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Published on November 30th, 2014 | by Discussion Questions

How should I respond when my friend says he’s gay?





GRACE WRITES: A good friend of mine recently told me that he struggles with an attraction to other males, and I really don’t know what to do with that information, how to treat him, or how to walk with him through all of it. Do you have any advice on how to respond, not just as a Christian, but as a Christian friend? Have you had a similar experience?


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  • I’ve had a discussion like this with a friend, and I have to admit I was pretty nervous—because as much as I knew homosexuality is wrong, I also knew that this was someone I would never want to lose. I don’t know the exact statistic but I know that gay teenagers have one of the highest suicide rates, and our behavior towards those who go through these struggles is probably a big reason for that.

    He told me he was gay.

    The first thing I did was tell him that God still loved him. God extends his love freely, regardless of what we’ve done or who we are. And I wanted to remind him of that.

    The second thing I said was that as long as our faith was strong, we were siblings in Christ, and so I’d be there for him. A wise man once said, “It doesn’t matter what you’re against. It matters what you’re for, and we should be for Jesus Christ.”

    I had to take a break, afterwards. It’s good to reflect on what you believe, what you know God has said and the other things you have seen. But eventually, you have to make a decision: can I love him as God loves me, or can I not?

    Following that God is bigger than sin (which is why we all are saved), I figured I should treat him as a brother. He needed a confidante, and that’s what I became.

    I listen. He’s a Christian too, and he wouldn’t act on his impulses, so I’m not listening to or condoning sexual events I believe are wrong. But if he has a bad day at school? I listen. If he accidentally burns his toast and it ruins his whole day? I listen. One of his biggest fears in telling me was that I would never talk to him again, or that I would start to treat him like he had some disease.

    But the fact is, the disease he has, I have. It’s called sin. Sure, it’s a sin for someone to have homosexual thoughts. But it’s also a sin to think about killing somebody. It’s a sin to steal someone’s pencil. It’s a sin to do anything that isn’t done in God’s love.

    Yet our sins are all forgiven equally—and that’s the part that matters.

    So, whether your friend is a Christian or not, I’d remember two things: this is a person Jesus died for, and as a Christian we have a responsibility to bring the message to every living soul; eventually we’re going to Heaven where sin cannot exist, and it would be a shame to leave someone out when their problem was temporary.

    Secondly, treat him like a person. Talk to him. Smile. Grab his shoe, make him run around the block to get it back and eat ice cream afterwards. Your response to him as a Christian is going to be one of the things that shows him that whether he realizes it or not, God is bigger than the limitations of his body. So love him! And be the sibling you’re called to be.

    My experience is with just one guy, but I’m glad I made the choices I did. I know my actions and opinions don’t necessarily follow with what every Christian interprets from the Bible, but, funnily enough, God is bigger than we Christians, too.

    • Grace L.

      Was your friend a christian? That’s really cool. That’s the kind of friend I would love to be to this guy. It’s all kind of weird because this has happened to me several times now, but this is the first time it’s happened with a Christian brother and it just really caught me off guard. I really liked what you had to say about sin…It’s really important to remember that there’s nothing ‘worse’ about him than me, and I struggle with that a lot. Thank you so much!

      • Yes, he is a Christian, and like with you, it was the first time that the situation had happened to me with another Christian. And yeah, it was awkward at first, but I’ve learned from it. Glad I could offer my perspective, though. :)

      • Vic Myers

        Right on Grace! Be of good courage! NEVER quit walking in His spirit! He will see us through… Give the struggles to Him.. Jesus loves that! It’s His promise to us, all who trust in who He is.
        Jesus= def. God Saves. (salvation)
        Christ= def. Foretold, delivering, conquering King of God’s chosen people.
        Lord= def. Owner/Master (ultimate authority of all of ones physical/spiritual existence. (Life) :). Love in Christ… Vic

    • alana

      That’s good advice. I wish more people would think as rationally as this instead of the screamer method.

      • Vic Myers

        Lol!! “Screamer Method”. I pictured that… Ouch!! NEVER worked on me…

    • Thank you for everything you said in that comment. That is a very mature, godly way to respond to this kind of situation. God bless you!
      – Trent

    • I really appreciate this: “But the fact is, the disease he has, I have. It’s called sin… Yet our sins are all forgiven equally—and that’s the part that matters… this is a person Jesus died for, and as a Christian we have a responsibility to bring the message to every living soul.”

    • Vic Myers

      I agree mostly.. Ty 4 your honesty. As you stated you don’t (and I say biblically , cannot) condone the act of homosexuality.
      Well done! “God hates sin” NOT the sinner!
      But… If an unbeliever confesses ANY sin to you…From stealing a piece of paper, all the way to murder. You are ” guilty by association”, if you do not inform the authorities. (Mans law)
      However, if the perpetrator :) is one who confesses Jesus, “The Christ”, as Lord and saviour!? There is another dynamic above and beyond, but NOT excluding mans law.
      That can trump natural with spiritual. That is not the case here!
      You got a GREAT start here Heather! The love you showed for your friend is awesome. Now I pray with you for ” Godly Wisdom” to help your friend if he is willing. (Do not try to force him! It won’t work.) to confess the acts involved as sin. Then one can move forward in Christ’s power of deliverance and victory!! Love you. in Christ… Vic

    • That is great advice, I have a friend who recently told me they were gay, I told him God would still love him. I wish I had said just what you said. I will.
      Thanks.

