Overwhelming shock. Encircling confusion. Extreme frustration. Intense bitterness. Fist-clenching anger. Heart-wrenching guilt. Deep-seated regret. Sudden loneliness.
Devastating heartbreak.
These are just a few of the emotions I’ve been dealing with these past couple weeks. My best friend, closest friend, only friend – someone I had known for years, and the person I believed I would one day marry – suddenly cut all ties with me.
And I don’t know why.
My Story of Heartbreak
To give a little context to this whole situation, I’ve known this person for just about two years. For months before, I had prayed for a friend – a true friend, that I could get real with and who could get real with me. A friend that was loyal and would stick with me as I would do the same for them. Because at the time, I had no friends. Sure, I had a lot of people I would call my friends, but no one I could be real with. Just a bunch of casual acquaintances I knew from church.
And then, through a unique sequence of events, I met this person and, shortly after, we became close friends. It was crazy how similar we were to each other, in just about every single way. It was almost as if God was using His sense of humor on us. We were so alike. It’s as if God designed us as duplicates of the other person – with the exception of being the opposite gender.
And for over a year and a half, every time we saw each other, we were inseparable. We always wanted to be around each other. We encouraged each other. We were there for each other. I defended her when she was in danger. I encouraged her when she was scared, and I helped her when she was injured. I poured my heart into this friendship. I did everything I could think of to strengthen her and support her.
I truly cared about her.
And then something changed.
At almost two years of friendship, we decided to enter into an official relationship. We figured it couldn’t hurt. We were both just about ready for marriage anyway!
At first, it only strengthened our friendship. Sure, there was stress, but we worked through those times and continued to grow in love and support. Things continued to improve as we walked together through life.
That is until suddenly, when I got a phone call one day, while serving on a mission trip, that it wasn’t working, and our entire relationship and friendship was over.
It was done – just like that.
Almost two years of our lives had been all for nothing. And to make matters worse, she wasn’t even willing to meet with me and explain why. It was just over – and I couldn’t handle it. I had no idea what to do.
How To Respond To Heartbreak
Heartbreak is one of the worst things a person can ever experience. It catches you by surprise and leaves you emotionally devastated and unable to function the way God designed you. It hurts like crazy and destroys your ability to think clearly and act with any sort of confidence or strength.
It shatters you – completely. It hit me so hard that at a few points, I was actually thinking about suicide.
And as I was going through this incredibly dark time in my life, I had a very important choice to make: Will I trust God or not?
As God started taking me through the healing process, I began to wrap my mind around the heartbreak God felt for His people, when they turned from Him. I kept reading through the Old Testament books like Jeremiah and Isaiah where God expresses His deep sadness and turmoil over Israel’s rejection of Him. Jesus even personified this grief in Matthew 23:37 (ESV), where He says:
“O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to it! How often would I have gathered your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you were not willing!”
Do you see His grief? Do you see how much deep-rooted sorrow God has? It took me some time to realize it, but God actually can relate to our sorrows! He understands our heartbreak. And do you know how He responded when faced with these feelings? Check out Luke 23:34 (ESV)…
And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”
Even after the worst the world could throw at Him, Jesus still forgave and deeply desired what was best for us. He laid His life down for us, even though we broke His heart. He forgave us, even though we rebelled against Him. That’s how much He loves us, and that’s how He wants us to forgive.
So as much as I’ve been wounded by this sudden hurt, as much as I wish it never happened, I’m choosing to forgive this person and do everything I can to help her.
And do you know what’s happened?
God’s given me the strength to get through it! He’s provided for me the support and relief I need to follow through on what He’s called me to. All because I was obedient to Him and made the choice to forgive, even though the forgiveness wasn’t deserved.
What about you?
Are you still holding onto that bitterness and resentment toward someone who’s hurt you? I challenge you to forgive them today. That doesn’t mean they have to be sorry or change (if you don’t believe me, just read the second part of Luke 23:34). It doesn’t even mean they won’t have to face the consequences of their sin. And it doesn’t mean you have to trust them again.
It simply means that you’re surrendering your right to hurt them back, to God. You’re letting Him address their sin, the way He knows best.
It’s hard, I know.
But it’s important – because once you make the decision to forgive, you finally get peace, and you can move on. And once you move on, Christ now has the opportunity to work greater wonders in your life and bring long-lasting joy.
Make the decision to let go – and forgive.
Share Your Thoughts in the Comment Section!
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Wow. This was a deep read. Thank you for being transparent and open and raw and honest about heartbreak in your own life. Thank you for sharing how God healed your broken heart. Thank you for highlighting the beauty and peace that we must pursue in forgiveness.
This was… deep. I had the exact same thing happen to me about a year ago. You are so right, it is devastating. Especially when they are encouraging you in the word so much! What I found was that I was expecting him to fulfill my spiritual needs instead of God. As much as it hurt like crazy, It ended up being the best thing that could have happened. This was so good, thank you.
