Yes, this is a rant post.
Although it’s not your usual rant. It’s a rant about me, to me.
The other day my best friend asked me that wonderful question: “If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?”
But of course, rather than just making myself feel a small portion of self-loathing, I used up all the fingers I have to list a whopping ten.
Unfortunately self-loathing is something natural that we all do on a regular basis, whether it is intentional or not. No matter how hard we try, it is incredibly difficult to be completely happy with ourselves – our appearance, behavior or personality. For me, it’s a mixture of all three.
1. Comparison. I compare myself to others all the time. It’s actually ridiculous. I know how unhealthy it is, but there are days where I will just come across a picture of a flawless woman or walk past a girl with perfect hair and automatically feel less happy with my appearance.
2. Impatience. Crying children, people taking too long to tell their story (which to be honest, I probably do way too often myself), waiting in queues…no, thank you!
3. Lack of forgiveness. I hold grudges. If someone takes advantage of my trust or does or says something that hurts me in some way, I find it difficult to just forgive and forget. Moving on from situations, no matter how big or small, is something I struggle with.
4. Temper. I get frustrated very easily and fail to recognize that I have lost my temper at something so insignificant.
5. Appearance. Like most people, there are plenty of things I would love to change about my appearance. With a European background, I naturally have darker and thicker hair than most people, which is all well and good as I doubt I will ever go bald, BUT hairy arms aren’t generally that attractive.
6. People pleasing. Although I claim that I don’t, I care too much about what other people think of me. If people aren’t sitting right with me, then I’ll let them know. And even if they are the ones in the wrong, I will still put in my own time and effort to try and fix the problem.
7. Organized. I like being organized, which is usually a good thing. If a plan hasn’t been sorted or if there is an issue that needs to be resolved I will do all I can to get it done, but this sometimes comes across as being bossy.
8. Easily distracted. I am great at the whole ‘talking’ thing, but unfortunately I am a terrible listener. I try really hard, but I get distracted incredibly easily. I need to be completely focused and in the right frame of mind, otherwise I can almost guarantee that you don’t have my full attention.
9. Stubbornness. I stand up for what I believe in and I like to think that I am open-minded. However, when I get passionate about a topic, often I go out of my way to get my point across. In some cases I disagree just to prevent giving in or avoid admitting that I am wrong.
10. Delegation. I hate telling people what to do – I get awkward and it feels uncomfortable, so instead I just do it all on my own. This proves difficult when I am in a leadership role or a part of a team. I get bogged down with a lot of tasks, but in my head it’s easier to do it yourself and ensure there are minimal mistakes.
After I finally took a breath and finished recalling the endless things I wish I could change about myself to my friend, the look on his face said it all.
He looked at me so upset and when I asked him what was wrong, he simply said that he wondered how I could list to him all these things I didn’t like so effortlessly.
It got me thinking, we so often focus on the things we would love to change about ourselves, whether it be physical or not, but rarely are we able to so easily list the traits we love.
The thing that I have learned from this is: although self-loathing, to an extent, is almost a natural process, it is unhealthy.
Why do we find it easier to hate than to love?
Why is it easier to pick out our imperfections, rather than be content with the fact that no one else is flawless either?
I am not saying to simply ignore these things, but if there are traits or habits that can be changed, like impatience or constantly comparing yourself to others, then make it a goal to do something about it!
In order to show love to others, you must first love yourself.
I know I’m not the only one that struggles with this, so I encourage anyone else to join me in writing down a few things you don’t like about yourself on a piece of paper and then go outside with a lighter, some matches or a lit candle and burn that bad boy up, because the negativity and the self-loathing stops here.
You are so much more than those words on that paper. Your value and worth lies beyond that.
Focus on the things that make you beautiful, caring, funny, loving, loyal, strong, trustworthy – the things that make you, ‘you.’ We live in a pretty messed up world. Don’t waste your time trying to achieve the unattainable standards that society sets for us.
Learn to love yourself for who you are and always strive to be the best version of you that you can possibly be.
Who’s with me?
Hey, I have hairy arms too, don’t feel bad. 😜 (thank you, Italian grandfather). Maybe if I wasn’t so pale, the hair wouldn’t be as noticeable lol.