    • Josiah

      Heather,
      I just wanted to say that, from my perspective as a Christian who struggles with same-sex attraction, your response to your friend was really good. You sound like a great friend!

      • Thanks, Josiah. I was rather nervous at the time that it happened so it’s good to know I didn’t screw it up. 😉

  • Rachel S.

    The world would tell him to embrace himself and his feelings. Encourage him to embrace Jesus instead, and continually keep encouraging him.

    • Unwritten Hope

      I’m a new kid at school and I’ve fallen in to a pretty hodge-podge group of friends. We’re all different and some of us believe the same things. We started talking about teen lit, like Hunger Games, and one girl in this group said that she didn’t like books like that because they don’t talk about what happens to transvestites in the dystopian future. She’s a championer of gay rights, and I don’t know if she believes in God or not, but thanks to this conversation hopefully I will know what to say next time!

      • Vic Myers

        Wow… My payers are with and for you… Blessings upon you…

  • Sam S.

    This past summer, I was at a conference called Teen Leadership Conference (more info at http://www.bbc.edu/tlc/). One of the main speakers was David Whiting (http://www.davidwhiting.org/). He talked about how Christians should respond to homosexuality, and what he said made a whole lot of sense. Rather than trying to overview his points, I’ll just leave you with a link to go listen to it yourself. It’s 45 minutes long, but it’s well worth listening to. Let me know what you think if listen to it!

    http://www.bbc.edu/chapel/tlc/20140724pm_TLCwhiting.mp3

    • Grace L.

      Wow that was super good. I love what he had to say and I disagree with a lot, especially being scared of consequences, and speaking louder against popular sins than others. It frustrates me that when I ask people about their opinions on gay marriage or homosexuality that people who believe it’s wrong don’t really have a basis for it. That really challenged me to research for myself, especially with his point on having a source and having a basis for belief. So good. Thank you for sharing!

      • Sam S.

        You’re welcome! I listened to it today and was encouraged/challenged by it. I decided that it wouldn’t be right to recommend it to all of you if I wasn’t willing to listen to it again :)

    • Grace L.

      Hey Sam, do you happen to remember/know the name of the sermon you linked me to? I’m actually writing a paper for my apologetics class and i wanted to quote something from this but I can’t figure out what to cite it as haha.

      • “It’s Coming to Your Town” (Matthew 5:10-12)

        • Grace L.

          Ah thank you so much, you’re the best!

          • Haha. Best what? 😀

          • Grace L.

            I would say best human? Or maybe best candy corn, because your profile picture looks pretty tasty… Best at giving super helpful information is also relevant here. Take your pick!

          • Haha okay. I didn’t mean to look tasty. The third one was my goal.

  • Leorah

    Hey! :) I have a gay friend who is agnostic. What I told her when she told me she was gay and kind of asked for my Christian perspective was that personally, I believed that there a) is a God and b) that He is the God of the Bible. And in believing this, the gay lifestyle is sin simply because He loves us and it ends up hurting you and others physically, emotionally, and/or mentally. Whenever the topic comes up, though, more than anything else do I just talk to her about why I believe the Bible in the first place.
    She knows the verses about homosexuality and didn’t need me continuously throwing them at her. Or for me to say, “It’s a sin because the Bible says so.” To her, that’s not a good enough reason because she herself doesn’t believe the Bible, so, therefore, it doesn’t matter to her what it says. What she needed was for me to explain to her why – as her friend and a Christian – I believe that a) there is a God and b) He is the God of the Bible. Because if you are convinced of these two facts, you are going to want to know who He is, what He says, and how you now must live. Whether or not you like or it is convenient to you. And my friend understood where I was coming from and so yeah, we don’t talk so much about her sexuality when it comes up but, rather, why I believe a) there is a God and b) why the Bible is true.
    My last piece of advice is to not love either “in spite of” or “because of” sexuality/beliefs. Because that’s not love and people know when our kindness is either forced or as a way to “win them over.” Love the same way as you did before/the way you want to be loved – unconditionally yet, at the same time, as someone actually WORTH love. Unconditional love is beautiful and ESPCIALLY from Him. In fact, that might be the most beautiful thing out there. People want to be loved for the way they are as people too, though, you know? As wonderful as, “You are broken and yet, I still love you and always will no matter” is, people also want to hear, “If I had to be stuck on an abandoned island for a year and could only bring one person with me, it would have to be you because you are hilarious and always know what to do and say.” This is why my friend cares to listen to me and about my beliefs. Because she likes me and she knows that I truly like her as well.
    God bless, Grace, and I said a prayer for you. <3

    • Grace L.

      Thats such good stuff!! Thank you so much for your input.

