Modesty Survey no image

Published on December 2nd, 2006 | by Alex and Brett Harris

Announcement: The Modesty Survey




+ View the Survey Results +

The Modesty Survey is an anonymous discussion between Christian guys and girls who care about modesty. Hundreds of Christian girls submitted their questions and over 1,600 Christian guys (of all ages) submitted 150,000+ answers—including over 25,000 text responses. The results will be released on St. Valentine’s Day.

The Modesty Survey Story

The Modesty Survey began when two girls on The Rebelution Forums separately suggested an anonymous discussion on modesty between members of the Guys Only forum (The Garage) and members of the Girls Only forum (The Attic).

15-year-old Katrina Rowe was the inspirational force behind the idea, agreeing to oversee preliminary data collection and inviting girls in the Attic to submit their questions for the guys. In little more than a week, she received over 360 questions from hundreds of Christians girls around the world.

The overwhelming response to the idea of a modesty discussion confirmed its importance. Some Christian girls have fathers or brothers to provide godly input on their attire, but many more have none. Many girls seem oblivious to the destructive effects of immodest attire on their brothers in Christ. Others desire to honor God and to protect their brothers, but don’t know where to start.

As we began to process and organize the questions, we immediately realized the need for a secure survey system to collect and track guys’ answers. 18-year-old David Boskovic, our entire IT Department, developed the system from scratch.

Work continued. Candace Perry of Purity Girls joined the team as a consultant, sharing her experience with modesty surveys with us newcomers. Meanwhile, Sarah Harris (our dear sister) coordinated the tracking down of definitions and tasteful photo-illustrations for almost every item of clothing in the survey.

The Modesty Survey launched on January 8th and remained open until January 28th. Again, the response was overwhelming. Over 1,500 Christian guys (12-50+) submitted 160,000 answers—including over 25,000 text responses.

Results to be Released on St. Valentine’s Day

One of the purposes of The Modesty Survey is to allow Christian guys to express their gratitude to their sisters in Christ who strive to dress modestly—to let them know that their efforts are both noticed and appreciated by their brothers in Christ.

To symbolize this, we will be releasing the survey results on February 14th, St. Valentine’s Day, as a gift to all Christian girls, and especially to those whose inner qualities of godliness, humility, and love express themselves in their outward attire.

What You Can Do Now

Pray for The Modesty Survey. The survey has closed, but there is much work yet to be done. Over 160,000 answers and 25,000 text responses must be processed and finalized. Pray for the Survey Team as we continue to work. Pray that God would give us wisdom and discernment as we make decisions. Pray that God will use The Modesty Survey powerfully, to glorify His name and to bless His children.

Keep reading the blog. Over the next two weeks, we plan to post special articles and resources on the topic of modesty. We may even share some of the best text responses from the survey itself. You won’t want to miss these posts.

Spread the word. Tell your friends about the The Modesty Survey. The more people who hear about it, the more who will, we pray, be blessed and equipped by the results. Word-of-mouth is the best way to spread the word, but if you want, you can also place a snazzy ad on your website or blog.

Finally, if you are a Christian guy, whether you participated in The Modesty Survey or not, your greatest contribution to this effort may be to sign the Modesty Survey Petition—and it will take just seconds of your time.

Additional Modesty Resources

  • The Responsibility of Modesty (Part 2): Excerpted from the not-yet-released survey results, a 22-year-old Christian man shares an insightful analogy explaining the responsibility of women to protect their brothers in Christ.
  • The Purpose of Clothing: John Piper explains both the negative and positive messages God communicated by clothing Adam and Eve after they fell into sin.







About the Author

are the co-founders of TheRebelution.com and co-authors of Do Hard Things and Start Here. They have a passion for God and for their generation. Their personal interests include politics, filmmaking, music, and basketball. They are both graduates of Patrick Henry College in Purcellville, Virginia.



  • Would you gentlemen consider making a little AD like your flashing Rebelution AD to put on the side bar of blogs? This could prove to be beneficial in getting the word out.

  • well now, this is truly crazy. modesty survey? don’t waste your time, preach jesus! not clothing regulations. typical american christians!

  • This is a great idea. Thank you so much for doing it.

  • Bethany

    Wow, what an awesome idea guys! I’ve already emailed this to all of my friends. I think it will be such a great way to discuss the issue of modesty in a non-threatening way. Thanks so much for doing it!

  • Great idea!

    Modesty is not simply “clothing regulations” as Danny put it. The attraction God created between a guy and gal is truly wonderful and amazing. If we don’t take necessary measures to combat lust (those good attractions twisted into evil), we ruin those good things God designed. Immodest clothing leaves open doors for lust. Thus, modesty is critically important to combat lust -something our culture is corruptly preoccupied with.

    This is a great way to allow communication between brothers and sisters in Christ so that we can help one another in this area.

    Like Erin’s mom said, if you could put out a code for us use on our xangas, myspace, etc. it would help get word out about this whole site. Thanks!

  • Erin’s Mom: That’s a great idea. I’ll see if we can put one together in the next few days.

    Danny: It is always our goal to take everything back to Jesus and the Cross. The topic of modesty is not unrelated to Christ, it just falls under the category of discipleship, rather than evangelism. This is why the Apostle Paul addresses it in one of his pastoral epistles — namely, his first letter to Timothy.

  • THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for this!

    It will be wonderful. I am greatful that I have always been brought up to dress very modestly, and I often get questions from girls who don’t kind understand the concept. So this will be great for them, but also for me too! :)

  • Just so you know I wasn’t Caleb. 😉 I’m Caleb Gage. :)

  • Great Idea!
    I cannot wait to see what God will do through this survey, maybe this will help start a “rebelution” in the dress of todays women young and old alike.

    You have my support in any way I can help.

    Your Brother in Christ,
    Joshua

  • So if we already posted our questions in the Attic, then will those automatically be in consideration for including in the survey, or will we have to email them to Katrina? Is the email thing just for those who aren’t part of the forums?

  • I could help set up the polling system.

  • Elisabeth: I can answer your question . I already have the questions in the Attic. You only have to e-mail them if you aren\’t part of the forum. :)

  • Sorry, I didn’t get my BBCode right.

  • This is great guys! I’m definitely linking it to my blog, so young ladies in my neck of the woods will be able to ask some valuable questions!

  • I do think this is an important topic, thanks so much for starting the survey.

  • This is a very good apportunity to discuss a very important subject! In our modern age, modesty just gets thrown out the window. I am very glad to contribute a list of questions for the survey. : )

  • I really admire the great work you guys are doing. It is wonderful to see two young men stand up for their beliefs and try and make a difference in the world. I put your side bar in my blog. Oh, have you read the book RETURN TO MODESY? I heard it is really good. I gotta still get a copy. Best Wishes.
    – A fellow Christian

  • Becky

    Thank you both for making this opportunity availible. All of us in The Attic are very appreciative of the work you are going to, to make this possible. So, on behalf of us all, thanks a ton!

  • seth d h

    I cannot wait!!

  • Wow thanks. Ever heard of a girl who didn’t like to shop? It can be frustrating guess work wanting to look good (neatly dressed and nice) while also modest. And everyone oppions of what’s what, vary’s so much! I think hearing from the guys side would be helpfull.

  • Christin Spradling

    Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful! Just what we all need. Thank you.

  • This is wonderful! Thank you so much for doing this!

  • I gotta tell you….
    this is a great idea!

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  • This is an awesome idea, girls need to hear alot of answers like this, thanks for doing this

  • Ruth F

    Will we be able to read all the questions or will we only receive answers to our own?

  • Ruth F: You will be able to read all the questions. :)

  • Will every one be able to read the questions and answers on your blog, or do they have to be on the forum to view them?

  • What a wonderful idea. I’m glad to see this discussed in a challenging, yet positive way. s need to take action, but they also need some basic guidelines. In truth, we often don’t realize that some of the things we wear can cause men to stumble. It is so hard for s to know what to wear and how to be attractive without being immodest. I am so glad to see you tackling a topic that is for many people a difficult and controversial subject, but one that desperately needs to be addressed.

  • Oops, looks like my internet filter is working a little too well, as both instances of “girls” written by me in the above comment were deleted. Sorry about that. :-)

  • Jessica

    Thank you for perpetuating the idea in our culture that women are only here to serve and be judged by men. I hope you will have another survey that allows men to ask questions of women. Why do women need to primp and paint and worry only to hope to be chosen by all-powerful men? Men have questions for girls too. Make it equal please.

  • Jessica: The ideas you say we perpetuate are a fringe minority that is certainly not represented in this survey. Men and women exist to serve God and are judged by Him. This survey has been undertaken at the girls request, and we plan to do many additional discussions which will include men asking women questions. We do this because we believe there is intrinsic value in the discussion, not for the sake of political correctness.

  • Wow! Wow! Wow! I can’t tell you how excited I am about this! As a young woman working avidly in the modesty movement, I quickly learned that there is nothing so powerful and so moving for us girls seeking true modesty and real beauty, and nothing with such effectiveness at reaching those girls’ hearts who may even not be seeking modesty, as the testimonies and humble, honest pleas of Godly young men. I think sometimes it can take just one Godly man to drive home with sure force the message that scores of girls could have been trying to share with another girl. Sadly, it’s far too rare that young men (or fathers!) do speak up about this topic…but when you do, feminine ears perk up!

    I am greatly looking forward to reading this!

    Your Sister in Christ,
    Claire

    P.S. REALLY MARVELOUS AD THERE! The photo is great. :)

  • Charlie

    Yeah, what about men’s modesty? What, no speedos allowed? :)

    All kidding aside, great job with another outstanding idea. It’s truly rebelutionary.

    In Christ,
    Charlie Mulligan
    Crossway Community Church, Charlotte NC

  • This is a truly great way to apply our beliefs to our lives. Many do not know the importance of dress, and this is a great way to help inform.

    Maria

  • James Kirkpatrick

    If this is “typical american christian”, I say it’s about time! I figure if God considered it worth His time to include a modesty admonishment in his Word, the least we can do is “waste our time” paying attention to it. If we don’t concern ourselves with understanding the holiness that should follow conversion, how can we [i]ever[/i] hope to “make disciples” who will, then by their actions, attract others to the Lord they profess? This is a very worthwhile venture and I applaud the person(s) who had the idea. And I intend to participate in it.

  • Karen

    Are you going to post the questions and answers in the modesty survey on this blog so we all can read it? I am sure it will be helpful to me and am looking forward to reading it. Do you have a date when it will be finished by?

  • Headstrong

    This is ridiculous. How you dress is not that big of a deal. And haven’t you noticed that men can take their shirt off and wear nothing but swim trunks yet people freak out if women show even a little bit of skin anywhere. Before anyone says anything, I’m not saying girls should have to wear a shirt or anything I’m pointing out a double standard that already exists. Look, the Victorian era is dead and it’s never coming back…and I say good ridance! Come on, women weren’t liberated to become a slave to the traditions designed to control them. Wearing revealing clothing isn’t wrong, people just interpret it out of proportion or attempt to control people. A lot of that stuff was about culture. They were ridiculously strict on women in that time and place. Come on, you really need a man to tell you things? You’re grown women, make your own decisions. Come to your own conclusions. Don’t you see the problem with allowing men to be involved like this? I’m a guy, and I see a real problem. Seeing all the comments by other guys (besides Danny) proves it. I think this is ridiculous, and while I won’t spam your site, I will at least make these efforts more difficult if I see this kind of survey anywhere offline. Call me what you will, but I am not letting this go. Not without a fight!

    Since I had to use my email address, feel free to email you. I probably won’t answer though. And I appologize if I sound rude. I just needed to vent. I was clean about it, as you can see. But isn’t the internet for venting anyway?

  • Josh

    This idea is great. ok its not the victorian era but thats not the point the point is what Gods word says. Dressing modestly affects every one around you. when girls wear imodest clothing it cuases guys to look at them young or old[which is sinning even though didnt do anything you thought it]. God bless you

  • This is a very interesting idea and I eagerly await the completion. As a young lady (even one who does have wonderful men–young and old–in her life to assist in this area) I am curious to see what my brothers say on a topic that so many people have varying views on.

    Thank you Brett, Alex and Katrina for taking the time to do this!

  • Abigail Trumbo

    Like Josh says, this is not the Victorian era. But modesty is still important in our garish, feminist culture. Romans 13:13 says “Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy.”
    Anyway, the Victorian era was not thoroughly bad. Women could work, unless they were in an upperclass situation. The propriety of the wife submitting to the husband, and the men doing men’s jobs, were better upheld then. That is not feminine oppression; that’s the way God designed things.

  • I got saved back in 1973 when I was 18.5 years old. Previously, I had purposely dressed to entice males (mini skirts, tight tops, etc.). One of the first things that changed in my life was a desire to dress more modestly. Then I went to New Tribes Bible Institute in the fall of 1974. The Dean of Women put on a fashion show for all us girls to show what was accepted at the school and what wasn’t. What was so cool about it, though, was the “whys” that she shared and how the young men would come and tell her that they had just got saved and were there at bible school and how the young women were stumbling them with their dress. That really impacted me and has stayed with me all my life. Women who say that it does not matter what they wear and that it is the man’s problem are just being very selfish and need to look at their own motives for what they are wearing. I do think that men need to also pay attention to modesty, as well. The scriptures do have standards for male modesty, too, such as not showing the thigh (gotta get rid of those short shorts, too, guys). Do a study and find out. It is there.

    One thing I learned over the years, though, is that modesty has the most to do with the countenance and especially the eyes. We are not careful with that in our culture and are offensive all over the world because of the boldness we have in looking into the eyes of the opposite sex. In other cultures, we are considered loose, no matter how modestly we dress. A woman (or man) should avoid looking into the eyes of the opposite sex unless relationship is close. I think a study of Proverbs would show that one of the strange woman’s tools for snagging a young man is the bold look.

    Anyway, I think that what you are doing is wonderful! I think it will help to at least raise the standard of modesty among those who profess to be disciples of the Messiah.

    Love and shalom,
    Serena

  • Miranda Dunn

    The fact of not being in the victorian era is, well, not relevant to the idea of modest attire. When a woman shows cleavage, or even wears a top that is too tight, it is distracting. I saw a greeting card once that touched on this…”a woman’s cleavage is like the sun…you know you shouldn’t look, but you can’t ignore it!”
    And, the women’s liberation movement was originally for the purpose of gaining equality in society, ie, the workplace, the home, etc. Many have taken that movement too far by saying it gives us permission to dress like we are loose.

  • Stephanie

    Is this strictly for 20ish and under? I am interested in learning more and have a young daughter, but my twenties are long gone.

    Thank you.

  • Charlie Says: Yeah, what about men’s modesty? What, no speedos allowed?

    Ha Ha! rotflol. speedos? gross! they ought to be out lawed!

  • Stephanie: There is no age limit for involvement in the survey. Feel free to submit your own questions. This also applies to guys answer the questions, we don’t plan on imposing an age limit.

  • Charlie

    To Headstrong:

    Thank you so much for your interest and input to this site. I don’t think (at least I hope) that anyone here will call you anything, and your opinion is just as valid as any others. But where I think you are misguided is in our reasons for encouraging modesty. We are not asking women to wear less revealing clothes to restrict them to outdated traditions but instead to help people of both genders in their walk with God. What we realize is that when a guy is tempted by immodest clothing to lust, he is offending the Almighty God just like any other sin he could commit. The young (and not as young ladies) in this survey are trying to find out what triggers this lust so that they will not present a stumbling block to their brothers in Christ. Traditions are the least thing on our minds- the hypocracy of the Victorian era is no better than the licientiousness of today. Finally, take a look at the clothing of the Victorian period- weren’t corsets meant to create a physically attractive figure for appealing to men? But anyway, thanks for your input. I hope you will consider the purpose of this site. Anything different about us only comes from Jesus’s rebelutionary sacrificial death on the Cross. I pray that you, by God’s grace, will accept the promises He has made to us. “For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him” (John 3:17)

    God Bless,
    Charlie

  • Headstrong

    Maybe I can’t convince any of you, but I think people are making a bigger deal out of this than it really is. Revealing clothing has nothing to do with your relationship with God. Well, maybe not everyone thinks so, but that’s what I think. I can understand that some people take it out of control, but it’s impossible not to find somebody else/another person’s body. Finding somebody attractive and lust two different things, though. Finding somebody attractive is not a sin (it is a natural human thing…hormones and stuff), and the Seven Deadly Sins is really debateable. It does come from Dante’s Inferno, which is fictional. Consider the time and place it was written too.

    If the guy is tempted to lust, I would like to say to say that guy is weak, but that doesn’t really seem to nice does it? Well, I’m not always a nice guy. I would like to think I usually am, but…I am pretty hard on other guys sometimes. Actually, a lot of the time.

    Anyway, it isn’t the responsibility of the women to avoid men having stumbling blocks. It’s not those women’s problem. Women should not be accountable in any way for a problem men have. I am a guy, in case you forgot. I think if a woman wants to dress in something revealing, I have a responsibility to control myself. It’s easier than you think, although it is impossible not to find them attractive, but that happens no matter what a person wears you know.

    If you want to know why I’m here, it’s because I saw the title somewhere on the person who has that “Thoughts of a Woodelf” blog and got curious. As soon as I clicked it…”Oh boy, I’m going to go into rant-mode again.” That happens a lot…I think that name I’m using explains things very well.

  • Aaron Porter

    I think that this is a wonderful idea! I would like to join the Garage, but I don’t understand quite how. Any insight into this from anyone would be appriciated.

  • Headstrong: I have to agree with you that attraction and lust are two different things. God created beauty and with it came the feeling of attraction between male and female. However, as with all things God has created satan has found a way to warp and distort true beauty into lust. And as Humans men (and women) are sinful by nature (due to the fall) and so our flesh’s natrual (or really unnatural since we were created with out the tendancy to sin) response to temptation is to sin. While attraction is given to us by God, lust is of the devil and should be treated as such, and since attraction if not carefully monitered and given to God can lead to lust we must be carefull lest we fall into sin. This is a very important topic and should be discussed and addressed as such because it can potentially ruin your life and cause you great regret.

    If I think that a girl is attractive there is nothing wrong with that, God created me to appreciate beauty. However if I begin to dwell on that girl’s beauty and how attractive she is then I am commiting a sin, at this point is ceases to be attraction and becomes lust. I have steped out side of God’s plan for beauty and attraction and steped in to the devil’s trap of lust which is a sin. And as James says Chapter 1 verses 14 and 15 “But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. [15]Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death.” (NASB) sin ultimatly leads to death.

    Remember that as Paul says in his letter to Corinth “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” (1 Cor. 10:13 NIV) So don’t be discouraged you are not alone others are being tempted the same way and are able by the grace of God able to overcome it. Jesus also was tempted and conquered, and He has given us the power in His name to do the same. “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin.” (Hebrews 4:15 NIV)

    I earnestly hope that what I have written helps explains the difference between attraction and lust. I also hope that everything I have said lines up with the Bible and would appreciate any correction or further explination from someone with more wisdom, (Alex, Brett or anyone else who would like to add something).

    Note: I didn’t mean to go on so long and I am not just writing to Headstrong I am writing to myself and to everyone else. I am not trying to pick at you just trying to help.

    Your Brother In Christ,
    Joshua

  • Aaron Porter: To join the Garage:
    First join TheRebelution Forums (link at top of page). Once you have joined the forum send a private message to David Boskovic (moderator of the Garage) and ask to join the Garage, he will let you in (you might have to wait a little to allow him to recieve your message and let you in). Hope to see you in the forums soon and have a great and blessed day.

    Hope This Helps!

    Your Brother In Christ,
    Joshua

  • Headstrong

    PS: Keep in mind, I’m a guy. This is a reminder in case anyone still thinks I’m a woman.

    Abigail: I don’t know what you’ve been taught, but there is no such thing as a “mans’ job”. Not anymore at least. It isn’t how God designed things, it’s about culture. And in the culture of America, women can take any job.
    Savannah: You don’t need a guy to assist you in that. It’s not really our business telling you that for one thing. You can come to your own conclusions without us.

    Serena: Some women do wear things to purposely attract guys, like in your example with yourself, but not all do. Some wear short shorts and midriff shirts because it allows for more freedom of movement and is more comfortable. And about looking into the eyes, that’s about culture. In many eastern countries, looking into the eyes is considered disrespectful, but in western countries like America not making any eye contact makes people thinking the person is being evasive. In America, we feel being direct and assertive, while many eastern countries don’t. That’s where the confusion is created.

    Miranda: You notice I’m a guy saying it’s the guy’s problem. So it isn’t just selfishness of women–It’s also true. Is it hard not to look? Yes. Is it impossible not to look? No way. It’s easy to get curious, but you soon learn not to stare at the sun. You can’t look at the sun for long. If a guy stares at a woman’s chest area, he soon learns that he gets a (well-deserved in my opinion) slap. A quick glance may be unavoidable, but that isn’t a problem. It’s purposely and pervertedly staring, that becomes a problem. Who says it’s “dressing like they’re loose”? Unless, “loose” means unrestricted in this case (which I doubt). I would think it stands to reason that you should get freedom in attire in addition to more equality. I would consider it a sign of increased tolerance.

    Gina: Unfortunately, we couldn’t really outlaw them. I don’t really like them, but the only thing I can do is ignore it.

    I understand that online, it is hard to detect tone. I’m sorry, if anyone feels I sound rude and nasty in this post. It isn’t my intention. I just really felt like I had to get all that out.

  • Headstrong

    Joshua R: Unfortunately I’m really stubborm. My way of dealing with it is to rush in fist happy and hope for the best. I think it’s worked quite well so far. I can see what you’re saying. It can be hard to be perverted, but I think I’ve succeeded in not getting perverted regardless of how revealing a woman’s clothing is. Do I like how they look? You bet. Am I perverted or anything like that? No way. Well, I’m not perfect of course, but I acknowledge that it’s my fault and just try harder next time.

  • Headstrong: I forgot to mention, I agree that there should not be a double standard about modesty with one for girls and another for guys. I believe that modesty is for everyone (men and women, young and old) I think that when a guy takes off his shirt it is just as wrong and if a girl takes off hers. I think that everyone should be modest and descreet about what they wear and how they dress lest they cause their brothers or sisters to stumble (“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. [32]Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God— [33]even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved.” 1 Cor. 10:31-33 NIV) I believe that we should at all times keep the life and thoughts of our neighbor at heart and love them as ourselves seeking in all things to not cause them to stumble.

    I hope and Pray that God will work upon your heart that you might see the light and come to know Him better. I pray that you will be uplifted and encouraged by what I and others have written and that through our writting come to a closer relationship with our Father in Heaven.

    I Hope this helps you understand where we are coming from and would recommend that you read James 1, 1 Cor. 10. I also recommend [url=http://www.regenerateourculture.com/magazine/article/148/]”Understanding Modesty”[/url] by Christine Fuller, I would also like recommend [url=http://www.regenerateourculture.com/magazine/article/146/]”And So Be Pure”[/url] by David Ketter

    Your Brother In Christ,
    Joshua

  • Headstrong: I understand what you mean by stubborn I am the same way, however I have found that even when I think that it is not a problem it devlops into one given time and fuel (i.e. immodest clothing). I must disagree with you on what you said here “A quick glance may be unavoidable, but that isn’t a problem.” because it is the “quick glances” that give the devil a foot hold and allow him to build his strong hold of lust. This is where many men begin to lose the battle against lust they think that it is unavoidable and not a problem. This is where they are wrong. It is these little things some might call them seeds, that grow into the giant thorn bush that is lust, the Bible says what you sow so also will you reap. If you sow those quick glances then you will reap bigger glances and lust, likewise if you sow discretion and not taking those quick glances but instead give your thoughts and eyes to God then you will reap a harves of joy and purity.