I have a habit of comparing myself to other girls too. The worst part, is that I have found myself trying to find something wrong with them in order to make myself feel better about myself. Like if I see a really pretty girl and she’s wearing really cute clothes and her skin is flawless, I might find myself thinking, “well, my hair is prettier than hers at least” or “she doesn’t seem very nice. ” I’m ashamed to even admit that I do this. I really need to pray about this, because I know it’s wrong, I shouldn’t be thinking that way about people.
I’m also very impatient– with my brother. I will calmly stand in line for 30 minutes at the post office, no problem, I can just daydream the whole time, lol. (This is also a bad habit of mine.) But my 10 year old brother is a lot harder to be patient with. These are only a couple of maybe my worst problems. So I’m with you!!
Heeeeeeeey i’m Italian too!!! YAAAAAAY for Italians!!! :)))
Hahahahahaa!! Awesome😁😁 Yeah I actually think it’s pretty cool. I not only am part Italian, but Cherokee, Irish, and English too. I’d love to go on one of those websites and research my ancestors!!!
I’m half IRISH too!!! LOL 🙂
Cool! 🙌🙌🙌 hahahaa
Coolio! I have red hair, but I guess that doesn’t count.
YAAAAAAY for red heads!!!
I’m almost like, 50% Italian. My uncle did that, and apparently I’m related to Nero… woo hoo. Also, there’s Sweedish in my blood, and British.
Wow! That’s crazy!!
Didn’t Nero hate Christians???? LOL
He was crazy, and persecuted Christians fiercely. There’s a theory that Nero also started the fire that burned Rome. So basically, my ancestors are a bunch of traitors. Yay! :/
Its ok, my ancestors were horse thieves, as rumor goes, when they came over from Ireland they dropped the Mc on Ginty, so it was no longer McGinty, but Ginty, they didn’t want people to know they were the horse thieves, seems like it would still be pretty easy to figure out who they were!!! LOL
My ancestors were horse thieves too!
WOW!!! Maybe we’re long lost cousins!!!
Check out my blog! Look up Classic Mary Moments on Google! I write Christian humor, devotionals and fun stuff!!!! 🙂
Okay cool(:
🙂
I *speak* Italian, does that count? =P Buongiorno, come stai?
Sorry! No.
Awww lol ='( =P
Sooooo confused still, buuuuut IF you were asking ME, no i’m not, 14!!! LOL Guess my age! Hee, hee!!!
Check out my blog! Look up Classic Mary Moments on Google! I write Christian humor, devotionals and fun stuff! 🙂
YES!!!! I mean, the only thing I can say in Italian is all food words, Cia and Amori!!! LOL I’m impressed!!!
Grazie molto, signorina! Tu parli quattro paroli? Non e male lol =P
Muchas gracias, señorita! (Not sure what that is? Are you 14? Tenes catorce años?) No es malo? I got the first sentence. Not sure about the rest.
Hahaha, see my translation in my response to Mary XD
Sooooo confused still, buuuuut IF you were asking ME, no i’m not, 14!!! LOL Guess my age! Hee, hee!!!
17?
Your guess made my night!!! This is sooooooo AWESOME!!! your NOT the first person to guess 17 and hopefully it wont be the last!!! Guess AGAIN?!?!?! :))))
English translation Puleeeeeeze!!! :))))
I did the Spanish translation. . .Or tried.
Thank you very much, Ma’am. Are you barely 14-years-old?? (Not sure. Are you 14 years old?) It’s not bad. LOL sticking tongue out face.
Are you asking ME if i’m 14??? Or giving me the translation?! LOL
That was the attempt of someone who knows absolutely know Italian to translate something completely in Italian (or almost completely.)
Thanks a lot, miss! You speak four words? That’s not bad lol =P
You were supposed to translate the emoji too. LOL. So, what’s señora in Italian? I got the first and last part right! And I knew the four. Hey, that’s not bad.
And Mama mía. I know Spanish. My mom’s from Argentina!
Apparently, the Germans and the Italians are supposed to hate each other which makes SOOOOO much sense (it explains all my inner turmoil.) Italian and German blood mostly in me.
LOL So WHY do the German’s and Italians HATE each other???? Curious to know since this Italian has a crush on a German!!! BAHAHAHA!!!