  • My Youth Minister talked about homosexuality this morning. Part of what he was saying is that there’s a difference between gay and Gay (with a capital G). If your friend says he’s struggling with it then it’s just a temptation to sin like any other. If he identifies himself as Gay (as in a part of the Gay community and participating in those acts) then he’s blatantly sinning and going against God’s law and you can respond to him based on that.

    But by your description I would think he’s just struggling with the temptation. In 1st Corinthians 6:9-11, Paul tells the Corinthains that those who practice homosexuality will not enter the kingdom of heaven but he says such were some of you but you were washed, sanctified and justified in Christ.

    I can understand why you would automatically feel like treating your friend differently because of this but try to reach out to him as Christ did, with grace and truth. There’s always the chance to turn around.

    • Grace L.

      It’s kind of a strange situation. He’s told me that based on a lot of research that he’s done about Greek bases of words or original language meanings and whatever (He’s done a lot of research. I’ve done close to none outside of what I know of the Bible in English and what people say) he doesn’t think acts of homosexuality are wrong. He says hasn’t actually done anything, he says he isn’t working for a relationship or anything, but I’m trying to figure out if/how I should talk about it with him. Honestly, the 1 Corinthians passage you quoted really messes me up. This is a guy who’s been in my life for years and years, one of my closest friends. He loves Jesus and has inspired me and so many other people in my church and our community. He’s absolutely on fire for God and there isn’t a soul who could deny it. I’ve seen it in large groups, small groups, one-on-one, and in his personal struggles like this. But I know that he’s experienced people tell him “Well, the Bible straight up says that if you’re gay you can’t go to heaven.” So its just really confusing to me.

      • Holdingfast19

        One thing I might try to show him or ask him if he is “rightly handling” the scriptures with his studies? because it would definitely seem anytime someone comes to that kind of conclusion that they are not takng God’s word at it’s face value but rather trying to justify their actions. something we are all prone to doing. Also it’s likely he is getting his arguments from learning about Matthew Vines, his book, or his videos. which have all been refuted thoroughly by many people so maybe if you want to know what to say look up matthew vines and look up someone’s response to him. But make sure you have more love than some of those people responding have. Showing the love of Christ is essential.

      • Ruthie

        Wow, this is a really tough situation for you. I would suggest reading the short book Is God Anti-Gay?. It can be found in pdf files on the internet. I think that it explain things very well and maybe you can get some knowledge about things and tell your friend.
        Also, here’s a link that confronts Matthew Vines’ views. http://www.albertmohler.com/2014/04/22/god-the-gospel-and-the-gay-challenge-a-response-to-matthew-vines/

        I agree with Amanda, though. “Hate the sin, love the sinner.”
        I’ll be praying for you!

  • Miss M

    I agree with what a lot of the others have been stating that homosexuality is the same as all other sins and deserves the same death. Yet through Christ all sins can be forgiven when we turn to Christ, trust Him, and repent (turn from our sins in Christ’s strength). I think because of the cultures focus on homosexuality people tend to start to treat it differently than other sins. It sounds like your friend is trying to legitimize this sin nature through Greek roots in the Bible, am I correct? If this is the case, a great thing to do would be to go to Blue Letter Bible http://www.blueletterbible.org/search.cfm#srchLexi or use a concordance and look at all the verses he is trying to use yourself to get a better view of what he is meaning.
    Also remember that often a good question has more power than simply giving someone information. Asking about whether or not, by his research and view if lying is then okay? Murder? Pride? Other sins? Are we to continue in them because we have grace? Or pick up our cross, flee temptation, and follow our Savior? (Romans has a lot to say on this.) Making sure he know that you are not ‘judging’ but rather genuinely on his team and wanting to help him to simply think deeper and go to Christ.

    One last thing, which is probably the most powerful and important impact you can have in your friends life is prayer. Pray for him, for strength, wisdom. Pray for yourself that you would be filled with Christ’s love and wisdom. We are called to pray without ceasing, it is one of a Christians most powerful weapons.

    • Grace L.

      THANK YOU. I’ve been trying to find a good source like that! I really truly just want to understand. He knows that I don’t agree with him, but I haven’t really talked a lot about it, just listened to what he had to say. It’s all really confused me. Thank you again!!!

  • Amanda

    Wow. That’s a tough one, but a situation many more of us will be facing before we know it.

    Hate the sin, LOVE the sinner. Make it clear that you don’t agree with his choices, but don’t be judgmental. Many gay people seem to think that Christians are hateful and discriminate against homosexuals. If your friend thinks that way, prove him wrong–show him that you still care about him and you’re not treating him any differently since he told you about his attractions to other men. Let your friend know you’ll be praying for him.

    Well those are my thoughts for now…I haven’t personally been in a situation like that (yet), but that’s basically what I’ve learned from others. :)

  • Kate Wagner

    Having a same-sex attraction isn’t a sin, you were just born with it, but when you satisfy that hunger and practice homosexuality, that’s wrong. So, if a person was born with something, we can’t just judge them for something they can’t control. It’s hard, but we have to basically treat them the same and try to coach them through these tough times.