    I also have to disagree with what you said about a man’s job “but there is no such thing as a “mans’ job”. Not anymore at least. It isn’t how God designed things, it’s about culture.” to quote Genesis 3:16-17 “To the woman He said, I will greatly multiply your grief and your suffering in pregnancy and the pangs of childbearing; with spasms of distress you will bring forth children. Yet your desire and craving will be for your husband, and he will rule over you. [17]And to Adam He said, Because you have listened and given heed to the voice of your wife and have eaten of the tree of which I commanded you, saying, You shall not eat of it, the ground is under a curse because of you; in sorrow and toil shall you eat [of the fruits] of it all the days of your life.” thus from the very begining God said that the man would till the soil and rule over the woman, and the woman would bear childeren and be submissive to her husband. This is how God designed things, the man is to provide for the family by working the ground and the woman is to tend the house and care for the childeren. It is not a “culture thing” this is a God thing and is about the way he designed man and woman. They each play an important part in the family and neither can fill the others place, a man cannot bear childeren and a woman should not work the ground. It was by disregarding the mandates of God that Adam and Eve fell in to sin and by continuing to do so we also sin. As you said in the culture of America a woman can take any job, however that does not make it right. The ability to do something does not give one the right to do so or make that action righteous.

    I would like to ask you a question without offending you. Do you have a viable living breathing relationship with Jesus Christ? If so than I am glad and hope that this discussion will help you grow and mature in that relationship. If not then I hope that you will change that right now, I pray that you would accept Christ into your life and see the light that is Christ. As I said I do not want to offend you i would just like to clarify that point. Because everything that I am saying is pointless if you are not saved because I am coming from a Biblical perspective and my arguments are Biblically based.

    As you said it is hard to detect tone, so I would like you to know that I am not trying to bash you but rather show you the light.

    Your Brother In Christ,
    Joshua

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  • Margaret

    I have to jump in and comment to Headstrong from a woman’s point of view. I do not think he realizes – perhaps from not knowing women who are concerned that they be seen for who they are and not what they are built like – that women are not always comfortable trusting their own judgement as to what they look good/appropriate/attractive in! I ask my husband on a daily basis if what I am wearing is any one of a number of things – including too revealing, attractive, too plain, etc.. I dress at least as much to please his tastes and thoughts as I do my own. And lest you think I am some victim of prudish fear and sack-like bag jumpers and dresses let me assure you that I think that if I do not look as well-dressed and personable and attractive as I can while at the same time following a modest standard of dress I am not obeying what God has given me the responsibility to be!

    I want to be seen for who I am – not what I look like. I want to be known as me – Margaret – not that great __________ or those _________ __________. As soon as I stop being Margaret and become an object/collection of body parts I can no longer be seen or heard. If asking my husband or other men in this survey helps me to be perceived as myself instead of some body parts I will ask and keep asking and ask some more – because – for me being seen as Margaret is infinitely more important than anything else I do outside of my relationship with God because me is all I have to offer the world and if I dilute the message that God has asked me to bring to the world through my choice of dress and appearance than I have done less than my job as his daughter.

    I fear for those girls and young women who are being raised in families that allow access to television and the media where the idealization of “perfect” body parts have become the standard by which they are judged and if they do not have those perfect body parts – the loss of self-esteem that results.

    I fear for the society that we are creating in this country – and in the world that says that the value of a human – especially of a woman – is based on a completely unrealistic and false ideal created not by God or even nature – but instead by plastic surgeons and air-brushed models in magazines, movies and television that send the message that unless your individual body parts look freakishly large or small you have no value and no one will love you (as shown by how much stuff they will give you) or choose you to socialize with (which includes their allowing you to go about in their packs to nightclubs and parties and encouraging intoxication from alcohol and drugs).

    What have we reduced our daughters and sisters and friends to – that we tell them they are only of value as bodies – not as souls and hearts and minds? What message are we sending our mothers and wives when even in the churches (never mind the world) we see women who are not alowed to age gracefully – to grow a lovely head of white hair or to have bodies that are clearly not 20 years old? Even in the Christian community – we judge women by their appearances and tend to validate the young and pert and discount the women who appear their age and who are more than 20!

    Only by creating surveys like this and by encouraging the perception of women as people instead of body parts do women become truly able to be who they are and who they were meant to be – by developing their hearts and minds and souls as well as healthy, modestly attired bodies! Far more able to be a full human being is the person who is not obsessed with their appearance or their body parts or their keeping up with the latest fad in clothes or accessories! Far more likely to be a complete woman – to be a complete and equal person is the woman who is not feeling the pressure of a society to appear as if she were an airbrushed model!

    Our society is infinitely more oppressive and confining to women than the worst perceptions of the Victorian era ever thought of being – because we have created standards of dress and appearance in our day that are just about completely unobtainable unless you are incredibly wealthy and have access to plastic surgeons on a constant basis – thus making anyone who attempts to acheive those standards unable to ever succeed. In the Victorian era – the most a woman had to contend was dressing in a fashion that covered the very body parts that we have made the center of our society – therefore allowing her to have a less than perfect body and still be accepted into society!

    Forgive the rant! I am feeling this pretty strongly – probably becasue I see so many young women suffering from such a tragic obsession with what they look like instead of who they are and I think this survey will help change the focus! Becoming known for who you are instead of what you are is a goal of great importance and if asking men what keeps them focused on the what so we can avoid it instead of the who so we can embrace those things helps this, then the sooner this survey takes place the better!

    Being able to be who I am is the most liberating thing in the world! Being confined to what I look like and having that be the basis by which I am judged and chosen is the most confining and tragic thing in the world because it is impossible for anyone to ever succeed on that basis! Being who I am is what God asks me to be and what He judges me on – not what I look like! Somehow I don’t think that what size I was or whether I had the latest fashion has a whole lot to do with what the basis for His judgement will be!

  • John C

    The argument has been made that modesty isn’t that big of a deal. Here is a verse from I Corinthians that gives us biblical principles to apply to modesty. (Although it does not talk directly about modesty, the principles here certainly can, and must, be applied to modesty.)

    1 Corinthians 8:12-13
    12 Thus, sinning against your brothers and wounding their conscience when it is weak, you sin against Christ. 13 Therefore, if food makes my brother stumble, I will never eat meat, lest I make my brother stumble.

    In the verses before, Paul is explaining that even though eating food sacrificed to idols isn’t wrong in and of itself, its effect on those around us often makes it sin. So girls, if men didn’t exist there would be no need for a modesty survey. But that is obviously not the case.

    Headstrong, first of all I appreciate your willingness to discuss with us. Please know that we don’t claim to know all the answers. We are only sinners saved by the mercy of our holy God and he commands us to live in accordance with his word. Absolute truth, and the answers to every single one of your questions can be found only within scripture. Any arguments we make attempt to (or should) reflect that truth. That being said, let me continue. I think all guys would honestly have to agree that the clothes a girl wears do make a difference in the temptations we face. Granted, it is possible, in fact all too easy, to lust even when a girl is being modest. That DOES NOT, however mean that the girl is free to wear whatever she feels like. And here is where the verses above come into play. Paul says that if eating meat would cause those around him to sin, he will never eat meat again. That is a really strong statement. Paul wasn’t a vegetarian and I think its safe to say he liked eating meat like most of us. But he was willing, in a heartbeat, to give up something that WASN’T EVEN WRONG if it caused others to stumble. If we all thought this way about clothes and modesty, it would be much less of an issue.

    Anyway, gotta go. If anyone has anything to add, please do so.

    John C

  • As the mom of 5 girls (ages 16 to 5), I am so concerned with the modesty issue. This is a GREAT idea…to have a forum and networking of Believers. Is there anyway to post info on Modest clothing websites? I work for a company called Shade Clothing that sells shirts for women and girls that can be used under other shirts to stay modest.

  • Hey Jen,

    Once the survey is completed, the results will be published here on the Rebelution blog as well as in a few other helpful, creative ways!

    I checked out ‘Shade Clothing’ and I’d really like to express my heartfelt appreciation on the behalf of many other men for all companies like this. You all are awesome!

    David

  • Everyone: I would like to respectfully request that the back-and-forth discussion which has started in this comment section be discontinued. This survey is meant to facilitate a conversation between girls who care about modesty and guys who also care about modesty. As such, the views of non-Christians who have no conviction in this area are not relevant to the survey, and subsequently, this comment section.

    Those who do not believe in God and/or the Bible are not expected to agree with those who do. When disagreement arises the issue lies within the heart, and debates over symptoms of belief are largely fruitless. Thank you everyone for understanding.

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  • Headstrong: Though your title negates this view, I don’t want to disregard the potential paradox that you are sincerely interested in learning more about this topic. 😉

    If so I would heartily recommend Wendy Shalit’s book, A Return To Modesty which presents a cogent argument for modesty without bashing you over the head with “thus sayeth the Lord” — an approach you may be more open to.

    However, if you ever recognize the wisdom of modesty, consider that the God who commands it may be greater than the world that scorns it.

  • Brett: I appoligize that this discussion left the intended topic, and am willing to discontinue it. Thank you for doing this survey and allowing us (guys and girls) to discuss this topic in the least uncomfortable way possible.

    Again I apploigize for not taking into consideration the goals of this survey in my comments.

    Your Brother In Christ,
    Joshua

  • Stephanie

    I am really excited about this survey on modesty. my dad has never really been apart of my life and I have no brothers, so this will be very helpful to me. What a great topic to discuss!

  • mary

    I’m all for modesty, but I’m not sure about this survey. For one thing, there really are cultural differences in what is/isn’t acceptable. Just ask anyone who has ever lived in both urban and rural areas, or on the West Coast and East Coast where climate differences partially determine how people can acceptably dress. Secondly, the survey still puts too much pressure on women to conform without equal accountability for men. The “veil” graphic is rather disturbing since it seems to be more about hiding and silencing women, rather than freeing us from the bondage of worrying how we look all the time. I’m a Christian and I’m really tired of having to “check with the men first” for these types of things. Women shouldn’t be naive about the messages their clothing might send, but men should also be encouraged to see the person behind the dress. There is nothing wrong with sexual attraction; it’s unavoidable. Attempting to completely shut it off can give people unhealthy obsessions with it and cast really dark shadows in people’s lives. Let’s embrace the sexual beings God has created us to be, but let us also think things through realistically and carefully as we have the feelings we do.

  • Mary: I appreciate your concern for us, but my concern is for you. I’m going to assume that you are a Christian at a secular university. I assume this because while you say that you’re a Christian your comment is laced with moral/cultural relativism, feminism, and pop psychology. Your professors might accuse us of blindly believing the Bible, but you sound like you could be parroting your professors or reading from a secular textbook.

    I would encourage you to recognize that for all their claims of tolerance, the people who are influencing you are trying to convert you to their way of thinking — they want you to believe what they do. You are being asked to reject what the Bible says and convert to what the textbook says. The faculty at your college are evangelists just as much as professors — and from your comment it appears that they have been effective.

  • Lizzy S.

    Thank you so much for doing this! I am so grateful to have parents who are concerned about this issue and have trained me to pursue modesty. However, there are still plenty of questions that I’ve always wanted to ask my brothers in Christ. Really excited to learn how to serve you guys better in this area!

    -Lizzy

  • Emily

    What a wonderful idea! I have lived my whole life in Hawaii, and as you may imaginge, dress standards are extremely lax here for both guys and girls. (For example, restaurants often put up signs asking patrons to please wear shirts and shoes inside.) Part of this is cultural(my brothers, 11 and 14, run around without shirts on pretty much all the time at home, and the 11-year-old wears surf shorts and a collared surfing-brand shirt to church), but it also can be a destructive influence on people’s minds. Tiny bathing suits and low shorts rule the day out here. Because of this even many Christians I know dress quite immodestly, especially at the beach. This survey and other reminders of modesty can be a great influence on Christians here. I’ll be sure to spread the word about this!

  • This survey is an awesome idea – hope you get alot of responses! You guys are truly an anomily to today’s culture – and that’s a very good thing. Thanks for making a bold statement and teaching christian worldview in everything you do. Many blessings!

  • Aaron Porter

    Joshua R, I have joined the forums, but my name is still in black. I must not fully understand the whole idea of replying…

  • Beth

    This is great, anything that deals with the issue of modesty, with out going overboard..is.
    Thanks so much!!!

  • Denise

    I know their is a lot of disscussion going on about this ad, but I wanted to ask, Isn’t True Modesty a means of living? Isn’t Modesty An action I Never thought that it was what you wear but how you wear it. Your clothes do not show people who you are, but your actions. Now grant Things that are intentionally worn to atract the opposite sex is wrong, BUT IF YOU ARE WEARING SOMETHING AND ARE MAINTAINING A MODEST ATTITUDE YOU ARE NOT BEING IMODEST. The guys will tell you that women have ALL the power in this matter and it is the womans actions that will tell the man if they are wanting attention. There are certain signs a girl gives out that either attract naturall relationships and there are others that can attract the Wrong relationship I have been learning these signs. Slowly but surely and There is no real manual or one way to do it, IT is INDIVIDUAL.

  • Denise

    Ok, Going through and reading this blog, I noticed the arguments headstrong is putting forward, I would just like to say that he has a point We as women cannot control a mans lust, It does not matter WHAT YOU WEAR, YOUR ATTITUDE TOWARD A LUSTFUL PERSON DETERMINES YOUR SPIRITUAL STRENGTH THIS IS NOT ABOUT JUDGING OTHERS. THIS IS ABOUT SELF GOVERNMENT, NOTHING YOU DO CAN REGULATE DIRECT OR CONTROL ANYONE ELSE……

  • Denise

    ONE MORE THING, The girl who commented on climate has a point, WE DO NOT WEAR CLOTHES THAT JESUS WORE, WHY would we wear the same thing someone else is wearing? We do not wear headcoverings BECAUSE WE ARE NOT JEWISH, (no offence meant to Jews, Some of my best friends have been jews) BUT WE AS AMERICAN CHRISTIANS ARE INDIVIDUAL AND ARE NOT OBLIGATED TO DRESS THE SAME IT IS A DECISION OF CONCIENCE EVERY TIME YOU PUT SOMETHING ON.

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  • If only people all were thinkers. Here are some young men who ARE taking an active role in the modesty issue by admitting that they aren’t jaded by all the nakedness in the world, and would like to explain to girls and women and other men that they do still have the ability to blush! (as the scriptures say) And some people say that they’re trying to put all the responsibility on the females? By coming out and saying what bothers them, what turns them on, what they would like to preserve for a loving, commited relationship where they can praise and enjoy the wife of their youth, they are doing a hard thing, and taking the responsibility instead of leaving it up to the women to figure out how a man’s or boy’s eyes and mind work. They are taking responsibility for their actions, by asking for equal responsibility from women and girls – especially here in this Christian forum, those who truly care about their influence for Christ and future understandings of sexual things in their marriage bedrooms too. I commend all the people involved here – male and female. May God bless your endevours, as hard as they may seem.

  • Aaron Porter: The name being in black or red has nothing to do with being on the Forums, it is red if you put a Website in when you comment and black if you don’t.

    What is your Screen Name on the Forums? Mine is JoshuaR send me a Private Message.

    Your Brother In Christ,
    Joshua

  • Ashley

    Great idea!!!! Girls I grew up with all guys it does matter what we wear! Thanks guys for helping us be more aware!

  • Rachel

    This is so great! Thanks so much guys.

    Is there a place where other peoples questions and answers will be displayed? Or do you need to e-mail your own questions in order to read answers?

  • The questions will be posted on the blog in a month or so. You don’t need to e-mail your own questions to see the results.

  • Thank you for starting this modesty survey. While there has been some questioning about why such a thing is necessary or even profitable, I think one worthy point is that it is a way for men and women to HONOR each other–for the women to honor the men’s perspectives, and for the men to honor the women by caring enough to answer their concerns. Thank you, Alex, Brett, Katrina, and whoever else is working on this, for promoting honor between Christians!

    Also, I think there needs to be care taken in how we SPEAK of certain elements of modesty (tightness, etc.), just as there needs to be care taken in dress itself.

  • Anonymous

    Thank you! It can be hard for me to remember that my clothes aren’t just about me. Most of the time, I think I’m just wearing whatever’s most comfortable and that it’s nobody else’s business. It can’t really be true, though, because if only comfort mattered, we’d all go around in pajamas and fluffy bathrobes, right? (In most seasons…let’s not mention summer.) So I guess we all dress for other people, even if we don’t realize it. Thanks for helping girls make intelligent decisions on what kinds of messages to send out!

  • L.J.

    Wow! This is a great idea! Thank you so much to all of those who are working on this project.

    If I were to send a question to Katrina, would answers come back to my e-mail, or would they be poasted on this blog (or somwhere else) ??

  • Ben

    I like the fact you have a very attractive make-up wearing woman flirting with the viewer from behind some gauze in the banner ad.

  • This is really awesome. Some girls aren’t aware what is a stumbling block for guys and this is a great way to spread some light.

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  • Miriam Day

    I am looking forward to the final product format of this survey!
    Though I’ve been brought up to dress decently and appropriately, in the past few years I’ve been brought to think more deeply on this subject, and I’m eager to hear others’ comments.
    By the way, MODESTY has more to do with avoiding extremes (in color & style & etc..) than it does with dressing in a concealing rather than revealing manner. DECENT and APPROPRIATE convey the latter meaning, by dictionary defenition.
    I think the best thing to keep in mind concerning this subject is that God gave men and women clothes to Conceal and not Reveal their physical forms(within reason, of course), and that men are to dress in a clearly masculine way and women in a clearly feminine way–especially in this day and age of unisex clothing and lack of distinction between the sexes and ‘acceptable’ homosexuality. As Christians, I believe we should unashamedly declare by our dress and mannerisms(our lives) that we embrace the God-ordained roles for men and women. (“I am a woman! Let me be a Woman!”)
    NOTE: I am NOT saying that women cannot wear pants! Rather, we must all keep in mind the biblical principles of attire, and ask God for guidance in this area of our lives.
    ABOVE ALL: it’s the heart that counts! “Get right within and you’ll be right without.” C.H.Spurgeon. — Miriam Day

  • Stormy

    I’m tempted to argue everything at once! But I don’t think that would do any good. I appreciate you guys doing this because I want to dress modestly. I have tried; so I will look forward to guys’ responses. This is an important issue, but it also ties into the chivalry thing. Girls that totally feel ugly, because they are treated so, will start caving into standards that the world sets, and then making their brother’s fall. Girls want to be beautiful, and admired. True beauty isn’t in showing off your body, and that won’t get you respect, just lust. But beauty that is honoring to God and men is the incorruptable beauty of hte heart. Don’t try to find your worth in guys’ attraction to you, but in God’s judgement. Modesty is important. I don’t know if I’m making any sense. But that’s ok. (: I’ll be sure to carefully read and consider the quiz. Loving all males as brothers in Christ is helping them with their problem. Besides, I DON’T know about you girls, but I want to be looked at and appreciated for my mind, and who God made me, not because they are thinking about what’s under the clothing. Thanks again guys! (and Katrina)

  • ok, so this is ok and all. but really, we need to focus on bringing people to Christ……dressing properly should be (if at all) secondary

  • L.J.

    Stormy: What quiz were you talking about?? Just curious:)

    Anyone with an answer: Seven comments back, I asked a question. I just wanted to make sure that it dosn’t go unoticed. Thanks again!!

  • L.J: The answers to everyone’s questions are going to be posted on this blog (and probably many more).

  • For all of you who are thanking Alex, Brett and I, I just wanted to let you know that there are a few other people helping too. There are nine of us in all involved in organizing the survey. David Boskovic is building the page for the actual survey and Sarah Harris is in charge of gathering photos to define the clothing articles. Alex Poythress, Nathan Sleadd, Hannah Farver, and Lindsey Wagstaffe are also helping. So thank them too. 😀

  • Jay

    Thanks, David, Sarah, Alex, Nathan, Hannah, and Lindsay! 😉 (And Alex, Brett and Katrina again 😀 )

  • WOW…I find this so ironic, that we started the same thing the same month…I am going to email you guys directly, I don’t want you to think I stole your idea at all. I just found out about this survey from Alex taking mine… :)

    Love in Christ,
    Candace

  • Alexandra

    Hello! I can’t help but point out that the very fact that there are currently 95 (well-now it’s 96 =]) comments on this survey is a testament in itself to the importance of this issue. I also think all the back and forth about guy modesty standards are kind of amusing. I don’t see what that is all about. I read some comments about how guys shouldn’t take their shirts off. What the heck- girls have a tad bit more to worry about up there than guys do :) . As a girl, I cannot wait to see the results of this survey. I go to a public school, and I am very defensive about guys looking at me the wrong way. Even if I wasn’t concerned about making Christian guys stumble (which I am), I think giving guys an oppurtunity to see certain areas is sick. I heard a saying once which I think applies. “If the goods aren’t for sale, don’t display them in the window.” The guys who aren’t worried about lust will not worry about keeping their eyes in good places, and I think giving them something to galk at is downright degrading.
    I simply can’t resist commenting on the conversation resulting from Headstrong’s comment. It sounded a lot like what would happen if I posted a comment on a pro-choice blog, only much more well-mannered 😉 . Ttyl! -Alexandra

  • Thank you so much, Brett and Alex, for doing this survey! I struggle in this area, and
    I don’t have any brothers (just the sweetest sis in the world :), so I really appreciate this survey!
    Thank you!

    Soli Deo Gloria!

  • Stormy

    L:J: I was ttalking about the quiz that is going to happen, I guess it’s a survery though. i always thought of it as a quiz, though. (:

    Katrina: Sorry! Thanks ALL of you.

  • AudreyPage

    I know that the word ‘modesty’ means not only one’s dress, but one’s actions and behavior. I have seen girls dressed modestly but conveying an immodest character by flirting with young men. I have no brothers to tell me what actions guys find flirtatious. One young man informed me that teasing is a form of flirting, which confused me. Can teasing be construed as flirting? What about a lot of eye contact, laughing at a guy’s jokes, or sitting down by him? Also, I read in a book that what non-Christian men and Christian men want in a woman is relatively similar. Is this true, or do godly men know to look beyond the often imperfect physical form of a woman to her heart and appreciate her for who she is, regardless of how she looks? Is a gentle and quiet (and modest) spirit as important to Christian men as it is to God?

  • L.J.

    By the way, I really like the banner add. The pure white gauze seems to simbolize purity.

  • MM

    Guys, while you are at it, you should let Wendy Shalit know what you are up to- she is the author of the excellent book “Return to Modesty,” which she wrote when she was a twenty-five year old graduate student. Good work.

  • Laura Beth: I mentioned this earlier in response to a similar comment: It is always our goal to take everything back to Jesus and the Cross. The topic of modesty is not unrelated to Christ, it just falls under the category of discipleship, rather than evangelism. This is why the Apostle Paul addresses it in one of his pastoral epistles — namely, his first letter to Timothy.

    MM: We love Wendy Shalit’s book! You may have noticed that I recommend it in an earlier comment (above). Actually, I believe she is aware of the Modesty Survey. The survey made it on Modestly Yours (the ModestyZone.com blog), and she commented twice on the post.

  • this is a great idea! thanks!
    Oh- is there a Christian blog ring that you reccomend I join?

  • Big Ben

    Awesome site, I really think this is an awesome way to discuss modesty, yet not too abraisive. I congradulate and agree with the things said in here. I am going to join and put you guys on my xanga. God bless

  • Lauren

    Will the answers to my question come to my e-mail or will they be posted somewhere else?