First off, I wouldn’t post that online, but whatevs (maybe that’s the German in me.)
I’m not actually sure if Germans and Italians hate each other. Someone told me that, and it explained my life. . .so I kind of took it.
I don’t get WHY you can’t post what it means online??? I guess I can just google it!!! LOL
Hahaha. That’s not what I meant, but apparently this is either really funny or enraging or both.
Guitar with Arms translated it somewhat lower. What I was trying to say was that I wouldn’t thing about who I liked online. Hope that clarifies things a little.
Ooooh soooo then can you tell me WHY they hate each other?? LOL Its ok, he never browses the internet, he’s to busy for that so whatev, if he ACTUALLY sees that comment then God led him to it!!! BAHAHAHAHA!!!
Um, like maybe because. . .I have no idea. Um, (sighs). . .some told me that, and I don’t really know if it’s true. It explains life, and the person who told me’s a credible source. . .SO? I hope that was helpful!
LOL…Sure! I won’t but you about it anymore…I ask A LOT OF QUESTIONS!!!
I have a bad habit of daydreaming in the shower for like 20 minutes and just standing there contemplating life….
Omg I thought only I did that! I try really hard not to do that now though, because I run out of hot water.
Haha! Well, our water heater broke shortly after we moved into our house, so we got a new tankless one that doesn’t run out of hot water 🙂
WHAT!? I want it!!!!!
Lol xD
When I was younger I didn’t understand when we went on a vacation and the hot water would turn cold after multiple people took showers! Guess I’m spoiled 🙂
Man, I need one of those.
Lol I know the feeling XD
Definitely definitely definitely not alone there XD
Lol, I do that too! 🙂 And then I realize how long I’ve been standing there…
Oh my yes! I do that way too much, haha.
When I was younger, I used to talk to my shampoo bottles. Granted they were characters in my world, but. . .
Haha yay, twins!! Got to love that European background hey.
It’s definitely a natural thing. Sadly, I have to agree with you & say that I do the same thing sometimes, too. I read a quote the other day saying “empower, not compete” & it has stuck with me. I think it is something that everyone, women AND men, need to remind themselves of. We need to admire other people’s beauty and positive qualities without questioning our own.
That’s also something I struggle with too. I find myself much more impatient around my family than I am toward those I don’t associate with often or strangers. I think it is possibly because they are the people we are least worried about their opinion of us.
I compare myself to other girls too. I see someone who looks really beautiful and I wish that I looked as good as her. I know that I’m beautiful, but I have a hard time getting my brain to believe that.
And I’m too concerned about what others will think of me. I know that all I need to be concerned about is what God thinks of me, yet I crave acceptance from my peers and others. Thankfully, God’s always by our side, helping us, pulling us up when we fall, and forgiving us.
Thanks for the great advice, Jessica. It has helped me a lot. Now, to find some matches… 😉
I think what I have learnt, is that comparing ourselves to others is natural. But often we forget that the people we are comparing our appearance or personality to, are more than likely comparing themselves to others too (and perhaps even us!).
I am the same. I tell myself I don’t care what others think of me, but I feel as though it’s just a way of trying to force myself to believe that. Again, it’s human. We are constantly seeking approval from others, because we want to fit in and belong.
Definitely! God is always there & it is so encouraging & inspiring to see that you know that & believe it so strongly.
Thank you so much! 🙂 YAY! 🙂 You’ll have to post a photo! x
I hadn’t really thought about it like that before. Thanks for the encouragement Jessica! 🙂
This is so good. Although I don’t think we need to love ourselves to love others. We need to be able to look past ourselves, but loving ourselves is not mandatory though it probably helps to some extent. When we love Jesus we automatically love others because of what He tells us. We should also love ourselves for the same reason.
Definitely agree Brooke! I really believe that loving yourself, through the knowledge that you are a daughter/son of Christ & that we love because He first loved us, can be a cataylst for our love toward others.
Thank you for your feedback! 🙂 x
I actually LOVE myself A LOT!!! LOL I would have NO trouble listing my attrubutes that I love about myself!!! Buuuuuut then again, perhaps that’s why people describe me as such a loving person!!! Hee, hee!!!