    I haven’t had to talk face-to-face with someone about this, but I know people who are gay. It really hurts to know that you’re in the same room as someone who has had the same opportunities as you to not give in to these urges, but decided to take the wrong path and give in to them. Especially when that person is your aunt who gave into it so much that she adopted a child, and now that child will never know the love a father could give it. It hurts to know your cousin will never have a father. She will never be able to call someone “Dad!” It’s so sad.

  • Hana

    A tough one. One that we usually try to avoid. I don’t have an answer. I haven’t dealt with this before and I would be in your position of wondering what to do. I agree with what everyone has been saying especially just loving them. A lot of people who struggle with this never had the love that so many of us are blessed to have. Many never had a father. So just love them.
    I had one friend who confessed to another problem and the first thing I did was got help. I told my mom and she got the help he needed. I wasn’t being a tattletale or giving away his secret, I just loved him so much that I wanted him to get the help he needed. That was a year ago and now he is doing so much better. He was mad for awhile but I kept praying and trusting God to help him. It is so hard but prayer does help.
    So I will be praying for you and your friend!

  • Holdingfast19

    By what you said I think that your friend is a Christian that “struggles” with this so they aren’t living in the sin but rather tempted by it. It’s upon that presupposition my resopnse lays.
    First off let me say “I know your feel” almost a year ago one of my good friends who is a Christian told me and a bunch of other guys our age at Church that he struggled with this. And my first reaction was of shock and just dissapointment that this affected my life. But then i started ot realize all that went into it for him to come to us and tell us that. The courage and trust in God that took brings me to tears almost. and so first off I’m thankful for m friend and it’s important to let them know that.
    secondly and this has brought me to tears, (I’m not an extremely emotional guy either) I realized all the times I had said something or made a joke about homosexuality in hi presence, how many times I had pushed my friend further and further away with my actions which expressed an attitude of “I’m better than that and there is no way it’s a real struggle.” (even on the day he told me I can think of several times I had done it) and I can’t describe to you adequately how much hurt I feel for the hurt I may have caused. And my thankfulness that God has grace enough for me and my friend is humble enough to forgive me. so use it as a learning experience it certainly has been one for me. Learn that sin is serious and people struggle with all kinds of things, Christians aren’t some cookie cutter with the same temptations and the same qualities. We are all different but all part of the one body of Christ. So handle your relationships with care and get to know people better so as to not hurt them or push them away.
    A semi side point but something you may want to point out to your friend is that we are not defined by our temptations. He isn’t labeled as “Gay” just because he is attracted to guys, we are defined by who we are in Christ. I’m reminded of David when he sinned with Bathsheba, that was a horrible offense. But nonetheless David is known as the “man after God’s own heart” we are not defined by our sin.

    • Holdingfast19

      that awkward moment when you post something but you aren’t done with it… ph well, other people have answered most anything else I was going to say. I just felt very related to this topic.

      • Thanks for sharing this, Holdingfast19. What you wrote was really helpful. I especially appreciated you pointing out how when we make jokes about homosexuals we could be unwittingly wounding friends who struggle with this temptation. It’s just not something to joke about for many reasons.

    • Amanda T.

      This is wonderful!! Thank you for sharing so openly!

    • Vic Myers

      Dude!!! That was awesome! Praise God… Going for a Kleenex…

    • Harrison

      Thank you so much for posting this. It had never really occurred to me how damaging such comments could be. I am a boyscout and ever since the policy change regarding homosexuals, I have felt that the issue loomed greater in my life. I have never had someone confess homosexuality to me, but I know of someone who is gay. This post really made me rethink how I should handle people struggling with this issue.

  • Casey Culverwell

    One of my best friends is gay and I honestly believe that constantly demonstrating the love of God to him is the best way to help him deal with his attractions. Humans are the ones that came up with degrees of sin. Making murder worse than stealing, being gay worse than lying. To God all sin is sin but the amazing thing is that we are forgiven every part of that sin, be it murder or lying.
    Every one of us struggles with sin in some form or another. Some are simply easier to hide from the world than others. It is important that you friend know that you accept them for who they are along with all their failings. Healing and freedom from your struggle sin is always possible. Acceptance and support are instrumental in bringing healing into these situations. I’ve put you in my thoughts and prayers that God will give you the wisdom and insight to deal with this situation.

  • Amanda T.

    Okay, so I was originally writing this as a reply to one of the comments on here, but then I had more to say than I thought I would and it got really, really long, so I am just posting a new comment!! Anyways, here we go:

    Definitely look in the Bible. Dig deep. The Bible is God’s living word to us, and if we
    have the Holy Spirit living inside of us, He brings divine understanding to us when we search for it.

    Jer. 29:13 – You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

    If you are feeling confused, look to the Bible for your answers; God’s word is perfect and better and more pure than any other source out there! If you don’t know what to think or don’t know what to say? Ask! God will show you what you need to know and give you what you need to do/say. Just be willing to follow His lead.