    Thanks so much to everyone who is working on this project!! I’m very greatful.:)

  • Dan

    I hope that this will be a great thing!

  • Charlene

    Stormy: Dido:D!

  • Lauren: The answers to all of the questions will be available on TheRebelution.com.

  • Charlene

    AudreyPage: I know what you mean when you adressed the issue of flirtying.
    (“Can teasing be construed as flirting? What about a lot of eye contact, laughing at a guy’s jokes….?”) I would like to know what guys think on this topic too.
    I started going to a big youth group this year, and being homeschooled, I have not had a lot of experance around boys my own age. I would really like to know what behavior(not just clothing, though, I think that is very important too) is distracting and may cause my fellow brothers to stumble.
    Any guy that would like to share with us on this topic, please feel free to. For I, for one, am almost clueless on this account. Thanks.
    In Christ,
    ~Charlene~

    P.S.
    To all the people that are working on this servay, I wanted to say thanks. You are truely an answer to my prayers. May God bless you and keep you a Fire for the Word.

  • Man, you guys are rolling in comments over here! I am so impressed by your site, your message, and your efforts to change the world – one teen at a time! This modesty survey is a positive step. I have little kids who are soon to be teens… 9 and 7. My poor son cried one day on the way home from somewhere when he saw a billboard with a sleazy woman (with her chest hanging out of a strapless gown) that was advertizing a strip joint. He said, “Mommy, I know that lady is tacky but I can’t help looking at her.” He was only 7 years old. It is sad that we do this type of thing to our kids. We start them off as infants – fed full of all that lustful advertizing. It is no wonder that there have been over 4,800,000 abortions since the war began in Iraq… or that there are so many teens dropping out of school because they are so preoccupied with sex and drugs. I am hopeful when I see teens like you and your readers swimming AGAINST the tide of evil toward a blessed and Godly life. I pray that each of you succeed with your struggle in this dark culture and that you save others – snatching them from the fire – so that they, too can be filled with Truth and Light.

    God bless each of you.

    In Christ,
    Heather (aka Sprittibee)

  • This sounds like a great idea. I have a question though. Will I be able to read the questions and answers on this site or are they only emailed to those who participated? I just found out about this today, and I saw that I´m one day late to send in some questions. So I was hoping I could read the questions and replies on here because this is a very important topic for me. Anyway, even if I can´t I will be visiting regularly to see if there will be another survey like this one. I am just very sad to be late.

  • Sara: All of the questions and answers will be available on TheRebelution.com.

  • AudreyPage

    Hello everyone—I asked some questions in a previous post, and if there are any of my brothers in Christ who would like to help me out by answering them, I would appreciate that very much. Clothing is definitely an important aspect of modesty, but so are actions, and I don’t want any young men to stumble because of my actions any more than I want them to stumble because of what I wear. Thank you!

  • I think that it is important to be modest because if you are wearing really tight clothes and intense makeup then the people you will be talking to about Jesus are going to be focused on your clothing…not what you are saying. But I don’t think it is necessary to wear jean skirts down to the floor and a hat or whatever…I think that we can wear regualr today’s clothing while still being modest. I’m 15 and I still know that!

  • “Modesty is not simply “clothing regulations” as Danny put it. ”

    No, it’s not. It’s up to the guy, not the girl. A girl can intentionally make herself an item, of course, but whether she wants to be or not, a guy can make it so no matter what she’s wearing. The responsibility is for us not to objectify ourselves or try to attract attention, but past that it’s on the other person.

    The practicality of this survey is also questionable. If 75% of guys agree on something, is it “voted out” as immodest? It’s a silly notion- because for another quarter it’s still a problem, and for 3/4’s it’s perfectly fine, modest. Nothing is immodest across the board, it depends on the person. Good luck finding something that meets everyone’s approval. It’s a bad approach to a wrong theory.

  • Kris

    Wow, guys, this is a great idea. Thank you so much for hosting this blog! I truly enjoy reading your updates. And although I didn’t submit any questions, I am eager to read the survey. Thanks for doing this! =)

  • Emily

    What a great idea!!!!!!!!! My parents and I have been trying our best to be modest all the time. I really love that there are other people who care about these sort of things!

  • Lys

    First, yes, I’m a bad poster and haven’t read the entire thread. Chalk it up to sleep-depravation (I am also female. Thought I’d insert that since people have been confused online before).

    Second, this has already been done elsewhere. Too bad not as many people saw it. It was cool.

    Third- I wonder how many of us are doing this because it’s popular? I know, it isn’t in the mainstream, but there’s Christian popular, too. You can dress in a floor-length, turtleneck caftain and if your heart’s not right, you may as well wear half a bikini.

    I’ve been involved in many in-depth discussions over this, and it comes down to attitude and focus. Yes, it’s great to have the input of the opposite sex, but just because so many guys say this or that is a turn on doesn’t mean that you have to stop wearing it. Shoot, some people get all worked up if you lick your lips! There’s a balance between not causing your brother to stumble, and being legalistic (And I’m not even going into the whole “different body types” angle).

    Legalism will result in your focus changing from Christ to clothing. Instead of obsessing over attracting guys, you’ll be obsessing over whether you’re doing it unintentionally. We should be obsessing over Christ.

    This is what I’ve seen out of a LOT of girls who are big on the modesty scene. They take it too far.

    So I encourage all my sisters (and brothers) in Christ to dress “with modesty and propriety”, but also to remember “…do not worry…about your body, what you will wear. Is not…the body more important than clothes?”
    “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
    So do not worry…For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” -Excerpts, Matthew 6:35-34

    If you focus on Christ, proper dressing will come easily. Don’t let the Law become your replacement for God. It will never save you.

    Again, I encourage modesty, but I encourage focus on Christ most.

    …I don’t know if that made sense. Sleep depravation, remember? So please indulge me, and speak slowly and clearly if you wish to address something I said. Thanks.

  • Lys

    Okay, so I just re-read what I posted, and I just want to clarify

    I DO NOT THINK THIS IS A BAD IDEA.

    I just want to make sure that the whole picture is presented here.

    That’s all. Thank you muchly!

  • Lys

    Explaination of previous post. It was in reference to my first post, which didn’t make it past the mods.

    I don’t know why, and that’s okay. It’s happened before. It just said that according to the Bible, we shouldn’t be making our clothing the focus of our life. The law won’t save us. Focus on Christ, and “all these things will be added unto you”. Including wisdom to know how to dress.

    This is good, but don’t obsess about it. Okay?

    I hope this post is more acceptable to the mods. I truly don’t mean to offend, simply to give a glimpse into the larger picture here, drawing on scriptures and my long experience as a 20-something Christian woman.

    Thank you, and God bless!

  • Lys

    Oops! It’s still waiting for mods. Sorry. You may still get the chance to read it, folks!

    I’ll be quiet now.

  • Lys

    Alexandra Says:

    December 11th, 2006 at 5:46 pm
    “I read some comments about how guys shouldn’t take their shirts off. What the heck- girls have a tad bit more to worry about up there than guys do.”

    True. But it’s also a pitfall for some girls. That’s why the hunky guy in a commercial takes his shirt off, etc. Personally I just think it’s disgusting and inconsiderate. And in many cases, it’s done for the exact same reason as women wearing low-cut tops. To attract attention.

    As for the men who say “It’s too hot! I can’t wear it!”
    Women are supposedly the weaker vessel, yet we must wear TWO layers on top- even in summer. And *gasp* we survive! And only 70 years ago or so, guys would get arrested for wearing swimsuits without tops to the beach. And there wasn’t any air-conditioning then.

    So I don’t want to hear it, guys, unless you want me to start calling you a wimp.

    I believe it’s the least you can do in exchange for our helping you avoid temptation from our clothing.

  • Padme Sirya

    How awesome! I can’t wait till this comes out.

  • Headstrong

    I didn’t read all that, but I still don’t agree with what I did read. For one thing, it’s still pretty ridiculous that it’s guys answering for girls. Women could just as easily answer for other women.

    I really don’t care about that. I still say there is no such thing as a man’s job anymore. Childbirth doesn’t count. Not all women have husbands either.

    The idea that it is to attract attention is an inference. That may not be THE reason or the only reason. You don’t need “the wisdom to know how to dress,” Those are two unrelated things. You can’t judge wisdom on how a person dresses.

    Margaret: But that doesn’t all of them. Some women are comfortable with how they look.

    sprittibee: Uh-uh, don’t you make judgements like that. We aren’t even talking about “strip joints”. That’s not the same thing.

    Lys: Not all people do it because it’s popular. Some do, but not all. Some people wear things because it’s more comfortable and allows for more free movement.

    I’m telling you, you’re things into that aren’t intended. There is a such thing as being
    obsesses with “modesty” and what is “proper”. I’m not really interest in this, I’m just bored and I always want to argue about this type of thing to put counterpoints out there.

  • Lys

    Headstrong said:
    “You don’t need “the wisdom to know how to dress,” Those are two unrelated things. You can’t judge wisdom on how a person dresses.”

    That is in NO WAY what I meant! Please don’t think that. I meant that God can and does give us wisdom in any matter that we ask. All we have to do is ask Him to guide our choices in clothing, the same way we ask for guidance in other matters.

    You also said:
    “Not all people do it because it’s popular. Some do, but not all. Some people wear things because it’s more comfortable and allows for more free movement.”

    I KNOW not everyone does it because it’s popular. I was wondering how many do. It’s becoming a trend. When it falls out of favor again, we’ll see who’s truely committed and who’s just following the flow. I hope everyone is really committed to this, but I doubt it.

    I hope I’m making sense now. If I’ve confused you, feel free to ask again!

    ~Lys

  • Lys

    P.S. I like to argue stuff out, too! 😉

  • Alexandra

    Lys-
    Just so you know, I didn’t mean to say that guys can feel free to be as loose as they want all the time. They obviously need standards too. I just thought it was funny that some people were getting so uptight about the shirt thing. I think it’s fine if guys take their shirts off as long as whatever is on the bottom is up high enough (and as long as they’re not doing it just to attract attention and show off their ripped abs- that’s just irritating). Also, for those guys who are wondering, no, we girls do NOT like seeing your boxers sticking out. Regardless of how cool you may think it looks, it just grosses me out (and guys, when you wear your pants halfway down your rump, it just makes you look funny ’cause you have to waddle to keep them up :) ).

  • Lys

    Alexandra- Sadly, 90% of the guys I’ve seen go around shirtless were so obviously parading it for the “benefit” of the girls that it was disgusting.

    On other occasions, it’s been obvious that that wasn’t the intent, and in those cases, if I’m not in charge, I usually ignore it.

    But I’ve been told by a youth leader (One under which I was a counselor for a trip) that it would be “impossible to enforce” a rule like that. That really steamed me up, because I’ve seen how he keeps the boys in line, and there’s no way he would have trouble enforcing ANYTHING.

    And I’ve never heard people say it would be impossible to enforce girls keeping their clothes on…

    So I guess that’s why it’s such a sore spot with me. It’s been a big part of a double standard in my life.
    And I HATE double standards.

  • mary

    Thanks for your response, Brett (about a month ago… sorry). I appreciate your concern, but, for the record, I am not a student. I graduated from Bible college several years ago and am now a stay-at-home mother and wife.

    Anyway, I really do believe there are genuinely cultural and geographical differences in what is considered to be modest. For example, I visited a place in the Caribbean where women were discouraged from wearing shorts of any kind. Few of us in the USA would hold the same standard. Or, take the issue of breastfeeding in public. In many parts of the world, it’s not a big deal. My (Christian) friend from Colombia says that she doesn’t understand why many North Americans don’t like to see women nursing in public places, since this is commonplace where she is from.

    I don’t believe it is simply “relativism.” It would be nice if the “rules” about such things were the same everywhere, but they’re not. In this case, two opposing viewpoints about this type of thing don’t necessarily mean one is right and the other is wrong. There are certainly other eternal standards like “Love the Lord your God” and “Love your neighbor” that are non-negotiable. I think we are in danger of becoming like the Pharisees (who were the most “moral” and “religious” people of their society), if we focus too much on an exact dress code. Modesty can turn into legalism and vanity pretty quickly if we make some version of it into our idol.

    There also seem to be other aspects of dress that North American Christians should be considering. Is it right for us to have several closets-full of clothes? Should we wear clothing with brand names? Should we wear clothing made in sweatshops? Just some more food for thought…

  • Lys

    Mary said:
    “I think we are in danger of becoming like the Pharisees (who were the most “moral” and “religious” people of their society), if we focus too much on an exact dress code. Modesty can turn into legalism and vanity pretty quickly if we make some version of it into our idol.”

    Exactly what I’m talking about. I came out of a church that became extremely legalistic. I guess that’s why I’m so wary of it.

    The question is not “What can I wear?” The question is “Will my wearing this cause a fellow Christian to have sinful thoughts and/or do sinful things?”

    It isn’t about the clothes, it’s about putting others before yourself. Being considerate of other Christians.

    The issue is SELFLESSNESS.
    Can we be selfless enough even to wear something uncomfortable so that other believers will not sin?
    There are many times when I just don’t want to! No, you can’t make me!
    But that’s selfish, isn’t it?

    Was Christ selfish? Are we allowed to be selfish?
    Nope. Sorry. We’re supposed to be considerate.

    The flip side of this is controling your thoughts. You can’t blame someone else for your thought patterns. But it’s only right to help the poor folks that need it. “Bear each other’s burdens”, remember?

    I’ve always been naturally modest, so I’ve only recently had to address the REASONS for modesty. I’m still learning all this, but through my journey into the larger modesty scene I’ve come to understand the truth in both sides of the arguement, and find that in many (though certainly not ALL) issues of this kind, the full truth is found in the middle.

    We’ve still got a long way to go before we achieve true Godly modesty.

  • Hannah

    Ok, I’m curious. I am a seventeen year old christian girl, and I do my best to dress in a way that will not distract my guy friends. There are some things that I consider a no-brainer, like midriff shirts or showing cleavage- I know those things distract guys. But I’ve never been able to get a straight answer on high- cut, spaghetti strap tops or dresses. I personally don’t see anything particularly alluring about my shoulders, but I’m not a guy. Input would be greatly appriciated!

  • Lys

    It’s not your shoulders. It’s the fact that what should be under the clothing usually isn’t.

    When it is, everyone knows it. And frankly, that’s not in good taste. No one wants to see your underwear hanging out.

    Does that mean I don’t wear them? No. But I usually wear a T-shirt under it, or a button-front shirt over it. Or I wear them over my leotard at dance class.

    So that’s the reason I have for camisole shirts & dresses. I hope it made sense!

  • Heather

    This is a great encouragement! I have many freinds who dress immodestly, and its great to know that guys appreciate the way that moddest girls dress.

  • Charlene V.

    Lys: Thanks you have answered a lot of questions for me. By the way, I wouldn’t worry about not being understood so much. God will let those understand who need to understand. Just a word of thought.:)

  • AJ

    I just wanted to thank you for starting a site that helps us (girls) to find out how to aviod distracting guys and please God all at the same time. ~Thanks

  • K8

    I’m really glad you guys are doing this. I think modesty is important(it must be it’s in the Bible) but I can’t help thinking you are making a bit bigger of a deal about it than you really should be. I mean If everyone does it it doesn’t make it right but it sure makes it less of a distraction. When it’s normal to wear clothes like that guys get used to seeing it and suddenly it isn’t a big deal anymore. but thats just my opinion. It will be good for the extremely ignorant girls out there who don’t know any better than to walk around town without a shirt on.(pardon the sarcasm but i do have a point)

  • Lys

    K8- I see your point, but let’s think about that a little more-

    Yes, everyone eventually adjusts to seeing this or that, if they see it enough times. It’s called desensitization.
    Which means you feel less. That it takes a lot more for you to react.
    No one says that about violence. “Oh, if they see people getting beaten up enough times, they’ll get used to it and it won’t be such a big deal”.
    Just as true, but no one wants to get used to it. In fact, there’s a big movement out there to keep that from happening.

    I agree with you about this becoming a bigger deal than may be healthy, but I disagree with your logic.

    To follow it to completion, one ends up with men who are desensitized to the female body. (I’ll try to avoid getting too in-depth here. I don’t know what the age range is)
    Long story short, there’ll be a lot less wonder and discovery on your wedding night. The more you know before marriage, the less pleasure of discovery you can share with your spouse.

    I don’t know about you all, but I’d like to save as much of that knowledge as possible to share with my future husband.

    The only problem I see with this exercise is the possibility of fixation on it. Rather than go into that again, anyone who wants to know what I’m talking about can scroll up and read my earlier posts.

    P.S. Charlene: Thank you! I’m always happy to know when I’ve helped out. It’s hard to tell online sometimes. :-)

  • Shanna

    I think this is great what you all are doing! There are a lot of christians out there who don’t know about dressing modestly.
    Thank you!

  • ema

    Hey guys. I can’t wait to read this survey! Thanks for doing this, modesty seems lost in today society and I find it so hard to try and keep myself modest when everyone else is lowering their standards.

  • Sarah

    Another reply!
    I know that all I wish to say has already been said many, many times here, but I just have
    to voice it myself: THIS IS A WONDERFUL IDEA!!! I am so looking forward to reading the survey.

  • Siobhan

    I just have to say that I think this survey is an awesome idea. I’ll have this site bookmarked.
    Modesty is ‘thrown-out-the-window’ way too much these days. I know I’m deffinetly ready to help take a stand.

  • amanda

    A couple people commented, I think, that women have a sort of bondage because they worry too much about modesty. For myself- when I don’t feel that I am dressed modestly and attractively I actually am more obsessed with my clothes and myself. I feel selfconscious and can’t forget my clothes long enough to focus on everything around me as well.
    and yes, this survey is profitable for women. Some girls really don’t have a clue. It’s interesting to watch my female friends around guys. The girls that are dressed immodestly or that act immodestly usually attract undesireable men, men that aren’t godly and sometimes aren’t particularly nice. The girls that do dress and act modestly attract the godly, nice men.
    I don’t care what Headstrong says about it being only the guys problem, that’s just not true. Someone posted a great verse- the one talking about abstaining from eating the meat offered to idols. It wasn’t wrong but some people believe it was wrong and the people eating it around them caused them to stumble.
    I’ve discussed clothing and modestly with several guy friends-both Christians and atheists. Clothes matter. Immodest clothes make guys look and it’s hard to look away.

    About a year ago (I think) a female friend of mine went to Mexico on a mission trip. They had a strict dress code, they had to wear dresses that were however long and that covered their shoulders. There was more, I don’t remember it all.
    Towards the end of the trip, the guys were discussing how much they liked it that the girls were wearing dresses and were dressed modestly. And they were treating the girls more nicely and with more chivalry then they had previously.
    (btw, I don’t think girls have to wear dresses all the time.)

    oh, there was so much more I wanted to say but now I don’t remember what it was. *yawn* I’m too tired to think properly.

    oh, I liked the comment that modestly is a matter of extremes. Overdressing can cause attention too. attitude matters.

  • Alana

    Hannah said about spaghetti strap tops: “I don’t see anything particularly alluring about my shoulders, but I’m not a guy.” She brought up an article of clothing that’s been troubling me: I purchased a spaghetti strap tank top a year ago, and it’s been hanging in my closet while I’m trying to figure out whether I should wear it or get rid of it. It’s high cut, so it doesn’t show anything—except my shoulders and some of my back. Could someone give me some advice about this? How are spaghetti straps much different than regular, thick(er) strap tanks?

  • Hi, I’m a girl and I think this is a GREAT idea.

    I haven’t read the whole darned thread so I dunno if this has been brought up before… But. I think there should also be one for guys too. Girls can also be REALLY distracted by guys.
    Maybe I am a perverted little minority, but DANG, when guys I know go around shirtless I can hardly stay around them. And loose pants too really get to me too. I guess most peeps don’t think anything of that kinda stuff.

    So anyway, I’d just like to say that the same goes for guys. Dress modestly, it’s honoring to God to avoid trying to impress others with your body.

  • Valerie

    What a fantastic idea this is! I have been on both sides of the coin in this issue – first as a new Christian who dressed however I pleased and didn’t give modesty a thought, and then as a Christian who came to understand the importance of modesty and now seeks to cover up and be modest. I read an earlier comment that stated that women weren’t liberated only to become slaves to binding customs, and that revealing our bodies isn’t wrong. To that fellow I say this: we don’t cover our bodies because we are in bondage to a custom – we cover our bodies to keep ourselves from becoming slaves to sin, and to keep others from becoming slaves to sin (like lust!). We have been freed in Christ from SIN, not from LIMITS. We cover our bodies because we know they are worth saving for our husbands’ enjoyment rather than displaying them for public enjoyment. Do you see what I mean?

    Jesus gave us standards in order to protect us and keep us from becoming entangled again in the yoke of bondage, not to stifle us or make us miserable! And I can tell you, dressing modestly is a joy. I love wearing long full skirts – it makes me feel feminine, lovely, graceful, and special. I also like the fact that when I meet people they see me – my personality and character, not just my body. It is such a relief to be treated like a lady and not an object! People are worth more than that.

    Thanks again and God bless you in this survey. I am going to recommend it to the girls in my youth group – there are a few who dress immodestly, and for those of us who try not to this survey will be a great reminder of why we do what we do.

    Valerie Bostock

  • Valerie

    Oh! I forgot to mention that I love your graphic – she looks beautiful and chaste, like a bride on her wedding day. I love the veil!

  • Erika

    This will be wonderful. I’m praying that it does all and more than you are hoping. Modesty, and lack therof, has become a prominent issue in the church. As a women, I find myself wondering if my dress could be a stumblikg block but since nearly all of my close friends are girls, I can’t get the Christian man’s opinion–which is what I need and want! Thank you for this!

    -Erika

  • what a great idea! i have a few friends that i think will need to take this, including me, to wake us up to our wardrobe.

  • this is a very good idea! thank you for all the time you put into this!

  • Ehud

    Modesty…………how vast a range of definition this word has become. Who is to say what is modest and what is not anymore? What one thinks is modest, another would self righteously frown upon. In the 1860’s, women covered themselves from head to foot, and it was considered scandalous if a man were caught glancing at a lady’s ANKLES! I hope to see a question as to anklets on this survey.

    I must find fault with this item though. It is all based on the assumption that women are naive as to what attracts the attention of a man in such a way that causes him to stumble in the area of lust. Please. If that were true, why would standards for dress have slipped so far from the 1600’s? They know what causes them to receive attention, and they wear it for that reason.

    Also, another assumption is that it is men only who stumble by what they see. While they are certainly more sight driven then the fairer sex, this does not excuse the fact that women also can stumble by the sight of a man dressed immodestly. I am truly sick of the attention placed on the dress standards of women, while little is said about how a man can defraud in his attire.

    This has been done before(surveys, books) and the overriding answer that comes forth is that ….men are all pigs. The women are horrified that we could be so disgusting, right? While I will not and cannot argue that men face great temptation in the area of lust, I hate the stereotyping. By using the survey in this manner, it is implied that women cause the stumbling, and now men can have them change their attire so that this besetting sin will cease. Men are supposed to be the leaders of this nation, of their families, and of their own shortcomings before God. It is they who must commit to a change before they can ever request that of young women. If they see something that would cause them to stumble, look away. When speaking to a young woman, look her in the face and only in the face. Yes, I agree that the state of modesty among both sexes is deploring, but men must first surrender their failures to God and ask Him to help them in their battle. Men must make a change before demanding it of another.

    And ladies, just so we can satisfy all sides and everyone’s definition of modesty, some of you might want to start shopping online for clothing from the United Arab Emirates. I think burkhas might be able to clear up any confusion

  • C

    OK, whoever Ehud is, he really needs to understand that 1) girls DON’T realize oftentimes that the way we dress causes guys to stumble in their thoughts – we wear the immodest clothing because it’s cute, in style and we get attention (not me personally, but girls that do; I am very careful in the way I dress). We DO NOT realize what we do to guys minds! And even though not covering up enough causes us to get attention, we don’t put the two and two together usually.