So long as you’re not a conceited snob about it 😜 lol I was actually just listening to Joyce Meyer like yesterday talk about loving ourselves. She said we should make a list of good things about ourselves or something like that.
I would have to agree with you. I think that it’s good to know what attributes that we love about ourselves are, as long as we aren’t boasting about them or anything.
Right!!!! I agree, theres a difference between loving yourself because you know your worth as God’s child and being arrogant, glorifying yourself, your flesh!!!
Yes! 🙂
Haha!!! And I’m NOT!!! 😉 I definatley know the things that I need to work on too…but I don’t dwell on it, just concerned and striving to improve myself! :)))
Lol that’s good then(:
I absolutely LOVE this post, Jessica! I agree and relate to this so much that it is shocking. Recently, I was asked to take 5 minutes each day and to only think about my good qualities. I do not really have very much confidence or happiness in who I am. I thought that since it was only 5 minutes it would be easy to list things. 5 minutes isn’t very long is what I thought. However, once I got to that time of the day when I was going to do this, 5 minutes seemed like an eternity. I tried so hard to think about the good things about me but would you believe that I couldn’t think of one?
Jessica, thank you so much for writing this. It really spoke to me.
Clare, you certainly have good things about you! Even if nothing else, you are made in the image of God, and that makes you very, very special 🙂
Thank you, Olivia! It means a lot to me to hear that.
I agree with Olivia. We all have good things about us-even if we can’t see them. And yes, always remember that you are made in the image of God. You are His precious child and He loves you eternally!
Thank you, Anne! I appreciate the support.
I’m so glad that you enjoyed reading this – I love when I hear other people can relate to my content, so thank you!
It is incredibly difficult to sit down and list things that we love about ourselves. Sometimes it can merely be because we feel selfish and ‘stuck up’ in a sense. It is often easier to ask someone else what they love about you rather than try to see for yourself. Definitely encourage you to continue this five minute challenge that you are currently doing. I think as your perspective changes, you will find that it will become a lot easier to find things that you love about yourself. You may be a great listener, really good at braiding hair or great at remembering birthdays, but at the end of the day something that is so important to remember is that you are so special, beautiful & wonderful in God’s eyes & you are loved by Him.
Thank you, Jessica! I will definitely take your advice and continue to do this 5 minute challenge. I never thought to ask others!
Clare, you are an exuberant, loyal, always-positive daughter of Christ; I love seeing you post around Revive and on here, and I hope you know that you’re appreciated and loved. 🙂 I can really see your passion and desire to follow Christ in everything you post, and I pray that you’ll continue to seek Him and find your value in Him.
Aww. Thank you very much, Kimberly!
Great post!! I do the same thing. I can list a whole lot of things I don’t like about myself. From my weight to my hair to my personality. Even things like my prideful thoughts. Sometimes it makes me think “hate” myself. But you are so right! Change what I can but stop obsessing over my shortcomings.
Preach it, sista!!
Yes! That is exactly right, you have said it perfectly! I love your attitude and perspective, keep it up. Thank you lovely! x
Lol. Well thanks.
Keep posting awesome stuff!
The greatest thing I love about myself is that God has made my wandering path straight in His own time. He has breathed life into my soul and given me joy in the suffering:)
Just for the record, a lot of those things you just mentioned are me. It’s sooooo easy to focus on negative things about ourselves, and then to comfort ourselves we’re like “Well, everyone else is broken too.” That’s sure not encouraging! I think we really need to lose sight of ourselves and see God for who He really is. We are not garbage. “I am a new creation in Christ Jesus, created for good works, which God prepared beforehand.” God did not save us so we could be focused on sin. He saved us so we could be focused on Him.
I love this, Jessica! This is me every day. So glad you wrote this!
I really feel you on the comparing and people-pleasing. I’m a people person, and I’ve struggled with that daily my entire life. Finding my own identity in Christ has been something I’ve been praying about, and will continue to pray about. 🙂
I understand what you’re saying, but I believe we should not love ourselves but rather be content with ourselves. Instead of loving ourselves, we can love God and realize He doesn’t make mistakes. This allows us to be content with who we are.
Good work here very helpful as I take the journey to rediscover the potential in me…..
Thank you