    James 1:5 – If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

    Lastly, just like everyone keeps saying, pray! Pray! Pray! And then go pray some more! :) God is the only one who can change his heart! Ask Him to do that for your
    friend! God wants to hear from you. Don’t expect an overnight answer though.
    Sometimes, yes, God will immediately do what you ask. Most of the time, however, it is a slow process. It takes patience and diligence. I think this can grow you as much as it can your friend.

    Matt. 7:7 – Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.

    1 John 5:14-15 – This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.

    I would recommend looking closely at 1 John (it talks a lot about love and chapter 5
    deals with sin as well) and also Romans 5-8 (it talks about our life in Christ and law vs. grace and not living in sin)

    One final thing I would add is that, yes, it is good to know a lot about what you are
    talking about and what the issue is; and do study God’s word intently, but also
    don’t be afraid to speak up just because you feel like someone knows more that
    you or is smarter. Big words and lots of information doesn’t discredit simple truth.
    Believing that you aren’t good enough to speak what you know is true because you don’t have enough fancy words and statistics is a lie from Satan to try to keep you quiet so that you won’t follow God and possibly do something big for His glory!

    Romans 1:18-32 – 18The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of people, who suppress the truth by their
    wickedness, 19 since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. 20 For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.

    21 For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22 Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools 23 and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like a mortal human being and birds and animals and reptiles.

    24 Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. 25 They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.

    26 Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. 27 In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error.

    28 Furthermore, just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave them over to a depraved mind, so that they do what ought not to be done. 29 They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, 30 slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; 31 they have no understanding, no fidelity, no love, no mercy. 32 Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.

    1 Corinthians 2 – And so it was with me, brothers and sisters. When I came to you, I did not come with eloquence or human wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. 2 For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. 3 I came to you in weakness with great fear and trembling. 4 My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, 5 so
    that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power.

    6 We do, however, speak a message of wisdom among the mature, but not the wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age, who are coming to nothing. 7 No, we declare God’s wisdom, a mystery that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began. 8 None of the rulers of this age understood it, for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory. 9 However, as it is written:

    “What no eye has seen,
    what no ear has heard,
    and what no human mind has conceived”—
    the things God has prepared for those who love him—
    10 these are the things God has revealed to us by his Spirit.

    The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. 11 For who knows a person’s thoughts except their own spirit within them? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. 12 What we have received is not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand what God has freely given us. 13 This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, explaining spiritual realities with Spirit-taught words. 14 The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit. 15 The person with the Spirit makes judgments about all things, but such a person is not subject to merely human judgments, 16 for,

    “Who has known the mind of the Lord
    so as to instruct him?”

    But we have the mind of Christ.

  • kanji

    lovin the question homie! 2 things

    1.) you MUST MUST MUST MUST MUUST just love on him like you would anyone else!!

    2.) you MUST MUST MUST MUST MUST listen to what he has to say!! Listen to his heart, his struggles, his disagreements, everything.. listen before you say ANYTHING! lol.

    I’m really passionate about this topic, as an islander, people get killed for comin out the closet. Like straight up stoning people you feel me? The culture is crazy intolerant of this lifestyle . Be willing to suffer with him, make sure when you see him you see you, another broken person.

    I think when that life on life is established well the gospel can transfer from actions to words. But honestly what do I know I got my own demons I’m tryna fight lol peace!

    • Grace L.

      Dude I like you. I really liked what you said-“Make sure when you see him you see you, another broken person” I think that’s awesome nd something I’ve really begun to learn through all this. Thanks for your answer!

  • Amanda T.

    Okay, so I was originally writing this as a reply to one of the comments on here, but then I had more to say than I thought I would and it got really, really long, so I am just posting a new comment!! Anyways, here we go:

    Definitely look in the Bible. Dig deep. The Bible is God’s living word to us, and if we have the Holy Spirit living inside of us, He brings divine understanding to us when we search for it.

    Jer. 29:13 – You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

    If you are feeling confused, look to the Bible for your answers; God’s word is perfect and better and more pure than any other source out there! If you don’t know what to think or don’t know what to say? Ask! God will show you what you need to know and give you what you need to do/say. Just be willing to follow His lead.

    James 1:5 – If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

    Lastly, just like everyone keeps saying, pray! Pray! Pray! And then go pray some more! :) God is the only one who can change his heart! Ask Him to do that for your friend! God wants to hear from you. Don’t expect an overnight answer though. Sometimes, yes, God will immediately do what you ask. Most of the time, however, it is a slow process. It takes patience and diligence. I think this can grow you as much as it can your friend.

    Matt. 7:7Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.

    1 John 5:14-15 – This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.

    I would recommend looking closely at 1 John (it talks a lot about love and chapter 5 deals with sin as well) and also Romans 5-8 (it talks about our life in Christ and law vs. grace and not living in sin)

    Oh! One other final thing I would add is that, yes, it is good to know a lot about what you are talking about and what the issue is; and do study God’s word intently, but also don’t be afraid to speak up just because you feel like someone knows more that you or is smarter. Big words and lots of information doesn’t discredit simple truth. Believing that you aren’t good enough to speak what you know is true because you don’t have enough fancy words and statistics is a lie from Satan to try to keep you quiet so that you won’t follow God and possibly do something big for His glory!