    Secondly, you are a guy, but you know that guys dressing immodestly causes girls to have lustful thoughts? No, not really. When I go to the pool or the beach an there are guys in swim shorts without shirts I could really care less. And from all I’ve heard and read it’s not easy (ESPECIALLY for teen guys) for guys to just look away when they see something innappropriate… guys DO have a responsibility to look away, of course, but we girls have just as big of a responsibility to guard our brothers eyes to the best of our ability. I’m so excited for the modesty survey to come out because it will help me do even more to protect my brother’s eyes!

  • K8

    Well C I have to agree that most girls are nieve enough to not know what they’re doing to guys. though with the huge deal thats made of it i don’t know how they could get away with saying they don’t know.
    and, I don’t know about you but actualy When i see a guy that I think is good looking it swim shorts it does begin to cause lust. such as,” Oh he’s so hot! I should go flirt with him. look how strong he is!” Girls are not immune to it. It’s just a normal part of being a teen.

  • Mrs. Bartlett

    Good grief.

    To those who are proposing that women NEVER cause men to stumble, or in any way make staying pure the more difficult, let me try this hypothetical:

    Ever got so upset at someone that you carped them out? Maybe even added a few “juicy” words to your diatribe? Oh, I don’t mean in a case where they didn’t merit it; they had it coming and everyone knew it. The target was being a jerk, and deserved every single venom-laced word you unloaded. Some folks even congratulated you afterwards on a job well done; they wished they had the guts to say it, themselves.

    But you’re not supposed to talk like that. You’re supposed to return good for evil.

    Oh, come on. You were provoked. You never talk like that unless the person was just ASKING for it. Surely, surely, nobody is supposed to have to put up with garbage like that!

    …See what I mean? You’re not supposed to act like that…but neither is the other party. Their behavior doesn’t justify yours, but then again, you wouldn’t have gone off on them if they hadn’t been provoking you. Does your loss of temper excuse their obnoxious behavior? Or is there some galactic disconnect between THIS cause and effect?

    You were both wrong in that scenario. Same goes for immodest dress inspiring lust. It’s not right to provoke people to sin, regardless.

  • Von

    What is the purpose of clothes? What does it mean to be ‘modest’?
    It seems to me that we use the word ‘modesty’ as if it were one concept, when in fact, Biblically, it covers at least three areas, and in American life a fourth is added. I will post the differing definitions for the areas:

    1) Modesty: A failure to insist on the privileges and honor that one might normally recieve according to ones accomplishments, attributes or rank. Thus a general who enjoys hanging around with his junior officers at a barbecue and does not hold himself aloof could be called ‘modest’. An extremely talented nuclear physicist who listens carefully to much less accomplished scientists at a convention could be called ‘modest’. The opposite of ‘proud’ or ‘stuck up’.

    2) Modesty: Someone who does not flaunt his attainments with flashy cars/jewelry ( in the case of wealth) or hanging multiple copies of his degrees on the wall (education) or trophies/awards (physical accomplishments) or a woman who is always boasting about how much her husband makes, or what an important job he has, etc. The opposite of ‘a show off’.

    3) Modesty: Not dressing in a sexually suggestive way; wearing long dresses instead of short, tight pants. Buttoning ones shirt all the way up instead of having one strained button around the bust area. Not acting in a sexually suggestive way, rubbing up against someone of the opposite sex, etc. The opposite of ‘a flirt’ (and several less complimentary words)

    4) Modesty: Wearing clothes that cover the body (outside of their sexual effect), and/or being uncomfortable with discussing issues regarding bodily functions/sex, and/or being uncomfortable with someone knowing about/hearing/seeing you when you are performing bodily functions or sex. A woman who refuses to undress in front of her husband, a man who is embarrassed to change in a men’s locker room, being uncomfortable going to the doctor, being uncomfortable relating/or having related the ‘facts of life’ to your children. The opposite of ??? (not ‘an exhibitionist’ since that implies version 3)

    I have seen sites that say that because Scripture tells us to be modest (in version 2) we should therefore be modest (in version 4). Others accuse people who suggest we should be modest (in version 3) of being prudish (ie modest in version 4).

    And yet I find no evidence at all that modest in version 4 exists as a Scriptural concept… whereas immodest in version 3 is actually seen as a form/precursor of adultery.

    Version 4 (ie nakedness) is associated (Job 24 for example, as well as saying of Jesus) with poverty, as a euphemism for sex (both positively and negatively in various places), with spiritual poverty, with hardship in the service of Christ (II Cor 11:27), often with punishment (lamentations 4), with abandonment (Ezekiel 16), and one time, altho I can’t find it right now, a prophet (I could find it faster if I remembered which one) was commanded to go naked (to teach Israel something, which would also help me find it if I remembered what it was ). But it doesn’t seem to be listed anywhere in scripture as a ‘sin in and of itself’, as American society would seem to imply.

    Where are the boundaries between version 3 and version 4? Basically, the question ‘why am I wearing (or not wearing) these clothes? If I am wearing, or not wearing, these clothes in order TO HAVE a proper sexual relationship with my spouse (Ie dressing for ones spouse, not for the world) then one is being modest in version 3… regardless of what the dress code is. If you go down to a creek and strip off to skinny dip with the hubby… that is modest. If you wear a shirt that he has told you is more see-through than he thinks is proper to wear in public to the grocery store (you just ‘didn’t’ have time to change) then that is ‘immodest’.

  • Olivia

    I would like to thank Alex and Brett and everyone who has contributed to the creation of this survey, because I really sense that your hearts are in this effort. I’m also so glad that everything said is sincere, and without that cold legalism that easily invades so many people concerned with modesty issues in our culture.

    This survey cannot have come at a better time in my life. I’m in my teens, and quite honestly I’m still deciding what is “modest” and what is not, and what the standards should be for my life. I await the survey with an open heart! :)

    This community of Rebelutionaries has dramatically changed my perspective on modesty, already. I always felt terribly sorry for the teenage girls who always wear dresses and skirts, because I thought their parents forced them to, and I was so horrified because my mom and I always thought it was “cruel and unusual punishment” to restrict their personal style like that. But from what I’ve learned on the forum, the girls who feel called to wear skirts all the time, do so willingly, from their hearts. I respect and admire all of you so much! I’ve always considered myself rather modest, but when I read some of the threads in the “Attic”, I really felt convicted that maybe I’m not so modest after all, and I should perhaps reconsider some articles in my closet.

    God is blessing your efforts in ways you will never know! I commend you for standing firm under fire.

  • HopeSeekr of xMule

    Um, I think a sense of modesty *really* hurts me.

    Seems like the only single girls who would have any thing to do w/ me I must meet in bars or clubs where I feel \”uncomfortable\” because I\’m against smoking, drugs, and alcohol. On the other side of the spectrum, I see a few single christian females who are so \”modest\” they won\’t go out w/ a guy like me who expects moderate sexual intimacy *and* doesn\’t worship Jesus.

    There simply is no place in this culture for me.

  • Alexandra

    HopeSeekr of xMule,
    The Christian girls you know are only obeying the Bible by not dating you if you aren’t a Christian. The Bible says to not be “yoked” together with an unbeliever. I know some people who married nonbelievers, and their relationships suffer a lot of strain because of it. Our faith is precious to us, so when someone (like a spouse) doesn’t agree with it, it’s kind of hard to grow close to that person. Those girls would be cruel to date you then say they can’t marry you (or have sex with you) once you’re already close. The Bible also says to avoid sexual immorality and to save sex for the marriage bed. By having “sexual relations” with anyone other than a spouse, you are tainting the relationship between you and your future wife (and of course there’s the risk of stds and pregnancy). God’s perfect will for us is that we save that deep intimacy for the one we will spend our lives with through marriage.
    I’m saad to hear that you are not a Christian. I’m sure that if you have Christian friends you already know this, but salvation is available for anyone. Sadly, everyone on this planet is a sinner, and sin separates us from a holy, perfect God. God knew that we could not be good enough to earn eternity in heaven with Him, so He sent Jesus to the earth to live a perfect life, be crucified and take the sin of everyone ever to live on earth onto His back. He then rose from the dead. He defeated sin and death so that we could spend eternity with Him. To receive His gift, all you need to do is believe that you are a sinner, believe that Christ’s death on the cross is enough to reconcile you to God, and ask Jesus to save you and let you spend eternity with Him. As I said, I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but it is vitally important that you hear it and respond to it. If you want to know more about God’s plan of salvation, the bookof Romans in the Bible is a great place to learn about it.

  • Victoria

    Ok..I’m interested in taking part in this, but I can’t figure out how to get to it or register?!??! Is it just me..or has it not been ‘launched’ yet?

  • I haven’t been keeping up with this discussion, so I don’t know if what I’ve said has been discussed already – so I’ll just state my opinion on the “modesty issue.”

    First of all – I’m a guy.
    Now, wodesty is an issue for guys. I know when I’m at the beach and a girl in a bikini walks by, my head almost instinctivly turns towards her – but then I have to rip my eyes away and look in the opposite direction. Images like that get into my head and stay there. And when they stay there, they often come back to me and lust ensues – which is a sin. It’s a constant battle against those types of thoughts in my head.
    It would be a lot easier on me personally, and other guys, if girls didn’t dress in such a way that shows off their body. That sort of temptation would be greatly reduced and it would be easier to keep my life on focus. Also, it will help me look at girls as human beings, not as a pair of “walking legs.”
    Yes – I’m being blunt. Sometimes that’s best. But guys are wired in such a way to be attracted to that sort of thing. “It’s hard to fight – but fight we must.”

    As for having a “guys modesty survey…” There are not as many issues of guys dressing immodestly. Why do you think all these thousand new porn sites every day are practically all of naked women and not naked men? (not like I’d know from experiance – that’s just the stat’s I’ve read) At any rate – women are wired differently than men.
    True, there are some ways some guys could “dress more modestly,” and yes, they should do that. But that is not as huge an issue as guys looking at girls. Guys instinctivly look at girls, whether we want to or not. I for one would appreciate it greatly if girls would dress modestly.
    Girls don’t have to “abandon all style” but there are some things that would be nice. For example – very short shorts and really tight t-shirts with “Vs” or what ever it’s called… I’m no fasion expert…

    I’m rambling now… I don’t have all my thoughts completely together… I’ll have to come back tomorrow when my thoughts are together. Those are my thought right-off-the-bat. It’s pretty dis-orgonized, and I apologize. I’ll write another one that is more orderly if I have the time.

  • Amorelle

    I was wondering when the girls will get to see the results of the modesty survey?

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  • Please make the font larger on the “guys take…” and “girls view…” links above – I missed them and had to search for how to see. —- Beautiful work and thoughts, everyone!

  • Amy K.

    Hi, I joined the forum specifically to view this survey which sounds fascinating. However, I can’t find it. Is it simply not ready for public viewing yet, or am I too dense to figure out how to locate it?

  • Sarah

    Your survey sounds fascinating. However, there’s one thing missing from nearly all the questions – context.

    For example, in the questions to do with swimsuits, not one mentioned whether the swimsuit was to be worn while exercising, while lounging on the beach, while walking to the beach, in math class or while meeting potential in-laws!

    Isn’t modesty dependent on the situation?

  • Amy: The main blog page has some new posts that should answer your question. :)

  • Amy K.

    Thanks Alex, question answered.

  • Valerie

    Sarah – your question about modesty being relative to the situation is a good one. However, the Bible doesn’t seem to make exceptions when it tells us to adorn ourselves with modest apparel and shamefacedness. I think the only time that nakedness or near nakedness (as in the case of a swimsuit) is scripturally acceptable is when it’s being enjoyed by a married couple. Otherwise, we shouldn’t be uncovered in public, even if everyone else is too.

    I suspect this is why there isn’t really context with the questions – because even though our worldly society may deem an item of clothing acceptable in one place and not in another (like swimsuits on the beach vs. in church), God’s standards are different. He wants us to be covered properly no matter where we are (with the exception of the situation mentioned above!) so we don’t cause others to stumble.

    For those who have been questioning men’s modesty, read the account of what the Old Testament priests were supposed to wear while they ministered. They were to wear long robes with knee-length breeches underneath so that their nakedness couldn’t be seen as they worked in the Tabernacle. Sure, we don’t live in Old Testament times anymore, but God hasn’t changed, and I am certain that His principle of male modesty hasn’t changed either. I guess the double standard exists because women in general just aren’t as stirred by what we see as men our, and even if we are our thoughts don’t generally run as far (or as fast) as men’s do. It isn’t because men are pigs, it’s because they are different from us.

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  • Sarah

    Dear Valerie,

    Thank you for your reply.

    With regard to the swimsuit question, does that mean it is impossible to swim, then? I can’t imagine any kind of clothing which would be modest enough to wear in church but also practical enough to swim in. What about if it is a women-only swimming pool?

    Sarah

  • I am striving to be the modest young lady God would want me to be. SO , when I saw the advertisement for this on a friends blog I was kinda excited. Now , I can read guy’s oppinions of what clothing is modest and what is not. Just wanted to say , ” Keep up the good work!”.

    – Britta

  • Sarah, I just read your question, and I wanted to answer here on the blog because there are alternatives to being nearly naked when you swim. There are dive suits that trendy fashionable surfers and divers wear, there are swim shorts and swimsuit material shirts, there are regular shorts and t-shirts (which I used to swim in, noting that this is for swimming, not racing or heavy surf, since they get rather heavy). There are also a few modest swimwear sites out there, which you might want to look up. At first, you’ll be shocked by what you see, and might even think, “eww!” because you are so used to the naked fashions of the modern world. Please stop and consider though – there’s a very wide stretch of in-between the two extremes of Brittany and burka (the muslim head-to-toe thing). Broaden your mind a little every day…
    modest-swimwear.net/
    http://www.swimmodest.com/
    http://www.wholesomewear.com/page-4.html

  • This will be sooo exciting for me!! Now we can finally get some of these questions answered! With all of the discussion amongst Christians and some seem to be extreme in both directions (can we really not wear ANY jewelry or nail polish? to you can do whatever you want because it’s the guy’s fault for not guarding his eyes) it will be wonderful to finally hear what a guy REALLY thinks! THANKS SO MUCH!!!!

  • Eva

    I probably just missed this somewhere. Sorry if I’m being redundant.

    What is to be done with this data once it’s compiled? I am sure it will spur conversations, which is usually a good thing. I’m wondering, though, how I should react to it. If 99% of men see my [clothing item] as a temptation, should I get rid of it? What if only 30% do? 2%?

    It seems to me that it might be possible to overthink this.

  • Sen Neitz

    Alright guys, this is totally crazy… Come out of the Conservative Christian mindset and down to earth.
    Ready?
    Read:

    You concentrate to much on this kind of thing. Don’t get me wrong, certain types of clothing shouldn’t be worn OR should be worn with other layers. But it’s all that person’s decision.

    GIRLS: It’s your decision to wear the types of clothing you wear; Make a wise decision.

    GUYS: Keep your eyes pure, and don’t look at their breasts!

    Oh my goodness… I just said breasts on a Christian website! *gasp*
    It’s natural for a guy to look at a girl’s boobs/butt/hips. But us as Christian guys, we need to abstain from that. It will always be a “stumbling block”. Always has and always will be no matter what kind of clothes a girl wears.

    And word to the ladies: WEAR LAYERS! You can wear all of the in style clothes, no matter if they are immodest or not, as long as they are in layers that would make them modest. Seriously… I have a friend that does it everyday, and she has the same look as any other girl on the street, she is just 1000x more modest in the way she dresses. Theres a thought for you! Modesty without nuetralizing style. NO MORE FULL LENGTH DRESSES WITH COLLARS, BAGGY T-SHIRTS AND ANKLE LENGTH SKIRTS!

    And in all seriousness, shouldn’t we be worrying about other people’s relationship with Christ instead of worrying about whether something is modest or not?

    Signed:
    An on fire, radical, beat up, courageous, God worshiping, guitar playing, rocking Christian who is sick of laid back Christians who worry about their image.

  • And now we know where Sen stands on it! Wear layers, layers are good. Thanks for giving your input!

    I’d STILL like to know…if 75% of guys say anklets are a problem, GUESS WHAT–I’m not gonna go there! I care enough about my brothers in Christ to not knowingly wear something that makes it easier for their flesh to stumble. Good for you if you’re able to avoid temptations but there are girls out there who DO care about helping you out!

    Eva, I’m thinking if the majority of guys have a problem with something, I’m definitely gonna toss it. If it’s split pretty evenly I’ll be careful with it (and think about ditching it). If it’s just a handful then it’s probably gonna be okay for the most part.

  • Nikki

    First I want to say how much I appreciate other Christians who care about this issue. So many times in this culture, people are desensitized to how we dress. So many people who stand for modest apparel are accused of being “legalisitic.” While it is very true that the true issue is the heart, that if a girl is flirtacious it doesn’t matter if she’s dressed modest, she will attract men in the wrong way, that doesn’t mean that we can just ignore the dress. If the inside of the vessel is clean, it will show on the outside. As a young woman who is striving to take on the nature of Christ, I desire, because of love and respect for Christ and my brothers in Christ, to dress and act modestly. I have read through this blog, and I’ve seen how many people are saying, in essence, “If it tempts the guy, it’s his fault, not hers.” It’s true that the guy must overcome his fleshly desires through Christ, but why would I want to do something that would make that more difficult for him?! Don’t I have a responsibility to encourage and help him, not be the cause of his struggle? Is an outfit really so important that I can’t give it up for the sake of my brother and Christ? Romans 14:13 says, “Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother’s way.” We need to, as girls, get our priorities right! I personally love getting new outfits, but clothes are NOT more important than our relationship with God or our brothers. Again, thanks to all of you, as my brothers and sisters in Christ.

  • Laura

    I can’t wait to read the answers! I have often wondered about this sort of thing. My father asked me and my sister to start wearing skirts or dresses most of the time, and I am ashamed to admit that I did not submit to his authority as readily as I should have. We had already stopped wearing shorts, but I liked (still do) my jeans. Over time I have become reconciled to the skirt thing, but I had to change my whole wardrobe. I still have my jeans, and I wear them when it is appropriate like when we are going to be out in the woods or when I am helping Daddy work around the farm. I have come to believe that everything is really a heart issue. If we, as ladies, truly care about the men who will be around us we can really do nothing but dress modestly. However, I have questions about that which have come from having to make most of my things now. How tight is tight where the hips are concerned? I tend to like the more a-line, sleeker style in skirts. Is a fitted bodice on a dress wrong? Again, it’s just the slim-line look and feel I prefer. This survey will help me out a great deal!

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  • Valerie

    Sen Neitz – thanks for the tip! Layers are always a good idea for covering those extra inches of skin that always seem to be left uncovered thanks to modern fashions. I’m glad your friend is trying to be modest – the world needs more modest ladies! I just wanted to mention a thought that came to mind when I read your remarks. It is possible for a girl to be modest and still have personal style. There are plenty of places online to find modest yet attractive clothes. Also, the first thing a Christian lady (or guy) should consider when buying and wearing clothes is whether it is truly modest, not whether it is fashionable or shows their personal style. Modesty is the most important thing.
    Sarah – my last post seems to have been eaten. But in regards to swimsuits, it is still possible to swim and be modest at the same time. My family does this: we all wear shorts and t-shirts that cover us properly, even the guys, and we swim in a more isolated spot where there aren’t so many biknis wandering around. It is possible, it just takes work!

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  • Lauren

    When will we be able to read the answers?? Sorry to be so inquisant, but I don’t want to miss anything. :)

  • Voot

    Of course, then there’s the other side of the equation: how can we communicate with people when we don’t even speak their language? We avoid this word and that because it is low and plebeian, but are not the very dregs of society worthy of salvation? Indeed, the Early church focused heavily on the lower ranks of society, where people would have spoken all manner of uncouth Greek/Aramaic/Other. Koine Greek, the language of the New Testament, was not the Greek of Homer but the Greek of the man on the street. The first Latin translation, the Vulgate, was called that because it conveyed the scriptures in the “vulgar” language of the common folk.

    Why then do we strive so much to show ourselves better than others? To eliminate words from our speech which are considered lower than the aristocratic role which we envision for ourselves? Can we not simply speak the language of those with whom we have to do?

    Likewise, we could go back to the full coverings of the Victorian age, but women in that time were just as quickly out of their coverings as women are today out of their jeans and T-shirts. Be subject to the law of love, and do not seek to offend on all counts, but do not put into bondage your fellow believers! Count nobody lacking by the grace of God, for even you yourself are in need of it.

  • Fountain

    Someone said:
    >
    I agree.
    I like the idea of discussing modesty, but I don’t the survey will help bring any conclusions. Here are some of the problems I foresee:
    1. How will we know if the anonymous participants are really Christian?
    2. How do we know that the participants are being honest?
    3. How do we define something that causes lust? To be honest, practically any part of a woman’s body can cause lust if you really want it to.
    4. How do we know if something’s normal in the culture the participant’s from? Since this is on the Internet, English speakers world-wide will participate. We need to know which culture they’re coming from.
    5. And the point that that someone pointed out: what will the survey prove?

  • Valerie

    Voot – good thoughts. Might I just point out 2 things? First, the Vulgte was written in the language of the people – the word “vulgar” used to mean “common”, but today it has the connotation of “obscene”. Second, while we should do all we can to reach the “dregs” of society – the lowest of the low – we do not need to use crude words or slang in order to do it. I am sure Jesus talked to many people who cussed and swore, but not once is it recorded in the Bible that Jesus cussed or swore in an effort to communicate with them. It isn’t that we are somehow “aristocratic” or above everyone else, but rather that it reflects poorly on our Lord and Saviour when we call ourselves a Christian and then speak exactly like the world. We don’t have to be exactly like those we are trying to reach. Should we take up drinking and bar-hopping in order to reach that crowd? Should we hang out at brothels in order to reach prostitutes with the Gospel? There are other ways to do it! We have been told to be not conformed to this world, but to be transformed by the renewing of our mind. Such a renewal changes even the way we speak.

  • Delia

    Thanks, guys, for this valuable tool–I would hate to be the cause of anyone’s sinful thoughts…

    But when you do the girls’ survey, please make sure you change your banner–I’m afraid that seeing an attractive curly-haired boy peeping out at me from behind his gauzy white veil of purity is 91% likely to stumble me.

  • Melissa

    Look, I appreciate the thought here, but I don’t think you realize that by asking the opinion of *men* on what women ought to wear, you’re promoting the idea that women are RESPONSIBLE for men’s inappropriate/sinful lustful thoughts. That’s one step away from blaming rape victims, and it’s a tendency in our society – not to mention the Christian faith – that is extremely damaging to our (Christian and societal) view of women. I think it’s very irresponsible of the posters of this survey to even post it. The premise is faulty!

    It is the responsibility of every Christian to deal with his or her *own* stumbling blocks, with divine help. It is not the responsibiltiy of Christian women to ensure that Christian men aren’t inappropriately aroused by their attire.

    Further, you’re using “modesty” as a synonym for “things that don’t arouse men”, and that’s just not what the word means. Men are inherently prone to inappropriate arousal; as other posters have said, back in the Victorian times, it was common for men to have lustful thoughts at the flash of an ankle! No matter how “modestly” women dress, men will still have sinful, lustful thoughts at their appearance. Due to the damage that this concept will do to women’s standing and perception both in society and in Christianity, I think it’s very inappropriate for you to even run it.

