Find this and other satires written by students at Funny Class Notes, a humor page designed to entertain but also make important points through satire.
Please, take a long look at the above juicy slab. Gaze at it, fill your nostrils with the imagined scent of its cooked glory and think of what an amazing taste it will bring to your buds. Doesn’t it look wonderful? When cooked, maybe it will be seasoned with a foreign herb or domestic spice, perhaps it will be served in its natural splendor or maybe with a dab of A1. It might be made rare or well, but regardless it will melt in the taster’s mouth. The cut can be prepared so many ways; so many tender possibilities.
I have a confession to make: I can’t stop looking at meat. Every day, when no one is looking, I open up cookbooks or surf recipe webpages trying to find a good shot of a savory cut. Sometimes I sneak down to the local supermarket and stand around the butcher section for hours, absorbing the rays of uncooked meat.
As I look, I imagine the possibilities: A T-Bone with lemon and pepper. A sirloin made just so. Or maybe a classic Bourbon Street steak. What cut should I pick? How will I eat it? How long will I cook it? At what temperature? The more I think, the more my mouth waters and the longer I gaze.
When I eat other foods, I’ll keep a cookbook handy to imagine I am actually eating steak. For that matter, I hardly go anywhere without a photo to remind me of the awesome flavor of meat. One look at the picture, and my desire is temporarily satisfied, although it often returns stronger than before.
My computer desktop image is similar to the one above, only it has been airbrushed to remove the fat and accent the bone lines. Edited photos look better and are more effective at inducing hunger, so I prefer them to the untouched images. Sometimes I purchase videos of people eating meat or read stories about other’s culinary adventures. This, too, can be satisfying for a fleeting instant, but meat has a way of always calling you back.
I have purchased large posters of uncooked meat and placed them on the walls of my room. Each slab is in a different provocative position. Some of them are adorned with sides of vegetables or steaming mashed potatoes, others are left at awkward angles leaving the viewer to guess what is on the other side. They are all beautiful cuts, well above average, some even surgically enhanced to look more like meat. When I wake up, they welcome me to the new day.
Every now and then, when my family purchases meat at the supermarket, I go nearly ecstatic with anticipation. Sometimes I wake up during the night, rip open the plastic wrap and hastily cook the cut. The result is often unsatisfying and pangs of regret tell me that I might have enjoyed it more had I waited for the others.
Other times I gorge myself, eating many times a humanly decent serving in one sitting. That feels good during the feast, but the negative implications of stuffing one’s face become readily apparent soon after. A belly ache, temporary inability to eat and, in rare circumstances, food poisoning are inevitable.
After a great deal of soul searching and self reflection, I’ve decided that my habit is perfectly natural. I mean think about it: we all need to eat, right? Looking at pictures is just part of anticipating a natural human physiological need. Videos, desktop images and stories are a natural extension of human hunger . Those who feel I should put the cookbook down or reduce my consumption habits are obviously starved themselves, or they wouldn’t feel the need to criticize. Most of them are vegetarians anyway.
Sometimes I get the feeling I am not the only one. Others look at meat in an equally lurid way and that makes me wonder. Tell me: Do you enjoy gazing at a piece of meat?
Wow
That’s really thought provoking.
Absolutely brilliant. Just like meat, the human body was created by God to be enjoyed by the appropriate person, in the appropriate way, at the appropriate time. In those times, it is perfectly fine to enjoy what God has given, but there are so many ways to abuse the gift. We can overindulge, or indulge at the wrong time or with the wrong people. And if these boundaries are violated, though the commission of the act seems to be enjoyable at the time, it not only does not satisfy, it intensifies the craving and, ultimately, does damage to the body and the soul. The sad thing is that, to answer the ending question, the problem is not limited to one person, nor even to one area of life. Our society is simply infatuated with going beyond the God-given limits, whether it is the subject of the article, actual food, or pretty much anything else that God has given us to enjoy.
I’m torn on what to think about this. I understand that part of the intent here may be to point out that pornography wrongly treats people (mostly women) like pieces of meat. But at the same time, I think this piece may make the same mistake by suggesting that an appetite for meat is somehow a good analogy for sexual desire.
This was a great piece of satire. I really loved how the author addressed a difficult issue in a funny way. It did make me think! Even Christians (especially Christians!) need to be careful about what they are “feasting on.” Col. 3 shares with us that we are “saved” we dye to ourselves and are buried away with Christ. Not only that, but our spiritual self is made alive. In order for us to live wholesome, Godly lives, we must be constantly feeding this spiritual life with the bread of Jesus. We do this by keeping our eyes on that which is above and not on that which is of the earth. If we are looking at Jesus, we will draw all inspiration from Him and be able to live in accordance with His will!