    Romans 1:18-32 – 18The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of people, who suppress the truth by their wickedness, 19 since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. 20 For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.

    21 For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22 Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools 23 and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like a mortal human being and birds and animals and reptiles.

    24 Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. 25 They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.

    26 Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. 27 In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error.

    28 Furthermore, just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave them over to a depraved mind, so that they do what ought not to be done. 29 They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, 30 slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; 31 they have no understanding, no fidelity, no love, no mercy. 32 Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.

    1 Corinthians 2 – And so it was with me, brothers and sisters. When I came to you, I did not come with eloquence or human wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. 2 For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. 3 I came to you in weakness with great fear and trembling. 4 My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, 5 so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power.

    6 We do, however, speak a message of wisdom among the mature, but not the wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age, who are coming to nothing. 7 No, we declare God’s wisdom, a mystery that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began. 8 None of the rulers of this age understood it, for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory. 9 However, as it is written:

    “What no eye has seen,
    what no ear has heard,
    and what no human mind has conceived”—
    the things God has prepared for those who love him—
    10 these are the things God has revealed to us by his Spirit.

    The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. 11 For who knows a person’s thoughts except their own spirit within them? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. 12 What we have received is not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand what God has freely given us. 13 This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, explaining spiritual realities with Spirit-taught words. 14 The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit. 15 The person with the Spirit makes judgments about all things, but such a person is not subject to merely human judgments, 16 for,

    “Who has known the mind of the Lord
    so as to instruct him?”

    But we have the mind of Christ.

    • Amanda T.

      Sorry for how incredibly long this is!! I hope something in here helps you. Also, I second everything Holdingfast19 said! :)

    • Wow girl !! Preach it!!

      • Amanda T.

        Hahaha :) thanks? I wasn’t planning on saying that much but…

        • Totally fine! You rocked it!

          • Amanda T.

            Alright, thanks! :) I worry sometimes when I post stuff, especially like this one. I struggle a lot with the thought of what is the balance between loving someone but not necessarily approving of their lifestyle, and more so what does that look like in action? I don’t ever want to come across as harsh or thinking I know everything, because I don’t know everything! And, especially when it comes to the Bible and such, I tend to be more of a just lay it out there kind of person. I really have to look for the balance of saying the truth, but saying it with grace. However, I am really big on speaking out when God calls you to (He is working on me with that :) ) So I decided to just go for it and pray that they were God’s words and not mine and that He would use them in spite of any flaw on my part.

          • Grace L.

            SO GOOD. Thank you so much! I have the opposite problem of you haha, I tend to speak the love and the grace and leave out the possibly offensive truth. I’m learning to speak out like you have here. That’s so good. I get really afraid that I’m going to say something ‘wrong’ or I won’t be able to keep up with the conversation, but knowing that I can pray and ask for wisdom and the ability to speak is so freeing. I tend to get really scared because I rely on my own knowledge and my own words, but you’re so right-I have his Spirit with me! Thanks again!

  • Kate Wagner

    I’m not saying that Jesus’ grace can’t overcome that, or that we will never be able to overcome our sin (we will, it’s possible, but hard), but that the way God made us is the way God made us. He didn’t originally make us with sin, we chose that when Eve took the fruit from the Tree of Good and Evil, we chose* to be born with original sin for the rest of our lives. No one can be born without original sin (except Jesus and Mary), but we can overcome it.

    Yes, I agree that most same-sex attractions come from past experiences (Maybe (if you’re a girl) you had a abusive father and don’t believe that a man could be nice to you, so you hide from them and marry another woman. I’m not sure about the man side, but…) So, that part I agree with.

    That’s pretty much what I was saying (referring to your last paragraph). Let’s use an example. Let’s say you absolutely love chocolate. So, when the temptation comes to eat as much chocolate as possible, you have two choices. Feed the desire (although you know you shouldn’t), or avoid the temptation. It’s not our fault we love chocolate, but it’s our choice to either chose chocolate or no chocolate (sin or Jesus). It’s our choice to feed the desire of homosexuality, or to not. So, essentially, we are picking Jesus or Satan.

    Jesus died to save us from sin, but that doesn’t mean he totally erased the possibility for us to make our own choices. God gave us that at the beginning of time, when we were created. Jesus died to save us, but that doesn’t mean all of us will be saved. (I pray we all will though.) It’s our choice to rely on God’s forgiveness or to totally ignore God’s sacrifice for us. So, just because Jesus died for us doesn’t mean we will all go to Heaven. The choice is still ours.

    I hope this clears my comment up.

    * When I say “we chose”, Eve’s choice to take the fruit when God said not to is symbolic of our everyday choices to either “take the fruit” or choose God in our lives. Eve is symbolic of us. Therefore, when Eve (we) chose sin, it did just what sin does, destroyed us. (Not totally, we can always turn to God, but it damaged our relationship with God.)