  • Melissa: No one has said that the way guys act is due to the way girls dress. Unfortunately, it’s often the opposite. From reviewing the results, I can tell you that all but a very small handful of the guys who have taken the survey fully recognize their own responsibility to control their thoughts and actions. They are not blaming the girls, but they are admitting that some (not all) things can be a problem for them. The survey results are only intended for Christian girls who wish to assist their brothers in that fight.

  • When I try to sign in the page just refreshes. What’s wrong?

  • Rose

    I’m not going to discuss the modesty issue in and of itself as I’m not a Christian and also I live in England where perhaps there are different standards, I don’t know, but I think it’s unfair to class what you term immodesty as a bad by-product of feminism.

    “Many have taken that movement too far by saying it gives us permission to dress like we are loose.”

    I’d still be a feminist if I was wearing a floor-length loose-fitting brown dress or if I was wearing a bikini and pole-dancing shoes. It isn’t about “permission”, which implies that men have out of the goodness of their hearts allowed us to do things which aren’t our right in the first place. Women have a right to wear whatever they want; if they choose to pander to men, in terms of either dressing immodestly or modestly depending on the guys, that’s their choice. (Personally I could never be with a man who even tried to dictate to me what it’s appropriate to wear, but like I said, I’m not a Christian.) And it isn’t so much a specific dress issue as a demand for our right to equality in all areas- things like being paid as much for working the exact same job, not having your opinions belittled in tutorials because you’re a girl, being able to vote.

    I also think, though I don’t really want to get into talking about it, that it isn’t how a man reacts to her appearance isn’t a woman’s responsibility. I wear what I want because I like how it looks; I don’t care what men think of me- the right man wouldn’t judge me on what I was wearing anyway. Lots of the guys who took the survey would probably think that I dress terribly immodestly, but it’s wrong for them to base an assessment of me on that. Yes, I wear short skirts, chokers, tops that show my collarbones deliberately, but I don’t sleep around, I speak three languages, I can cook, I study Classics at Oxford. I’d still be me no matter what I’m wearing, it’s just that if I decided to be influenced by the survey I’d be a repressed me, and there’s no way I’d choose to oppress myself for the sake of men.

  • Lauren

    To anyone who knows: I asked a question nine comments back. If anyone knows the answer I would really appreciate it. :)

  • betty

    wow, alex and brett, thanks so much! for the longest time, i was entirely convinced that the reason i was raped was because the rapist had problems, but now i know: i wasn’t being modest enough. obviously, that was my bad.

    thanks, guys, you’ve really cleared things up for me.

  • Natalie

    Thankyou for doing this site! I appreciate getting guy’s opinions on clothes we wear, etc.! My older brother used to tell my sisters and I if he thought stuff was to tight or to fitted, etc. I still like wearing dresses the best, but I’m not against pants and I wear them, but it takes me a long time to find modest pants that I like! It’s HARD work to dress modestly! But! I will do anything to make sure I’m doing what the LORD want me to! People used to make fun of me when I would wear dresses to everything (including playing soccer and running around, etc.), but it is possible for almost everything! Modesty is different in everyone’s eyes. We all have different views on it, but as long as we are trying to please the Lord in how we dress, act etc. that’s all that matters in the long run. One thing girls I know that don’t dress very modestly always say is,”It doesn’t matter how you dress, but what is in your heart.” But, I’ve noticed that when your heart is right with God, you will notice how you dress.

    Anyways! Keep up the good work and may the LORD bless you as you serve Him!
    In Jesus’ Great Love,
    Natalie

  • GrownUpGirl

    I believe the motivation behind this site is to benefit the youth of our culture, but I feel it is sadly inappropriate. Modesty is an important issue right now that needs to be discussed, but it needs to be discussed from a “heart issue” perspective.

    Girls need to understand that men are designed by God to be visual. That is not sinful, it is God’s design.

    When a man chooses to let his eyes take control, that is his issue to work through. Men should be mentoring other young men in this regard. Young men have no business “instructing” young girls in this matter. Likewise as a woman, I have no business trying to teach a young man how to control lustful visual impulses.

    Older or matured christian women need to take the role of discussing female issues with young girls, as it is mentioned in Titus 2. The point of such discussions should not be a legalistic set of rules to follow. Such suggestions only tend to release a man from his responsibility and attempt to do the work of the Holy Spirit.

    God loves and cherishes his daughters, but not every daughter knows that she is accepted and loved beyond measure. Not every daughter sees her worth beyond her appearance. That is where the change needs to happen, not in a list of do’s and don’ts, but from a peace that comes from experiencing the love and character of God. God is the only source of authentic change. You can’t make your insides clean by changing your outsides.

  • Unfortunately I have just tonight found out about this survery, or I would have been promoting a little more in my posts and emails. I echo the affirmations for doing this. Modesty is such a controversial issue. We are human beings with PHYSICAL BODIES that matter to God. (According to scripture in heaven our bodies are stillimportant, and there are descriptions of what will be wearing!!)

    At some point (either during our lives or afterwards) EVERY one of us must come to terms with the fact that we were made by the Creator, and we don’t “own” ourselves. Even if we don’t believe it, we didn’t make ourselves, and we can’t make our own laws. We can’t rewrite history or erase the scene in which Adam and Eve were ashamed in their nakedness after they sinned. We cannot change the fact that we have bodies and have to deal with how to clothe them. Since God-fearing Christians are always anticipating our amazing eternity spent with our King Jesus, we should be setting our hearts and minds on living as best as we know how in light of HIS desire for our righteousness (yes, HE desires our righteousness!)

    I find it worthwhile to note that many comments complaining about the survey claim to understand other people’s mindsets, as though it’s possible to read minds. Although we can speculate, each one of us is JUST ONE PERSON. Our actions and thoughts do matter tremendously, but each of us cannot be more than 1 individual. That is why a survey like this is very educational. The results will prove what the collective thoughts are, but until then, we can’t claim to know it all (and even after it’s over – it’s just a survey! There are millions who will never even know about it!) I think God allowed this site and survey to manifest itself so that all who read it may benefit from every single entry – and hopefully the results will educate us, inform us, and encourage us to be MORE LIKE Jesus Christ, who is gentle, humble, and passionate for the glory of the Father.

    Realizing that our hearts are ugly (and perhaps our bodies may be too at times), we only have one place to go to be clothed with beauty like we really want to be – the cross of Jesus. When we are overwhelmed (and THANKFUL!) for the grace given to us by God through Jesus, our whole soul and body is renewed and made clean and bright. I think whatever we wear should reflect this redemption – from the colors, textures, cleanliness, accessories, odors, and overall “message.” When I look in the mirror and have thoughts that even hint at idolizing myself, I have to change what I’m wearing. Because when I walk out of my door, my life’s message shouldn’t speak, “Look at my lips, look at my eyelashes, don’t I smell fabulous…,” but “Look at WHO I love…” You can wear the finest clothing this world has to offer and never get past yourself…. I believe defeating idolatry and self-worship is the key to modest clothing. And (gasp!) that may look differently for some than others.

    Thanks again. I am one of 3 daughters, and I am a young mom with 2 daughters and a son, and I am listening! Can’t wait to see the finished project.

  • a concerned mother

    Administrator Note: Dear ACM, we appreciate your concern. However, I\’m afraid some of your comments were inappropriate for many of our younger readers. If you would like to communicate with us further, please contact us by email. Thank you for understanding!

  • Sorry, I forgot to close my link! I didn’t mean to suggest that my opinions were that important :)

  • Agentlechristianmom

    Wow, I for one have to say I’m terribly disappointed to see this distortion of modesty being played out one more time in christian circles. I do believe the Harris boys have their hearts in the right place, but they’re so missing the mark here!
    First, God did not say, “Women, be modest so that men won’t sin” He just didn’t. He told all believers to be modest, yet so many men (dishearteningly so) continue to hold women responsible for their own sin, and to a much higher standard than they are willing to hold themselves to. If I recall, this has been going on for a long time, men trying to pin their sin on women. Who was that now… Oh, right! Adam. God didn’t buy it then, and He doesn’t buy it now. If you are lusting, you and you alone are accountable. No one has ever made me sin, I chose to sin each time and I bear that and yet mercifully, Someone else paid the penalty. Amen.
    Second, God is a God of relationship and He cares first about the heart and the personal relationship He has with each of His precious sons and daughters. I can honestly say I’ve been modest my whole life, maybe not by the standards of all Christian men, but isn’t that the point. I am not told to conform to the standards of MEN, but of my God! I think it’s highly arrogant to think that a bunch of teenage guys (most likely) taking a survey are going to be a better guide to modesty then the God of the universe. We should be teaching our children first how to seek after and please the Lord, not follow a man-constructed list of what may or may not cause a person to stumble.
    Third, by trying to rely on “rules” and “lists” of what is or isn’t modest, we are on a slippery slope to removing the need for a relationship with God, and the rules become the thing we look to to “save” us. The rules become idolatry as most legalism does. Here God has given us yet one more beautiful way to draw nearer to Him by saying, “God I want to please you, show me how to dress in a way that please You and honors my brothers and sisters” and truly listening to what He has to say. The easy way out it just to have a bunch of strangers tell us x, y, and z and then feel like we’ve checked off the modestly clause. It makes me really sad to think that we are not teaching the true meaning of modesty and deepening our relationship, but rather just looking to humans for a quick fix.
    Please, for once, lets really have a “rebeloution” and change the status quo of misinterpreting the meaning of scripture, and continuing the age old human practice of taking the easy way out (and leaving God out in the process).

  • jbtaylor

    During Sunday School this morning, it dawned me on what is so askew about this survey. It’s the Muslim approach. Check out Jesus’ very original approach:

    Mark 9:47And if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into hell.

    Notice, Jesus didn’t say, “If a female causes you to sin, get her to hide behind more clothes.” He indicated that the fault lies with you. I’d like to see the Harris brothers do things the Jesus way, instead of the Muslim way. Now that would be an interesting revolution, to see the youth group full of one-eyed young men on fire for God!

  • mraab

    The Harris boys have said a number of times that they don’t intend for this survey to become an arbitrary list of rules, and I don’t doubt that their intentions are good. But it might have been wiser to look down the road and consider how people will use this survey no matter what the Harrises intended. In the kind of churches I grew up in (that is, independent, fundamental, Bible-preaching churches), this survey will be used as yet another thing to beat girls over the head with. It _will_ become a list of things that must not be worn/done. This survey is all about finding out what makes guys “stumble”; why didn’t someone consider that the survey itself could become something that causes girls to stumble?

    Instead of creating yet another resource for legalistic Christians (even though that wasn’t the original intent!), why couldn’t we have created something to promote a healthier mindset among men _and_ women? We are sorely lacking a viewpoint that recognizes that God created both men and women’s bodies to be beautiful, and that there’s a difference between appreciating something (or someone) that is beautiful and desiring to have something (or someone) that is not your own (lust). We need to teach men and women to dress in a way that reflects their worth as a whole person, not perpetuate the idea that women are nothing more than a sexual object. When a man looks at a woman and sees a person, then he won’t have such a hard time choosing not to lust. When a woman looks in the mirror and sees a person not a sex symbol, then she won’t have a hard time dressing appropriately.

    A lot of people are spending a lot of time and energy on this site and this survey. Imagine what could be done if all of that time and energy were concentrated on propagating a healthier mind and heart! We need to treat the disease–an unbiblical heart in men and women–not just the symptoms.

  • mraab

    And to betty above…>> I am so sorry that you went through that. It is NOT your fault! Remember that in God’s sight, you are His precious, precious child no matter what anybody says or does. He loves you and He will never turn you away. >

  • Anna

    Wow! You guys have done an excellent job setting this up! It was a great idea, and I look forward to seeing the results!
    Your Sister in Christ,
    Anna

  • Valerie

    I have been following this thread for days, and it’s been fascinating to see the varied reactions people are having to this survey and, indeed, the concept of modesty. Someone said that each Christian is responsible for his own stumbling, and that we are not responsible for each other in that regard. I disagree – the church is not to be run in an “every-man-for-himself” fashion. We are responsible for ensuring that we are not doing anything that would make a fellow believer sin.
    “Rom 14:13 Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother’s way.” Ladies, you KNOW that revealing clothes cause men to stumble in their thoughts. Cover up! THAT is how youy remove this particular stumbling block from your brothers’ way. Read 1 Corinthians 8 – Paul talks about how important it is for us to help our weaker fellow Christians not to stumble (and men are “weak” in this area – it’s a big chink in their armor).

    Someone else said that God never told women to “be modest so that men won’t sin”. The Bible says:
    “1Ti 2:9,10 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.” That seems clear to me! We ARE to be modestly dressed, whether we like it or not.

    The fact that a man looks at a woman and feels lust doesn’t mean he has a low view of women or sees them all as sexual objects – it means that he is normal. That’s just how men are wired, and women know that. That is why we choose to wear short shorts, tight low-cut tops, etc. – because we know it will draw attention and make men desire us. It is completely unreasonable and unfair for a woman to walk around dressed like a “woman of the night” and still expect men to view and treat her like a woman of virtue. If the goods ain’t for sale, DON’T put them in the shop window.

  • there should be a reverse quiz for girls to take on the emotional side of things, cause alot of the things guys do or say causes us to think more into it, and put more of our feelings in it, and we take things a complete different way then how guys can oraginally mean it. so we should have a quiz stating all the emotional part, since girls are emotionally stimilated, cause i know i have stumbled with that sometimes, and even some phsical stuff, like a hot guy with a shirt off, wow. so lets show the guys how to help us, since we are doing our best to learn how to help them.

  • Grace

    Thanks guys for all the time and effort that’s going into this! I can’t wait to see the results!

  • thoughtfunny

    I think its immensly funny how the people who support modesty reply to the people with opposing views by saying things like “God Bless You” and “I’m sorry you don’t understand our views”.

  • This is awesome. Thanks for putting this together – I wish I had heard about it sooner!

  • Sharlene

    I am thrilled to see that this modesty survey was done by young people. As a mother of teen girls, modesty is something we talk about often. When I was a teen, I don’t remember any of my Christian friends talking about modesty. It is a wonderful thing that you young people are doing, emphasizing modesty. To keep yourselves pure for the Lord’s sake is a wonderful thing to do. It will make such a beautiful difference in your lives.

  • Alicia

    First of all I’m very impressed that there are so many girls/women out there who are striving to do what is right, especially in this area! It’s harder than you might think guys. I think a lot of what is being said on here is good. However I also think that the guys involved here need to be taking a little more responsibility. I am a Christian and have been since I was little. I grew up wearing ankle length skirts/loose teeshirts, but the extreme level of modesty did not protect me from being molested. Yeah, girls need to make sure that they are communicating a wholesome message. But guys also need to take responsibility for their lust problems. I spent several months at a very conservative christian campus and was shocked to find that I was treated with extreme disrespect by all the guys there (with the exception of only two, actually). I think the danger with this kind of a thing is that often guys find it too easy to just pass the buck. What was happening at that campus was that any time a guy was tempted at all, the girl was blamed and punished, rather than the guy taking responsibility and learning to control his eyes. What ended up happening was that all the guys figured they didn’t have to work in this area, and so ended up in a much greater struggle in the end. And the girls where never sure what was okay, no matter how conservative they were, and they ended up afraid to ever be anywhere public where a guy might see them and happen to lust.
    So often guys think that just because a girl is attractive must mean that she’s a slut or loose. That’s just NOT TRUE!!!
    Anyway I think that this can be helpful, but I also think that it’s important to remember that the most important thing is where our hearts are, both as girls AND as guys. Remember that you are responsible to God for your actions/responses, the people around you will also have to answer to God, so while you can encourage them it is also important not to place yourself in the position of judge. So guys, PLEASE if you see a girl who is not dressed appropriately, just remember that you don’t know what is going on in her life, and it does NOT mean that you can forsake all sense of propriety. Yes, it is important for girls to dress and act in a way that is not going to be a stumbling block; but it is also important to remember that no matter who you are, if you do stumble, God holds YOU responsible for your sin, not the person who tempted you.

  • Abigail S.

    Hello Brothers and Sisters,

    I’d just like to encourage all of you here to read the previous posts on this blog BEFORE making one of your own. Many of the questions and concerns that are being raised in regard to this survey have been answered multiple times already here and elsewhere on the Rebelution blog.

    I’d also like to remind everyone of Alex’ answer to the question of guys’ responsibility:

    “No one has said that the way guys act is due to the way girls dress. Unfortunately, it’s often the opposite. From reviewing the results, I can tell you that all but a very small handful of the guys who have taken the survey fully recognize their own responsibility to control their thoughts and actions. They are not blaming the girls, but they are admitting that some (not all) things can be a problem for them. The survey results are only intended for Christian girls who wish to assist their brothers in that fight.”
    (Alex Jordon Harris)

  • eliya

    Hey, so I think someone else asked this, but here goes: a question for you guys.
    I like having fun with guys in the sense of, I grew up hanging out with guys & I find them more fun to hang out with than girls. (even tho I am one – go figure)
    It’s not to flirt, or find a boyfriend coz im not interested in that.I’m tomboyish, so I go hunting with, tease, play sports with, fight with, joke, etc. with guys. yet lately I’ve been blamed of flirting with all these guys, & in my opinion, I haven’t. whats your opinion? where do you guys draw the line between having fun & handing out with, & just plain flirting?
    Is there a way to act? that I dont know about? Is it just their problem? Is there a way to tell them without being rude? (ive been told im extremley rude & sarcastic, too)

    thanx

  • Beth

    I absolutelly cannot wait… I love surveys and hearing whats in others brains…

    This is the most awesom endevor ever, I am so excited inspired and encouraged that their are other industrious youth/ young adults out there that can brainstorm and do something this huge and incredibly cool!!!

    BLESS YOU GUYS AND GALS!!!!!!

    In Jesus Name,
    Beth

  • Charlene V.

    I have a question. What is the Attic? And how do I become a part of it?

  • Charlene V.

    Ok sorry, that was two questions:)

  • Charlene V.

    Oh never, mind I think I firgured it out. Thanks anyway:D hehe

  • Kari

    Where is it?

  • PG

    Valerie,

    You may be using a different meaning for “modest” than the translation you quoted does. There are at least four meanings for the term: 1. having or showing a moderate or humble estimate of one’s merits, importance, etc.; free from vanity, egotism, boastfulness, or great pretensions; 2. free from ostentation or showy extravagance: a modest house; 3. having or showing regard for the decencies of behavior, speech, dress, etc.; decent: a modest neckline on a dress; 4. limited or moderate in amount, extent, etc.: a modest increase in salary.

    “1Ti 2:9,10 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with braided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.” That seems clear to me! We ARE to be modestly dressed, whether we like it or not.

    When you look at the specific examples of immodest apparel — braided hair, gold, pearls, costly array — it becomes clear that what is being rebuked is not so much clothing that draws attention to the body, but clothing that takes money and energy away from good works. The money that went to gold, pearls and costly array could have helped the poor; the time it took to braid one’s hair or have a servant do so could have gone to devotions. The “modest apparel” is modest in the sense of “free from ostentation or showy extravagance.”

  • KristinaC

    OK, I’m a young adult lady who has just finished reading the modesty quiz results and all the posts. I’d like to submit a response similar to the one posed to the guys at the end of the survey (i.e., how does an immodest girl make you feel?) Only what I would like you to know is how reading this survey makes a girl like me feel. I began reading with excitement, as I am all for modesty, beauty, and femininity in standards of dress. But about halfway through the survey, I began to feel something different: dirty. And that is not because I dress with an open invitation in any manner. As I took the time to read responses, it has began to dawn on me why this kind of a thing has made me feel shameful. As a modest woman, I have noticed that I dress so that I do not have to spend time thinking about my clothing in public, and spending that much time thinking about how my clothing could possibly malfuntion makes me draw more attention to myself and my attire in general, which equals= VANITY.

    I realized that when I dress, I do so with the intention of being covered and communicating that I enjoy being a woman, NOT so that I can ward off the potential wandering thoughts of every man in the room who was raised with different standards and different levels of self- control. It frankly bothered me to begin thinking about my dress in terms of the sexual issues that men deal with, which, to be honest, is not something I feel as appropriate to be dwelling on. Some of the issues were good to know, but most of them seemed like they were asking guys to reveal all the possibilities, which I had no business knowing. Lets face it: opaque skirts are opaque, no matter what they’re made out of, and if I have to worry about how something COULD be see-through, COULD be unzipped, unbuttoned, untied, etc., then I would like to think that it ceases to be my problem. If I’ve covered myself, then it bothers me that those who answered this survey classified certain (covering) clothing as immodest because they could immagine it coming off. ANYTHING can come off, I assure you.

    In addition, I thought GROWNUPGIRL had a reall good point, in that the Bible very specifically says that women are to teach women on how to behave, especially towards their husbands, in their homes, etc. I did not have to know what the men around me thought about specific parts of my body to learn my standards of dress and behavior from my mother and other godly women. I quickly learned when I was getting the wrong kind of attention and to modify my behavior accordingly, and I usually found that it was because my mother was right to begin with. While I do believe (and practice) not wearing clothing that my finace or my father have asked me not to, I do not believe that they should be my first teacher in this area. It would be more appropriate to add a caveat of speaking first with one’s mother (or an appropriate substitute) as to what’s appropriate to wear, especially for the single/ teenage girls who seem to be the primary beneficiaries of the survey.

    Finally, I really like the idea of girls telling men how they can help us by being modest in their BEHAVIOR. Modesty, as a concept, certianly does not extend only to dress (although I really do understand that this is men’s biggest struggle), nor only to women to practice, and I do think that men’s behavior towards women has been sadly neglected. It would be really neat if this site could address both issues.

    As a final note, let me say that I appreciate greatly men wanting to keep themselves pure mentally, and recognizing the issues with which they struggle honestly. I would also like to tell you guys out there that there are definitely godly women who are not, in any way, out to get you in this area. However, men being women’s modesty police is more shaming than anything else, even for a woman who wants more than anything to be modest. PLEASE DO NOT EVER say to a lady that her clothing is inappropriate, even if it is. the last impression you want to give is that you are looking at her as a piece of meat, even if you are struggling with it. This is simply not appropriate. If you need to, tell your mother or another trusted, older woman who knows the lady and let her pass it on at HER discression. And PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, give us the benefit of the doubt! If you can see something for a split second, most of the women you know really did not intend it, probably took measures for it not to occur before going out the door, and cannot always help every problem that may occur, just as you can’t always help it if your fly is open, or if your shirts show a centimeter of flesh when you lift your arms (yes, they sometimes do, believe it or not). Knowing that you are watching like a hawk to every inch of my clothing leaves me feeling more vulnerable than actually being uncovered.

    Appreciative of the effort, but degraded by the result,

    Kristina

  • Bill S. Preston Esq.

    Does anyone else think that the most provocative part of the survey is actually the young lady whose face graces the announcement?

  • bygrace

    Thank you for the survey. It was most interesting and objective.

    One question…what about guys? Tight fitting t shirts are in, tight jeans are in, long hair is in…how do these things effect women? Whiskered jeans, body jewelry, hair that touches the ears…women could see all these things as immodest and stumbling blocks. Even pictures of men like those on this sight, that have been doctored to highlight certain features, could be suggestive. Most guys don’t put their pics up if they don’t think they look somewhat good.

    Let me just say that I’m not being argumentative in any way, I just wonder if this angle has been given much thought.