I actually really needed this. Thank you sir!
Thank you so much for sharing your story here! Heartbreak is definitely one of the worst trials a person can go through. Without God, it sometimes seems impossible. Thank you for sharing how you overcame this grief… it gives me hope that all of us can do the same.
This article evidences much wisdom in how to deal with the devastation of heartbreak. It was so helpful to me to read this. Thank you!
Thank you so, so, much for sharing! I (almost) cried. It was so touching, and so very, raw, open, and honest. Thanks again for sharing your story.
https://thenarrowroadforteens.wordpress.com/
My heartbreak has to do with some very, very complicated relationships…
I am coming to the place where, even though it is so tempting to seek advice from human beings, I know deep down that only the Lord knows exactly what is going on in each person’s heart and what the best path is for me to take.
May He lead us all in the way we should go that will bring His best blessings to our lives, which may not look at all like our idea of what is best.
And may He continue to work in the lives of our loved ones and the people with whom they are associating.
No person is the enemy. The Lord is pleased and the devil (our enemy) is very upset when we praise God in all circumstances and pray for the ones who have brought heartache into our lives. We want to please the Lord, correct? We don’t want to add any more power or glory to the kingdom of lies and darkness, do we?
So let us give our Father the highest praise!!
And then watch the shifting begin!
Blessings to y’all
Laura in Texas
🌻
*Even after the worst the world could throw at Him, Jesus still forgave
and deeply desired what was best for us. He laid His life down for us,
even though we broke His heart. He forgave us, even though we rebelled
against Him. That’s how much He loves us, and that’s how He wants us to
forgive.*
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Although my situation is not exactly the same, it is similar in that God is having to teach me how to forgive despite deep hurt. Thank you for being honest and open about how God has used heartbreak to draw you closer to Him.
Isaiah 63:9
“In all their distress He too was distressed, and the angel
of His presence saved them. In his love and mercy He redeemed them; He
lifted them up and carried them all the days of old.”
Anonymous, thank you for writing this article. Thank you for your raw honesty and emotion. It pained me to read, trying to imagine all that you’re going through, but it gave me a new perspective on my relationship with Christ and His deep, incredible love for me.
I pray that God uses this time in your life to draw you and others closer to Himself. Thank you for choosing to obey Him in this hard time.
When I read this article, my jaw literally dropped…..and just about stayed that way until I had finished. I thank God that He has worked in your life and used you in this way to write this article. This is EXACTLY what I needed today. I can’t thank you enough for writing this and I am so so happy that you have been able to get through this heartbreak and trust in God. And not only that, but you have used this experience to help others. This has impacted me so deeply. Praise God that He has worked through you!!
Wow! That one part about having only a bunch of “casual acquaintances from church” really hit me. Because that is exactly what I have in my life. I do not really have many deep friendships, and sometimes it can hurt. Yet I have been praying for “real” friends, just like you were. And hopefully God will answer my prayers, as He did for you.
Praise God for his mercy and grace!
Yeah bro! I’ve also been dealing with some of the same stuff! I also heard on the radio about someone else dealing with it too. Maybe it’s not as uncommon as we may tend to think.
We just need to be careful not to put our identity in those close friendships. Or at the very least, become dependent on them. Haha maybe that’s why you and I don’t currently have close friends… because we need to focus this time on being sufficient with just Christ.
Don’t know man. Praying for you, and for aynonmous!
Totally! God is sufficient for everyone!
Sorry for what you went through, but keep looking toward God, He will stick closer to you than a brother, and He will never leave you, nor forsake you.
Dude, you are so right, I’m going through the same stuff. Thanks for your encouraging post!
I am so sorry for all the stuff you’ve gone though, I’m going through similar things, the encircling confusion, extreme frustration, intense bitterness, fist-clenching anger, sudden loneliness. Sometimes it feels like its gonna kill you. Tenth Avenue North put some of these feelings into their song Hold My Heart. Another song by Tenth Avenue North that might minister to you is By Your Side: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CdjRmM0Q0qs Because in the end, God never fails you, He is always by your side in every Heartbreak. Look to him.
I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: I WISH I’D DISCOVERED THE REBELUTION EARLIER!
I’m a bit younger and have a similar story. I had a friend at school. He and I were very close and liked each other. It never became a ful blown relationship, but he came to me in February and just said, “It’s over,” and walked off. I entered a state of depression and for the rest of the month I wanted to end my own life. I also turned my back on God, until my youth pastor woke me up to the truth: no matter what boy may reject you or what friend might say goodbye, HE is always enough. Thanks to that truth, I am now almost completely healed.
It’ll come. God does astounding things. I had no real friends till 6th grade and when me and my church enemy decided to stop fighting and be friends.
Wow. That was a real eye-opener. Thanks for that.
….All these comments. I can’t believe how blind I was!