  • Kate Wagner

    And I’m not sure that I said anywhere, “That’s just the way people are.” and “God can’t fix it.” Yes I did say we can’t judge people for the sins they were born with, but we can’t judge people at all. We can tell them what is wrong or right, but we have to leave it up to God to judge them. Does that explain why I said that?

    • Jonathan

      Well when you said someone’s just born with it, I just hope people don’t call that a good enough excuse is all. I am not here to critique you at all. I just didon’t feel good about it if other people were thinking that’s true. And even if it is it’s not stronger then Jesus.

      • Kate Wagner

        Yeah sorry. I probably should of tuned it down a little, but when I get involved in something like this, I tend to be really fiery in my replies. I get your point. Thanks.

        • Jonathan

          It’s all good. You’re the only reason why the website is still going you’re so busy and helpful haha.

          • Kate Wagner

            Yeah right. (sarcasm) :-)

          • Kate Wagner

            What about the Harris brothers? I didn’t start this, they did. And don’t forget all the other people who make this possible by writing articles and giving advice and all that. I haven’t written an article! :-)

  • No one has ever “come out of the closet” to me before, but I believe it’s essential to recognize (just as others have pointed out) that homosexuality is a sin, but so is gossip, lust, and every other sin we struggle with everyday. If I was gay, I’d want someone to be praying that I’d fight the temptation of lust after other guys, just as I am grateful when people pray that I’ll avoid lusting after girls.

    • Sam S.

      Excellent reiteration of that point. Thanks, Brandon!

      • I didn’t realize how many people already said what I just said until now; maybe I should read more comments before sharing my thoughts :)

  • Vic Myers

    Hey! What do you call a Christian Struggling with sin every day? (scroll down for answer)




    Your friend!

    Never quit! Never give up! NEVER! “He who began a good work in you, WILL BE FAITHFUL to finish it”.

  • Savannah P.

    When he tells you this don’t treat him any differently as you used to. I am a christian, but i believe god chose certain people to have this problem, just as a test to see if they could handle it. It’s not his fault if he is gay, its just the way he was born. Some people may disagree but they dont have any reason to, because they dont know gods plans. But if he is asking you for help, because he doesnt know if he is or not then simply ask him how. You shouldnt feel nervous really because he is the same person you knew the day before. Also remember that his telling you that took allot of courage, because he was probably scared because so many people would bully him.

  • Dawson Fields

    Great question, this is something everyone should know how to respond. I have had to deal a lot with this kind of stuff. I have a great uncle who has been gay most his life. It really saddens my whole family, but we try not to look at him any different. We are all able to have a great time with him. My advice would be: Try not to look at him any different, try to still see him as the friend you knew before he was gay. Just continue to be kind and love him as Christ would. If he is asking you for advice I’m not sure there is much you can tell him except that God still loves him and He will help him through it. Just because someone is gay doesn’t usually mean they want to be. I have met a couple people who found themselves attracted to the same gender, but they never acted on those desires. They were still able to find joy in God, by ignoring their desires and following Him instead.

  • Grace L.

    It’s so crazy, I definitely feel you. I’m praying for you and your friend. I’m praying that your friend has wise people and mentors in their life who are speaking truth in love. I pray for wisdom and grace for you to know how to talk to them! (Basically the same things I pray for my situation haha)
    What I’ve learned from this situation and from all these lovely people here is that
    a. The power of prayer is HUGE and I often underestimate it and rely on my own ability when I have The Lord as my advocate and the Holy Spirit speaking through me
    b. Your friend is still the exact same person and has not changed at all, only your perception of them has. Make sure it doesn’t change how you treat them-they’ll notice.
    and c. Their sin is nothing worse than your sin.

    Prayers for you Susannah!!

    • Thank you Grace! The same to you!

  • Grace L.

    Hey man, thanks for putting yourself out there like that!! Its inspiring to me. I’m working towards being consistent in my view of sin like you talked about. Its hard for me to not define my friend by his struggles, but I know thats not what God’s love looks like at all. Thank you again!

  • Cassandra Aplin-Gandy

    So, SCOTUS has decided
    marriage equality is legal. That said, what happened in my world drove that
    home. Having a gay son makes one have to really look at those things in a new
    light; The light of love; parent for child, child for parent, our duty and calling
    as a parent.

    When I knew for sure before he even told me; I
    made sure I did not treat him any differently than any of the others. (my
    son’s father) on the other hand ignored and or flat berated him for being a
    ‘pansy, less than, not worthy of his love or respect’ and a host of other
    derogatory terms levied in his direction not subtly at all. Now 7 years later
    through much praying, writing, and re-examination of that gospel call to LOVE;
    I have a whole new view of it all; One of acceptance, while disagreeing for myself,
    one of support for the family members in their struggle to accept and
    understand. His father burned his bridge with him. He did that on his own, and will
    have to answer for it indeed. I am not God; but I think he might have something
    to say about a father abandoning a child (he was still a minor at the time).
    Does his sexual orientation make him less of a human, or less capable of love
    and compassion? NO! He seems to have been given a double dose of it, and has led
    us all to a higher level there; and for that I am truly grateful. It is not the
    path I would have chosen, somewhat like the first interracial marriages, many
    said during that time “What are the children going to have to battle/?” Well,
    we figured that one out. Now this is not so different. We are to love, have
    compassion and kindness for all.