  • Brad L

    No offense to all the work that was put into this, but isn’t this a little ridiculous? I mean we can go up and down about all the things that a girl needs or doesn’t need to do, but in the end isn’t it the individual guy’s responsibility to guard his own heart? I mean, let’s be real here… become a real man of God and instead of gawking at everything you can and letting your mind wander into lustful thoughts; train yourself to divert your eyes and think about other things. Stop looking to other people to keep you pure and be responsible for your actions. There will always be temptation around you one way or another and the only way to guard yourself is to train yourself. Be a real man, don’t be weak or whine about it… suck it up and look away!

  • Thanks for the input, Brad. Be sure to check out the guys’ responses to a question about their responsibility. I think you’ll like their answers. :)

  • Only1Life4Jesus

    I have to admit I am very disappointed with the results of the survey. I was intrigued from the very beginning, and I thought this would be an opportunity to see what what some guys honestly think. If the answers had been simple the ratings I think this would have been much better. But I found myself sickened by the descriptive nature of the textual responses, and I was unable to finish reading the results. Yes, this is what they are really thinking, yes us girls do need to know these things, but for NO (I repeat NO) reason should we be subjected to this kind of language. Biology is something everyone knows about, but a young man with a girl’s best intrests at heart will NOT go into detail describing certain parts of her body. I think some of these answers were brought out by the questions, some questions I feel were out of bounds. I admire your desire to encourage girls to dress modestly, and yes, I learned a few things. But I still feel that men should not use their struggle with lust as a crutch. God says that our bodies are beautiful, and they are our husbands. This doesn’t mean just in what you look, or talk about. This is also with your words. When I read the responses on the survey I felt dirty, abused, and trashy. In no way did this edify my spirit, and encourage me that my body is valuable to God, and my future husband.

  • Great stuff! I didn’t hear about this survey until after it was over, so I hope there’s a round 2!

  • Arlynn

    I’m a mother of four girls ages 18-24, and this survey has been the talk of our house since it was released. Thank you guys for taking the time to fill out the survey and appreciated your candid and grace-filled responses. It was a good reminder for all of us to walk in a manner that is pleasing to the Lord. (one additional thought might be to encourage girls to keep modesty in mind when purchasing their wedding dress and bridesmaids gowns.) Thank you again, Arlynn

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  • ChiRho

    For Joshua R., who responded to Headstrong on Dec 6, and to all the other men and women reading:

    You wrote: “And as James says Chapter 1 verses 14 and 15 “But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. [15]Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death.” (NASB) sin ultimatly leads to death.”

    Actually, what that SAYS is that IF you are tempted and IF you choose to act on that temptation, THEN (and only then) does it “give birth to sin”. And, as you mention, in Christian theology, sin leads to death. So, a BAD CHOICE OF ACTION in response to temptation leads to sin leads to death.

    But to make a good choice in the face of temptation is to manifest God’s very nature – to reflect even a fraction of God’s goodness to the world.

    An excellent and very pertinent example of making a good choice in the face of temptation is in Jesus’ own temptations while wandering in the desert prior to his death; true, these temptations were not of a sexual nature, but, according to the Bible, no one sin (or temptation) is worse than any other. As we all know, Jesus famously said,”Get thee behind me, Satan.” So, when Jesus was tempted by Satan, he MADE A CHOICE to not give in to those temptations.

    What bothers me about this whole modesty survey thing is that it completely discounts the responsibility of men to make their own choices about what actions they will take in response to a temptation. According to Isaiah: “And a highway shall be there, and it shall be called the Way of Holiness; the unclean shall not pass over it. It shall belong to those who walk on the way; even if they are fools, they shall not go astray.” (Isaiah 35:8, English Standard Version) You may interpret this to mean that, if you walk properly with God, you will not go astray, regardless of the temptation, because you will make right choices that are in alignment with your understanding of God.

    If you are not tempted, how can you ever prove yourself to be walking in God’s Light? And do you not make better examples for others (Christians OR non-Christians) if you act with integrity regardless of the circumstance? Isn’t that what Christians say in that old hymn…”And they’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love, yes they’ll know we are Christians by our love”? Isn’t it infinitely more loving to take the responsibility of right action onto yourself (where it should be) than to foist said responsibility off on some innocent young girl who may bend over in a way that turns you on?

    [Let us not even mention that Jesus hung out with prostitutes, who I am certain didn’t wear turtlenecks or extra layers of clothes. If he was tough enough for that, I’m sure you can manage.]

    Right Choice, Right Action: If it was good enough for Jesus, it’s good enough for you.

  • Dieter

    Wow, I think you guys just re-affirmed by atheism. If being a Christian means being offended by the way a girl stretches and dictating what modesty is, then count me out. Hell sounds like a far more interesting place.

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  • Nicole

    Would it be possible to get a *.pdf of the whole survey? The Flash-heavy version is time consuming and difficult to get through.

    Also, when can we have a survey about, y’know, expecting guys to wear shirts while they mow the lawn and not sit with their legs spread? Only fair. That’s all I’m saying.

  • Pay Pay

    I just wanted to say this is really interesting. I have been raised to dress very modestly and have attended a christian college with basically the same standards. We had meetings that were supposed to be informative as to why it was necessary. I think as girls we need to take more responsibility for our actions. There may be a few rare birds out there who have no clue what they are doing when they dress immodestly, or are just dressing to be more comfortable, so I will give tham the benefit of the doubt. But for myself, I know when I am trying to justify wearing something that is “over the line”, it would be ridiculous for me to chalk it up to not knowing, or just wanting to be more comfortable. Just like we don’t understand how guys minds work, they don’t necessarily understand our inclination toward dress and behavior that draws attention. Having a meek and quiet spirit is not something that comes naturally to me, or most girls I believe. 😉 As far as being judgemental, Christians always need to remember that we wrestle not against flesh and blood. I have to remember that when I am tempted to feel resentful towards girls that I think should know better, or the guys that pay attention to them. How we dress DOES matter. Of course, guys need to do their part as well, but the fact is that seeing a guy without his shirt on does not affect us the same way. Of course, I am not encouraging them to go shirtless to church or something because it would be somewhat distracting.;) I think also that girls who are struggling with this and wondering where to draw the line, who are using the “Christian liberty ” card to justify causing others to stumble, should not think of this as being restricted, but protected. I like what Paul says in one of his epistles(forgive me for ignorance as to reference),”All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient”. The principle is that even though we are no longer under the law, we are still responsible to consider what is going to be helpful to other believers. If you apply that to your life, you may find that a lot of things have to go. Becoming a Christian is not about our so-called “rights”. Paul also says that we are to have the mind of Christ, who had plenty of rights, but humbly set them aside, for our benefit. If we as Christian girls have the right heart attitude, because it really does start there, we will be willing to dress thinking of God first and others second. OK, this is a lot longer than I first thought….anyway, keep up the good work!;)

  • A.S.

    Thank you all so much for that survey! it was so encouraging! I had a question though. Is flirting (to a small degree) considered immodest? such as sitting next to a guy, laughing at his jokes…?

  • Kayleigh

    This is just what we girls need… There were answers to all the questions that so many girls wonder about but do not know how to go about getting the answers. Now we girls can know what causes young men to stumble and what is a distraction in their walk with God. My prayer is that the young women that read this will try harder to “cover up” and strive to bring glory to God rather then themselves. I know, that I for one, will be more considerate and thoughtful when choosing clothing. On behalf of all young ladies who are striving to bring glory to their creator, and dress modestly, Thank you all very much!

  • Star

    I’m sure I must have missed it, but where are the questions from the girls allowing the guys to answer for their own clothing choices? I sincerely hope no one is suggesting this is a one-way street.

    And surely these cries of “help us out” aren’t implying that preventing lust falls squarely on females?

  • Hey Star, thanks for commenting. You can find several answers to your questions here, as well as here. :)

  • Wow!!!:)
    this modesty topic has been SO encouraging for me. It is such blessing.
    I’m planning on sending this out to all my friends!!!
    Thanx again and God bless you all!

  • Jess

    Thanks to all of the people involved in this survey! I think it’s a great idea and it is helpful for us ladies to have other’s opinions. God has blessed me with a father who cares how I dress, and three older brothers to keep me in line! But not everyone has that benefit. And from reading the comments submitted on this page, I know that quite a few people think that modesty isn’t such
    a big deal. But it is. Being a young woman, it’s hard to find clothing that is modest. Even wearing “layers” underneath v-neck tops doesn’t always work out, because it can still attract unwanted attention, just like wearing a long necklace might do, or a top with writing on it. If wearing more modest clothing (i.e. higher necklines, looser clothing, and longer skirts) helps in any way to keep my brother in Christ from sinning in that area, then I’m willing to do that! Also, as single women we are saving ourselves for our future husbands, and that applies in what we wear as well. Titus 2 has something important to say on that matter: “Older women, likewise, are to be reverent in their behaviour….that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subjects to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be dishonoured.” We’re not only to love our husbands when we marry, but are to keep ourselves for them in thought and what we wear, before we marry. We should also think of what GOD wants us to wear. Would He approve of me wearing immodest clothing that distracts a man’s thoughts away from Him and toward me? Or is God’s will for me to dress modestly and in that way help my brothers in Christ to focus more on God? It may not be easy in this day and culture, but, ladies, we should be striving to dress more modestly and glorify God in every way!
    God bless!

  • Becky

    I’ve seen a few comments here about guys’ modesty… And I’ve been thinking – Would it be possible to do a guys’ version of the modesty survey? I don’t know if the guys are at all interested in that idea, but I do know that lust is not confined to guys alone. And there are some things that guys do or wear that, however much I try to ignore, will at least for a split second cause me to stumble. Just a thought. :)

    God bless!
    Becky

  • Dani

    This modesty survey has been helpful and made me think about what i wear so as to keep myself pure and to help my brothers in Christ do the same.
    Howevery, there are several questions I have about clothing (whether it is modest or not) that I would like to add to the survey so see what the guys say. Is that possible?

    Also, I’m with all the other girls who commented asking for a survey about guys clothing and what makes us stumble. I think there are a lot of guys that don’t realize that the way they act and dress can be a stumbling block for us girls.

    Blessings,
    Dani

  • Jessica

    My sister and I enjoyed the Modesty Survey. As modest young woman it is encouraging to know that guys of all ages respect us for being different than other girls.

    It would be really neat if you had a survey where girls wrote in about guys.

    Jessica and Jennifer

  • Concerned

    I agree with Jessica. A survey the other way aroung would be welcomed.
    Girls have problems with thier thought-lives too.

  • She

    Wow, that survey has helped me so much!! About the survey for guys idea, I think that might work, but it might not. I’ve thought about that before and then realized that I don’t remember ever seeing an immodest guy. Well, I did see one, but that’s one out of billions. Since guys don’t have as much to cover as girls, then they don’t have to make such a fuss about modesty. So basically, as I said, I don’t really know how guys could be immodest. Sometimes I struggle with impure thoughts too, but that’s my problem. Anyone can struggle with that whether people are modest or not. Even if everyone went around dressed like nuns and monks, that wouldn’t get rid of lust and impure thoughts.

    Okay, I just made a short story long, but you get my point. :)

  • I just wanted to say that I support this survey and appreciate it. The comments have been very . . . enlightening . . . as well. It’s been a few months since I read the survey but I know that even though I have always intended to dress modestly that this survey made me think about things I had never thought about before and I am taking modesty in dress more seriously now.

    And yes, there is much more to modesty than the things this survey covered, but that doesn’t make these issues unimportant. Great job!

  • Tabitha

    This survey is very helpful, and yes, much needed by thousands of people.
    I love the picture at the top! Where’d it come from?

  • Natalie

    what about the guys’ modesty? i appreciate the survey but guys need to know how to dress modestly too. some of the things they wear are definitely stumbling blocks.

  • Molly

    Wow, guys. Way to go for all of you! You have no idea how much this will help me. I’ve always wondered what goes on inside guys’ heads, so this will help a lot. And it’s even better that it’s Christian guys, because goodness knows what we would find inside non-believing guys’ heads. =)

  • Molly

    By the way, Natalie, I liked your comment too. You talk about girls having low pants…look at some of the guys out there! Nothing against any of the guys reading this, of course, but girls aren’t the only ones that need to watch what they wear.

  • Kelli

    This is my first time making a comment on this site so I don’t know how this will be received, but I have to say I do have a little bit of a problem with this survey. I’m Christian, and I am concerned about modesty, but I think this survey kind of puts a little too much focus on the outside and not the heart. Reading through the results and comments, I couldn’t help but feel judged because a lot of the things I don’t realize I do, or do accidentally, were being called examples of immodesty or stumbling blocks. Overall, it felt like reading a set of rules, and, while I do believe God has standards for our behavior, I don’t believe He intends for us to set rules on His behalf.

    So I beg you all to look at others’ hearts and not make mountains out of mole-hills. In my opinion, a lot of Christians these days miss the forest for the trees. Worrying about the specifics of how someone dresses, even if it causes others to lust, really takes our time and energy away from what really matters–that we should treat others respectfully and with Godly love and let the rest, like dress and mannerisms fall into place with the desire to serve Him that we’re spreading. On a personal level, this is why I don’t always feel welcome in church or places like that–there’s always the “should” and “shouldn’t” things and I always end up feeling like the scum of the Earth because of little things that cover up my heart, which is truly devoted to glorifying God. So, I don’t believe the road to Hell is paved with good intentions, and I think it’s our hearts that determine whether we’re right or wrong (ultimately, obviously there has to be some kind of line drawn for practical purposes), both in staying modest and avoiding lust, boths sides of the coin.

    I’d also like to add that we girls can be just as lustful as guys. Both genders are just as guilty Guys are also responsible with the way they dress and act, as some comments above me have already said. Again, it’s not really that big of a deal and I won’t dwell on it, but I do agree.

    And I just like to say that I don’t think any of this was done intentionally, but it’s an unfornate side effect, in my opinion, of discussions like this. As I’m learning more about the Rebelution, I like it more and more. This survey is so far the only thing I’ve taken issue with. Even then, it’s not the intention I have a problem with.

    I’m sorry if I’ve rambled too much. I really do hope some of it makes sense to someone besides me.

  • naisioxerloro

    Hi.
    Good design, who make it?

  • Janah

    Hi,

    Just from reading all the posts, this is a real controversial issue. I’m a Christian who has always been brought up to dress in a way that pleases God. But I agree with alot of people above me; God looks on the heart. God created woman’s body to be attractive to man. God tells us to bring every thought be subject to Christ. I could go on and on, but the responsibility goes both ways.

  • Jane

    I have thoroughly read the modestly survey and I have just a few honest questions (though maybe they’re stupid, I don’t know):

    Does the color of the clothes you wear matter as well? For example, would subdued or muted colors be more acceptable? Are bright colors ostentatious and therefore immodest?

    What do you think?

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  • Hannah B.

    I can’t thank you enough for this wonderful and eye opening Modesty Survey and what defines a real woman!

    My dear family has always encouraged and taught me to dress beautifully and modestly, the way a lady should. If it were not for my loving and caring family who helps guide me in the way I should dress, and Jesus Christ in my life, I shudder to think of how I would dress and act! So after I read the Modesty Survey, I realized how careful and mindful I need to be with the way I dress. I have learned how true it is that guys really do think differently than girls do, and I’m not criticizing that. It has just helped me to be more careful in my manner of dress, so as not to cause my brothers in Christ to stumble. When I dress femininely, beautifully and and modestly, I like to think of how it brings honor and glory to God, and it is an encouragement and blessing to my family as well as my brothers in Christ. I hope they can see what a godly young woman I am striving towards to be!

    Thank you so much again! May God richly bless you as you minister to so many people with this incredible website!

  • Capa

    what we wear + how we look = what we believe

  • Jordan B.

    I love this sight and I have always tried to be modest, but this site makes it so much easier for me to realize exactly what distracts guys, or would make them uncomfortable. This has helped me a lot!!

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  • Cacie

    Yeah, I would second the idea of a guys version of the modestly survey. It might not be as easy to make it work, but I think it could be quite enlightening for some guys out there.

    So yeah, if that would ever happen, awesome! :)

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  • Verda

    Hey, I really appreciate what your site has done! The guy’s answers make us girls think about what we’re wearing.

  • I just wanted to say thanks a lot for this survey. It really helps me when deciding what clothes to discard from my clothing pile, or buy from the store. I have no older brother’s or close “friend-boys” that I can ask these questions, so this survey really helps me a lot! Thank’s to all of you!
    When I am depressed, I come and look at the survey, and it shows me that guys out there care enough to help me help them, and it makes my day! Thanks again and again and again!

  • Stephanie

    I just wanted to thank everyone who was a part of this… it’s really helpful and I am glad that guys had enough courage to speak their minds.

  • Libby R.

    As a girl, I am very thankful for two younger brothers who WILL speak their minds if they think what I’m wearing is not modest. Immodesty is so rampant today. Girls don’t know how they are hurting ALL of the people around them. I really appreciate people who will take a stand. Thank you so much.

  • Ben R.

    I am very thankful that the women in my family dress modestly, and I wish others would do the same. I wish I had more places to look when in public besides the floor and the ceiling.

  • Kirsten B.

    Thank you so much for this survey! It was totally eye-opening and I will be definitely look at alot for input when I go shopping and check out my own wardrobe!
    As a Christian teenage girl, I am always trying to find modest clothing and make sure my clothing is modest. It really helps to have some more input and to know that guys actually notice how much effort we put into dressing modestly. In today’s society it is HARD! But hey- isn’t that what the rebelution is all about? 😀

  • Angie

    THank you so much for this great resource!! I really loved the open question section and all of the text answers. really encouraging. thanks. also, just for the guys, girls need to guard their hearts and eyes too. PLEASE pull up your pants!

  • Savannah

    Wow. Thanks so much! This is so good! So many of my friends struggle with modesty and I am always trying to think of ways I can help them! What you guys are doing is amazing!

  • Ok, I’m new to all this. I just read Do Hard Things, and I heard about the modesty survey in the book. Is there a place where I can see the results, or am I not looking hard enough??

  • Alexis

    I am reading the book, “Do Hard Things,” right now and since it talks about the modesty survey, I decided to check it out online. I just wanted to say that this is a really awesome idea and thank you to all who were apart of it. Now that I have read the results, I think twice about what I wear and as to whether it will be a stumbling block for guys. Thanks again!

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  • Heather M.

    Thanks so much for doing this!
    It’s such an important topic that always seems hazy. I think it’s great to be able to see the questions and answers by teens themselves!
    thanks again!

  • Hannah B.

    Ben R.: I just wanted to comment on what you said. I am so glad that the women in your family dress modestly, and I too do the same for my family. I understand the struggle that you and lots of Christian guys out there are going through….You guys are trying to stay pure in your thoughts and hearts, and turn away from lust. And just like you said, one can only look at the floor or celling to avoid the lustful advertisements that are everywhere! I too, wish that women would be more sensitive in the way they dress. My younger brothers are really disappointed as well, they have to either look at the floor, the celling, or the other way to avoid the sinful stuff out there. But now, they can’t even look at the celling! When we go into Wal-mart, the first thing one sees is the television up in the celling, and I am upset at the immodesty of the women on there! So thank you for striving to please God in where you look!

  • Hi. I am so excited to see such a place for Christian young people to be able to read about real ideas, thoughts, concerns, etc. Since I work in a large public school system (the largest in the nation as a matter of fact), there is often no place for young people to turn for real honest Christian guidance. It’s considered the “wrong thing” – as if religion is wrong or needs to be withdrawn from the lives of our young people. I have begun blogging to express my own ideas, also hoping that anything I put out there will provide someone with a place to continue with their walk. I have added your site in to my blog – I think it’s an awesome resource for people to step it up!

  • Mei-Lin Po

    A question for the guys out there.

    Yes, I know the standard Christian answers to this one, and I agree with them, but a girl’s experience with sexuality, temptation and lust are different, so I am curious from a Christian guy’s perspective:

    Why bother fighting for purity? Why not indulge lust- what are the consequences and the hidden costs (I mean, apart from the physical risks, which may be avoided)?

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  • Merilee

    I think you may have a typo. On the general question answers, the first answer by a 19 year old says “isn’t” and in context looks like it should say “is”. It changes the meaning and for you to post it seems like you meant “is”. This is the way it is listed below.

    What you look like isn’t important when it comes to keeping sacred what God made sacred.

    Merilee

  • Katie

    Thank you so much for doing this! Reading through the results really encouraged me that there are other people out there that really do care about modesty-and purity! I pray that God continually blesses you guys for the work you are doing. Thanks again!

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  • mallory

    Thank you so much for doing the Modesty survey and the Rebelution in general. As a teenager girl it’s so helpful to know what guys think about the clothes I wear. I also want to thank you for challenging teens like me to go above and beyond the requirements and do hard things for the glory of God.

  • Rachel

    thanks for doing this survey it will be great to see others opinion on modesty. It will be refreshing see a different opinion other than my dad and brothers.

  • Jon W.

    Thanks so much for having this survey. I learned so much through everyones conversations.

  • Briana

    Thanks to all the young men who were bold enough to address these topics.
    Hearing what my brothers in Christ say about modesty really brings a deeper sobriety
    to the subject. I am encouraged that so many really do value modesty.

  • Hannah

    ah, well, I don’t know where to find the survey!! I got the Do Hard Things book too late, I suppose.
    that book is…… inspiring. wow. 😀
    :-(
    is it over?
    AWW……

  • Sadi

    I just got done reading the book!!!! I really really like it!!! I really wanted to see the survey, but I cant find it!!! lol, Where is it?

  • Lauren

    I am reading the book and I am in chapter 7. I have to say you guys did an amazing job with the book!
    I wanted to see the modesty survey but I can not find it :/
    Where can I find it?

    Thank you and God Bless!

  • Emily C.

    I am reading the book too! It is awsome and very eye-opening! As soon as I read about the modesty survey I wanted to check it out. Thank you for keeping it on the blog! Thank you for all you do!

    Emily C.

  • Abigail S.

    Thanks so much for the survey! This is a subject that has weighed heavily on my mind lately. Especially since I work in the general public with a lot of old guys who have the dirtiest minds I have ever come across. People think teen guys are bad? They should follow me for a day! I wear regular, baggy t-shirts and I buy guy shorts from walmart. The inclinations that they give me are down right disgusting. The comments that I’ve gotten from some of the old men (pardon my termonology, I hate calling people old) have got me thinking as to what all guys, especially the ones my age think of me when I’m not at work and wearing normal, everyday clothing. It’s not low clothing, but the subject of modesty has always been rather sketchy in my opinion. Thanks for the survey.

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  • mariah joy

    I think the modesty survey is an amzing idea!! I want to stay modest and i want a guy to be attracted to me for my personality and my modesty not the material things! i love what Brett and Alex are doing! they are truel amazing. and GOD has a plan that will move mountains, dry oceans, transform this generation! and we need to start by putting our names on paper! whether addressing to a survey! a contract or any document!! live for Jesus and shout out your battle cry!!

  • Olivia Renfroe

    As a young lady growing up in a backwards world, it is very incouraging that there are young men out there who appresiate a beautiful woman of God. I regreat to say that many times girls feel as if we need to put ourselves on display inorder to recieve attention or affection. Your message gives much hope!!

    My father has been urging me to become involed in his political career. However I had many fearful thoughts of people looking down upon me because of my age and the hard work it would take to be incharge of practically everything. After reading your book if not only incourages me to get started, but excites me to give to the world everything I can!!!

    Some day we will be the leaders of the Godly nation of America. Inorder to honor the many strong men and woman before us, we must not fear or let others look down upon us. We also must hold tight to the gifts God has given to each individual and use them to glorify him. Our ultimat purpose may not be known at this moment in time but our purpose of our purpose is clear as day: to live a life glorifying to our Father.

    Thank you for giving me hope that there is a young man out there that is not only waiting for me but is exspecting me to be the best I can:) And thanks for the encouragment that I’m not the only teen going aganist the flow of the under-achivers.