At first when I started reading this, I heard crickets chirping! I actually thought, Whow! Alex or Brett really have an issue with meat! I called my mom in and said, mom am I reading this right. Then she laughed at me and explained it to me. Okay…so I’m a little slow at this kind of stuff. I’m a black and white person and take things at face value. So if you are trying to give me a meaning other then what your saying, I get really confused. You know I really have the deer in headlights syndrome when it comes to satires. LOL oh, well!
Now that I get it, it’s pretty good analogy (=
This is an awesome piece of writing. It is amazing how we can read this and see quickly how wrong and obsessed, and enslaved to a lust of the flesh someone like that would be: and yet somehow when it comes to the analogy of human sexuality, the same behavior is excused, explained away, and considered normal and even healthy.
I agree with Erin. Sometimes I am slow on these things. The only thing I was thinking after reading it was about how hungry I was!
A good piece of cooked meat makes me drool, uncooked makes me barf.
Just joking, I understood the satire. Great post!
I glanced at the first couple paragraphs while I was getting ready to go to work. My first thought was “This is such a waste of my time.” So I exited and went to work. Came back tonight and read the whole thing. That’s actually wicked good! Almost comparable to all the satirical works Jonathan Swift wrote. : – ) Definitely worth the time to read!
…Whoa. I got it almost instantly, but still…you presented it excellently.
Just thought I’d let you guys know that Legal Redux and Pete’s Place have been discontinued.
I found this very insightful and creative but I would like to say one thing.
When you say: “After a great deal of soul searching and self reflection, I’ve decided that my habit is perfectly natural. I mean think about it: we all need to eat, right? Looking at pictures is just part of anticipating a natural human physiological need. Videos, desktop images and stories are a natural extension of human hunger . Those who feel I should put the cookbook down or reduce my consumption habits are obviously starved themselves, or they wouldn’t feel the need to criticize. Most of them are vegetarians anyway.”
I felt to an extent that was actually a valid view. now let me explain. We by are human nature should be expected to do the above, to feel those unhealthy desires and fulfill them. But, and this is a big but, when one becomes a Christian and receives the Holy Spirit they should be able to evade fulfilling such desires. Notice I say evade because I still believe as a Christian we will still feel those desires but as a Christian we should be able to resist the fulfilling of them. In fact that paragraph is a valid view from the perspective of a non Christian. They should be expected to act in such a way because it is their nature.
This was great food (no pun intended) for thought. I’d like to see even more of this type of stuff in the future.
I think it makes a very good point. I do think that, however, that the human body being used for sinful pleasure cannot be accurately compared to food. Food is a necessary part of living. Sex and porn are not. It is a good analogy anyway.
I have to say that I didn’t “get it” until the end! How embarrassing!! But then I went back through and read it again and WOW! Great article—it really makes me think. How often our rationalizations of sin are as absurd as this!
Great analogy. At first I wasn’t sure what to make of it, but by the end I was thinking, “Whoa. This makes total sense.” Good stuff.
That was a very well-put article. A “piece of meat” is exactly what I feel like when I know a man is looking at me the wrong way. Thank you to the author for making a very good point.
Very, very well written.
As I read it for the first time, I realized what it was talking about, and the more I read, the worse I felt. I was offended — not at Alex and Brett, and not at the author of the article, but at the practice of pornography and of guys lusting after me in ways that this analogy mentions. It made me feel like I was nothing more than a piece of meat, and I literaly became sick to my stomach.
In other words, the article so skillfully portrays the problem that it was very difficult for me to read.
Excellent analogy. Thanks for posting it. 🙂
I greatly enjoyed this post. It has significant meaning to it -it makes lusting look rediculously foolish.
In a realistic sense, however, I agree with Katrina:
“…I do think that, however, that the human body being used for sinful pleasure cannot be accurately compared to food. Food is a necessary part of living. Sex and porn are not.”
Funny stuff 😀
I’d like to clarify: Though I agree with Katrina, sexual relations are necessary in the way God designed them. But they aren’t necessary in the way lust uses them.
Very well put. I understood the satire and analogy right from the headline. It really shows how disgusting pornography is.