    Even if we disagree; I love my son greatly and
    have seen him have to wrestle and battle through this. I have seen the
    depression and anxiety it has induced by feeling he will not be accepted for
    who he truly is. (specially in the southern Bible Belt) I have seen really bad
    relationship choices on his part, and now a really good one.(my oldest son)
    wife was a sparkle added to his and our life she is a beautiful
    soul and kind…same for my Gay son and his partner now; I wouldn’t have thought that possible
    but there again proven otherwise. Even if they do not remain together he has
    brought strength and a zest for life back to My son and that is beautiful.

    I cannot guess the reasons why this is being
    ‘allowed’ but I do know this, if more parents would go with the flow of it,
    there are many HUGE lessons for us to learn in this about OURSELVES…and maybe,
    just MAYBE in the end that is the why.

    If there is one thing I have learned over the
    years it is this; Sometimes God uses those things that cause us the most
    discomfort or angst to drive us head long into self- rediscovery. Those things
    that make us question our very foundational beliefs; see things on a new and
    deeper level. I know now when I resist these times, I cause MYSELF more pain in
    the end for not having trusted that He knows better than I what will teach me
    what I need to know to grow and expand in Love for Him, humanity and even
    myself.

  • wraith
  • Sara Walls

    I think something important to remember is that love is a choice. I’ve been married nearly 10 years and I choose to love my husband every day. If I ever chose to not love my husband our marriage would struggle then die. The culture now days would like to say “you can’t help who you love” and “follow your heart”. The truth is “the heart is deceitful above all else ” Jeremiah 17:9. Love always considers the highest good for the one loved even at the expense of self 1 Cor 13. The highest good of every person is to draw closer to Christ. If love doesn’t do that, even in marriage, it isn’t love. Lust, desire, covetousness, but not love.

  • Audrey

    Love. You knew your friend was a sinner before, right? Im betting that you didnt think about that much. Now you know what he struggles with. Dont treat him any differently. Yes, its a sin. You sin, too. Being gay is not a ticket to hell, and neither is being heterosexual a ticket to heaven. What gets you to heaven is repentance and belief. Good book: Is God Anti-Gay? I would recommend reading that. Its only about 100 pages.

  • Corina Cater

    This happened to me, and believe me I know how it can throw you! I was raised by Christian parents and “sheltered,” as some would say, a fact I’d never been ashamed of or regretted, but in my first semester of college, I met a guy who told me he struggled with attraction for other guys and had his whole life. Like you, I was at a total loss. I had no idea how to help him. I knew I needed to be friends with him, to stay in his life. Mostly, though, it turned out I just needed to do two things: 1) listen to him and 2) pray for him. My friend was very insecure and needy. He needed to know that I wasn’t going to abandon him over this issue, since he knew I was a Christian and didn’t believe homosexuality is condoned by the Bible.

    Ultimately, I prayed for him constantly. From the get go, I told him I do not believe homosexuality as a lifestyle is compatible with a genuine Christian walk. I showed him passages like Romans 1 and 1 Corinthians 6:9 that clearly talk about homosexuality as juxtaposed to the Christian life. I made it clear that I understood he was struggling with the sin. We all struggle with sin. But I explained that if he chose homosexuality as a lifestyle, he was deliberately disobeying the command of God and ultimately, choosing a life of sin over a life obedient to God. As 1 John 1:6 says, “If we say we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth.”

    My friend wrestled with this issue for quite a few months. We talked about it often, and I reiterated what the Bible says. I told him the power of the Spirit is more than able to overcome sin, any sin, even one that had haunted him for so long. He didn’t have to give in. In the end, my prayers were answered when he surrendered his sin to God and chose to fight sin by the Spirit, to “put to death the deeds of the body” so he would live–truly live–the abundant life Jesus calls us to. Today, he is happy in a relationship with a great girl. He has not forgotten the way that I stood by him and guided him when he was in such a dark, hopeless place.

    I would suggest, then, prayer and speaking truth to him, a friend to a friend. It won’t be like Jesus when He called people, that they left tax collecting or fishing or whatever situation they were in–it will probably be a slow process. But I believe through prayer and loving friendship that does not hesitate to speak the truth in love, your friend can choose to love God over a lifestyle of sin. My prayers are with you and your friend!

  • Sabine Castro

    Pray for your friend. Lead him to Christ. To many times Christians try to turn a homosexual into a heterosexual before they lead them to Christ but that’s backwards. Christ takes us as we are and we grow with Him from there. Lead your friend to Christ and show him God’s love and how important he is. Homosexuality is a sin, this should not be confused, and repentance is important, as with any other sin. And as with any other sin, Christ died for us while we were yet sinners. So love your brother with Jesus’ love and compassion, pray for him and lead him to the Savior of all.

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