    With the love of your sister and friend in our Lord Jesus Christ,
    ~Olivia~

    P.S. You may have already heard of him and even meet this amazing man but just in case you haven’t, I really incourage you to check out David Barton. He is the founder of Wall Builders and the Christain Heritage Seires. It is very educational and was the begining of my curiosity about the political world. In my opinion its pretty cool stuff so check it out if you haven’t already :)

  • Jori

    Wow…I had no idea there were so many guys that had Christian attributes like this…
    I mean, I knew there were some, but this is REALLY AMAZING…
    I’m glad to know there are guys out there that appreciate our trying to be modest and pure..
    My best friend and I were made fun of this summer for trying to keep modest and pure…but this makes it ALL WORTH WHILE…even if we can help just one guy from stumbling. Thank you so much! Not only is this site helping guys, but it’s helping girls have a reason and desire to stay modest.
    All of my love to our brothers in Christ,
    Jori

  • Stephanie Joy

    This really is a great idea. I know girls who do not show any modesty at all, and I also know some who take it to the other extreme and cover their hair, always wear dresses or skirts, and never fix their hair or wear makeup. I know this will be beneficial for all girls who read it.
    Love in Christ,
    Stephanie Joy

  • Abigail V.

    Thank you all for the Modesty Survey! After reading through it, I tossed out several items of my clothing. And promised myself (and I guess the guys) that I’d always wear shorts over my swimsuit. I never realized how much my clothing might do to a guy’s thoughts.

  • Lindsey

    wow everybody thank you so much for this! its awesome to be able to read about how guys feel about some of this stuff i had no idea! thank you so much!

  • Dan

    This is a very good idea. This survey was insightful in a way that proves that there are many more people out there with similar views and morals as me. Thank you so much for doing this!

  • Chelsey

    Wow, ever since a friend of mine told me about the site….. I haven’t been able to get off it! I have always been very conscientous (sp?) about my clothing. I strive to be pure in what I wear and I am glad I can encourage purity in young men I know. I really appreciate this site [Modesty Survey], keep it up!
    Chelsey

    PS- I knwo you might not be able to do this, but I am a visual person… would you possibley be able to add pics to the survey so I can see exactly what you’re talking about? I understand this could pose a probelm by showing the very same stuff that are immodest, but if there is a way…. I know I would appreciate it!

  • kt

    great idea!!! Is there one for guy stuff???

  • Kimi

    Hey!! I already posted sumthin else sumwhere else, but i found the right place now!! I just wanted to make sure i said something. I found the modesty survey today while i was looking for flirting tips(lol). I’m 13 and ive really been struggling with modesty without looking ugly. I saw the survey, red a few answers, then found the petition. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone guy that signed the petition, wrote encouraging notes under the questions and voted on the questions. You guys stood for God, Christianity, girls, and you changed my life!! I owe you guys a REALLY big thank you, even though i dont know who you are. But one of the great things about being a christian, is heaven!!
    C U ALL IN HEAVEN,
    Kimi

  • Marcy

    I found the survey extremely helpful. I know a lot of the girls who read this will have been offended by the detail with which some guys used, but really I found it constructive. I am so touched by the sincerity of the guys that contributed. All of you really encouraged me in my faith and in the way I dressed. Though I generally am not immodest, some of the things that were mentioned really touched deep. I understand that this went to extremes (at least, I assume) and that with certain situations or clothing items guys responded according to that particular item, saying what they would think if “this” or “that” happened, but I think that helped me too. Modesty is important, to God, to women, and to men. And I’m glad to realize that modesty is important to men. It is not my responsibility to keep every guy I see (or don’t see) pure. But it is my responsibility to dress my body and my heart in a way that is both glorifying to God, and respectful to men and my fellow women. I agree with many girls on here that the women in our life should be the ones to teach us modesty, but speaking from the background I have, girls don’t always have that opportunity. Plus, no one does better how to avoid stumbling blocks in womens’ clothing better then men. I’m sorry that there are so many negative comments on this survey, but I found it very helpful, very honest, and a perfect Valentine. (even if I got the present a little late :) Thank you so much! It means more than I can say!

  • Becca

    I think this survey was a great idea… but I do have a question…. you mention bikinis…..for the guys: Is ANY KIND of bikini immodest?? Because I know alot of christians who wear bikinis….and some say”this kind is okay, but this kind isn’t”. Does it make that much of a difference to you? What if is is a tubetop bikini?? anyways… just wondering. Thanks!!

  • TL Conners

    thank you so much for this, you helped me decide some things to not do in the future and some things to stop doing, it really has helped. i answered some of my questions about things that have been in my mind so thank you again.

  • Carise

    Keep up the great work!
    This is just what girls of today, that are trying to live for God need!!!

    Thanks!!!

  • Cameo

    Hey! this is a great tool for girls and guys alike. I was wondering if there will be one adressing male immodesty as well. some girls (like me) also struggle with keeping thoughts around guys pure and underwear dangling out of jeans and shirts removed dont help me anymore than females dressing immodestly help guys. I really appreciare this survey and it has helped me see things from a guy’s perspective.
    Love and Peace in Christ.

  • Squire Christopher

    After reading through the results of the Survey, I have been even more strongly motivated to avert my eyes from temptation. There were a lot of good points in the responses, and it helps knowing that there are men out there just like me who are fighting against temptations. I now know I’m not alone. I am further reminded that we should take every thought captive for Christ and dwell on the things listed in Philippians 4:8-9…what a great guideline.

    I have something to say to the Christian girls out there who are immodest in dress:

    Please carefully consider your choices of attire. Whether by half-baring your chest, uncovering your legs to a high degree, or carrying an air of seduction, you are causing detriment to your brothers in Christ. We all have been told to flee sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18), yet your lack of modesty can hinder our flight. Do you enjoy the possibility of making us stumble? “Beware lest somehow this liberty of yours become a stumbling block to those who are weak…When you thus sin against the brethren, and wound their weak consciences, you sin against Christ” (1 Corinthians 8:9-12). Keep in mind that the matrimonial relationship between a man and a woman is a model of Christ and His Church. Your body is the temple of God, yet you are inviting lust upon it as a false replacement for true love. Your body may be beautiful, but you should save it for your husband, because things available to everyone are quickly devalued. As Christians, we should be focusing on Jesus alone. Please be more considerate for our minds and your bodies.

    I think I also ought to say this to all the young Christian women out there who are committed to modesty:

    Thank you so much for being considerate in your dress. I know we men don’t tell you that as much as we should. I have a sincere love and respect for you because you have shown love to us, by sacrificing your own pleasures in dress for our purity of mind. Even though dressing less modestly might be more comfortable for you, you still remember us and choose to help us keep our minds pure. I cannot thank you enough for that. This world claims that beauty can only be attained by shedding clothing; I look at you and know there is falsehood in such a statement. Your beauty and modesty is not just skin-deep, because your attire and behavior tell me volumes about your character, as well.

    I apologize for those times when I have not been grateful enough for your discretion. There have been instances when I have ignored your true beauty and let my mind dwell on those who have less regard for our hearts and minds. For doing that, I am truly sorry. If I have to think about any young woman, I want to remember you for your integrity.

    I know you aren’t perfect and that there are days you might feel a little discouraged. But really, you are changing an impure culture with every extra mile you clothe yourselves with. Keep up the good work, because it does not go unnoticed. If there’s any way we men can be as much of a blessing to you as you have been to us, let us know.

    Thank you once again for all your sacrificial love and awareness. I can only understate my appreciation for it. May God bless all of you young women in your efforts to go against the culture.

  • Amanda

    thank you so much for this survey. i didnt realize that some of these things could be a stumbling block. although i try very hard to be modest, i think guys should also be trying just as hard to control their thoughts as a girl should be trying to be modest. it can be really hard to be completly modesy 100% of the time and would be a lot easier if guys tried to not let their thoughts wander quite as often. also thank you for the petition and everyone who signed it. i almost cried when i saw how many guys really did care about what i wear and were tring to help me in this.
    ~amanda~

  • Zoe Hebbard

    Wow! I am a 15 year old guy, and I wish my friends who are girls cared about this as much as some of the girls here! Way-to-go rebelutionaries!!!!!!!!!!

  • sara

    its good to see that u r working for modesty, im also working on this topic of modesty, making powerpoint presentation,if any one wants to presentation on modesty i ll provide it through mail,

  • Hannah

    I think that modesty is something that (as a girl) I need to think about and try my best to be modest, but I can’t help but think as I read through the questions on the survey that you’re putting no responsibility on the guys. I like to look nice and I guess I feel this survey is telling me that I should only wear baggy clothes that completely cover every bit of skin and never hang out with my guy friends ’cause I might make them stumble. I don’t want to make guys stumble, but it seems like every little thing you do has the possibility of making some guy, somewhere stumble. Just a thought.

  • Liz

    I really appreciate the effort that was put into the survey. Several of the girls at our church have gotten a hold of the concepts, and it has really helped.

    I grew up with seven sisters, no brothers, and modesty and the way guys think has sort of been a mystery for us. Recently, we’ve gotten up the nerve to ask some of our better guy friends about a few specifics, but ya’ll’s survey helped with areas we didn’t feel comfortable asking about. Thanks so much!!! I look at my clothes enitirely different now.

    God bless.

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  • Amy

    I just wanted to say how much I appreciate all the guys who took the time to fill out this survey. I can honestly say that some of the statements had never even crossed my mind, and I had no idea that certain items in my wardrobe could be stumbling blocks! I’m so glad to have this survey as a resource when I’m questioning an outfit choice. Thanks, guys, for being honest and for caring about our purity!

  • Pam

    Thank you so much for doing this survey. It has been such a blessing to our family. Have you considered publishing it so that women could have this valuable resource for modesty studies?

  • Lor

    Maybe I’m crazy here – and this is my initial reaction – I haven’t spent serious time mulling this over and praying about it – but having browsed through most of the responses to most of the questions I have to say that the issues of modesty being discussed here seem to be issues of the guys’ hearts and their entire mentality towards females and male-female relationships.
    Seriously – are you all that conceited? Do you honestly think that anytime I wear something immodest it is because I want you to think of me in a sexual way?? I NEVER want you to think of me in a sexual way!! When I UNINTENTIONALLY wear immodest clothing it is because I think that it is “cute” or “attractive” in an asthetic way – NOT in a sexual way. My perspective of what is attractive may be warped by a society motivated by sex, but I honestly think that if guys would stop focusing on sex for like 5 seconds, if they could accept the fact that we aren’t all out to make them want to have sex with us, if they could try to wrap their brains around the concept that our worlds don’t actually revolve around them, then maybe they could begin to understand that when we keep our chests covered and we don’t wear skin-tight clothing and we don’t flirt with them – we are being modest, and maybe just maybe they could stop looking at every little thing we do as something sexual. Hint: IT’S NOT SEXUAL! Guess what! We’re girls – we’re females – we have feminine bodies. Get used to it, because it’s not going away, and someday, most of you guys will be able to enjoy that in a healthy, righteous way with your wife. In the meantime – seriously dudes – get your mind out of the gutters. If you weren’t so focused on sex and immodesty you’d stop seeing everything we wear as immodest. I truly believe that.
    I am not saying that I have no responsibility in the matter. I definitley don’t want to be a stumbling block to anyone – to my brothers – or to my sisters who are looking to me as an example of modesty. I have a great responisbility to think, act, and dress modestly, and it is good to be aware of the overwhelming amount of things guys seem to find immodest (again – most of these things truly seem innocent to most Christian girls), but guys – you have a responosibilty too – an equal responsibility – to rebel against the extremely low expectation that our culture – even the culture within the church – has of you. They expect you to look at us as objects of sex, so you do. They expect you to struggle and fail and they make excuses for you. Female immodesty is the biggest one of those excuses. Don’t give in to it. Challenge the core of your thinking. Isn’t that what this whole “Do Hard Things” is about? Are you really going to be all gung-ho about doing hard things and then take no responsibility on this issue. Are you going to meet the expectation that you have to look at girls lustfully because “you’re a guy and that’s just how you’re wired”, or are you going to set a new standard – a new expectation? Again – I’m not saying that girls have no responsibility in the matter, just that there is more to it than a girl’s responsibility and desire to be modest.
    I would also like to say that guys have responsibility to be modest too. In their clothing and, sometimes more especially, in their actions. Do you guys have any idea of when you are being immodest? And while we girls do DEFINITELY have sex drives, and we can think lustful thoughts, and it is immodest to wear jeans so low that the pelvic bones can be seen (etc), immodesty can also be found in the actions that you do – the glance, the touch, the word thougthlessly spoken – that tempt us to give our affection – our love – before it’s time. We are responsible to guard our hearts against this, of course, but you are also responsible to be modest. Have you thought about it? You should.

  • Andrew

    Thanks Alex and Brett…

    In response to Lor and many, many others:

    We guys aren’t trying to shirk our obligation to keep our own mind under control.

    We also DO believe that girls struggle with sexual temptation as well.

    All we’re asking for is a little help. Please.

    Guys are visually oriented (more so than girls). We’re just made that way. Please try to understand.
    Yes, it is OUR sin if we lust and think about any woman in the wrong way. We take full responsibility for our actions.
    However, why wave a juicy, tender steak in front of a hungry dog?
    You tell the dog (poor puppy) to SIT and STAY, but you make no effort to cover the object of its desire?
    Instead, you (or maybe someone else) parade the succulent meat around, pouring steak-sauce all over it (maybe even splashing some on the dog’s nose!). But you tell that dog to “Stay and be good”?

    Umm, seems slightly cruel (just a little) to me…

    The dog would still be fully responsible if it jumped and snatched the steak out of your hand.
    But can you Love a little, and resist tormenting the poor creature?

    To those girls who try to be modest:

    Thank you. Seriously. It must be EXTREMELY hard having to stand out the way you do.
    But hear this: All God-fearing gentlemen genuinely appreciate your efforts. We feel the Love you have for us…
    …and desperately desire to return it in ANY way we can…

    ~Andrew

  • Kendall

    I just got Brett and Alex’s book recently so I thought I’d check out this website/survey. I LOVE it!! Thanks so much for doing this survey! Sometimes it’s hard to tell if what I’m wearing is modest or not, and this survey helps a lot. It’s especially hard to find modest clothes in this decade…but us girls are trying! Guys, thanks for answering those questions so we can do our best to help you out!

    ~Kendall

  • Anna

    Thanks so much for putting this up…I don’t have brothers, so it’s been harder to know how to dress. probably the hardest thing for us as girls has been humility and having a teachable spirit during this survey. :) I want girls to think about if our intent is to glorify and honor God, and being an encouragement to our brothers in the Lord, or if our intent is just to fight for our rights to dress how “we see fit.” I have a feeling that the guys doing the survey had to be very honest, which is an extremely painful thing lots of the time. Once again, thanks, guys. It’s truly a desire to help you out and to build you up in the Lord.

  • Sharon

    I am so glad you are doing this modesty survey. I have 4 grandaughters that I have given your web address to and hope they take advantage of all the wisdom found here

  • Donna J.

    Hey.
    I just wanna say how really encouraging this is to me.
    Being a Christian teenage girl in this world is definately hard.
    Temptations everytime I turn around. One of the main ones being dressing immodistly because its “cool”.
    It is very encouraging to me that other teenagers believe in dressing modestly and serving our Lord. It makes me want to be an example to all the kids at my school.

    I also believe that, especially for teens nowadays, not only is modestly important but so is purity.

    God Bless all of you.

  • AnniEli

    Thank you so much for starting this! I come here every time I have a question about modesty, the wide range of things that this survey covers is amazing! there are so many little things that I never would have thought about. To those who really try to dress AND act modestly these survey questions really cause, at least me, to think not only about are these jeans to tight or is this shirt to low, but to push it to a higher level and standard and to ask myself if my actions and thoughts are pure also.

    THank you also to the guys who answered these questions!! As you know well, there is no support within our culture telling us to be pure and modest and to strive for holiness, to stand out and be modest can be lonely at times! Your support by answering these survey questions really uplifted and encouraged me, keep it up! We need to hear your voices about these issues!

    I pray that this survey may continue to help many people strive to live pure lives to change this culture!!!!!

    God Bless everyone here!!!!!!!

  • Rachael H.

    I just fiished reading your book. THank you it really put things into perspective for me.

  • lorraine

    THANKS GUYS !!!!!!!

  • lorraine

    okay i have offiacially decided no one reads this stuff anymore…..am i corresct?? why dont people leave comments anymore??? you people are wierd…..or maybe i am just bored….=)

  • Someone O_O

    Helped me so much. Thanks!

  • lorraine

    wow!! “someone o_o” thanks fer leaving a comment i was beggining 2 think i wuz the only one who read these comments….yah im not alone! =)

  • Rachel Burgos

    My friends have always thought of me as the “most modest” of all of them, as far as my cloths, coverage and looseness. but i never realized, how sitting positions and such, could bother boys. I think the modesty survey will not only show girls the importance of modesty, but encourage them, and show them how as well. I plan to recommend it to my friends, at our Study. Thank you for making this available. it has been very helpful. I also enjoyed your book very much, and have already recommended it to friends who are now reading it. Keep up God’s work,

    Rachel, (14)

  • Rachel

    Thanks very very very much! This has been more helpful than you realize to many girls.

  • Rachel

    and I’d also like to say thanks to Squire Christopher for what he wrote…it was very encouraging. :)

  • I just read the “do hard things” book. I loved it because it made me feel like i didn’t have to wait until i started college to begin my life. I love the part that talks about the modesty survey.

    I was in a purity study taken from the book “and the bride wore white”…it taught me a lot about how others view what I wear. And how God wants us to treasure our bodies and not show them off like they are a new cell phone. It may be hard but its worth it to find out that there are guys out there looking for “modest girls”

    thank you
    -alexa

  • Travis

    The idea, eh, the answers, terrible!!!! I mean, really, Shirts with messages across the front draw too much attention to the bust? Should I suggest to my female friends never to wear a shirt with words on the chest? Where would you like them? Clothing (especially light-colored shirts, dresses, or pants) should always be tested before it is worn to guarantee that it does not become slightly transparent in certain lighting? What do you want girls to do, spend a day testing out their clothes before they wear them? Showing any cleavage is immodest? So every female ever has at some point been immodest? Girls with less curves can wear clothes that girls with more curves should not? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? You’re thin, don’t wear skinny jeans. It isn’t okay for girls to wear tighter and/or more revealing clothes if they are working out? But it’s ok for guys?

  • Magdalena B

    I just want to say THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! to all you who made the modest surrvey possible. As a teen girl I always wonderd if dressing in this or that way was really important or if it was “a lie made up to restrict us girls”. Now I understand that it is impotant and that I should not cause my brothers in the Lord to stumble.
    And girls don’t worry that dressing in a modest way won’t make Godly men think your weird, but in a way they will respect you. Besides the a atention a girl gets from showing off what should be kept to yourself, and future spouse, is negitive and NOT
    Christ-honoring!!!!

  • Magdalena B

    SORRY A REPHRASE!!!
    …And girls don’t worry that dressing in a modest way
    makes Godly men think your weird..

  • Gabriela

    I just wanted to say how grateful I am to all those who took part in this survey. It has helped me to have a view of modesty from a man’s point of view, which in return has helped me to see how really important modesty is to not only to grow closer to God but to help men as well. It was also I HUGE encouragement to read the comments and see so many men wanting to serve God with all their hearts. And we need to be helping them along the way; Ladies we can’t leave it up to just them!
    So thank you guys for encouraging us to be modest and to not go along with what the culture is trying to get us to dress in, it really means a lot to us teen girls!

    In Christ,
    Gabriela

  • I know this is over now, but this is awesome! Keep up the great work everyone! As a Christian we should strive to do our best in all areas of our lives, including Modesty. Paul’s testimony has stuck out to me. He was willing to give up meat if it offended his brother/sister in Christ. Should we not also have this heart of humbleness and meekness?

  • Oh my! Just fabulous! Your authorship style is admirable and the way you managed the subject with grace is applaudable.Since i am intrigued, I take for granted you are an master on this subject. I am signing up for your incoming updates from now on.

  • Betsy

    I understand why this survey was put into place – to provide a basis of communication about this issue between guys and girls. However, some of these responses are ridiculous. The fact that over 50% disagree that “It is okay for girls to wear tighter and/or more revealing clothes if they are working out” and there was a text message response: “If one so implicitly desires to work out in an “exercise bra,” they can put a home-gym in their basement” is insane. As a very athletic female, I have a problem with this. There are definitely times in the summer, or in very hot climates, when it is necessary to work out in a sports bra- we don’t have the luxury of going topless like guys do! To think that God would honestly disapprove of this is absurd – Paul even talks about being athletic, and of course, Corinthians 6:19: the body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. I’m not saying it is necessary to wear skimpy clothing always while working out, but if I am faced with getting my exercise in while not having a heat stroke or the charge of following these suggestions, my health is going to win. It seems that this is a question more of a man’s drive and ability to focus on his physical activity than the clothing – in certain situations you just can’t place the blame on us.

  • matthew baker

    i just started reading the book it very cool. i was reading the blog and i like what your doing Sara can u send me the PowerPoint.

  • Halee..

    hey everyone!

    i am so close to being done with the “Do Hard Things” book it is truly amazing! I believe God has spoken to me through it. I think the modesty survey is a very good idea.I know its over now,but i know it will still be effective.Thank Ya’ll SO MUCH. Alex & Brett ,God has so much in store for you guys!I want ya’ll to know ya’ll will be in my prayers.

    In Christ,

    Halee~

  • Cody Daniel Sivcovich

    My name is Cody im a 15 year old guy and i think this is one of the best websites ive visited in a while, I agree that our generation is getting lazy in our faith and espeially in our morals I think that girls that not modest are a large distraction for me and my friends who are guys because quite frankly we are a curious species but we dont have to be all the time if you know what i mean. I say girls that are modest are hot. (dont get me wrong) I think jeans and a T-shirt is very atractive. but thats just me and my opinion.

    if anyone wants to talk about what ive sayed or anything in the general area of what i sayed contact me at [email protected]

    all for the glory of God!

    Cody,

  • Taylor

    Thanks so much for doing this! Modesty is very difficult for me because I am a gymnast and have to wear a leotard every day, and my friends see no problem dressing immodestly because “we have great bodies, and besides, it’s better than a leotard!” I could wear a bikini and look great, but I choose not to. Anyway, thank you very much. This is so helpful and encouraging!

    Taylor

  • I think the modesty survey is a great idea!

  • Emily

    Can I still put in questions on clothing??

  • Alana Scott

    honestly, i think we should wear what we want, revealing or not.

  • Alisha

    I definatly agree with the modesty survey. Even as a girl i hate seeing other girls dress the way they do, I think its inappropriate and stupid. If a girl dresses that way she is probably very insecure about herself. I have many guy friends and they all agree with modesty. The ways girls dress now adays is ridiculous, it doesnt help the guys at all,and it makes people have the wrong impressions of girls. Women should be happy with what they look like. they shouldnt have to show their insecurity by dressing immodest. God created us in His image, so we should love ourselfs.

  • thekidinjeans

    quick question: if guys end up thinking in bad ways when they see girls dress immodestly, would it be the girls fault? I’m not saying that dressing immodestly is acceptable, but the I’m just wondering if it is really completely the girls fault.
    And another thing, what about nudists? It might sound like a stupid question, but they believe that it is purifying not to wear clothing. Does that make it a sin to be nudist? ‘Cause there are some nudists who are christians. And what about Africa? I am going to africa next summer, and have you seen how much people were over there? It’s not much, I can tell you that. But honestly, most african guys don’t have a problem with that. Why is it that in America we have a problem with this?