Just to Heidi’s comment: This analogy was, I believe, more intended for guys, but also to show girls how hard it really can be. Its unbelievable hard to keep your mind and thoughts pure. In fact, it’s impossible… without Christ. And it doesn’t help when a ton of girls (Christians ones as well) dress the way they do. When they dress immodestly they are “asking” to be objects of lust. And pieces of meat.
That was a great bit of writing! I got where it was going right off the bat, but it still leaves ample room for thought on the part of the individual to make it really interesting.
Great job guys (or whoever did it)!
I work at a faith-based Pregnancy Center. Our hope is to help men and women seek God’s exciting plan for experiencing all of the sexual stimulation and enjoyment He has wired into our physical, emotional, mental and spiritual make-up–and to experience all of that within the perameters of His design for marriage. I loved this satire because it applies so well to the subject of women allowing themselves to be treated as “meat” and men choosing to view women as that. Amazingly, the biggest connector isn’t women versus cows/pigs/deer… it’s the value God places on women and men versus any animal on earth that man might subdue. Why are women so willing to acquiesce to this degredation? Why the willingness to be the sacrificial lamb on the alter of the sexual revolution! Thought-provoking writing.
A great piece…very poetic. The writing makes the issue at both times understood and clear. It really is quite amazing how we men sometimes view women. I can’t even lie, but I have been there before (thank God He got me out of there…)
This issue has been all too close to my life. People I love have been deceived and in bondage to lust and/or pornography–girls and guys alike. I have only recently been freed by God’s truth from the lie that women are to be fantasies for men. It’s not true and I’m so glad it isn’t.
I just wanted to challenge the girls–it’s true that it is a 24/7 job to keep our minds pure. Pornography and lust are not just “guy issues.” Girls struggle, too. Take every thought, the good ones and the bad ones, captive so that you can make them all obedient to Christ’s authority in your life. He is the Truth. And the Truth will set you free.
~V
DUDE!
This is so powerful! Thank you for sharing this poetic, yet serious and thought provoking article. It was real encouraging. For everyone who struggles with lust, remember, you’re not the only one out there! But God is merciful and will forgive us if we will repent, get back up, and keep following Him in the direction he leads us. God Bless.
W!ll
This is thought provoking. Many good points.
yep. the author got the point. thx for posting this.
I really thought this was great. I have never seen pornography dealt with in such a way. It really hit where it hurts. Thanks guys
A great artical that realy made me think.
Okay. For a minute there, I was thinking, “WOW. someone has some serious issues they need to get over having to do with meat!” but finally at the sixth paragraph, I realized that it was an analagy (and a brilliant one at that) symbolizing the lusts. And I realize what the author (whom I cannot personally commend on this post because I am not sure who the author is) was saying about getting so obsessed with something it plagues your every thought. It is so damaging, when you think about it. On all accounts. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually. When one gets so obsessed with something (or someone) other than God, disaster happens. It is a dangerous place to be.
To the author of this wonderful post: Thank you so much for this! Allow me to commend you on coming up with this analagy! It was a great article.
And to my sisters in Christ: We can also help avoid making ourselves pieces of meat by dressing modestly, and acting in ways that are not obnoxiously flirtatious (and I am sure we all have seen a young woman act obnoxiously flirty). Conducting ourselves in a way pleasing to God will help the young men in their endeavors to flee from lust. However, we can only do our part. We cannot force them to turn from lust (as much as I wish we could). But we can pray for them and do our best do do our part. thank you.
~ Kirsten A. Gruber
I did not get it until I read some of the comments.lol. That was a great way to put it !!!!!!!!!!!
I guessed correctly what this was about after I read the title. Excellent analogy, dude. It was funny but serious at the same time.
Wow great analogy it really makes you think. hmmm…
Jacob, your right the title makes it pretty obvious.
Great reminder… especially about “self-examination,” a.k.a. making eloquent excuses for what God clearly tells us is wrong.
Wow! I found this posted article on meat and read half-way through before I finally got the point. Prior to that I was sitting there giggling . . . I had just read one of Brett’s articles in which he says that he, as a guy, has an ‘intense, constant hunger for all things edible” and, well, was he going off the deep end or what?
Then the meaning dawned on me. My initial reaction was a wave of pity for these poor guys, whoever they are. I mean, they are struggling with this area to begin with (some of them at any rate) – fighting their addictions. Unfortunately, they are surrounded by these pieces of ‘meat’ jumping out at them from all directions, who just begging for their time and attention, and dressed in the most revealing and eye-catching get-ups.
