls-less drama. Put aside your insecurity, make it clear that you’re not pursuing any crush like feelings, and just don’t think too much about it.

I only have a handful of good friends. However, I do have many friends that I can have fun with.
Something to keep in mind is to divide things up a bit. Don’t start doing everything with one person. It keeps you far less likely to think you have romantic feelings, and for them to think you may have feelings for them.

Hi, Hannah. I do remember you. 🙂 it’s nice to see you 🙂

Josh said it, but my next best advice is to find someone else to crush on! 😛 Just kidding, but really. You need to discipline your mind. When you start to think about him/her, immediately start praying or read your Bible. Pretty soon you’ll find out that God is the only crush worth having! I totally get ya on this, I’m having to go through this right now, so its all good! 🙂

Just treat him the same as any other friend. 🙂 The only real difference between my best guy friend and my best girl friend is that my girl friend and I can discuss more personal matters (such as that time of the month).

I’m so sorry that you are dealing with this. It’s never easy giving up someone that you like to God. Here are some ideas that have helped me:

1. Whenever you think of him, pray. Ask God to take these feelings that you have and direct them to him. Pray for wisdom on how to interact with this guy and your friend. You could also pray for things that don’t have anything to do with the guy. It can be long or short. The important thing is to talk to God who gives healing and comfort to those who have broken hearts.

2. Take the time and energy that you usually use thinking about the guy you have feelings for and use that time nd energy somewhere else. Going to (or hosting) Bible studies, volunteering, painting, cleaning, reading your Bible, doing devotionals, exercise, spending time with friends, joing a book club, or persue any other passions that you have. Persueing purposeful activities (I.e. helping your future, helping others, persueing God, ect.) will make your time more meaningful and will help develop your character, spiritual life, and your emotional health.

3. Unfollow him (and possibly her) on social media. The constant reminder of what’s going on in his life and with his relationship will only inflict more pain on you.

4. Persue a deeper relationship with God. The more I persue God, the closer I get to him and the more I realize his love for me. Since your emotions have been up and down lately (which I totally understand) it’s nice to know that God is a steady rock who’s love for you will never change. The more you realize this, the better you may feel.

I know exactly how you feel since I’ve been through it twice. Once was when my crushing moved away from the country that we were in to another country. Another time was when I found out that my crush had recently got a girlfriend. What I would do is bury myself in piles and piles of work or listen to music while going for a run.
Hope this helps. 🙂

Don’t stress about it. 🙂 Just make sure you are still spending lots of time with your other friends that are of the same gender. If you are spending the majority of your time with your guy friend, you are going to end up in a relationship, and you are clearly trying to stay out of a relationship right now. Just try to keep a monitor on your focus, if you are thinking about him more than your other friends, something might be up. But overall, yeah, just don’t overthink it.

Learn from my mistakes, here’s what NOT to do.

-Don’t fall into the trap of becoming an unemotional robot… it only makes things worse. (Remember Joy and Sadness in the movie Inside Out? You need them. Both.) So cry when it hurts and laugh on the sunny days… and remember, there’s more to life than this. 🙂

-Don’t lose sight of the bigger picture. God is using this trial to draw you closer to Him, to teach to to find joy in Him. God does have a plan for you, He will bring you out of the slough of despond. Don’t be afraid to hope. 🙂

-Don’t get wrapped up in the present that you forget the future. Often our emotions cloud all sense of objectivity. The world is out there, your whole life is ahead of you. Remember God’s promises, and find something to work toward.

I hope this helps… I know it’s hard, but keep pushing through. 🙂 In my case, I let the emotional roller coaster grind to a hault, casting me into a deep depression. Trust me, it is SO much worse to feel nothing. Just remember that it gets better!

So good to have believers who are honest about this. I am gonna try and read everyone’s post.