    Love this website.

    : )

  • Meagan

    To Thekidinjeans: To answer your first question, no, it is not the girl’s fault but Romans 14:13 says “Make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother’s way.” And again in Romans 14:19 “Let us therefore MAKE EVERY EFFORT to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.”
    Immodesty is a stumbling block for the majority of males in the world. When they see a glimpse of cleavage or a girl wearing short shorts, their mind is compelled to complete the image. That is how the Creator designed them to be. If we just cover up, they no longer have the compulsion to imagine any further.
    Also, in every person is something called the Autonomic Nervous System or the ANS. As a child it may have been activated if you got lost in the store, for example. Your heart beats faster, your mind races, you feel hot and sweaty..it’s a reaction. The ANS is activated by something in a person’s ENVIRONMENT, something they cannot control. If a guy sees a girl dressed immodestly it can activate his ANS making it much harder for him to control his thoughts and feelings, although he is still responsible.
    Our job as Christian girls is to help them to not be temped in the first place just as we wouldn’t want them to tempt us with whatever sin we struggle with. A guy can lust after a girl in an eskimo suit IF HE TRIES, but our goal should be to do our best to not tempt the guys who are trying to remain pure and don’t want to be tempted.
    We are called to love everyone, and this is definitely a way to love our brothers in Christ. :]

    On the nudist and african questions, I’m not educated enough on those topics to give you a quality answer. I hope my answer to your first question helps.

    Also I encourage you to look up the book Secret Keeper by Dannah Gresh. It completely changed my view of modesty.

  • Jordanna

    I just received a link to the survey. Honestly at first I was pretty resentful at some of the things guys thought immodest. I have been “skirts only” for 2 1/2 years. For me as a cowgirl from the southwest, that was tough. I like jeans, I like the way they feel, I like the way they look on me. But it was important to my family that I not wear them anymore. It was a struggle, but now, I can honestly say I wouldn’t go back. There are still times that I miss my jeans, and the freedom they gave me. But skirts only has given me so many more oppurtunities to share my faith. Whether or not we like it, people are watching. But there is so much more to modesty than no pants. I think you guys handled the whole thing really well. I was blessed by the open question about what guys had to say to girls about modesty. It took away my resentment when I read the honest appeals from the guys. We, as christian girls, need to hear that. No one else is saying those things, and it’s really hard to stand alone, and then have one’s effort go “unnoticed”. Thank you so much to all the guys out there who took the time to answer those questions. It has encouraged me to strive to do better.

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  • Pete D

    Well, you could all just pluck out your own eyes if they cause you to sin. Let’s see which of you truly loves Jesus.

  • mike

    Have you people lost your ever-lovin’ minds? I mean really. This is the height of idiocy. This is men (young, stupid men) telling women “You should really dress like this lest I become a lust driven monster and do things beyond my control”. Bull! Shame on you, each and every one, to reduce men to an animal level like this.

    I find it unsurprising that your logo is of a woman with a veil. This is the exact idiocy, justification, and immorality engaged in by Islam when it makes women wear the Burka.

  • Jeremiah

    I like this. A lot of girls don’t understand that by wearing certain garments, they cause us guys to stumble. I will tel my friends about this. :))

  • Morgan Patience

    Thank you so much for the modesty survey. It is so nice to know that there are others,guys or girls that really want to do Gods’ will. Thank you again for the survey. Morgan Patience

  • Kenzie J.

    I think this is good guys! I mean after all, as Christian girls, we’re supposed to protect our hearts, and minds, aswell as our brother’s hearts and minds. Cause if we are wearing tight, low cut, short clothing and distracting them, say, at church, then they clearly aren’t focusing on the message! And I think it’s rude that guys stare and sometimes lust after girls who are wearing tight clothing! Even if we’re not wearing tight clothing or low-cut clothing we still get stared at, in the mall, at church (sadly) basically anywhere we go, we get stared at by guys, who are so used to checking out girls! I for one have often asked my close guy friends their opinion on my clothes so i can help protect their eyes and not distract them, or lead them into sinful thinking. So thank you for this!

  • Kiersten

    Thanks so much for posting this! As a Christian girl in a secular world, it is such an encouragement to realize that so many guys really do want to follow their hearts and not just their hormones. I try hard to be modest in the way I dress (and act), but there are a lot of things I’d never have thought might trip up a guy. I admit reading this made me a little uncomfortable at times. It also made me a little bit uncomfortable to think that all those guys spent that much time dwelling on what certain styles of dress evoke in their imagination. Obviously the bulk of the responsibility falls on the guy to keep their thoughts pure, but it means a lot to see that some guys really want us girls to help them keep their focus on God by dressing and behaving in a manner that’s honoring to God and respectful of them. One guy’s text response said he felt “insulted” when girls flaunt their bodies. It had never occurred to me that a girl’s use of her physical attractiveness to tempt a guy might lead him to feel disrespected in the same way girls can feel objectified by wandering male eyes.
    Thanks again for putting this out there—it was a really cool project and source of encouragement for me personally to keep pursuing purity!

  • Kiersten

    Also, if you ever post a survey for girls about guys’ modesty, I’d be interested in participating. I’m sure there are people out there (including me), who would be interested to see what the ladies would say on the subject. Modesty in dress (and regarding behavior!) isn’t just an issue for girls, no matter the differences in the hardwire of our brains.

  • jovelyn

    well, this is pretty amazing! and I couldn’t agree more to keirsten!
    ^_^

  • Reba M

    This is sooo great. My friend mentioned this website to me and after spending the morning wondering about it, I finally checked it out. And I love it. You guys are doing amazing things here. After reading what guys do and don’t find modest, I’m really convicted. Keep up the good work!

  • Reba M

    After reading the modesty survey I’ve been really convicted and promise to strive to live for God and to make my future husband proud. I want to be the purest I can be for him. Keep up the good work! Thanx.

  • laura

    this is reallyl cool

  • Taylor14

    I agree with Reba M, I think we should strive and live for God, I just love this modesty survey I think it’s one of the best ways to help teens around the world.

  • Holly>3

    u guys are overdoing every thing………i meen my every day outfit is skinny jeans,and a hoodie………….this is stupid…ple can wear wht they want…they should just hve their own standereds,im not saying pple should dress like laddy gaga…..but realy

  • amber

    I would ahve to agree with a lot of you guys. God made man and female, and so many people try to say that we should have freedom of our own bodies. But it’s not ours anymore, it is the temple of the Holy Spirit, and it belongs to God. If you were standing in front of God would you want to be dressed in a bikini or a mini-skirt? Or would you rather be dressed modestly and examplifying your faith by what you wear. If wearing a bikini and letting your brothers fall into sin, I’m sorry, but is that really what God wants? Some people think that guys should guard their eyes, but does it help when a girl is showing a lot of skin? IF everyone had differant standards, then one person’s standards could be to go around without anything on. That would be okay right, because that is her own standard? But it isn’t. God set a standard, and so many girls want to get as close to the edge of it as they can.

  • Thank you SO much for this, guys! I am always confused bout what and what not to wear, especially since I go to a no-uniform school. this has helped so much. I am very grateful

  • CoCo Freeman

    I find the repeated usage of this term “stumble” interesting. Will wearing mascara make men “stumble”? Do men find being able to see a woman’s bra strap a “stumbling block”? Back in the days when women’s fashion was the epitome of modesty, when they walked around covered from head to toe, the involuntary flash of an ankle as skirts rustled by made men go wild. Oh, the promise of what lay beneath that exposed piece of bony flesh! With such a deeply ingrained lack of self-control and an overactive imagination, I would get used to a life of tripping over your own feet. But don’t make it about the girl in front of you. You don’t want to stumble, you don’t want to ogle, tap into your inner resources, find that place deep, deep down that allows you to man up, and walk on by.

  • Michelle

    i love this survey! although i would like to know what they think about tattoos…………

  • Valerie

    @Michelle:the Bible did say something about tattoos in the old testament.

  • Cheyenne Goss

    I unfortunately missed the survey but I am glad you have decided to have discussion on this topic. One quick question though… I have a teacher at school who thinks the whole idea of purity rings is stupid because we should all strive to be pure on the day of our marriage anyway but I have a purity ring and it kind of hurt my feelings that he said they were stupid and pointless and hold no helpful benefits…. What do you think about the idea of teenagers pledging their purity with a purity ring???

  • Micah Leighton

    i missed the survay but how can i find the Q&A for it?
    I realy appreciate what you’re doing

  • Bree

    well, i truly love this idea. i wish i could find out how to ask my own questions, since my youth group is in the purity session right now.

  • Anna Beth Houston

    I would like to thank you for taking the time to work on and publish the modesty survey. I’m a homeschooler that is being brought up in a christian home and has always dressed modestly, but when I became a teenager I was given the option of just how far to take my own modety. I was really struggling with this question when I found your modesty survey. I was overwhelmed with the responce that guys gave. To so many it was important that girls remain modest. Reading this survey has encoured me to take my modesty beyond even what my family requires. Thank you again.

  • not the girl’s fault

    I’d be more interested in seeing something that, instead of placing the responsibility for men’s minds on girls and restricting them in unfair and often ridiculous ways, addresses the way men view women that makes it so easy for them to lust. If men weren’t of the mindset that women are there to be submissive, that women are people, not sex objects, and that women are equal to rather than less than men, I doubt the lust problem would be that much of a problem. Sure it will always be a temptation to rape a woman in your mind, NO MATTER WHAT SHE’S WEARING. But the problem isn’t her dress, but the way you are viewing her. Until men learn to see women as people, individuals, and equals, lust will always be a problem. If girls wore skirts to their ankles, men would lust after the ankle. If they wore burkahs, men would lust after the eyes. It’s a never-ending, ridiculous question to ask what girls should or shouldn’t wear because IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM and everything to do with men’s mindset of what women are for.

  • Chantelle

    This survey has really shown me a lot about how guys really think about what we wear. I grew up in a Christian home and school, and have always known how to dress modestly. But once we reach that certain age we as Christians girls we must make our own decision on what we are going to wear that day. Are we going to please that boy or are we going to please the Lord in how we dress? I thank you for creating this survey. It has brought so much thought to my mind and how I can remain modest.

  • Catrine

    This was very interesting … a bit shocking too, to see Christian guys opinions on clothes i wear everyday! It made me want to do better, to make more of an effort to dress modestly. Growing up in Thailand, I was raised to dress modestly; especially as it’s part of the culture. Was, i should say, since what might be considered immodest clothing is also considered acceptable here now.

  • Ashley

    This was so shocking! It has been a big struggle for me to keep being modest because it seems that most guys don’t want it. I have been depressed for several years because I have felt unwanted by guys but now I am glad that I haven’t compromised myself in anyway, shape or form. I want to thank all the guys who participated especially those who are teens.

  • Jenna

    Wow!!!!!!!! I just recently started reading Do Hard Things, and decided to check out the site! This is amazing to me, how you all really want people to realize that how they dress is wrong. I heard someone say once that, We need to let the arrows of our fashion point to our faces. Girls, why in the world would we want anyone looking anywhere else? I don’t thing i have seen so many people my age actually having a discusion about these things! Thanx everyone for taking a stand!

  • Kay

    Like practicly any area in life we can make excuses and give good “reasons” for why we should be able to dress this way or that way (even if it’s just to ourselves). ut being on the inside of a situation it can be benificial to have an ooutside perspective. I’m looking forward to the guys’ input.

    Something that has challenged me is when I look in the mirror my first thought should be “WHat does God think?” If I ask myself first what others will think, then what God’s opinion is the excuses will coem again. But if I think only about what God thinks…if He’s the only one I’m trying to please, it won’t be so hard.

  • Kay

    P.S. “Woe to the world for temptations to sin! For it is necessary that temptations come, but woe to the one by whom the temptation comes!” (Matthew 18:7)

  • Claire

    This was such a helpful resource for me, as asking my dad for advice on what to wear can get very awkward. Some of it was also a bit of a surprise– I had no idea how even a plain one piece swimsuit can cause guys to stumble. Thank you for putting this together– it is a fantastic idea!

  • Along with every little thing that seems to be developing inside this particular subject material, a significant percentage of viewpoints are generally fairly refreshing. Having said that, I appologize, but I do not give credence to your entire theory, all be it exciting none the less. It appears to everyone that your comments are actually not totally justified and in simple fact you are generally yourself not fully convinced of the argument. In any event I did enjoy reading through it.

  • Unknown

    I saw some of you were questioning the importance of modesty. The bible says that our bodies are living temples for the Lord. When girls where revealing clothing it is throwing away the respect God made you with. It also causes other guys to lust and dishonor God. “Psalm 101:3 I will set no impure thing before my eyes.” I am not saying that girls who wear revealing clothing impure. All I mean to say is God made us special so we don’t need to flash it like we were the creators. Please don’t think I am saying girls need to wear turtleneck shirts and jeans all the time. Girls can still look wonderful without showing to much.

  • Nicole

    I don’t really get the whole being “modest” scenario. Don’t we all have different opinions or views on what modesty really is.

  • Hannah D.

    Thank you Alex and Brett for putting together this wonderful survey!
    It just reminds me that everyday I need to make sure that my heart is right concerning modesty and that I need to be careful of how I dress. The way we dress and act in public is showing the world who we are and what we stand for.
    I really think that it would be a great idea to have a modesty survey for guys as well. Please consider it and anyone that agrees with me, please feel free to comment on that as well. God bless you.
    Miss Hannah D.

  • Madison Vilhauer

    Wow! I am almost done with your book and I never knew two teenagers could make such a difference! I loved the part when you brought up modesty. I think that girls should do their part and boys should do their part. These days, girls take modesty very lightly and blame boys for lusting at them. We should stop blaming each other and do our part to be modest. Doing this would please the Lord and change the world we live in for the better.
    Thank you!
    Madison

  • Jade

    I love this whole idea of guys and girls communicating about this. If you were to sit down in a small group it would be slightly awkward talking face-to-face but probably also not wise either. I like what Valerie mentioned about the idea that dressing modestly is so hard that it becomes bondage but it really made sense the point she brought up – that it’s actually protecting others from bondage.

    Dressing modestly is definitely hard work – sometimes so hard that you can’t even really have fun because a bra-strap might be exposed or what not. I almost gave up on the whole thing the other day because it’s unbelievable how much TIME and ENERGY it takes up. I’m like, “is this even worth it?” But then God confirmed to me that yes, the precious gift of my body is worth protecting. Sometimes we need constant reminders to keep heading down the straight and narrow even if no-one else is doing it with us. Otherwise we’ll get burned out and go with the flow. I was wondering though, how do we have balance even in dressing modestly when we can’t avoid how much time and effort it takes? Obviously loving others is more important than the clothes we wear, even though modesty is loving out Christian brothers.

  • I am 11, and I have been reading your book I think that what you are doing is great. May God bless you. Keep up the good work.

  • Annika

    Ohmigod, that was my first reaction when I read about this survey. I understand the reasons for this, because girls are soooo distracting. It’s a huge set back for the feminism movement!
    I thought living in the 21 century woman and man could finally become equal. Unfortunatly not I suppose. I’m not saying woman should seduce man with their clothing, But it’s a way to express yourself and shouldn’t be limited by man or boys thinking that ‘it is immodeste.’
    Woman can also be turned on by man But no one talks about that and how guys should prevent it.
    According to you it is al our fault, however it comes both ways!!
    I can’t go out alone in the dark, but why shouldn’t those man act more appropriate?
    It’s not in the clothing for man or woman to act modeste, it is all in the way you act!!

  • This post is both funny and sad in it’s own way. Made my day, definitely !

  • Grace

    I am almost 15 and I never really have a problem with dressing modestly because I feel uncomfortable when I don’t. I guess that has mostly to do with growing up going to a christian school and highschool and having dress codes, but it is still interesting to see what other peoples points of few on modesty are and they will definatly help me stay modest in the way I dress.

  • Moriah

    I just read the survey. Oh my gosh It’s amazing how many men and boys out there care about how we dress! I had always wondered why guys always look at us in such a lusty way, not relizing that we “girls” are the ones at fault.

  • Have you any follow up to this?

  • Barbie

    Hey my brother has “The Rebelution” book. It’s great.
    Do the girls get to sign up for the modesty survey and where???

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  • Nicole

    I think that it is wrong to dress immodestly because we are being a stumbling block to guys. There are some people who really struggle with porn and we are supposed to support them and help them. How can we help them if us girls aren’t covered ourselves?Where does everyone else’s eyes go? As a girl, I must question myself while I am dressing ” Am I dressing for my own selfish reasons, or am I dressing for God’s glory?” Girls can be pretty with out having provocative clothing. When we pray the LORD’s prayer, we pray not to be led into temptation. How can we pray for that when we ourselves are leading others into temptation?

  • Laura

    I came across this survey last week & something about it has been troubling me ever since (by the way, I am a Christian and have never been anything BUT modest in my dress, but I learned this from my mom, not from anonymous boys on the Internet). Today I happened to be listening to a program about sexual assault, and a number of statements were made about how abusers (who are often not strangers, but members of the victim’s family or family friends) will quite often blame something the victim wore or a “seductive” action of the victim for the assault, even when the victim is a very young child. Reading through some of the comments made by boys answering this survey there is an undercurrent of blaming girls and even anger toward girls for the boy’s own feelings that makes me uneasy. Do the Harris brothers have any knowledge of sexual assault, or of domestic violence in which being very controlling of women’s dress and minute details of behavior are actually warning signs for potential abusers? Christians are not immune to these problems, which is why Christian pastors and counselors have written books on the subject. Have the Harris brothers ever read any of these books or talked to pastors or counselors who deal with women facing such issues before wading into such a difficult topic and encouraging very young men to think they are equipped to judge what is appropriate and inappropriate behavior for females?

  • Rose

    Thank you so much! I already knew that guys struggle with stuff, but I didn’t know how much.

    Could there perhaps be one directed at men, as well? I don’t think they realize that we struggle, too.

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  • leah

    hey,
    i read about this in your book and absolutely loved the idea….
    headstrong: i really think you need to reconsider your values. you need to realize that yeah maybe it doesnt bother you but it bothers someone else.
    just sayin!

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  • Sam Seppard

    I agree with Danny. Modesty is a subject that can get real touchy with some people. There is a time and a place for everything. I personally believe there needs to be more of an issue on Christ than modesty.
    I recall reading a story of a missionary who went deep into the African jungles to preach to a tribe. They wore nothing but a gourd around their waist. Once the tribe was saved through salvation they decided to preach to another neighboring tribe. When they returned from the neighboring tribe the missionary found the 1st village making a large amount of gourd waist bands. He asked the 1st tribe why they were making such a large quantity of waistbands. The villagers replied that the 2nd village where they were spreading the gospel wore nothing but the skin on their backs. The missionary then explained to the village that Jesus did not care what appearance you make here on earth, but what appearance your heart makes.

  • skyla

    Being Immodest is honestly not a stumbling block for me. as lame as it sounds and as much as i have had other girls tell me they think its odd the way i dress. I feel really uncomfortable in even shorts above the knees and swimsuits most of all. I wear a girls bottom with guys swim shorts over it and a tank top thats not see through over my regular top. I think its partly because i grew up in a christian home and scholl but also because i know people who are immodest and when a guy recognizes them for it and they finally think they are loved but its fake and they get hurt after so the other reason i think i am always modest is because i honestly am somewhat emotional and to be liked for my body only would just..no i couldnt do it if there is one thing i hate is when someone is not real about something especially with relationships. I do thank you with this survey i knew about it before i came on here because of your mention of it in Do Hard Things. i appreciate all the guys who took their time to be involved and for giving us your feedback i have a few christian friends that i have shown this site and there is a difference for sure in how they dress i give thanks for them too as i know how happy they were to have guys feedback on the situation thanks a lot!! =)

  • skyla

    Wow…looking back at the post i just posted the grammer is really bad, i apologize

  • Alex and Brett,

    Thank you so much for all of the amazing work that you are doing. Being a teenager in this day and age is so hard, but just the faith, and determination that you have just put out there is incredible. Thanks so much for this modesty survey. I have begun to share it with people from school, all around me. My girlfriends and I are so happy that the boys that we have shared this survey with, don’t look at us like objects anymore. They are very, very respectful towards us now. God is truly to be worshiped in the work that you are doing. I am into the music and things like that, so I love it… and in the Music Industry, it is just going downhill, from Katy Perry to Lady Gaga… but wow… I wish I could show this to some of them, and see hopefully how it would change for them! I have met with some of the biggest artists around, so I will totally talk about this modesty survey. Please keep in touch. If you ever need a singer for anything just let me know!

    These links are public on youtube, so you can paste them on your website!
    1. No Orphans of God- Avalon: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBcc27lIUoU
    2. Redeemed- Big Daddy Weave: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TdPHBLaV48
    3. America My Home- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QROTGJJzxPQ
    4. Speaking at My Graduation: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=594EJU9xq8c
    5. Local Newspaper: http://www.redmond-reporter.com/community/126200578.html
    6. Voices that Care: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tHWDqWwh0no

    Thanks and have a great day!

    In Christ Jesus Our Lord,

    Ruth Thomas (http://www.starsshiningbright.wordpress.com)

  • Alice

    Ok so when are you going to make voting and poll results for “Men Modesty” I literally had to laugh at most of results for your polling done on modesty for women, nearly 79% was considered immodest. What of men being able to wear their shirts off, knowing full well many women will look and also be attracted…*shocker* Yes women lust too…yes I know, crazy, we’re human beings as well. Haha, what a joke. And this is coming from someone who usually wears high necks and my legs covered, and doesn’t wear make-up…by the way I’ve also never seen a man pay me any notice either. Not even the ‘church-going’ ones. Lets equally express the HIGHLY unaddressed point of male modesty for once shall we? For once.

  • Solange Castillo

    I definitely care about modesty, its something I go by and encourage all woman to do so as well. But most of the “immodest/stumbling blocks” here seriously just blow my mind! It creeps me out to think guys get turned on by, shoulders, arms, bathing suit straps under a shirt, jeans???? Like really? What are woman allowed to wear then? So should I also wear closed toe shoes because the boys w/ no self control can’t resist my feet? Come on, lets be realistic. We can’t control everyone’s eyes. Anything can be a stumbling block. If these type of stuff make men lust, I feel sorry for them. But they need profesaional help cause I don’t think this is normal.

  • Solange Castillo

    I definitely care about modesty, its something I go by and encourage all woman to do so as well. But most of the “immodest/stumbling blocks” here seriously just blow my mind! It creeps me out to think guys get turned on by, shoulders, arms, bathing suit straps under a shirt, jeans???? Like really? What are woman allowed to wear then? So should I also wear closed toe shoes because the boys w/ no self control can’t resist my feet? Come on, lets be realistic. We can’t control everyone’s eyes. Anything can be a stumbling block. If these type of stuff make men lust, I feel sorry for them. But they need profesaional help cause I don’t think this is normal. & Don’t delete my comment I have a right to express my opinion.

  • Solange Castillo

    My last comment because I know you’ll see this. It’s pretty petty of you not to accept comments disagreeing with you. I’m thankful that you follow Christ & are looking out for your brothers & yourself obviously. But seriously daily seek His word to help you with your struggles. Memorize scripture to help you overcome temptation w/ lust. When Jesus fasted, He spoke scripture to tell Satan off. You can do the same!

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  • Dana Phillip Emmette

    To me when I see a woman in modest dresses,and skirts…it tells me she respects herself and others around her, also that she cares what people think of her. Its a more natural attraction for me than provocative clothing. And its a two edged sword, men should also dress modest not in jeans two sizes to small..and button your shirt..or put on on show pride in yourself, and gain respect.

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