Honestly, I didn’t really enjoy seeing myself as a rib roast, but I realized that I, if I want to avoid that, as a sister in Christ I have a responsibility to the brothers in my life (who I love and respect), to do all I can to help them in this area. For me this article was reminder of my commitment to modesty (both in heart and clothing) and an encouragement to keep on in the clothing-style I have chosen and believe that God prefers for me.
Wow! What a great post! Really made me think!
I was extremely amused by this article! I was sort of waiting for the moral of the story to emerge from the woodwork and didn’t click until the very end what it was all about! Tells how naive I am! Anyway, you made some very good points. Well done for another great post!
God’s richest blessings,
Kedesh
P.S. I was thrilled to see the outcome of the book bomb! Congratulations!
In October of 2006 Sheikh Taj el-Din al-Hilali said women who did not wear a hijab (head dress) were like “uncovered meat”. The boys who own this blog have just done the same.
There was a public outcry following Sheikh Taj el-Din al-Hilali vile and hateful statement. Outraged Muslim women called his “sermon” offensive and repulsive.That statement is no less offensive and repulsive coming from Christian boys Brett and Alex.
Sheikh Taj el-Din al-Hilali is a religious zealot and so to are the afore mentioned boys.
Muslim fundamentalist have been known to murder female family to save their “honor”. Christian fundamentalist boys Brett and Alex are suggesting that women are to blame if they get raped. It’s time that males stop living their lives through the bodies of women, stand on your own feet and take responsibilty for your own actions. Until you do you are not honorable, have no integrity, are unethical and are not at all chivalrous.
Bobby: I’m afraid you’ve completely misread this post. It is satire meant to condemn men for their lack of self-control. The only connection between this article and Sheik Hilali is the analogy of meat — but the application is 100% different.
Sheik Hilali said “If you take out uncovered meat and place it outside… and the cats come and eat it… whose fault is it, the cats’ or the uncovered meat? The uncovered meat is the problem. If she was in her room, in her home, in her hijab, no problem would have occurred.”
Sheik Hilali is blaming women for men’s lack of self-control. This article is blaming men for their lack of self-control. Your agitated response seems due to an over-sensitivity on this issue and an eagerness to take offense when no offense was meant.
Finally, if you had read more carefully you would have also realized that this article wasn’t even written by Alex or myself. We don’t mind having people who disagree with us on this website, but careless people looking for offense and prone to ridiculous accusations may go elsewhere.
Very well said.
Some say that Porn decreases the amount of rapes. They should see this. Because we (guys) see “meat” where ever we go, we just can’t get enough.
“Even Christians (especially Christians!) need to be careful about what they are “feasting on.” ” good point Steve.
i take it as, if we replace what we love to see and do with meat, we would see how rediculous it is.
If i looked at the things i do in that way, i probably would not have done alot of things.
also with my past including an eating disorder, i really sometimes wish i could like meat that much. 🙂
…also analigys are great cuz the way you interpret them makes you realize what you already must know is wrong.
i love this. i always enjoy reading satire and actually, when I had only seen the title, was hoping this post was on this subject.
ok like 30,000 post above this one, james made the point that this article won’t have the intended non-christians reading it because they feel the need to fulfill their “unhealthy desires.” the desires are not unhealthy though. God made guys to be sexually attracted to girls and vice versa. the LACK of that desire is actually unhealthy, and sometimes leads to homosexuality.
to use the analogy, you are supposed to crave meat. but you will fulfill your craving best if you wait for the meat to thaw, to cook, to season, etc. and if you sit down to enjoy it. dwelling on the meat while you should be doing other things with your life only makes you hungrier, so that you are not satisfied with a healthy portion and gorge yourself on more meat than your body needs. after all, both obesity and anorexia are equally unhealthy.
Yeah, this is a pretty good way to talk about something like this and make people think (maybe that’s part of why Jesus used parables…).
Along with this article, I have a suggestion to make to anyone still having a hard time with lust:
Google “Porn-Again Christian by Mark Driscoll.”
This booklet is rather blunt about the issue of lust; it has kind of a “Christian man to Christian man” feeling, like “Stop messing around. We both know that this is a problem, and I want to spell it out so you don’t keep denying it.”
bravo. that was brilliant and funny at the same time. It really highlights how people make great excuses for things that they want to do, but when the same excuse is used to justify something absurd, they see right through it.
I don’t get it!!
Can anyone explain?
I have to say I agree with both sides on this comments section: men (myself included) need to watch themselves to keep themselves from being swept away by lust or pornography or the like, but women also need to realize that when they dress immodestly, it only makes the battle harder for us. Great post, though, and a very interesting conversation.
Im like Luke…. I basically got it from the headline… but what a clever way of showing all the traps and evil and total stupidness of trying to rationalize porn. thanks for waiting for your wives guys!!!!!!!!!! and lets do our best to dress and ACT modest girls… sometimes it helps to think about how that “totally cute skirt” (or whatever) could end up making you into a piece of meat. yuck.
Very interesting that lot of Girls totally didn’t get it. But I bet that there wasn’t one guy over 14 that didnt know what he was really talking about. Fantastic simile, this article is dead on.
This is seriously an amazing article!
I was having such a rough time struggling with past sin, so I browsed thebelution for some sort of help, when I came upon this article. This is totally God’s providence!!! I wasn’t struggling with lust (believe me, the issue is different entirely, more attitude than anything), but as I read this post, I got a different meaning out of it.
Like, people really are drawn to a sinful lifestyle. After a simple taste of that sin, people embrace it even more. I was still dwelling on sin in the past, “too ashamed to move on” kinda feeling. I read through the post kinda fast, cause I wanted to see the explanation, tying the metaphor together and all. But I realized it wasn’t like that, so I thought some more about it. Maybe this meaning was implied and everything, but it was really incredible to me. How my past sin is like that perfect peice of meat that I just stuffed down my gullet cause it was just soooo good. At the time, when I was eating it, it made me feel amazing, even at the expense of hurting someone (again, this is relating to attitude for me). Then, I’m having the stomach aches, feeling gross and guilty for being such a disgusting glutton. From dwelling on the horrible after-affects so long, I forget the “moving on” and redemption part. So I feel too ashamed and stupid to change. Part of it was a pity-party, but I didn’t want to stay in that stupid little party, but I couldn’t bring myself to ask for forgiveness or redemption. I just didn’t feel worthy; I felt so sinful and cruel that they shouldn’t even take the time to forgive me. So I thought about how bad I messed up, taking that steak (sin) and inhaling it! I was (and kinda am) still blind about how the remedy for the yucky feeling I have is right in front of me, in Christ.
It sounds like a “duh” moment, but it was pretty eye-opening for me. Of course I didn’t get the whole porn meaning indicated from the post, instead I got into a deep self-reflection of myself. I tend to over-analyze things, but for this post, I’m really glad I did!
=) This really is a great article, with such a clever and witty metaphor going on! Really great job and Thanks a bunch!
This made me sort of angry…because I have many times wondered if such an analogy existed. Now you have confirmed it.
Ouch! I try really hard never to give any guy the reason to think of me in that way. I would recommend that to all the young ladies too. .
the anology was great i love the post
i love this. i always enjoy reading satire and actually, when I had only seen the title, was hoping this post was on this subject.
ok like 30,000 post above this one, james made the point that this article won’t have the intended non-christians reading it because they feel the need to fulfill their “unhealthy desires.” the desires are not unhealthy though. God made guys to be sexually attracted to girls and vice versa. the LACK of that desire is actually unhealthy, and sometimes leads to homosexuality.
to use the analogy, you are supposed to crave meat. but you will fulfill your craving best if you wait for the meat to thaw, to cook, to season, etc. and if you sit down to enjoy it. dwelling on the meat while you should be doing other things with your life only makes you hungrier, so that you are not satisfied with a healthy portion and gorge yourself on more meat than your body needs. after all, both obesity and anorexia are equally unhealthy.
excuse me, Pizza recipe. (odd name, but I guess that’s more your parents fault than your own.)
i think that that same thing was posted hire up.
Although the sexual desire is natural, it is not the same as the natural desire for meat; one difference is that you can go your whole life without fulfilling it, whereas the desire for food is a necessity of survival.
You seem to think that anyone who doesn’t sin in that way must not have a strong attraction to the other sex, that’s silly, what god wants in us is the strength to resist, if there were no way for us to avoid this sin except if we had something wrong with us, than god would have allowed some of it, (of course he dose in marriage, but that doesn’t apply to those who don’t get married for the sake of the kingdom.) nothing is impossible that god sets before us.
i love the article though!
I’ve said that least 2835465 times. The problem this like that is they are just too compilcated for the average bird, if you know what I mean
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